A/N: I do not own Harry Potter.
Chapter Eight
"The only people for me are the mad ones." – Jack Kerouac
Teddy never anticipated any change to his morning routine. He woke up, showered, dressed, and looked through his notes while eating toast and drinking tea. So Harry's arrival in his kitchen very early that day was a surprise. It was seven o'clock in Greece, just past six in Britain, and Teddy glanced up at the flare of green in his fireplace to find that his godfather had crossed the room in seconds. Before he could say anything, Harry dropped a newspaper on top of Teddy's scribbled notes.
Teddy didn't look at him. His eyes focused on the moving photograph gracing the cover of the Daily Prophet and his stomach clenched. It was…Merlin, there were no words. He flipped the paper over, as if hiding the image would erase it from Harry's memory.
Harry didn't say anything. Teddy had told Lily not to apologize for them, but he could taste the guilty excuses piling up on his own tongue. He bit them back and pushed his chair away from the table, inhaling as he stood and faced Harry.
He had expected anger. But when his godfather spoke, his voice was soft and controlled. Teddy wondered whether he ought to fear evisceration or exile.
Harry reached out and took the newspaper again, holding it up so Teddy had no choice but to see the photograph of Lily moving against him in full color, and then he asked, "Would you please explain what you were thinking?"
"Lily and I –" Teddy began, but Harry shook his head.
"No. I am going to deal with Lily later. I want to know what drove you to start…something…with my teenage daughter."
Teddy knew that his hair must have been cycling through shades of red and orange and seasick green. It was probably changing colors so quickly that Harry, if he looked at it, would have gotten sick. But Harry's eyes were trained on Teddy's.
Answers and excuses vied for attention in Teddy's mind. But the real problem wasn't standing in front of him. The real problem was back in Britain, back where the presses were undoubtedly whirring out increasingly scandalous accounts of his and Lily's relationship. "How did the papers get this photograph?"
"It is not a manipulation. That was my first thought, and so I – stupidly – had the Department's evidence expert look at it. She knew it was a legitimate photograph within seconds of seeing it. So, Teddy, apparently you and Lily were not as careful as you thought." Teddy raised his eyes from the picture back to his godfather's face. "I'll ask again. What were you thinking?"
"I wasn't," Teddy began, but Harry interrupted him.
"No, you clearly weren't. Because here is what would have happened if you had been thinking: Lily would have come to live with you at the beginning of the summer and you would have had casual conversations about the weather. And then when she left you may have kept in touch through letters, still about the weather. And then when you came home for Dom's wedding you would have talked about how nice it was that Dominique was getting married. And you would never have even looked at her." He shook his head. "Tell me what happened to take your conversations from the weather to this." He shook the paper and Teddy closed his eyes.
"Do you think I planned it?" Teddy asked, but he hoped Harry wouldn't respond, because he couldn't handle the disappointment or hurt or anger or whatever would lace Harry's voice next. He rushed to continue before his godfather could accuse him of something worse. "When you asked me to take in Lily, you made it sound like I'd be looking after a child, Harry. And she is your youngest, and she is your only daughter, so I understand that you have difficulties realizing that she is older than five. But she is old enough, and she acts even more mature than seventeen – she's more mature than me, usually."
"You don't know – " Harry began. This time Teddy interrupted him.
"She isn't a child, Harry. I knew that she wasn't the second she stepped out of that fireplace. And not because of her appearance, or anything like that. She knows a lot about the world, and it shows."
"She's just seventeen," Harry maintained. "She was just sixteen when she came here. You can't have looked at her and thought of her as an adult. As your equal. It's not possible."
"I didn't see her as my equal," Teddy hedged. "At first I didn't. But I also didn't see her as a child. And it didn't take long for her to change my opinion entirely. Merlin, Harry, how could you send her here and not expect me to fall in love with her?"
Harry's right hand closed around the Daily Prophet, unwittingly crumpling the paper in his fist. "Fall in love with her?" he repeated.
Harry looked tired and he looked old. Teddy wished a lot of things in that moment, but mostly he wished that Harry believed him. He wished that Harry could have understood that to Teddy, Lily was just someone else. She and he shared interests and more importantly they inspired each other. Or, he hoped he inspired her; Merlin knew she inspired him. To Teddy, their history – whatever limited segments of time they'd spent together before that summer – was inconsequential. They were unconventional and they didn't fit perfectly at all but Teddy also believed that he and Lily could last. If only he could make his godfather see that whatever else, his feelings for Lily were genuine.
He met Harry's famous, tired green eyes and confessed, "I fell in love with Lily."
Harry dropped the twisted paper to the floor of Teddy's kitchen. "And why," he finally ground out, "did neither of you think to tell us? If you actually think this is serious, why did you keep it hidden?"
"Because look! Look how the press reacted." Teddy kicked at the paper. "Look how you've reacted." And when Harry opened his mouth to rationalize his response, Teddy continued, "I know that you're surprised. I know that the press is surprised. But do you really think it would have been much different if Lily and I had told you that we'd started seeing each other on her birthday, or over Christmas, or sometime before then? Would the papers have left her – us – alone if we'd told them about it?"
"We – Ginny and I, and the rest of the family – wouldn't have told the press, though, Ted. Why didn't you tell us?"
Teddy ran a hand through his hair. Where had Lily come from? Her theories on secrets and lies sometimes sounded like a bunch of shit, but they often made sense. And her father was here, lecturing Teddy about the truth and it was possible that this reveal would have gone a lot smoother if they had told her family about it. But at the same time Harry could lecture all he wanted, Teddy knew that surprises about Lily weren't handled well in the Potter family, and whatever Harry said, even if he and Lily had told them about it back in the beginning, their relationship still would have been a surprise.
He shook his head. "Secrets are easier to keep if only a few people know about them. We were planning on telling you, Harry," he rushed, because his godfather's thumb was hooked through the pocket of his trousers where he kept his wand and it would have taken seconds for Harry to give into his instincts and curse Teddy. "I wanted to tell you right away," or he would have, if he hadn't anticipated this reaction, "but we were planning on telling you after Lily had left Hogwarts. We thought if it got out then, the press wouldn't consider it such a scandal."
Harry snorted. "If you were that concerned about scandal, I would have thought you'd avoid...doing that…" he glanced down at the newspaper, "in public."
Teddy blushed. "It was stupid," he admitted, "and careless. But Harry, you and Ginny waited a long time to be together – didn't you ever slip up?"
His godfather's skin flushed. "Our circumstances were very different."
"Of course they were, of course. But what I'm saying is that," an owl flew through the window over his sink and deposited an official looking envelope on his table. He paused and picked up the letter before continuing, "I'm saying that even though our circumstances are less dire, our emotions are the same."
Harry watched as Teddy slit the wax seal and pulled out a precisely folded sheet of parchment. He began reading:
Dear Mr. Lupin:
We write to inform you that the grant funding for your experimental study on werewolves has been taken under revision. The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, which department has thus far provided the funding for your experiment, reserves the right to halt all future funding if they do not find that the experiment is moving along at a proper pace.
A member of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures' Werewolf division will be arriving on your premises at approximately 7:04 on Tuesday, the 7th March in order to review your results. The Department will then determine the worth of your experiment and continue or discontinue funding as they see fit.
