Author's note: This chapter is dedicated to Shadowfax and merentha13 who has left such lovely reviews so far, as well as the rest of you: purpleumeko, jess, anon, N, The Marauderet, gcaedmon, I'm The Vampire Girl, Hiraki Shiroki and baked potato. The next few chapters are all already written out so hopefully there won't be any more delays in updating. Thanks again for all your lovely support.
Chapter Eight
Seregil had considered going to Nysander's as the absolute last resort, thinking that he would be able to survive on his own in a foreign land. After all, he had done it before. Only two things had stopped him from fleeing as far as he could go. Firstly, he didn't want Alec to worry over where he had gone to and whether he could survive. At least if he was with Nysander, then Alec could keep track of him somehow.
Secondly, he didn't want to be too far away from the very spot where he had first turned up after the translocation. What if Thero had managed to get the portal open again and came looking for him? No, he wanted to be nearby. He wanted to go home, dammit.
He knew that kissing Alec had been a big, big mistake. And when he had turned up at the library in the morning, he had avoided Nysander's knowing gaze, not wanting any questions or accusations at the moment. Surprisingly, there had been nothing but kind understanding in Nysander's eyes, and Seregil was beyond grateful. Magyana had fussed over him and fed him, even though he barely had any appetite. All he could think about was how he could ever face his Alec again when he went home. If he went home.
This was too much to take.
He knew that eventually, Nysander was going to ask questions once he had given Seregil enough time to settle in, and he owed him answers anyway. So he wasn't surprised when Nysander entered his office with a large steaming cup of earl grey two days later, perfuming the room with its fragrance. Seregil remained where he was, sprawled out on the couch, while Nysander sat down in his favourite creaky old armchair.
As Nysander sipped at his tea, Seregil picked at his nails. "You were right," he blurted out, still not looking up.
He could hear Nysander sigh. "I know, my dear boy. I could have guessed, from the distress in Alec's voice."
That stirred a pang of guilt deep in Seregil's stomach. "Did he sound very upset?"
"I expect that sooner or later, he will want answers," Nysander said carefully.
Seregil rubbed at his face in frustration. "What have I done?"
"We are all human," Nysander said, then he smiled a little. "Even if you are from another world."
Seregil couldn't help a snort. "Doesn't mean I can come here and create a mess."
"No, it doesn't," Nysander agreed. "But crying over spilt milk isn't going to help anyone. Now the best thing is to sit down and think about what we should do next."
This sounded so logical and reasonable like the old Nysander that Seregil immediately felt a little better, as though some pressure had been lifted off his chest. "My only thought was to stay near the place where I had found myself in."
"That's true. Because if the portal was to re-open, or if your friend Thero was to translocate someone else here to look for you, then it would make sense that it would be the same spot again."
Seregil was unbelievably glad that Nysander had been thinking along the same lines. It made his theory seem not so outlandish after all. "So is it alright with you if I stay here? In case Alec sees or hears anything outside his apartment?"
"Of course, you're welcome to stay as long as you want." Nysander smiled at him over his cup. "Not in the library, of course. But you can stay with Maggie and me. Our house is small, but it's comfortable-"
"You're talking to a 'faie who has slept in dungeons. Trust me, your house will seem like a mansion by comparison." Seregil grinned at him. "Take what the gods send, that's my motto."
Seregil had imagined that being out of Alec's house and away from him would help with these conflicting feelings that were giving him a headache. But, to his surprise, it was getting far, far worse. At least having this Alec close at hand had helped him a little; it was like a temporary salve on a wound that ached too much for him to bear. He missed his talimenios, missed him desperately to the point of desolation, and he kept having these dreams where he was running down a long, dark tunnel and all he could hear was Alec's voice. It was heartbreaking.
When Nysander had told him one afternoon at the library that he had a visitor, Seregil had jumped up quite eagerly, surprised to find that he wanted to see Alec a lot more than he would admit to himself. But he stopped short when he stepped into the garden outside the library and saw a nervous Beka pacing the cobblestone path. Her eyes narrowed when she saw him.
"What happened?" she hissed, taking his arm and dragging him to the bench near the pond where they could talk in private. "I've not seen Alec this miserable since his father's death. And he won't tell me anything, but I know you had something to do with it."
"Beka." Seregil was shaking his head dispiritedly. He didn't even know where to begin. "I'm sorry. I really am. By the Four, I made the biggest mistake I've made since, well-" he paused, remembering that this Beka knew nothing of his exile from Aurenen. "It's a huge mistake. And you have no idea how awful I feel." He looked at her imploringly, hoping that she would understand he had never meant to hurt Alec.
He could feel her resolve wavering, and she just released a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumping down in defeat. It seemed as though whatever fight she had left in her had now vanished. "I warned him. I warned him and it still happened." Her confused gaze fell on Seregil. "All I wanted was for him not to get hurt. And now this has happened. He deserves some good news in his life for once, you know. His mother died when he was born, and it's always been only him and his dad. Then he had to deal with coming out to his dad, then just when his father had accepted him, he died."
Seregil kept his eyes on the ground. Although he had no idea what Beka had meant with 'coming out', he had pretty much understood the rest. "I know."
