I laid in my haystack of a bed for about thirty minutes before deciding that I was not going to be sleeping that night, and should probably find something useful to do in the meantime.

I rolled out of my bed and turned on the light, slipping on some warmer pants over my shorts. Steadily, I made my way to my desk and found the papers that I had left this morning still there, untouched. Organization wasn't always my thing, but I was going to come up with a unique system that was difficult to copy so I could figure out if anyone had been through my papers. As I was going through the stack of papers still unpacked, a picture fluttered to the floor. It was a picture of my father; he had looked up after I called for him, and I had snapped the picture with my mother's camera, something that would later get me into a heap of trouble. His hands were poised over his work, which was comprised of various petri dishes with various pills and ingredients. He must have been working on the APTX 4869, as he had scolded me after he smiled at my hopeful face, a late reaction due to the fact that he was not a harsh man.

I ran my fingers over his face, thinking of how much better life was then, and then how it wasn't. My mother had still been cruel, and I'm sure my father was under a great deal of stress. I absently wished that I could go back to that time anyway though, because as a child, life was so much simpler and understandable. Until the day of his death, there weren't any outstanding questions that I absolutely needed the answers to. I was a curious child, don't get me wrong, but at that time, children don't need to know the answers to be happy.

This made me think of Conan. How did he feel, trapped in that kid's body? Maybe he didn't feel trapped. He was living with the girl he liked, seemed to have a pretty satisfying life as a child yet again. Maybe I didn't know, but at that moment I envied him.

I continued to organize until I was sure everything was in its place. From a distance, my desk appeared very unorganized, as I had left some papers out on my desk, but I did that on purpose. Even though the Black Organization has a history of being thorough, I somehow thought that if they were to find where I lived, they wouldn't be able to place these papers exactly back where they had found them. I had the angles and measurements memorized. Preparation was my thing. If I honestly thought about it, no amount of preparation could keep me or Ichiro safe from those heartless killers. Somehow though, I felt a strange comfort in the fact that I had mastered judo, tae-kwon-do, chemistry, and the necessary math that went along with everything else.

I noticed there was one small binder left to unpack next to my desk and debated whether I should try to sleep or continue organizing. Continue organizing, I decided. I sauntered back over to the binder with a sigh and opened it up.

I had forgotten that I had packed my sheet music with me. Piano, violin, ukulele. Some of the music had been my father's, the majority of which was piano. I learned piano from him, learned violin through school, and taught myself the ukulele after my father said that he loved the sound of the strings pulling together. Even then, I wanted to please him. My strengths however, were piano and singing. I had written a few songs lyrically with the piano, but no one besides Ichiro had ever heard them, and even he by accident. I smiled as I remembered Ichiro peaking around the corner at me as I sang one of the songs I had written about my father's death. I guess that was my form of grief.

My heart began to hurt suddenly, and I gripped my chest as if I could rip the pain away, but with no luck. I fell to my knees, holding my breath, my teeth clenched, just waiting for the pain to cease. After about 4 minutes, my breathing slowed and my heart rate returned to normal, or as normal as it had ever been. Feeling weak and tired, I crawled to my bed and fell onto the covers, not even bothering to cover myself with them. It was about 4 in the morning.

I had no idea when Hattori would be coming, so when he came knocking on my door at about noon, I realized I hadn't prepared how much I would tell him yet.

"Oi, Kokone-san. Open the door!" Hattori called, pounding on the door. I wrenched my head up from my pseudo-pillow before scrambling out of my bed.

"Shit," I hissed to myself, trying to find my pants yet again along with my jacket. As I struggled to pull them on, I tripped and fell on my backside, my pants hanging around my ankles. I grumbled until I fastened the button on the pants and continued to search for a sweater that covered the scar on my chest that I earned from both surgery and being attacked by the Black Organization. It started near the base of my neck on the left side, and jaggedly ran down my chest towards the center until it stopped abruptly between my breasts. The t-shirt I was wearing revealed the beginnings of it, so I found my black turtleneck and pulled it over my head before pulling my hair back up into its high ponytail. Finally, I responded to Hattori's pounding.

"Okay, okay. I get it, I'm here. Give me a second," I scolded him, rubbing a hand over my face in an attempt to wake up.