Your response is not required.
Sincerely,
Georgina Fox
Assistant to the Treasurer
Ministry of Magic
Teddy's hands shook as his eyes moved down the page. He dropped it to the table and bit back the string of swear words that surfaced in his mind, only letting out a strangled groan. He balled his hands into fists and watched as Harry picked up the letter and skimmed it, the lines on his face deepening with regret.
Teddy didn't say anything until Harry had lowered the letter and raised his eyes to look at him in abruptly kind silence. Teddy could have asked so many questions but he didn't really need to ask any. "It's not a coincidence."
"No," Harry agreed. "You're probably right."
"What the fuck does 'proper pace' even mean?"
"Ted." Harry sighed. "You know that unless you had the cure bottled and ready to sell, they'd say you were moving too slowly."
Teddy wanted to punch something. "This isn't fair."
"I can talk to them, but as this is partially due to your involvement with my daughter, I don't think they will react to that very well."
"I don't want your help," Teddy snapped, realizing only after the words had left his mouth how ungrateful he sounded. "I'm sorry, Harry. It's just that I think you're right – that wouldn't do much." He hesitated, "Unless you told them you approved of Lily and me, but I don't think you do, and besides, I need to handle this on my own."
Harry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "At this moment, no, I do not approve of you and Lily. But what are you going to do, Ted?"
"The potions have been getting better, especially after this summer. Maybe, if I have some sort of breakthrough at this month's full moon they'll realize that I might actually be able to cure lycanthropy, and they won't dare cut me off."
Harry looked at his godson. "And if you don't have a breakthrough?"
"I still have money from my parents. I'll relocate and start over. But the Ministry will regret it."
Harry raised an eyebrow.
"They'll have a hundred angry werewolves at their doors if they cancel this experiment. And quite a few of them are from powerful families. I would not envy the Ministry if they decide to revoke their grant."
"Are you going to tell your friends about it?"
"No." Teddy's answer was immediate. After all, the werewolves had been in Greece before he elected to set up his experiment, and they'd be there after. They'd be angry and their hopes would be shattered, but their lives wouldn't change the way his would, unless they decided to follow him into his rebel experiment. If it came to that.
Harry forced a smile. "It'll be okay, Ted."
"It will," Teddy said. It didn't feel like a lie, but it may have been one anyway.
Harry glanced at his watch and blinked. "Shit," he muttered before glancing up at Teddy, "I've got to go. Look, I know that this is the worst time for me to say what I'm about to say, but…I'd like it if you and Lily would take a break – stop writing – at least until the end of May. Just let her leave school, Ted, and then maybe it will work out."
"Harry." Teddy was ashamed of the plea in his voice, but it didn't matter, because Harry was already at the fireplace, in the flames and disappearing from view.
[x]
Professor McGonagall appeared at Lily's side as she scrambled to respond to Ris. Her mind was full of horror and the slightest tinge of resignation. McGonagall placed a hand on Lily's shoulder and murmured, "Please come up to my office, Miss Potter."
Lily looked at Ris and Hugo's un-giving faces before turning to follow McGonagall from the Hall. Her headmistress didn't speak as they walked through silent corridors, and Lily focused on breathing naturally. She thought of the maelstrom of angry owls that was undoubtedly heading toward Greece at that moment, and how her family must have reacted when they unrolled their newspapers and saw thatimage. A fair percentage had probably spat out their tea in shock.
McGonagall muttered the password to her office and nodded to indicate that Lily should go up the stairs first. When she reached the headmistress's office, Lily moved to stand by the window that overlooked the Lake, staring blindly through the thick glass.
"Your parents have already been in touch with me," McGonagall spoke hesitantly. "They've asked me to send you home."
Lily froze. She had assumed that her parents would come to lecture her in the neutral territory of the headmistress's office and then she would return to classes and attempt to convince Ris and Hugo that they should forgive her. "But, Professor, I can't leave." Lily turned, and her voice shook a little. "I won't run from this."
"Miss Potter, things will have the opportunity to calm down if you stay at home for a few days. A new scandal will arise and some of the school will move on. And I was certainly not about to disagree with your parents when they Flooed me at five this morning."
"Five? But why didn't they have you send me home then?"
"I believe..." McGonagall hesitated. "They may have wanted you to see everyone's reaction before they spoke to you. Or they may have wanted to calm down a bit themselves. They seemed rather livid."
"Fine. I'll go home then."
McGonagall held out the jar of Floo powder, and Lily took a handful. "When am I allowed back?"
"Whenever your parents decide that you may return. I will ask your professors to send your assignments to your house until then."
"Thank you." Lily stepped into the green flames and in the spinning ride through fireplaces she reminded herself of what Teddy had said that night over Christmas hols. They'd never apologize for being in love. She wouldn't apologize to her parents.
But when the fireplace deposited her on her living room floor she found only her mother standing there, facing away from the flames, her arms crossed and her back straight. "Hello, Lily."
"Mum." Lily dusted off her jumper and smoothed down some flyaway strands of hair. Her hand drifted to the wand sticking from her jeans pocket, as if it could provide her some protection. "Where's Dad?"
"Greece," Ginny responded, and Lily's stomach twisted.
"He's not." It sounded stupid even as she said it. Why would her mother lie?
"He is." Ginny turned and Lily forced herself to meet her mother's gaze.
Ginny held out the Prophet, and Lily took it. She looked down at the photograph, which was already horribly ingrained on her retinas, and then back up at her mother. "Will you please just shout at me and get it over with?"
"No," Ginny said, "because I do not know how to shout at you for this. I do not understand this."
Lily remembered saying the same to Scorpius months before. She wished that he was there. She wished that Al was there. She wished that Teddy was there.
She wished that she had never run into Theodore Nott outside of McGonagall's office back in October.
"What don't you understand?"
"This!" Ginny jabbed her finger at the paper that Lily still held in loose hands. "Merlin, Lily. What were you and Teddy doing, snogging like that?"
"We – "
"How long has it been going on? Since this summer?" Ginny shook her head, red hair flying as she found her stride, and Lily shut up. "We sent you there to protect you, not to have him corrupt you! And how could you have kept it a secret from us? Godric, Lily Luna, what were you two thinking would happen?"
Lily opened her mouth, but her mum kept going. "Don't answer that. I'm not interested in whatever idiocy you two were thinking. I think it goes without saying that this ends now."
Lily didn't let Ginny talk over her again. "Why?"
"Why?" Ginny inhaled sharply. "How do you not see that this is wrong, Lily Luna? He is too old for you, and you are too young for him. You're not good for each other."
Lily's mother made her feel weak and young. She used to think that her mother knew everything, that Ginny's responses to the world had always been the correct responses, and as a child Lily had tried to mimic Ginny in everything. As she grew up, Lily realized that her mother pretended a lot of the time, and was mistaken a lot of the time. It was part of growing up, she knew, realizing that nothing was black and white. But for a moment Lily wished that she could crawl into her mother's lap and have her return the simple world of her childhood.
But doing that would have required giving up potions and Ris and Hugo and Teddy. So instead she raised her eyes to her mother's blazing ones, reminded herself that her mother loved her, and said, "You don't know."
