Disclaimer: I don't own it!
Author's Note:
Look at me! A full day before my deadline! However, don't get
your hopes up about next week's update. I'm going out of town
(leaving Thursday) and I don't get back until late Sunday. I have
a lot of stuff coming up this week, so Wednesday or Thursday is
looking likely for an update. SORRY. I accidentally uploaded the wrong chapter. The correct chapter is up now!
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Well. Since I, Remus, am the only normal functioning individual in our clan, I decided to actually write my segment. My first thought was to dump the task on Peter and have him write his bit. My hand is killing me. You may have not noticed, but James' entry was rather lengthy. And he insisted on keeping me up until one in the morning "editing".
James holds a grudge EXTREMELY well. He completely blames i me /i for his recent hospitalization. Don't worry. All James sympathizers (I wish a plague on all of you for encouraging his bloated ego!) will be pleased to hear that he is perfectly fine. Madam Pomfrey kicked him out after he took the whole "call when you need anything, sweetheart!" thing a bit to seriously. By the end of the night, Madam Pomfrey's shoes were in shreds from all the jogging he had her do.
It was harder for me to select this next memory… But eventually, I took Sirius' advice.
OK, you can pick yourself off the floor now.
Yes, I went along with what Sirius Black decreed. It is a rare occasion, but it has been known to happen. I usually regret it.
Sirius screeched, once I had finished my first entry, that I had not done enough "James-bashing". When I asked for a definition of "James-bashing", he looked at me like I had severe brain damage.
"'James-bashing'! DUH!" he moaned. "Seriously, I mourn for you, Rems. Don't you understand?"
And that was all he would say. He just winked; and said, "You'll get it!"; and wandered off to meet his latest girlfriend.
And eventually, I did get it. And I agree- in light of recent events. So here we go…
Unlike the majority of the events recorded in this book, my story will not be prank-related. And I wish I could show you lot how quickly the smirk slid off Sirius' face. He's sitting here next to me, practically bouncing. And then he realizes that no, my entry is not going to read like an advert for his achievements in the Make James Go Insane campaign. And yes, he did have buttons printed reading said campaign's slogan: "We're Out To Get James. Period." I suggested that perhaps Sirius should look into paying someone to come up with a better motto, and I got a button hurled into my head for my pains. My hairline has never been the same.
As I was saying before Sirius nearly keeled over, this is not a Marauder Moment, at least not in the traditional fashion. See, my point is that James very rarely has any troubles. Things come quite easily to him. He never has any problems getting what he wanted. That's probably the reason behind his friendship/rivalry with Sirius. They're both very conceited and spoiled.
So when James met the one person who defied him, of course it was a momentous occasion! It occurred in our first year at Hogwarts, just as we were all getting to know each other. I personally feel that this was an occurrence that deserves to be documented, and apparently, so does Sirius. (He now resembles a bobble head doll.)
We were, as I have said, in our first year when James met his match. Her name was Lily Evans, and at first glance, it was clearly a love/hate relationship. James did the loving; Lily did the hating. For a while James confined his adulation to a few semi-public events (such as that one time when he clambered on to the Astronomy Tower and created a shower of red hearts on Lily, who was sitting on the ground below). He sent weekly love letters. But that was pretty tame, considering what would come.
One day, James decided that it was time to kick things up a notch. Of course, once we heard his plan, both Sirius and I reacted in our own ways. Sirius gleefully encouraged James. I cautioned him. After all, even my limited (at the time, of course- I soon became an amazingly attractive "stud") experience with the opposite sex told me that no girl is going to want to wake up one morning and be followed about by singing minstrels. Unless this girl was the female version of James or Sirius.
Sadly, the caroling bards were only the beginning. James plan extended much farther, and it encompassed many other elements that caused Lily to become an object of ridicule. But the part of the plan that set her over the edge came at the end of the day, as she and the rest of our House, plus the Slytherins, headed out to the Herbology greenhouses.
It was just getting dark as the two Houses paraded out onto the lawn. James was grinning happily; Lily looked murderous. James' plan was to put the last step of his plan into action, and then step forward and reveal himself to Lily. She already knew who was doing all these embarrassing stunts, but James felt that it was important to at least pretend that she didn't. So Sirius hid James all day, and Lily's friends held Lily back when she attempted to murder James. Lily had been in a state of perpetual blushing all day. But until that fateful night, everything had just been in fun. Even in our first year, the entire school knew of James' quest to make Lily his girlfriend. The Slytherins had yet to really notice the events.
