Seriously...school and work are killing me :( Hope you like this!
Chapter 8- Nightmares and fights
Sirius POV
Everything was dark and quiet, but I couldn't sleep. I had this crazy feeling that someone was watching my every move from somewhere in the room, which felt odd, heavy and unknown. I had no idea why I was feeling like this.
I rolled over and I felt something on my bed. Or was it someone? Merlin! There was someone in my bed!
Scared, I moved as far away as I could from the unknown person, who had been sleeping in my bed without me noticing, and raised my hand to turn on my desk lap. But…there was no lamp, and no desk!
"What the hell is going on?" I gasped
"Prongs…. is that you? This is not funny"
There was no answer
I got out of bed, and my bare feet did not recognize the cold ground beneath them. My heart started to rise, my forehead was sweaty and my stomach was twisting like mad.
"Prongs? Moony? Wormtail? Something is wrong in here" I said weakly
"But…this is not my room"
And then it hit me. I was in my room. But not in my Hogwarts room. How could this be possible? How did I get here? I looked for my wand, but I was in my pajama, which means: no belt, no wand. Where was it?
I walked through the darkness and reached the desk sited next to the window to turn on the big lamp that I knew would be there. I turn it on, and the sudden light hurt my eyes.
I rubbed them and stared horror struck at the motionless figure resting in my bed.
"What the hell!"
It could not be her, it could not…but it was her.
The girl was lying on the bed in an unnatural position, with her head to one side and her long black hair scattered on the pillow. Her delicate nightgown was covered in blood. One of her bloodstained hands was lying next to her pale face and the other one hanging from the edge of the bed. Her blank eyes were wide open and her lips were a strange mixture of blue and purple. She was dead.
I fell to my knees, closing my eyes. I didn't want to see.
"No, please no…. not her"
She was dead in my bed. And she was covered in blood.
"What it's going on?"
I rubbed my face and then pulled on my hair in frustration.
"It's a nightmare, just a nightmare, she's not dead"
Someone had killed her and left her in my bed. That is why I had felt watched and couldn't sleep… she was watching me with her wide blank, dead eyes.
"She's not dead, no one has killed her…I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming, dreaming, dreaming!"
Slowly and panting, I opened my eyes, and stood up to reach for the bed. I climbed to it, and touched her face with shaky hands. She was cold and hollow.
"God no…" I pleaded shakily "No please, please… no, not you, please"
I felt hot tears in my eyes.
"Why? why? why? I don't understand! Was it my fault?"
I caressed her cold cheek. Yes, it was my fault. It had happened again… it was my fault.
I lay by her side, my heart threatening to break at any time.
"Please forgive me" I begged in her neck "it's my fault"
Mi shaky hand closed her eyes and then I placed a soft kiss in her cold forehead.
Suddenly, a horrible cold laughter was heard from somewhere in the dark room.
My blood froze
Startled, I lifted my head and my eyes searched for the woman who has laughed, and found it next to my wardrobe. But she was not alone, she was with some else, someone who I could not distinguish.
"Yes my boy, it's your fault" my mother said with her cruel voice, laughing again at the fear in my eyes "I had to punish you again, for disobeying me. We agreed that you were to marry Zhilaa, not this awful girl you were so in love with" she said pointing at Nathalie's body "You are not to feel love for anybody my dear, love is for weak people...you are not weak, 'cause you are a Black"
"Mother you're insane!" I spat beyond anger and fear
Walburga Black was cruel, merciless and evil. I had always known that. I had lived with her my whole, miserable childhood, and if it hadn't been for Hogwarts, I would have been tortured beyond belief, I was completely sure of that. She was mad.
"No I'm not you foolish boy, I'm just making sure you don't make any silly mistakes! You were warned Sirius, you as well as killed her!"
"NO I DIDN'T!" I screamed feeling sick
"Yes you did!" yelled another voice
The girl next to my mother became visible, tacking a few steps toward me. Zhilaa was looking at me through cold, shadowed eyes. Her face contorted with anger.
"You're marrying me Sirius Black! Did you hear me? Me, Zhilaa McCrae! Not Nathalie Warwick!" she shrieked with fury, her long blond hair falling from her tight bun
I was feeling really sick. These women were completely mental. I wanted out.