Ginny didn't look any less livid. She didn't ask Lily to explain, she just continued staring in silence.
"I know Teddy, Mum." Lily kept her voice steady with effort. "I got to know him over the summer. He is good for me. And I'm good for him."
"How can you say that? How can he be good for you, if you've decided to keep this a secret from us?"
"Because we didn't want this. We wanted to wait until I'd left school to tell everyone. We thought it'd be easier to take if I were at least settled with a career. Merlin, Mum, it's not that we think it's wrong – we know it's right – but everyone else, even you, clearly don't agree."
"And why should I agree? What should convince me that this relationship is right?"
"I'm happy," Lily told her. "And I love him. That should be enough."
"You love him," Ginny repeated. She seemed less angry, and sadder.
"Of course I do. If I didn't, do you think I'd do this to you, to Dad, to us?"
"I don't know, Lily." Ginny sounded exhausted. "I feel like I don't know you, anymore."
"I would never do anything to hurt you or Dad. But I love Teddy, and it was too hard to pretend like we didn't feel anything when we both did."
"Lily," Ginny began, but just as she was about to say something, maybe offer some motherly wisdom, the fire flared green and Harry landed gracefully on the hearth.
Lily turned to look at him as he stood and dusted off his jumper. He crossed the room and took Ginny's hand. She murmured, "She says she loves him."
"He says he loves her."
They looked at each other in silence for a moment before they turned to face Lily again. They both looked tired and sad and Lily wanted to erase their memories.
"This isn't easy," Harry told her. "Because you're in the public eye, it's even harder than it would have been. It's hard on you and it's hard on Ted, of course, but it's also hard on the rest of us."
"I'm sorry. Not for Teddy, but for the press finding out and not telling you. I am sorry for that."
"Of course you are," Harry said, and Ginny glanced up at him as he continued, "and we're sorry for how we reacted. It was not an overreaction, but I am sorry."
Ginny added, "I wish you'd told us, Lil."
"I wish I had, too." She didn't really, but she did wish that she hadn't kissed Teddy the night of the wedding. Although it would have come out, regardless. Nott was resourceful. "Is this over, then?"
"No," Harry said. "I've told Teddy that I want him to take a break until you leave school. I expect the same for you. Do not write to him, or Floo him. Try to focus on something – "
Lily met her father's eyes with a determined glare. "That is not fair." She whirled, moving to the fireplace and grabbing a fistful of Floo powder.
"You're not going to him," Harry said calmly. Lily tossed the glittering powder on the flames. But she didn't step into them and flee to Teddy's; she knelt and stuck her head in.
She was staring across the ornate carpet of a lush living room at the carved wooden legs of a deep red colored sofa. The room was empty, but she didn't care. He didn't need to see her, he just needed to hear her.
"I'm still not telling you where he is," she called before jerking herself out of the fire. She stood, dusted her knees, and turned back to her parents.
"Lily?" Ginny asked because silence felt so strange after the tirades of the last half hour. But Lily didn't need to respond – the fire released Theodore Nott onto her parents' floor and he stood, straightened his cloak, and pinned Lily with a glare.
"You rang, Miss Potter?"
Harry stepped forward. "Nott," he said, but Theodore's eyes remained fixed on Lily's face, and Lily kept hers locked on his. She needed this.
"You can tell the world about me and Teddy and even my parents, if you want to, but I will never tell you where your son is."
"Lily," Ginny began, but Nott interrupted.
"That is very stupid. I know enough about you to keep the papers busy for years. It would really be much simpler if you'd just tell me how to find Sebastian."
"Lily." Harry's voice was stern but the fire burst again and this time an elegant blonde woman stepped onto the rug. She met Nott's suddenly anxious gaze for a moment before turning her pale blue eyes on Lily.
"Was that you, in our house?"
Sebastian's mother had never been fond of Lily. They had met twice, and both times had left Lily feeling as if Daphne Nott found her little better than spoiled rubbish on the pavement. But Daphne's face was much easier to look at that Lily's parents' surprised and confused ones, and it was easier to meet her eyes than it was to meet her husband's, laced as they were with anger and sorrow and bitterness.
"Yes." Lily wondered if Daphne would send her husband to the presses with everything else he had. It must have been PWP; she couldn't think of much else that she'd done that would attract anyone's attention.
"And you said you still weren't telling us where our son is? That means you know where he is?" Daphne had a long-fingered hand at her waist and Lily could see the outline of her wand in her jeans pocket. How quickly would her father send Daphne to the floor if she tried to curse Lily?
Here, the lies were finished. "I do."
"And," Daphne turned to look at her husband and Lily was astonished at the anger that hardened her face, "you knew about this, Theodore? You knew that she knows where Sebastian is – that she knows that our son is alive – and you did not tell me?"
"Daph," he stuttered, "Daphne, honey, I wanted to make sure that she wasn't leading me on. She could have been lying – "
Lily scowled. Daphne crossed the small space between herself and her husband and raised her hand, slapping him across the face hard enough to leave a red mark on his gaunt cheek. Harry was at her side in an instant, and he placed his hands on her shoulders, pulling her away from Theodore even as Ginny stepped between the two of them.
"Do not touch my wife," Nott hissed, and Harry dropped his hands.
"Do not insult our daughter," Ginny blazed, and Lily noticed for the first time that both of her parents had their wands held in their hands.
Daphne stepped away from Harry, moving closer to Lily. Her eyes were fastened on Lily's face and she said, "I saw the Prophet this morning. Was that his doing?"
"Of course it was," Lily answered.
"Why?" Daphne turned back to her husband, who had remained standing still. His eyes shifted from Ginny's to Harry's wands, and his own hand was lost somewhere in the pocket of his robes.
"Why? She knows where he is. We've been looking for him for nearly a year, Daphne, and she could tell us where he is. Why wouldn't I try to force it out of her?"
"But blackmail, Theodore. You've blackmailed a child."
Harry and Ginny both looked ready to curse the entire room as Theodore snorted. "She is anything but a child, Daphne. If you knew the sort of things she's involved in – Merlin, even you'd be scandalized."
"Shut up!" Daphne hissed. She turned back to Lily again. "He's alive?"
"Of course. He's happy." Or happier than he had been when he was locked in their dungeon. "And he'd be a lot happier if you would stop trying to find him."
"Never." Nott moved as if to come closer to Lily. Both of her parents' wands whipped up to focus on him.
Harry's voice was low. "Move and I swear I will kill you." At that moment Lily believed, for the first time, that her father had defeated the most powerful wizard who had ever lived.
"You are treating him like an animal." Lily finally placed her own hand on her wand, and she breathed easier. "You're making him hate you even more than he already did." They were also making Sebastian hate her, but she somehow didn't think that would bother his father all that much.
"He is not an animal," Nott snapped, and he would have moved if Harry's wand hadn't been directed quite so adroitly at his heart.
"I know that." Lily was proud that her voice didn't waver. "But did you know that, when you chained him in your dungeon?"
"Theo." Daphne spoke softly this time. "He had a good reason to leave us."
"What?" Nott turned his eyes to his wife. "You think we should just give up? Let him leave us? We'll never get him back, Daphne. He'll never come back to us if we don't find him now."