James winked roguishly at Sirius and I. I grimaced as James, encouraged by Sirius' jovial thumbs-up, waved his wand in the direction of the sky above Greenhouse 1.
With a head-splitting crack, red, white, and gold sparkles illuminated the sky. Even though I had a vague idea what this final moment would entail, James' fireworks still surprised me. At first, the sparkles just floated randomly about the sky. But about three minutes after they had first exploded, the fireworks began to move with a purpose.
James called me over to the side of the greenhouse. From this vantage point, he and Sirius had a clear view of both the fireworks and Lily, who was looking highly suspicious. "Brilliant, eh?" Sirius muttered. "Honestly, if I weren't a bloke…"
"Don't finish that sentence, for my sanity's sake!" I moaned.
Sirius beamed at me. "Jealous, Remsies?"
I shot Sirius the death glare I had picked up from James. Its magnificence was spoiled as James…squealed. Yes, the wondrous James Potter actually squealed. Sirius looked disgusted.
"What the hell, James?" Sirius asked.
"It's about to happen!" James was actually jumping up and down now.
"Oh, God…" Sirius mumbled.
There was another burst of light and a thundering boom. And then the fireworks came together. Slowly but surely, words began to emerge from the sparkles. And they read…
"JP
AND
LE
FOREVER!"
I winced. "God, James, could you get anymore second-grade?"
James just stared lovingly at the fireworks. Sirius kicked me and muttered, "Shut up, half-wit. The poor bloke's obsessed. Hopefully this'll get it out of his system, right? Now be quiet."
I shook Sirius off and turned my gaze to Lily Evans. Her face was tomato red- a sure sign of imminent explosion.
I was right.
"JAMES POTTER!" she roared.
"Better run, mate," Sirius offered. "She looks a bit mad."
James seemed to have some twisted desire to stay and brave it out, but Lily had somehow managed to get a hold of a long, thick metal pipe and she was brandishing it very menacingly.
"Damn!" James swore and tore off towards the castle.
Lily followed him at a run.
"I did it because I love you, Lily!" James called over his shoulder. "Can't you see that!"
"NO!" Lily screamed. "The only 'love' you are going to get is some from this PIPE!"
The Slytherins guffawed. Sirius and I traded a shrug and wandered into Herbology, where we were forced to fend off desperate inquiries from Lily's friends and James' admirers (they were often one and the same, interestingly enough).
We did return to the common room a bit early. Sirius charmed Professor Sprout into letting us out before the end of class. "But we simply must go see our dear friend, Professor," Sirius had whined elegantly. And yes, someone actually can whine elegantly. Sirius has it down to an art.
When we reached the common room, it was in a complete state of disarray. The pillows had been cast about the room, most likely being used to fend off the pipe Lily had mysteriously gotten. Several lamps had been shattered. Lily's pipe had been hurled into the fire, where it cracked ominously.
But there was no sign of Lily or James. We knew better than to try and find Lily- Sirius had discovered within the first week of school that a boy could not get into the girls' dorms. So we trotted up the stairs and located James.
He was a sight. Bruises spotted his arms and legs. His lip and been split. But, bizarrely, he was grinning.
"Why so cheery?" I asked. "It looks like she gave you a sound beating."
Before you think us heartless, read this: Sirius, who was skilled at healing cuts and bruises, had already started to tend to James wounds. Sirius was actually quite talented at healing- he always said that he had learned into on his own, in his parents' house, as a way to survive.
"She said I was the most stubborn, ignorant, insane idiot she had ever met!" James beamed.
"Well, that's one step away from a proposal, isn't it?" Sirius said sarcastically. "You're pathetic, James."
James ignored Sirius.
"James, the common room is a wreck… McGonagall is going to be furious," I commented.
James ignored me, too. And then he uttered the sentence that would become his motto for the rest of his life, until he finally convinced Lily to marry him.
"I'll just try again tomorrow!"
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Author's Note: Well, it's a bit longer than last week's. You lot know the drill: review!