"Jeez, did you even sleep last night? What have you been doing?" He said in his nosy way.

"No, I didn't," No use lying, I thought as his eyes widened at my truthful response, "So where is everyone? Why are you here by yourself?"

"I'm not. Conan-kun's here too," Hattori said, looking down at the boy I just took notice of.

"Oh. Hey…Conan," I said suspiciously, remembering my discovery. It was a bit quiet for a minute before I thought of inviting them inside, "Oh right. You guys want to come in?"

"Sure." Hattori responded. Conan just nodded slightly and followed Heiji inside.

Somehow, I felt responsible for what had happened to him. Though I envied his position, he was probably being hunted by the Black Organization as well, and it couldn't have been easy to be living with the ones he loved while this was going on. I remembered how my father had protected me until his last breath, how he had gotten involved in this mess because of me. Since he had refused to create the drug, they must have hired someone else to finish what he started. If my father hadn't needed to protect me, who knows, that drug may not even exist.

He could be dead, I thought, and then immediately wanted to take it back. I hated the idea of causing someone's death.

"What are you thinking about?" Hattori asked me suspiciously; he had noticed my face.

"What? Oh, nothing. Let's just get this over with," It was a bit chilly inside because of the crappy heater, but it would have to do.

"Uh..I don't really have anywhere for you guys to sit or anything.." I said helplessly. I hadn't even thought of that.

"It's fine," Heiji said before sitting himself on my God awful bed. Conan followed his example. I sat myself down into the chair that belonged to my desk.

"Okay…" I started slowly, "What do you need to know?"

"What are you doing here?" Hattori asked before Conan could ask his inevitable question.

"I'm…don't judge me okay?" I looked up at him, pleading, but he just continued to look at me, his brows pulled together, "I felt like I was being watched. And if I was being watched, whoever was watching me would see the people that I'm associated with." I hinted, not wanting to admit that I had basically done this for Ichiro.

"Ah. Your mother and Ogawa-san, right?" I surprised myself by laughing one sharp laugh: HA!

"Please. My mother probably wants to be killed by my fault. Then she could really blame me even in her afterlife." I said critically, thinking of how she had always openly blamed me for Apa's death.

"So Ogawa-san then?" Hattori fished. I looked up at him for a moment before I nodded.

"How do you know about the Black Organization?" Conan said suddenly.

"How..I never mentioned the Black Organization," I stated, a bit afraid to know how he had figured it out. I knew this detective was sharp, which made me all the more cautious. How much had he figured out already?

"How else would you know about my identity?" He responded readily. Damn, I thought.

I got up and went to my desk to find the picture. I handed the picture to Hattori, who showed it to Conan. "That's him – my dad. He was developing the APTX 4869 when I took that picture." I sighed before continuing, "He was being threatened by the Black Organization to create a drug that would kill people quickly and quietly. They were using him." I looked down at my hands as I sat up in my chair.

"Why'd he do it?" It was as if he had a list of questions. I looked up at him.

"Because…he loved me. I guess." Conan looked like he was attempting to understand. Or maybe he was just trying to think ahead. Before they could ask me to explain further though, I countered Kudo with my own question.

"What about you, Kudo? How did you end up in this situation?" I looked at him sadly, feeling more at fault than before.

"Those men in black drugged me while I was at Tropical Land with Ran." He explained shortly and casually. "I had spotted them there and found them suspicious, so I followed them."

"It's a good thing my dad wasn't the one to complete the drug then," I said, mainly to myself.

"What do you mean by that?" He seemed to be a bit surprised by my statement. I got up to attempt to relieve some stress, i.e. make some tea before I responded.

"Well. Whoever finished my dad's job didn't accomplish the goal. Am I right? My dad would have been able to figure out the right formula if he hadn't quit." I moved the pot with water in it to the only stove burner that worked while stashing a used pan in the sink.

"I believe that the woman who helped create the drug would have been able to do it. I also believe that she didn't subconsciously," He said matter-of-factly.

"So you know her," I stated, searching the cupboard for that loan box of tea bags I had bought, "It was that girl right? Did she try to kill herself?"

"…Yes. She was being held by the men in black. After she found out about her sister's death, she wanted to escape,"

"What did you say to her yesterday? About me?" I asked.