"You think he'll come back to us if we find him?" She closed her eyes. "I know you're an idiot sometimes, Theo, but do you honestly believe that this will be over if we drag him back to the Manor? That he'll come back home like he never left, he'll take his potion once a month and the rest of the time he'll be our son?"
"We can make him see that we know we were wrong – "
"Have you learned nothing since we were children, Theodore? He will not forgive us until he chooses to. He may never decide to, but we should at least give him the space to think about it. Miss Potter was right." She nodded her head in Lily's direction, and everyone's eyes fell on her. She gripped her wand tighter. "She was right in not telling you where Sebastian is. And you were wrong, Theo. You were so wrong when you exposed her and Lupin's son. We owe you an apology, Lily."
Lily met her eyes. "I told Sebastian that his father was sorry. He knows that, at least. I don't think he believed me, but he might, with time."
Nott gasped behind her, and Daphne's eyes were bright with tears. "Tell him I miss him, please."
If he ever spoke to her again, Lily would tell him a lot more than that. "I will."
Daphne nodded. She turned to look at Harry and Ginny. "I know that we never got on particularly well, but I am sorry about this. I am horribly sorry for the troubles my husband – and I, I suppose – have caused for your family."
Harry gave her a curt nod and Ginny's face remained hard, her eyes livid and attached to Theodore, who was still angry.
"Come home, Theodore." It was the first time Lily had heard the tremor of weakness in Daphne's voice. She didn't look afraid of her husband, not at all, but she certainly looked scared for him. Despite everything Lily felt the barest stirring of pity in her gut.
Nott turned his gaze back to Lily. "Thank you," he began. He stopped, coughed, and pinched the bridge of his nose with a shaking hand. "Thank you," his voice was stronger this time, "for telling us that he's alive, at least."
He had played his disastrous part in her life. Lily had nothing more to say to him.
Nott didn't wait long in the silence that followed before moving toward his wife and the fireplace. Harry's hand was white around his wand, and Ginny's followed the Notts' movement, remaining pointed at the fire until after it had turned orange again.
Lily had briefly considered diving into the fire and following the Notts away from her house, but instead squared her shoulders and waited for Harry and Ginny to turn away from the fire and focus on her.
When they finally did their faces were set. "Into the kitchen, please," Ginny said, and Lily didn't bother trying to think up an excuse. Some secrets would have to come out. She just needed to figure out which ones.
Harry stood by the stove and Ginny by the sink, but Harry gestured for Lily to sit down. She tried to feel as if she wasn't being interrogated, but the feeling was there, no matter what she told herself.
"I'm trying to understand what just happened," Harry began, "and I think that I have a pretty good idea, but I would like you to explain it to us. Tell us everything."
"And then," Ginny continued, "please tell us why you did not think to come to one of us – or one of your aunts or uncles or older cousins – when Theodore Nott began threatening you."
Lily stared at her hands. They were pale against the dark red tablecloth. They were clammy. She was nervous, more nervous than she'd been since…well, forever. It occurred to her that talking to her parents shouldn't have made her feel that way.
"Lily?" Harry prompted.
"Sebastian Nott was a few years above me at Hogwarts. He was in Slytherin, so we were sort of friends, but when he didn't come back for his seventh year none of us really thought too much of it. People leave sometimes, especially in Slytherin." She began picking at a loose thread in the tablecloth. "So I was shocked when I walked into Teddy's kitchen one day this summer and found him sitting at the table." She couldn't look at her parents, especially not when she said Teddy's name. What were they thinking? Were they judging her? Cataloguing and critiquing everything she was saying?
"He was a werewolf?" Ginny asked, her voice soft. It sounded like she was sympathetic, and she may have been, for Nott. Lily still didn't look up.
"It had happened the summer before his seventh year. He says he doesn't know why he was targeted. I don't know if I believe him, but I do know that his experiences as a werewolf were…they were horrible." She felt that old anger at Theodore burning in her chest and she wished that her parents – or she – had taken the opportunity to curse him while he was in their living room. "His parents didn't react right at all; even when he took the wolfsbane potion they locked him in their dungeon over the full moon – chained him to a wall for three days and left him with a bowl of water." Her father's eyes were probably shining with righteous indignation and her mother was probably twirling her wand, maybe wishing that she had killed Nott when she had the chance. Lily kept her eyes on her hands.
"He managed to leave after a particularly bad full moon. He wandered around Europe for a few months, and he somehow managed to avoid being found by his parents. He found us – the town in Greece – in July."
Lily stopped speaking. Too many secrets had crossed her tongue, leaving it feeling as if it were slightly singed, a little bitter, hurting for the man she had just betrayed.
"And? How did this whole thing with Theodore start?" Ginny did not sound annoyed, exactly, but her voice was more tense than it had been the last time she'd spoken.
"Nott went to see McGonagall, to see if she had heard anything about Sebastian, and he ran into me outside her office. McGonagall asked if I'd heard anything from Sebastian, because we had been friends, and Nott began questioning me. I guess he did some digging after that, and found out what Teddy is doing for the Ministry and that I'd spent the summer away and so he started badgering me to help him find Sebastian." She dug at the skin around her chipped purple thumbnail. "I tried to lie but I guess I'm not as good at that as I thought because he realized that I knew more than I was letting on. And then I think he had Dom's photographer follow me at the wedding. The dude was giving me weird looks all night, but I didn't even think – "
"How long was this going on?" Harry asked.
Lily's thumb had started to bleed. "Since October."
"So, five months?" Ginny was definitely annoyed now. "And you never thought to tell anyone?"
"Did you tell Teddy?" Harry added.
"No." Lily laughed. "Of course I didn't. Nott could have ruined everything. Merlin, Nott probably has ruined everything, I can't even imagine what sort of letters Teddy's gotten this morning, and Teddy didn't need that sort of stress." Her thumb looked sort of ghastly. "And he would have told me to tell you or Aunt Hermione or someone."
"Which would have been the smart thing to do. Merlin, Lily, why would you keep this a secret? We could have ended it before it blew up like this."
"You think?" Lily shook her head. "I didn't want to betray Nott's trust. Sebastian's, I mean. He begged me not to tell anyone, and I promised him I wouldn't."
"But, Lily, why wouldn't you have trusted us with that secret? We wouldn't have told anyone, we'd just have gotten Theodore to stop threatening you."
"I think…" Lily finally looked at her parents. They had moved closer to each other. Harry had his arm around Ginny's waist and they were both looking at her, concerned and confused. "I think Sebastian's father wasn't going to stop for anyone. I think he was going to keep going until he had punished me for keeping Sebastian from him. He's sad and hurting and I'm certain that he was going to make sure that I suffered, somehow. Even if you guys had tried to stop him, he would have figured out some way to make me pay." She wiped her thumb on her jeans. "And besides, this was my problem. I didn't need to drag anyone else into it."
"Merlin, Lily, your problems are our problems. Why haven't you realized that? You're our daughter, and we want you to be happy. We want you to be safe."
Lily shrugged. "I thought that I could handle it. I thought if I was discrete and if I kept up with the lie, he'd never figure it out. I was wrong, apparently."