Beka's eyes flashed with anger. "How could you know this? You've only been here for a month. You don't know anything about him!"
"Beka, I know more than you think." The conviction in his voice must have been palpable, for Beka seemed to have simmered down. "You're forgetting that I love this man. Or rather, the version of him back in my world."
"Well, since you don't love my Alec, you have to back off, okay?" Beka pleaded, grabbing his hands. "Please. He deserves a chance at finding love on his own. The last thing he needs is to pine after someone who doesn't love him back." She took a deep, shaky breath, then let it out. "Believe me, I know."
"Who?" Then it occurred to Seregil. "Wait, are you talking about Nyal?"
The way Beka's eyes widened was priceless. "How did you know about Nyal?" Her eyes were narrowing in suspicion again. "Did Alec tell you about him?"
Seregil shook his head. "Actually, believe it or not, Nyal exists in my world as well."
Beka seemed to be contemplating this new piece of information. "Are we together? In your world?" Her voice had just the tiniest tinge of hope in it.
"He loved you. Loves you," Seregil corrected himself. "Very, very much."
Beka was just nodding, staring down at the ground and biting down on her bottom lip, but Seregil had not missed the way her hands were shaking as she struggled to contain her emotions. "Oh, my dear, come here," he said, tugging her into her arms, and she followed willingly, pressing her nose against his shoulder, and he felt like it was when she was six again and shaking from a nightmare, and he was holding her tight to chase her demons away.
They sat like this for a while in the garden while Beka cried out her frustrations on his shoulder, and when he finally released her, all the traces of animosity were finally gone from her reddened eyes, and he had to smile. At last something was finally going right for him; Beka was beginning to trust him.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, wiping at her nose. "I just- I guess I'm overprotective of Alec. Like he is of me."
Seregil brushed her red hair back and tucked it behind her ear. "You are just like the other Beka too. Brave, headstrong, not afraid to stand up for those you love. So I'm not surprised."
Beka gave Seregil a faint smile. "I bet she's not as annoying as me, huh?"
Seregil pretended to look serious. "Well, I don't know. But you two could always have a competition."
"Gee, thanks a lot!" Beka was laughing now, hitting Seregil on the shoulder, and for once, he didn't feel so alone again in this world, not since he had left Alec's apartment.
It was inevitable that he was going to run into Alec eventually, and a week later, they bumped into each other when Seregil was leaving the library and Alec was going in to see Nysander. The look on Alec's face was Seregil's undoing; the mix of confusion and hurt in those dark blue eyes burned into him. "Hello Alec," he mumbled, his gaze shifting downwards guiltily to avoid that accusing stare.
Alec gave him a nod. "It's been a while."
Seregil just couldn't help letting his eyes roam all over that beloved face, taking in the high slope of his nose, the determined set of the mouth he had kissed so many times, the deep blue gaze that knew how to look right through him and unlock his soul. The old longing rushed back into him like a tidal wave, but he restrained himself with the memory of the promise he had made to Beka. "I wanted to come and see you the other day, but-"
"But you didn't," Alec said flatly. "Anything else you want to say?"
Seregil knew how bull-headed his Alec could be, and he suspected that this one was no different. "No matter what happens with us, I just wanted you to know that...thank you," he said softly.
The surprise in Alec's eyes was gratifying. "What do you mean?" he asked, stepping aside to let a old couple pass.
"I mean, thank you. You helped me, a virtual stranger, even though you had nothing to gain from doing so. You introduced me to your friends so I wouldn't be alone. You let me stay at your house, you fed me, you clothed me, you taught me all about the ways of this world." Seregil couldn't help thinking how ironic it was that Alec had saved his life back in their world, and now, in an entirely different universe, he was doing it again. "If it helps, I do believe that we were fated to be together. I mean, not you and I, but rather, you just haven't met me yet. Am I making sense?"
Alec's face was entirely unreadable and impassive, but at last he let out a long, shaky sigh. "I think you are. I mean, I don't know." He huffed out a bitter laugh. "All week long, I thought you were playing a wicked game with me-"
"I'm not," Seregil said immediately. "I swear on Illior's name that I'm not. I'm just a 'faie who misses his talimenios and made a mistake. But I never meant to hurt you. Or him." He swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. "When the time comes, I will explain it to him. Explain what I did. But in the meantime, it is my duty to convince you that I never meant to play games with you."
Alec's eyes had softened by now, and he was simply shaking his head. "Perhaps it's my fault too. For entertaining notions, I guess."
"What notions?"
"Never mind." Alec gave him a smile that was a bit too bright to be genuine, but at least it was a smile. "Anyway, what did you say to Beka? She seems to be your biggest fan now, she was the one who convinced me to come down and try to talk to you."
"Ah, Beka." Seregil felt the gratitude welling up in his heart. "Well, that's a story for another time. For now, how about we go get a drink?"
"Sounds great to me." As Alec wrapped an arm around his shoulders, Seregil sent a silent prayer up to the Lightbringer, praying for the strength he didn't know if he had to stay true to his talimenios, even if he never made it home in the end.
To be continued