"No, I won't. I want nothing to do with you" I said weakly
"We'll be together even if you like it or not" she said with an horrible smile "and…we'll keep her" she stared at Nathalie's cold body "as a pet. It will be fun to watch you grieve over her" she finished laughing with the same cold laughter that my mother had, and then they both were laughing at me, and I wanted to throw up.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STOP IT! AHHHHHHHH!"
They were laughing harder, they'll never stop.
"STOP IT! NOOOOO! PLEASE!"
"Pads wake up!" Someone was slapping me hard on the face "It's alright Padfoot, WAKE UP!"
Their laughter was pounding in my ears. I covered my ears with both hands trying to block their mockery.
"Pads! It's just a bad dream, WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"
Someone was trying to take my hands off my ears. I could hear James's voice from somewhere, he was calling me, and suddenly I couldn't hear my mother nor Zhilaa's laughter.
My eyes snapped open, and I saw my three best friends sitting in my bed and looking at me with worried expressions.
I sat up, taking my hair away from my sweaty face, my teary eyes avoiding theirs, embarrassed at their staring.
But in a minute James came over me, and embraced me.
"Blimey Pads" he gasped in my hair "You scared me to death"
I didn't know what to say, I couldn't move. My body felt numb and heavy. My heart was beating so hard against my ribcage that it hurt. So I just stood there, panting in my best friend's shoulder.
"Are you ok?" he asked me quietly
"I..."
Where was my voice?
"Calm down" he murmured rubbing my back "It's alright"
It had been a nightmare. But the worst of all I have ever had. It had felt so real. The fear, the shame, the guilt, the hatred...they were so fresh inside me.
We stood there like nearly five minutes, and when I relaxed, I felt my heartbeat slowing down and my breathing coming back to normal.
James broke the embrace, but he put his hands on my shoulders, staring at my unfocused eyes.
"If you don't want to talk about it, its ok pads, but...It will be better if you let it all out" he said earnestly
Moony changed his position, standing next to me and putting a comforting arm around my shoulders "Tell us... it will make you feel better" he assured me with one of his sad smiles
Peter nodded, sitting closer to me too, and rested one of his plump hands on my left knee. As if saying that everything would be fine.
I looked at them and swallowed, feeling vulnerable and scared.
"It..it will be better if you don't know...it was so..." my voice broke
"We'll stand it Sirius" James said "go ahead mate, tell us"
I hesitated, but in the end nodded
"It was... it was dreadful" I started shakily
"Remember... what I told you in first year? About...about the muggle girl in those...those holidays?
They nodded silently
"I dreamt about it"
They said nothing, so I continued.
"I dreamt that...my mother did the same...the same thing...to..." I covered my face with my trembling hands, trying to push away the image of Nathalie's cold corpse
"To Nathalie?" James offered silently
I nodded, my hands still covering my face.
Moony's hand squeezed my arm.
"But it was a nightmare Pads" he comforted me smiling "just a nightmare, Nathalie's fine. Probably snoring in her room"
"Yeah" James agreed "You'll see her in the morning, there is no way your mother can get her hands on her"
"I know" I said brushing away the tears from my eyes and staring at them guiltily and embarrassed "Sorry for waking you up guys...I feel stupid for crying, you'll think I'm a weak poof"
"Not at all mate" James said with a big grin "That's Walburga's Bullshit! Don't feel stupid for crying, it's completely normal, has nothing to do with weakness! And what you saw on that dream must have been dreadful, so don't be ashamed! I've cried many times before"
"Yeah, don't worry padfoot, I cry all the time!" Peter told me smiling
"Thank you Pete" I said with a shaky smile
"But you cry all the time 'cause you are a poof" James said grinning
Peter slapped him on the back and we laughed together
"Guys... thank you" I told them sincerely "I feel loads better"
"Told ya, now back to bed marauders! And no more screaming Pads, I think you woke up the whole tower!" he joked as he gave my shoulder a squeeze "If you need something else just wake me up" he said winking, as he climbed off my bed and headed to his own.
Merlin! Had everyone heard me?
"I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no" Remus said smiling "Prongs was just joking"
Relief ran through my tense body.
"Night Padfoot" Peter said climbing off the bed at the same time that Remus
"Night guys"
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
The nightmare had passed but the images were still fresh in my mind. Therefore I couldn't sleep. I put my hands under my head and looked at the ceiling.