Her parents looked at each other. Ginny sighed. Harry murmured, "Everyone's always telling me how mature you are, Lily, but I haven't seen much evidence of it recently."
"How have I been immature? By not asking for help in a situation that I thought I could handle? By falling in love at an inappropriate time? How have I behaved any differently than you did, when you were my age?" She bit her lip. That may have been taking it too far, but Merlin, the hypocrisy of all of this hurt her. "Granted, I'm not saving the world. But I'm also not risking my life. I've tried to take responsibility for everything I've done. I'm just…I'm trying to take control of my life. And yeah, maybe I've let it get a little crazy, but I don't think that means I'm immature."
"Our situations are not the same." Harry pointed out.
"No, no they're not. But there are similarities. Dad, please. I don't want you to look at me like this forever."
"You don't trust us," Ginny said. "And I still don't understand why."
"I don't trust anyone." Lily sounded calmer than she felt. She had a ball of nerves in the pit of her stomach that sent continuous tangles of anxiety into her throat. It made it difficult to swallow and harder to breathe. "It's just the way I've grown up. I mean," she laughed, harsh and quick, "I'm Harry Potter's daughter. I've never been the darling of the presses. I'm a Slytherin. I've got to have some neuroses, don't I?"
Harry looked sad, but he just said, "I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this. I'm sorry that you didn't think that we could help you."
Lily nodded. She stood up and stepped away from the table. "Teddy doesn't know about Nott," she said. "Am I allowed to write and tell him why we were in the Prophet?"
Harry and Ginny exchanged one last look. "Yes," Harry ceded, finally. "But I will send it. And then you two do need to stop communicating until June."
The way he was looking at her, like all of his illusions had crashed in a single moment and all of their blatant failings were written across her face, made Lily feel worse than she had in a long time. Worse than she had since her first years in Slytherin, when she wasn't quite as strong, quite as capable at ignoring the people who wanted to hurt her.
She forced the words from her mouth, "I'm – "
Before she could utter the "sorry", the door to the kitchen burst open and two men in Quidditch uniforms fell in. Scorpius had Albus by the hand and Lily's eyes darted from his slightly crazed expression to Albus's mild one. "Scorpius," she said, "Don't."
"But – " he met her eyes and then looked at her parents. They were staring at the two of them sort of like they were something from a nightmare come to life. But Scorpius didn't drop Albus's hand.
Al waved sheepishly at Lily, then shrugged, like he was saying, I have no idea what this crazy person is doing but I'm okay with whatever it is. And then Scorpius said, direct and honest, "I'd like your permission to date Albus," and everything sort of halted for a moment while Al and Lily both stopped breathing and Lily's parents stared from their son to their son's best friend and then Harry burst into laughter.
None of them were expecting that. Scorpius tugged at his Quidditch robes and shifted uncomfortably and Albus tightened his grip on his boyfriend's hand and Lily began picking at her right thumb and Ginny placed her hand on Harry's shoulder and said softly, "Harry, honey, now is not the time."
"I wasn't joking," Scorpius said, when Harry had stopped laughing long enough for him to make a headway into the silence.
"I know, son, I know." Harry shook his head. "I'm sorry. When I woke up this morning, I thought that if anything unusual happened, it would be at work. Not with my family."
It was silent in the kitchen again. Albus finally spoke, "So? Is that a yes, then?"
"I'm assuming that it doesn't really matter what I say, since apparently Ginny and I have been very out of the loop. Hell, James is probably already married."
"I will date Albus whether you give your blessing or not." Merlin, Scorpius's cheeks were red. "But I'd rather if we had your blessing. We both respect you."
"Of course," Ginny said. "Of course you have our blessing."
Why was no one yelling at Scorpius and Albus for keeping secrets?
Scorpius turned to look at Lily. "I'm sorry, Lil," he said solemnly, and she sighed.
"Had to come out sometime, didn't it?"
"Wait, you knew?" Ginny asked, and all of the kindness that had laced her tone moments before vanished.
"I didn't," Al said. "Scorpius figured it out over Christmas. But he says they're in love, so."
"So," Harry repeated. He shook his head. "Lily, you go on upstairs. I think it's best if you don't go back to school until Monday. I'd like to speak with Scorpius and Albus."
Lily didn't say anything before leaving. She had said far too much already.
When she got to her room she sat at her desk and pulled a sheet of parchment from the pile. She inked her quill and stared at the blank paper. How to tell Teddy that this whole thing was her fault?
She suddenly remembered the letter she had received that morning. It was still Valentine's Day, and that morning she and Teddy had still been working unhurriedly toward something permanent. Now, who knew?
She slit the seal on the envelope and unfolded the letter. It wasn't long, but neither of them had ever been good with words.
Dear Lily,
I wish you were here right now. If you were, I wouldn't let there be even a centimeter of space between us. I keep telling myself that next year, next year, it'll be different. Next year we won't need letters and owls and we won't have to deal with inconvenient time differences and lies because next year we'll be together. And I wanted to remind you of that, because sometimes it's easy to forget and sometimes it's easy to be caught up in all that's lacking now.
I love you and I will see you soon.
Teddy
Those words meant something, and maybe in a year everything would be sorted. Technically she only had to wait for May. Technically.
She wrote her letter to Teddy in the barest terms possible, including a single I'm sorry at the end and slipping it into an unsealed envelope before walking back down the stairs. She hesitated outside the kitchen, where the others were still talking.
"You've been seeing each other since Hogwarts?" Harry's astonishment was tinged with resignation. "Merlin, why do none of you trust us?"
"It was me, Harry," Scorpius said. "Al wanted to tell you – Al wanted to tell everyone – but I've had too many bad experiences with the press to hand them scandals quite so easily. I made him keep it a secret."
"But why wouldn't you tell us? We wouldn't have told anyone." The words sounded tired coming from Ginny's lips. She had said them so many times that day.
"Secrets are easier to keep if only a few people know them," Scorpius said. "I'm sorry I made Al lie for so long. I'm sorry I've just decided to tell everyone now. But it takes a certain kind of bravery to tell the truth, and I've never been all that brave." He chuckled. "I'd probably still be hiding everyone if it weren't for Lily, of course."
"Of course," Harry echoed. He didn't sound like he believed Scorpius.
Lily turned back up the stairs. She'd wait until they were done to give her father the letter. Scorpius wouldn't appreciate knowing that she had overheard his moment of transparency.
[x]
The next Sunday Lily was sitting on a rock in her family's backyard. She and Hugo used to play king of the mountain on it when they were little. Hugo and Ris had used it as a meeting point, when they'd gotten older and both went to family parties at the Potters'. Lily had seen Scorpius and Albus meet there, too, but Lily had always gone to it because it was isolated – blocked by trees from the house and surrounded by small hills. That night it had also been covered in two inches of snow, but Lily had cleared that and cast a warming charm on the rock and it was comfortable enough.
She had been sitting there for several minutes before her parents arrived. They had mostly been moving around each other silently since she'd come home, Lily working on homework alone in her bedroom or alone on the living room floor, but she was leaving the next day and they hated leaving things unresolved.
"Are you nervous about going back?" Ginny asked, sitting down beside Lily and placing a hand on her back. Harry stood beside them, his hand on Ginny's shoulder.
