CHAPTER 8
I faintly remembered Jessica describing Jasper as 'the blond one who looks like he is in pain' the first time I saw the Cullens. As much as that statement was true then, I hadn't absorbed many details and focused entirely on a singular brooding teen. I had become quickly enamored by the copper-haired vampire that plagued my mind most of the time. As I got to know him better, my heart just leapt out of my chest and I became a fool in love. Quite literally.
The time spent with the Cullens was relatively calm. Acknowledging the fact that I completely ignored their pasts surprised me in certain ways, I considered them family yet I hadn't inquired about their origins. They were once human and, much like me, became involved in the supernatural world one way or another. I had the privilege of knowing what I was getting into before my humanity was compromised. I was ready to step into immortality without a second thought, I would have gladly pretended my death and left everything I had here to follow them and pursue eternity with him. I was disgusted by my own selfishness, I had turned myself into a monster without realizing.
The brief interaction with Jasper was filled mostly with awkward silence and some simple conversation. Greetings and nods were the most we interacted before one or another demanded attention. A pixie-like vampire always had my hands filled with some new product she wanted to try or simply talking about how was my day. He filled my time mostly, listening to his velvety voice was enough to keep me entertained for hours to no end.
Listening about Jasper's origins was surprisingly emotional. History lessons couldn't even begin to describe the horrors of war. Much of his human life was long forgotten but certain precious memories were conserved after becoming a major in the Confederate Army. The vampire who turned him, Maria, used his gift to control newborn vampires and created an army of sorts to fight over feeding grounds with other covens. For once, the cruel and most brutal side of vampirism made itself known, it was difficult to imagine the sheer intensity of vampires fighting.
"Maria and I always kept a dozen or so newborns ready. They meant little to us — they were pawns, they were disposable. When they outgrew their usefulness, we did dispose of them. My life continued in the same violent pattern and the years passed. I was sick of it all for a very long time before anything changed…"
Overtime, the pain and cruelty of such existence took its toll on him. He was in charge of disposing of the newborns once their first year was over. Vampirism came unexpectedly and I wondered how hard it must have been for him to constantly be surrounded by newborn vampires and having to control them. Countless scars marred his skin, even if I couldn't see them, they were enough to intimidate other vampires.
Talking about how the Volturi had helped to stop the conflicts, Jean-Jacques tensed significantly. I frowned at the way he reacted to the name — Jasper said it with respect, almost gratitude. The idea of the Volturi as the good guys in any sense was hard to accept for Jean. He had lived most of his life trying to avoid them for a reason. I'd have to ask him about it some time.
"I didn't have quite the same upbringing as my adopted siblings." Jasper had said. It was true.
He rolled up the sleeve of the black sweater he was wearing, under the light of the naked bulb of the lamp close to his side I could see the faint trace of raised crescent marks on his pale skin. That shape looked strangely familiar.
"Oh, you have a scar exactly like mine." I held out my had and silently compared both scars. Jean, who was quietly sitting next to me raised his hand and delicately traced the scar. His bubbly personality was nowhere to be seen. He carefully examined the skin of my wrist, a deep frown settled in his face and worry filled his eyes.
"Decades later, I developed a friendship with a newborn who'd remained useful and survived his first three years, against the odds. His name was Peter. I liked Peter; he was . . . civilized — I suppose that's the right word. He didn't enjoy the fight, though he was good at it."
"And then it was time to purge again. The newborns were outgrowing their strength; they were due to be replaced. This time, he tried to convince me that a few had potential, but Maria had instructed that we get rid of them all. I told him no."
"We were about halfway through, and I could feel that it was taking a great toll on Peter. I was trying to decide whether or not I should send him away and finish up myself as I called out the next victim. The newborn I'd summoned was a female, just past her year mark. Her name was Charlotte. His feelings changed when she came into view; they gave him away. He yelled for her to run, and he bolted after her. I could have pursued them, but I didn't."
"Five years later, Peter snuck back for me. Maria was mystified by my ever-deteriorating frame of mind. I was preparing myself to destroy my only ally, the core of my existence, when Peter returned. Peter told me about his new life with Charlotte, told me about options I'd never dreamed I had. In five years, they'd never had a fight, though they'd met many others in the north. Others who could co-exist without the constant mayhem.
"In one conversation, he had me convinced. I was ready to go, and somewhat relieved I wouldn't have to kill Maria. I'd been her companion for as many years as Carlisle and Edward have been together, yet the bond between us was nowhere near as strong. When you live for the fight, for the blood, the relationships you form are tenuous and easily broken. I walked away without a backward glance."
