Chapter Eight: Change

The rest of the day passed by in a blur. Partly because I just couldn't believe what was happening and how drastic the change was compared to my life only two days ago. It certainly didn't feel like two days.

I suppose in some ways it felt like it had been seconds. I can't imagine any one being able to adapt so quickly to a sudden change of location, especially with such little notice, but that was what I was planning to do. When you find out that you have super powers you have to change quickly.

It was pretty hard to take in, and I couldn't imagine how Evan had felt when he moved to the Institute. To be moved from your family, at what was essentially still quite a young age, must have been tough for him. At least he had his 'Auntie O.' I wasn't exactly the right person to lecture about leaving home when you're young. I was only seventeen. I thought I still had two years before I had to leave the safety and comfort of my parents' house behind.

After the evening meal - which had worked out pretty perfectly, actually, Jean had sat by me in a sort of protective way and I could really see why Kitty said it was a family – I had been guided back up to my new room. Luckily for me, the Professor didn't expect me to have memorized the layout of the house yet.

It's odd to admit, but I had felt quite lonely. Being an only child I'd had a room to myself my whole life, but being at the Institute was different, because there were other teens there. I would have happily shared with any of the girls, maybe not Rogue and I felt almost sorry for Kitty who was her room mate, it would have been nice to just talk to someone about it. I don't think I'd quite come to terms with it all, and sitting alone in an unfamiliar room made me realize just how much I would have to change.

I thought about calling Toby, but it was late and I'd already called him. As much as I could have done with his reassurance I didn't want to sound needy on my first day otherwise I'd never hear the end of it.

As Rogue had said, the bathroom was communal so I organized my toiletries on the shelf that had been labeled 'Lula.' They'd obviously prepared for my arrival.

I didn't want to sit in my room alone so I escaped to the bathroom. I left the door open so I could hear if any one was coming. Strange as it sounds, I felt normal sat on the tiled floor of the bathroom. It felt like a locker room; everyone had their own space, but there was a strange buzz that only came when you were working as part of a team. I ran the water just so that I could hear the echoes as each droplet filled the sink.

I missed the water. I'd never been out of it for this long. Training everyday had become the usual, but now I couldn't even touch the stuff. I tried to put my hands in the water like I had at home, but they just hovered above the surface, the barrier pushing down on the water causing some of it to spill.

I clenched my knuckles and pushed down as hard as I could. Nothing happened. I wanted to scoop the water into my palms and throw it into my face. I wanted to feel my hair wet, the ends dripping water onto the floor. I wanted to feel wet clothes suctioned to my skin. I wanted to hear the squelching sound of flip-flops on the poolside.

I wanted it so badly, but I'd never get it again.

I couldn't control my longing and a few angry tears slipped down my cheeks, not even leaving trails. I couldn't even cry properly anymore. My eyes didn't get red and puffy and my skin didn't go blotchy. In any other circumstances I would have been relieved, but I was horrified.

Why me? I sobbed, watching my tears as they slipped down the invisible barrier and pooled on the outskirts of my hydrophobic shield.

A door slammed somewhere down the hall and the sound of slippers padding across carpet got louder and louder. I thought by leaving the door open I would be able to save myself from awkward encounters, but I'd left little time to collect my thoughts and escape back to the room that didn't feel like my room.

"Oh, it's you." Rogue leant in the doorway. "I just wanted a glass of water." She didn't need to explain herself. If she gave me her reason she was probably expecting mine.

"Couldn't sleep." It wasn't exactly a lie.

"Sure," she wiped away my response with a flip of her hand. "It's always hard the first night." She grabbed the glass that was on her shelf and moved to the sink. She scoffed. "Experimentin'?" Her light southern drawl had previously slipped under my radar.

"Hoping is more like it."

"So you can't touch it at all?"

I leant forward in attempt to get up and the water that was restricted by my shield moved back as if being pushed.

"Right." Rogue jumped up onto the counter and swung her legs back and forth.

"I managed to break the surface yesterday, but I can't seem to do it now." I tried to make sure my voice didn't crack. I didn't want to seem weak in front of the other mutants. Trying and failing to touch the water had lit a match in my mind and the fiery anger had started to spread through my body. I could feel it like a pulse in the air, it fueled the barrier, but I couldn't calm down. I couldn't drown it out.

Rogue saw the change just as she had earlier. "It's okay," her voice lost a bit of its harshness. Just a bit. "I know what you're going through."

"Really?" Anger colored my tone, and I tried to keep it under control. I really had changed, anger had never been apart of who I was, just the determination to win. When my powers emerged it was like my personality had mutated too.

"Why do you think I have to wear these gloves all the time?" Even though she was in her green and orange pajamas she still wore her gloves. "I can't touch anyone or they black out and I absorb their memories. And if they're a mutant: their power."

"Intense." My anger started to ebb away and I could feel myself smiling. A silence settled around us, not exactly comfortable, but I didn't feel as threatened as the others suggested I should when talking to Rogue.

"Look, this isn't really my style," Rogue began. "But if there's one thing that I've learned from being here, it's that these guys are here to help. And as hard as it is to believe at first, they do actually care about you."

I nodded, looked up and saw something like regret pass over Rogue's features.

"The quicker you learn it the better." Her voice was barely a whisper and I had to strain my ears just to hear. She pulled the plug in the sink and the water drained quickly, then she filled her glass and moved to leave. "Go back to bed, Tallulah."

"I-I…can't," I stammered.

"Why not?"

"I feel too trapped." Painful as it was to admit it in front of this girl, we really were alike in a lot of ways.

Rogue let out a short laugh, and spent a minute in silence, thinking of how to say what she did next, "The others will probably freak out about this, but…" she shook her head in disbelief. "I'll see if I can get the Professor to organize a room change. Kitty can room with Amara."

"You mean-"

"Hey. Don't think I'll make exceptions for you all the time. Just this once, all right? And you better tell everyone it's 'cause you begged me."

I smiled. "Thanks, Rogue."

"Don't mention it. Seriously. Don't." She gave me a little wave before walking back to her room. Once I'd mopped up the floor – by that I mean once I'd chucked a ton of towels on the floor – I went back to my room.

I didn't feel as lonely as I did before. If Rogue could change for the better, if only for a second, then I knew I could to.