"I've dealt with this sort of thing before," Lily said. "I guess…" She sighed. "I'm only scared because Ris and Hugo were upset with me. They've never gotten angry at me before."
"Did you write them at all?" Harry asked. Lily shook her head.
"I didn't know what to say. And it'll mean more if I apologize in person, I hope."
"They'll forgive you," Ginny assured her. "They'll understand, better than anyone else."
Lily stayed silent. She had never kept secrets from them before, and she had no idea how they would react to it. Not well, apparently. Not well at all.
"I know that when we first found out – everything – that we acted like we were disappointed in you." Harry's voice was soft in the cold night air and Lily bit her lip. She hoped that he wouldn't tell her that he hadn't been, because she had never wanted her parents to lie to protect her emotions.
"And we were," Harry continued. "Then, we were very disappointed that you hadn't told us about Teddy or Nott. But we've discussed it, Lily, and while we are still hurt, we're starting to understand."
Lily tensed. If her parents would stop looking at her like she had let them down, then she might be able to stop feeling guilty about things she had promised she'd never feel guilty about.
Ginny said, "We know that, despite our best efforts, you have not had the easiest life. It is not easy being in the spotlight, and it's especially difficult for you because you are so different. And your differences make you who you are and your father and I love you for your differences. I cannot imagine you as similar to Albus or James or Rose – you have always been your own person, Lily, and that person is a wonderful one. We are sorry if the world has ever made you doubt that, but we are even sorrier if we have ever made you doubt it."
"You've never," Lily began, but Harry interrupted.
"I'm sure that we have, though. You don't need to lie to us. You don't need to lie at all, and I'm also sorry that we've made you feel like you do. This is what we want to say: We love you, and we are proud of you and the decisions you've made. We're proud of how you've grown up. We're impressed with how loyal you have been to your friends."
"Please, Lily, just know that we love you."
"I love you guys, too."
She didn't really feel like pulling away when they hugged her. That was progress.
She also wished that she could stay home when she stood by the fireplace in their living room the next morning. She hadn't dreaded going to school this much, ever. Aside from the awkward silence between her and her parents, though, her home had been peaceful. It had been isolated. And now Lily had to go back and face the consequences of her actions over the last several months and she really wished that she could have just left that world, where gossip ran wild, and gone somewhere where her name and her face were completely unknown.
This was not the first time she had wished that, and it would certainly not be the last, so she inhaled a final breath of peaceful air and tossed her handful of Floo powder into the flames. She whirled into McGonagall's office.
The headmistress barely looked up from the papers she was reading. "Good morning, Miss Potter."
"Hi, Professor." Lily hesitated by the fireplace. "Do you need me to…do anything?"
"Oh, no. You're fine. You can go straight to your dormitory, or class if you have it this morning."
"Thank you." She left the room and went down the staircase. She actually did have class that morning, but she wasn't planning on going to it. Hugo and Ris both had Herbology, and she needed to find them.
She left the castle and hurried down the front steps. Groups of seventh and six years were milling toward the greenhouses, and Lily could feel their eyes on her as she passed them. She could imagine what they were saying and thinking, but she didn't stop to listen. She kept her attention focused on the girl with lime green hair and the curly-haired ginger ahead of her.
When she caught up to them she could not think of anything more to say than, "Hey, guys."
Ris didn't even look at her. Hugo glanced over and his blue eyes were not forgiving.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
They kept walking. Lily waited a fraction of a second before following them. "Please," she said.
They had reached the greenhouse. Hugo held the door open for Ris and let it fall shut behind him; Lily reached for it and tugged it open again. They were standing at a table toward the back of the mostly full glass-enclosed room. Lily could feel everyone's eyes on her as she approached, but Ris and Hugo managed to keep their attention on the plant waving spiny arms on the table in front of them.
Lily stood beside Hugo. He shifted a barely perceptible inch away from her. The whole classroom had fallen silent, watching the three friends as if waiting for an explosion. None came before Professor Longbottom entered the room. He began lecturing without taking too much notice of the students, but when he finally glanced up his eyes found Lily's immediately.
He sighed and ran a hand through his thinning hair. "Miss Potter," he sounded almost apologetic, "I believe you're in the wrong class."
"Yes, sir." But Lily didn't move.
"Are you planning on standing there the whole class?"
"Yes, sir."
She heard some muttering from somewhere in the group – maybe from that ratty Ravenclaw Smith, or the Hufflepuff at the front whose name she never could remember. Longbottom spared a glare for the class in general before turning his attention back to Lily.
"Don't you have a class that you're supposed to be in?"
"Yes, sir."
"Lily," he sighed, and she could see some of her family's friend in the lines around his eyes, "go to your class please." He was begging her not to make this more difficult on herself but Merlin, she just needed to sort out this mess with Ris and Hugo. She did not give a damn what everyone else said about her, but she needed her friends.
"Lily," Hugo muttered, "go away."
Ris elbowed him. They shouldn't have decided on the silent treatment. Hugo sucked at silent treatment, but it was worrying how long he'd lasted.
Lily shook her head. "I won't say anything, Professor. I swear. You won't even know I'm here."
Longbottom sighed and turned back to demonstrating what his students were supposed to be doing to the plants with the waving tentacles. Lily stepped out of the way. She'd never been good at Herbology.
When the class was over she began to follow Hugo and Ris out of the greenhouse, but Longbottom called her to the front. He waited until everyone had left the room to speak, although Lily noticed quite a few people lingering outside the door, probably with hearing-enhancing charms cast and their rumor-spreading tongues already wagging.
"Are you all right, Lily?" Professor Longbottom asked.
She glanced at the door before saying, "I'll be fine once Hugo and Ris have yelled at me. This silence is disconcerting, don't you think?" She smiled at him, ever the (false) positive one.
He shook his head. "You need to be more careful, Lily. If you want people to forget about it, you need to stop drawing attention to yourself."
Lily raised her eyes to his. "I don't care whether people forget about 'it' or not. I don't care what people say. Can I go?" Ris and Hugo might have managed to make it back to the school by then, and they'd have easily lost her among the castle's many corridors and corners.
"Yes. Yes, you can go." Lily had already pushed through the group at the door by the time Professor Longbottom had finished.
Ris and Hugo hadn't quite made it to the castle. Lily reached them before they mounted the front steps, and they both stopped walking.
"Lily," Hugo sighed. "Just leave it alone, yeah?"
"No." Lily was out of breath from running across the grounds and the word came out like a gasp. "No, I won't."
Ris was the queen of silent treatment. Lily didn't expect her to talk; she was hoping to work on Hugo. But Ris's eyes were suddenly locked on Lily's own. "Look, you need to stop. Stop following us and trying to talk to us because we are not over it. And I honestly cannot see myself ever getting over it because Merlin, Lily, you lied to us. We don't lie to each other."
Lily could have said many things at that. She could have used the ever-relevant, we're Slytherins. We lie to everyone. Or she could have reminded her best friend of the many lies she'd told Lily back in the beginning. But she just said, "I am so sorry."
"Are you really?" Ris snorted. "I bet, if you could go back, you'd tell all those lies again."