I wanted to see her. I wanted to make sure she was fine.
"Of course she's fine you moron, it was just a stupid nightmare, get over it and get some sleep" a voice was saying in the back of my head
I was feeling dirty in my sweaty nightshirt, I hated that feeling. So I sat up, took it off and throw it at the floor with a lazy movement.
I ran a hand through my hair and found that my forehead was sticky.
Eww
I climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom.
Once there I poured cold water over my face, washing away the sweat and tiredness. I stared at the large mirror.
My reflection was awful, my eyes were red and shadowed, my skin looked ghost-like and my mouth was dry.
I turned off the light and walked to my bed feeling tired but not sleepy. The moon was glowing bright, and its light gave the room a pearly appearance.
I sat on the edge of the bed and reached for the glass of water I had left in my bedside table. I drank fully, feeling better with every gulp.
I left the empty glass were it had been before, and looked around the dim room. Everything was quiet except for Wormtail's snoring.
James slowly breathing told me that he was fast asleep. But...
"Are you alright?"
I looked startled at Remus's bed
"Geez Moony!" I whispered "You give me quite a fright"
He sat in the edge of his bed too, looking at me with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry" he apologized "I can't sleep"
"I'm sorry Moony…"
"No, no, it's not because of you, I wasn't sleeping at that moment. I heard you first because of my insomnia"
"Oh… and why is it?" I asked concerned
"I…mmm I don't know" he answered nonchalantly
"I can't sleep either…I can't stop thinking about that fucking nightmare"
"You give us a fright, we thought someone was killing you" he said smiling
"My subconscious was"
He chuckled
"Yeah…"
We stood silent for a while, and then realized that Wormtail's snoring was becoming a bit too loud, so I threw him a pillow.
He made a silent hissing sound, rolled over and kept snoring normally"
"He sounds like a pig being slaughtered" I joked
"I know, awful..."
"Yeah..."
"Padfoot...can I ask you a question?" Moony asked awkwardly a few seconds later
I nodded, frowning at his strange expression. He looked like if he wanted to cry or something.
"What's up Moony?"
"Well its something really stupid you know... but..."
"Spit it out"
"If you...if you had my condition...I mean, if you were a werewolf... would you give yourself a chance to have a...you know, a girlfriend?"
I sneered
"This is all about Nymph isn't it?"
"Answer the questions please"
"The answer is yes"
"But..."
"Wait" I interrupted him "if I were you, of course I'll give myself the chance, I could be a lunatic and sadistic wolf once a month, but the other days I'll be a completely normal human being. Every boy deserves to have a girlfriend, it's a normal life process, so stop acting the sacrificed bloke that cares about people's safety and tell her that you like her as much as she likes you"
"But pads, you don't understand, it's dangerous! For both of us! What if I hurt her? Or what if she runs away when I tell her?"
His tortured expression told me that he had been thinking about this for a while, but he had to see what I saw. My cousin will not run away, I knew her, and I knew that she had her own suspicions.
"Remus, you can't hurt her, you always go to the shack, and we're always there to control you, and most important, if she running away is what's troubling you, stop worrying 'cause she's going nowhere, Nymph cares about you more than you can imagine, she's going to understand"
Remus didn't look cheerful, and he didn't say anything, instead he looked through the window with his brow furrowed.
"Tell her" I encouraged him "You'll be surprised"
"One day I will, but for the moment...I'll leave things like this, I'll keep my distance, maybe she'll open her eyes and forget about me"
I chuckled
"Luck with that"
He smiled
"At least you're normal; you can have a chance with Nathalie"
"Of course, and she'll be mine, you just wait" I winked in his direction "she just has to realize that I'm the one for her. And you have to come back to your senses and give yourself a chance"
"thanks Padfoot"
"You're welcome mate"
"Where are you going?" he asked surprised as I reached for the door
"I can't sleep, I'll go to the kitchens for some fresh tea, is too hot in here, want to come?"
"No thanks, I need time to think"
"ok"
"but pads…"
"what?"
"Put a shirt on"
"Nobody is going to see me" I winked "I'm a marauder, see?"
He smiled
"ok, ok"
"I'll be right back"
I exited the room wishing I could jump into the black lake.
Reviews are very welcome!