"Ahh, well.." He said, sounding sheepish, "I was telling her to go home because I suspected you as being a part of the Organization.." He sounded regretful.

"Ah. So she unknowingly brought herself into this mess of suspicion," I said thoughtfully, then sighed, "How old is she?"

"I have a feeling she's around my age, but she won't tell me," I looked over to see Conan shaking his head. I had forgotten Hattori was sitting here listening the whole time.

"Oi, Hattori, cat got your tongue?" I slightly smiled over my shoulder.

"A-Ah, no. Just didn't want to interrupt. But.." he started before trailing off.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"..What do I tell Ichiro?" I had been expecting this, but it still surprised me that he had asked.

"I..I don't know. But I need you to make sure he doesn't get into trouble. Will you do that?" I asked unwillingly. I hated to ask for help.

"Yeah, of course. But how am I supposed to explain that his girlfriend is just..gone?" I winced at his words, a toil of anger beginning to boil in my stomach.

"I am NOT. His girlfriend. But I am his best friend. I don't know if it's smart to risk telling him that I'm okay."

"So what, am I supposed to tell him that you died or something? That you're in trouble and I can't do anything about it?"

"Are you REALLY going to make this about your ego right now?" I rolled my eyes, tapping my fingers on the counter. Why wouldn't the water boil already?

"I'm not making it about my ego, I'm wondering what I should tell to the only person that is honestly worried about you." I sighed. This was true. What could he say?

"Kudo." I stated.

"Yeah?" He responded.

"What should I do?" I said without any feeling at all.

"I don't really know who this Ichiro guy is-"

"You've been in this position for a while, right? Do you think it would be dangerous to tell him where I am? To communicate by phone?" He deliberated for a moment.

"…You probably shouldn't tell him your exact location. But I talk to Ran sometimes..you should at least call him," he said helpfully. I was still uneasy. Ichiro knew me too well; he would be able to tell within a second of hearing my voice whether something was wrong or not. I hadn't realized that the water was boiling in front of me until Heiji came from behind to take it off the stove. I handed him the tea bags and pointed to the plastic cups stacked to the side of the stove that I had bought cheap from a convenience store, still looking down at my hands hopelessly.

"I, for one, think you are worrying too much," Hattori tried to say hopefully. I scoffed at him.

"Heiji, I've been in this situation for basically my whole entire life in Japan. This isn't something I can just hide from," I said, before I could stop myself.

"So why did you?" He retorted.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm not hiding, I'm-"

"You ran away, Kone-san," He surprised me by bringing out my nickname.

"So? I needed a change of scenery anyway."

"Excuses, excuses.." He said. Either he was trying to push my buttons, or he was just stupid.

"Hattori…" Kudo cautioned. But it was too late. With my voice raised, I gripped Heiji's collar with my fist and shoved him up against the wall. His expression was somewhat uncomfortable.

"I didn't run away for my sake. I was attacked and I was ALMOST killed, but that does NOT matter because I know what it is like, and I have grown up and prepared since then, so don't accuse me of being a coward when all I want is for the only person I have to be safe, because he doesn't-" I cut myself off before it got too bad and turned myself around to face the kitchenette again, my hands holding me up against the counter. It was silent.

"He doesn't know what it's like to be near death. And I don't want him to go through that. Does that make sense?" I said cynically.

"…I guess we should be going. Come on, Kudo." Hattori said quietly. I heard Conan get up, the small weight of his footsteps across the floor. They got closer, so I turned around.

"You should call him, Kokone-neechan," He said in his fake, boyish voice before smiling up at me. As he turned, I called after him.

"Kudo." He looked over his shoulder as I continued: "I'll find an antidote." I said so simply and randomly that it didn't appear to belong in the conversation at all. His eyes widened and his eyebrows drew together in confusion. "I promise." I finished.

"Don't worry about Ogawa-san. Kazuha and I will take him along with us all the time until you come back," Heiji said, trying to make up for pushing me earlier.

"Thank you. I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine. For the record, I hope you don't have to go through that either," He added, before adding a goodbye as he shut the door.

"Too late," I whispered to myself, thinking back to that night so long ago…