"Not to you. To you, I'd tell the truth. If I could do it again, I'd tell you the moment it started."
"Bullshit," Hugo said. "That's bullshit, Potter. You've always been so fucking reserved – even with us. You never tell us anything."
"Don't try to deny it," Ris added, "We were talking about it, and we realized that you've barely talked about anything other than PWP and our lives – Hugo and mine – in ages. Much longer than a year."
This was that same goddamn fight she'd had with Teddy back at the beginning of the summer all over again. She could use the same solution – offer transparency for forgiveness. "My life is not interesting," Lily told them. "You know that."
"We're interested," Hugo said. "We've always been."
"Fine. What do you want to know?" A crowd had gathered around them, and the students had stopped breathing at that. She was about to spill secrets to the school. But that only mattered for the next three months. Three months was not a long time.
"Why didn't you tell us about Teddy?" Ris shot immediately.
"Because I didn't want you to judge me." Lily had rehearsed the answer to that question too many times.
"How could you think that we would?" Hugo asked.
"Because we judge everyone else," Lily could feel sudden, shameful tears in her eyes. "It seemed safer as a secret."
Ris looked at her for a long moment. She looked at the crowd of students around them, all fascinated by the fight, all horribly obvious about their eavesdropping, all bitter about some imagined or real slight Lily or Ris or Hugo had done them in the past. Ris shook her head and crossed the space to link her arm with Lily's. "This is not over," she told her. "But for now, I forgive you."
Hugo took a minute longer but he came to Lily's other side eventually, and the three of them went up to the castle together, leaving a very disappointed group of students behind them.
[x]
Things didn't go back to normal, but they were as close to normal as Lily could have hoped for, and she was grateful for that. Hugo and Ris made her talk to them more, but that wasn't a bad thing. She had forgotten how lucky she was to have them as her friends.
Every morning when the owls flew into the Great Hall, Lily looked up, holding onto the stupid hope that Teddy would have said, "Fuck it" to her father's restriction (even though she was too scared to). Every morning she was disappointed.
One morning in early March an owl did land at her spot. He was unfamiliar, but the writing on the envelope he held wasn't. She had last seen it on a howler, but this letter seemed unaltered by any spells.
She opened the envelope and pulled out the letter after offering Sebastian's new owl a piece of bacon.
Potter –
Ted just told me what my dad did to you. I had no idea and I am so sorry. I wish that I could have stopped him. He is such a fucking bastard.
Thank you for keeping my secret even though I probably didn't deserve it.
Sorry about the howler.
Ted says that you've got some problems with your family and he's been working his ass off more than usual lately so I know that things aren't perfect right now for either of you but I hope they get better. I hope you can come back this summer.
– Nott
She folded the letter and slipped it into her pocket. She felt homesick in a way she hadn't since the beginning of the school year and when Ris looked at her with questions in her eyes Lily shrugged. "I'm just missing Greece."
They understood.
[x]
Harry typically received a pile of letters in his box at the office around eleven every morning, and then sometimes he spent his lunch break reading them, delegating the less urgent ones to other people in the department, occasionally binning them without responding, and every so often answering them himself. He often allowed the letters to pile up for days, supposing that nothing too important would arrive via owl.
But after the full moon in March he began paying much closer attention to all forms of correspondence. Whenever he walked down corridors or stood in the lift and saw fluttering memos passing, he tried to decipher the department title on the parchment. If the memo was flitting from or to the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures he'd sometimes snatch them out of the air and unfold them, reading them quickly before setting them free again. Nobody questioned him about it – he was Harry Potter, after all, and the glares that he sent after the freed memos made even those who knew him hesitant to speak to him.
He sorted through his post the instant his secretary deposited it in his box, his hands flipping between the papers as he searched for familiar handwriting on the envelopes. Finally, one day near the middle of the month he pulled a letter from the pile and recognized the handwriting on the front from his godson's few letters over the past several years. He opened the envelope with shaking hands, hoping that Teddy had somehow managed to convince the Ministry officials that he deserved continued funding. There were two pages.
Dear Harry,
The experiment is still on! I managed to work some sort of miracle with the potions and the board thought it was impressive enough to continue funding the experiment, despite my "questionable personal choices". I've included the details on the next sheet, which I've written as a letter to Lily. If you find it appropriate, will you please send it to her? She was very involved in the potions process this summer, and I want her to know how it's working out.
Thank you,
Teddy
[x]
Lily still watched the owls entering the Great Hall well into March, even though she knew that she shouldn't have expected anything from Teddy, or anything more from Nott. Her connections to the world outside of Hogwarts had been steadily shrinking since August, but she couldn't help her eyes drifting up to search for familiar feathers among the owls every morning. Even so, she was surprised to see her father's owl there one day in mid-March. She opened the envelope immediately, pulling out two sheets of parchment.
The first page was a rushed message from her father.
Hi, Lily,
I just got a note from Teddy and he asked me to send this to you. I've read it and it's very exciting news.
I've already let him know that I've sent it to you, so you don't need to worry about responding. However, he did mention that you'd been involved in the potions making this summer – you've never mentioned you like potions – what's that about?
Look forward to hearing from you.
Love,
Dad
She dropped the first sheet on her empty breakfast plate and began reading the letter from Teddy.
Dear Lily,
I don't think that your father would have told you that the experiment was put under surveillance last month – the department wanted to ensure that I wasn't wasting money. It was terrifying beforehand, of course. I brewed the potions with no idea of whether they'd be any more effective than of the others we've tried, but I knew that if they weren't any better these would be the last batches I ever brewed.
The woman from the Ministry arrived just before the full moon, so I gave her a tour of the house and everything and then she watched the whole procedure. It made me pretty pissed, actually, because she was so clinical about the whole thing and Josef and Ana and Tomas were in pain and the Ministry employee was just asking such bastardly questions.
The first night nothing happened. The werewolves transformed like always, although I think it was slightly less painful than usual. Remember the first full moon you were here for, when the pain was so bad that their howls hurt to hear? That hasn't happened since this summer, which I've been happy about, but the Ministry employees didn't really seem to give a damn.
They were really disdainful about the whole thing. It made me nervous, but it also made me angry, because at least I'm trying something. No one else is even willing to do that.
But that all changed the next night, when I gave Josef, Ana, and Tomas the potions and they transformed like always, except that when they transformed none of them had tails. They were tailless wolves and Merlin, Lil, I've never been so happy in my life.
Luckily the Ministry official realized that this was a big deal. so the experiment is continuing!
About your last letter, I forgive you, of course. But Merlin, Lil, why didn't you tell one of us? I wish you'd told me or your parents or even Albus. We could have helped. But I'm sure you've heard that from your parents already, so I'll let it be.
I will see you in June.
Love,
Teddy
He was curing lycanthropy and he would see her in June. She couldn't stop smiling for days.
[x]
Lily had thought that celebrating the end of seven years' education would have been climactic. She would have expected noisy explosions of sparklers in the night sky and bonfires of burnt textbooks (Bathilda Bagshot and Cassandra Vablatsky prominent among them) and long, teary speeches from each of the professors about how much they would miss each individual student. Lily's expectations, she found, were incorrect. Professor McGonagall announced the names of all of the seventh years at the final feast and the school applauded them after McGonagall read off "Zabini, Mada."