The casual mention of the others made my chest ache painfully. It had been some time since I had thought about the good doctor that had patched me up after the birthday accident. His name was just as difficult to hear, thinking about him made me wonder when I'd stop feeling like this. Jasper must have felt all my emotions because his eyes turned apologetic afterwards.
"I traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years, getting the feel of this new, more peaceful world. But the depression didn't fade. I didn't understand what was wrong with me, until Peter noticed that it was always worse after I'd hunted.
"I could feel everything my prey was feeling. And I lived their emotions as I killed them. You've experienced the way I can manipulate the emotions around myself, Bella, but I wonder if you realize how the feelings in a room affect me. I live every day in a climate of emotion. For the first century of my life, I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance. Hate was my constant companion. It eased some when I left Maria, but I still had to feel the horror and fear of my prey."
The word feed left me with a strange sensation. Jasper wasn't worried about frightening me, not overprotective like him. He went without a pause.
"The depression got worse, and I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte. Civilized as they were, they didn't feel the same aversion I was beginning to feel. Yet I had to keep killing. What choice did I have? I tried to kill less often, but I would get too thirsty and I would give in. After a century of instant gratification, I found self-discipline… challenging. I still haven't perfected that."
Jean chose that exact moment to snort. I elbowed him with more force than it was strictly necessary, Jasper's story had served to shed some light on his mysterious persona and I respected him now more than ever. He was a survivor. He had learned to tame his bloodthirst and hasn't given up on leading a more peaceful life.
After being a nomad for some time, joining the Cullens and finding Alice brought much-desired peace to his mind. By becoming a vegetarian, his mind was freed from the horror he faced daily. Guilt still plagued his mind but it was easier to handle now that he didn't depend on humans to feed.
Being the newest vegetarian, he struggled to maintain his control every day. Handling the emotions of human teens was more difficult than it seemed. The constant bloodthirst he felt was a reminder of the decades he had spent being a soulless monster. The burn he felt was painful to say the least, he was the one who had slipped the most and in consequence had to hunt more often than the rest of the Cullens. He considered himself as the weakest link of the family.
"Jasper… I don't blame you for what happened whatsoever. I hold no grudges against you or your family…"
"You shouldn't forgive that easily Bella, I could have very easily killed you that night." His smirk was dark. "I will hunt more often now that I am here, that's for sure."
"Yes, you will." JJ retorted with a glare, his tall frame towering over me now that he was standing up. "I will take care of her since I see her at school everyday. No need for you to get involved."
"We knew her before you Jean."
"And yet I found her alone." That struck a nerve. Ouch.
Romance wasn't a thing I'd been looking for when I first came to Forks. I hadn't been a hopeless teen looking for her high school sweetheart to arrive. Even with him, I never did expect anything more than what had naturally happened. We just felt right for each other at the moment. As days became weeks and months rolled by, I realized my conscious efforts to stay away from people were getting dangerous. Jean was fresh air after a long imprisonment and Jasper's presence threatened to unbalance the slight progress I'd made over this few weeks.
"The situation called for that type of measures, I'd be happy to enlighten you…" Jasper's phone rang in that exact moment. A quick movement and he pressed the device to his ear and talked fast and too low for me to hear.
He excused himself quickly and left us with the promise of being here next Tuesday. He had a few businesses to attend and he would see if Alice had news on her visions. They had to be careful as not to leave a trail and he would go further into the forest looking for any indication of vampires in the vicinity.
Jean relaxed significantly when Jasper left and fixed himself some coffee while asking me if I liked the show we had been watching before Jasper came. It was a nice way to distract ourselves from the tense conversation we had. Lunchtime came and JJ said he had to work on some assignment and do some chores. He left his phone number written on a post it note and pasted it on the freezer. He made sure I'd call him if anything weird happened or if I needed some company. I assured him everything would be alright.
"If you ever become endangered by the information you hold, I promise to keep you safe with the best of my ability. I can teach you some ninja-superhero moves so you can kick some vampire ass. Remember, we, the awesome, never back away."
"I don't want to cause any more trouble"
"And you aren't, I am doing this because I want to."
Hello there! Thank you so much for the constant support! A special thanks to .7334, you rock!
I will try a new updating schedule to see if the review rating gets better… I am still nervous about this and I'd really like to have a beta. If any of you would like to help me with this or recommend someone I would be so thankful! Quotes were taken directly from Eclipse, Meyer did all the awesome work!
Anyways, stay tuned for more JJ-awesomeness!
Lots of love,
-Tiff.