Slytherin house threw its own leaving party, of course, but Lily, Ris, and Hugo decided not to join. They slipped outside after the feast, Lily carrying a bottle of Firewhiskey beneath her robes, and went to sit by the Lake.
Lily had always liked the way the grounds looked at night. They were empty and dark, with obscured shapes of trees and buildings jutting at odd angles from the sloping hills. To others it might have seemed menacing and dangerous; to Lily, Ris, and Hugo it was an image of home.
"So." Ris took the bottle from Lily and untwisted the cap, tilting it back into her mouth. Hugo took it from her.
"So," Lily repeated.
"This is it." Lily had always thought that if any of them cried when they left school, it would have been Hugo. She had never told him this, of course, and his voice sounded steady enough, so she guessed she had been wrong.
"We're really leaving," Ris said. "Merlin, I never really thought this would happen to us."
"What?" Lily laughed, "You thought time was going to stop before we left school?"
"I thought that we would magically sort out a way to stop time before we left school," Ris corrected. "But I guess that we grew out of it sooner than I thought we would." She had the bottle again and she held it up to her eye, looking at the slowly lapping Lake through the glass and alcohol. "Whenever I thought about our last night here, I thought we'd be frantically selling our last stocks of Touch Explosion and trying to make every single second count."
"I never thought we'd be ready to go," Hugo confessed. "But this year didn't really turn out the way I expected it to."
"I'm sorry," Lily said. "I think a lot of that was probably my fault. I know I kind of…abandoned you guys for a while there."
"It's all right, Lil," Hugo said. "We get it now."
"And it's probably better this way." Ris tipped the bottle into her mouth and collected the last few drops of Firewhiskey on her tongue. "I'd rather be ready to leave than want to be a child forever."
"And now we can all go off and be adults, or something like them."
Lily grinned. "Maybe. Or maybe we can just be us, with big boy and big girl jobs."
"If we manage to get jobs," Hugo muttered. "Ris and I are still fucked in that department."
"You're really going to Greece?" Ris asked, tossing the bottle into the Lake and leaning her head against Lily's shoulder.
"If I pass the exam and get offered the position, yeah."
"We'll miss you." Hugo tugged at her braid and she shrugged, bumping Ris's head against her ear.
"You can just Floo me."
"Nice," Ris muttered.
"But of course I'll miss you, too." Lily elbowed her and Ris shoved her back.
"I don't like goodbyes," she said.
"Then we won't say them," Lily promised. "Besides, we'll all be back here again. No one ever leaves Hogwarts for good. And we have the whole summer before I leave for Greece. If I even get the job."
"You'll get it," Ris told her. "You're Lily Potter. The world can only fuck you over so much before things start going your way."
"I like that theory." Lily stood and the world swam around her. "Shall we?"
"Let's."
They were the only people moving in the dark grounds, and Lily said silent goodbyes, because these moments were the last ones she'd spend with such an intimate, possessive knowledge of Hogwarts.
[x]
When Lily had sent her parents a letter explaining that she had signed up to take the Potion's Master's Examination and that she wanted to apply for a job as Teddy's assistant they had exchanged a look and Ginny had written Lily seven different letters before she ended up sending one.
It read:
Dear Lily,
Your dad and I are happy that you're starting to make plans for your life after Hogwarts (you're certainly beating James in that regard!), but we're concerned that you haven't put much thought into this.
We understand that you were interested in Teddy's experiments over the summer, but we're worried that you are making this decision based on a relationship which has not had the opportunity to grow (and we will not hide that we are still worried about the age difference). If you have decided to apply for this job because of Teddy, please consider how you would feel about it if you felt no emotional attachment – or even a negative emotional attachment – to him, and then decide whether or not this is the ideal position for you.
We love you.
Mum and Dad
Lily hadn't been as angry when she received that letter as she would have been a few months before. She pulled out her own parchment and quill immediately and sent her parents a calming note in response.
Dear Mum and Dad:
I understand where you're coming from, but after having spent the summer with Ana and Josef and Tomas and Sebastian I cannot imagine any other place for myself. My decision has very little to do with Teddy. I want to help my friends, and I feel as if Teddy's experiment provides the best opportunity.
Love,
Lily
They exchanged another look when they received that note, but they didn't express their doubts to their daughter. After all, Lily had always had a big, if slightly frosty, heart. And besides, Harry and Ginny were not at all sure what the chances of Lily passing the Potions Masters Exam were. She had done well enough on her NEWTS, they thought, but, well, it had always been difficult to tell with her.
[x]
Lily passed, of course. She received her results in mid-July and she sent her application in to the Department for the Protection and Control of Magical Creatures the next day. She wrote Teddy a letter and sent Ris and Hugo and Al and Score and James messages and left the results on her kitchen table so her parents would see them. Then she went out to her backyard and sat on her rock until the sun turned the leaves gold.
Ris and Hugo found her there. "Are you leaving for real, then?" Ris asked.
"I don't know yet."
"Lily, you got perfect scores. You'll get the job," Hugo pushed her and she moved over so they could both sit on the rock with her.
She took their hands in hers and said, "Yeah, I guess I'm leaving."
"You're happy, aren't you?" Ris said. "You had goddamn better be happy, Lily Luna, because if you're making me feel this sad and you're not happy I will seriously kill you."
"If you're not happy, you should call this whole thing off and we can start brewing illegal potions again because that's what we're all really good at."
"I'm happy," Lily told them. "But I'm sorry you're sad. I promise I'll come visit and you'll come visit. I want you to meet everyone and properly meet Teddy and I want you to see…everything."
"God, we're so old." Ris kicked her heel against the rock. "When did that happen?"
"I don't know, but I don't think I mind."
"Yeah, well you wouldn't." Hugo sighed. "You were always the oldest out of all of us, Lil."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Just that you're mature." Ris tugged her hand from Lily's and slid down from the rock. Hugo followed her, and they stood facing Lily. Ris was smiling, but her eyes were bright. "Here." She held out a familiar bottle and Lily took it after a moment.
"Touch Explosion?" Lily asked.
"We saved the last bottle for you," Ris explained. "Since you've finally got someone to use it with."
Lily laughed. "How thoughtful of you."
"We are the best." Hugo grinned. "We'll see you, Lil."
"Yeah, see you."
They disapparated and she tilted the bottle, watching as the potion swirled against the glass. Merlin, there was such a history there. She slipped the potion into her pocket and sat outside for a while longer, before going inside and listening to her parents' congratulations. It was all sort of a blur; she just wanted her job offer to arrive. She just wanted to be there, already.
Two weeks after she received her test results, two letters arrived for Lily in the post. The first was addressed in fancy script on thick parchment, and she slit the Ministry seal to find that she had been accepted as "Potions Master II" on the "Lycanthropy Program" in Greece. She would begin the third week of August.
The second was from Teddy. He had only written: I can't wait. He hadn't needed to write anything else.
When she sprinkled Floo Powder on her fire and dragged her trunk into the flames, she didn't feel sad. This time she knew that when the fire released her she would be home.
A/N: I appreciate reviews!
