A year and a half ago…
She sobs into Maya's lap, finding some comfort in the way her best friend strokes her arms. Riley has just walked away from her wedding altar ten minutes ago, and she has been crying non-stop since then.
Her parents and brother had volunteered to stay and talk to the guests about the unexpected turn of events. Maya had dragged her away from the altar
She knows that she has done the right thing. The hesitation on Jordan's face before he said 'I do' and the relief on his face when she refused to marry him keep replaying in her mind. She is certain that that is no way to start their married life – hesitant and regretful.
At the same time, she feels a hole in her chest. She has given so much of herself to the man she has walked away from, and it will take a while before she can pick herself up again.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" her mother's voice booms through the room and Riley sits up. She hiccups through her tears as her mother paces in front of them.
"He doesn't love me, Mom," Riley says, her voice cracking.
"And what did you do to fight for him, Riley?" her mother puts her hands on her waist, looking down at her daughter. "You're supposed to always love him. This could just be a snag on the road to your happiness. Instead, you throw in the towel and have the audacity to feel sorry for yourself."
Her eyes widen in disbelief at her mother's words and hurt courses through her. Riley can feel the tears dry up in her eyes. She can feel the heat in her face as she stands up, shoulders squared as she looks her mother in the eyes.
"I am not going to fight a losing battle," Riley hisses. She feels Maya put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down but Riley just shrugs her best friend off.
"How do you know – "
"Because he hesitated before he said 'I do', Mom!" she raises her voice, clenching her jaw when her mother sighs patronizingly.
"But he still said 'I do', Riley!" her mother argues. "You still had a chance to make things right. He could have realized that you are the girl he needs. He's just conflicted now."
"Just because Dad fought for you –"
"Because your father fought for me, we have our happily ever after," her mother cuts her off and Riley seethes.
"We are not you and Dad, Mom! Our story is not the same as your story!" Riley is yelling now, and still, her mother does not back down. "I don't want to have to fight another woman for my husband. If I'm not enough for him – and I really am not enough for Jordan – then we wouldn't have lasted anyway."
"Well, you cannot possibly know now since you let your insecurities get in the way of your future," Topanga says and Riley blanches at her mother's words.
"How can you say that to me?" the would-have-been bride asks softly, tears in her eyes as she regards her mother.
"Because you're supposed to fight for the one you love, Riley," her mother sighs disappointedly. "And you pay more heed to your insecurities than you do to love. I've always supported you but today, I cannot support your decision."
"You think this is about how I feel about myself," Riley shakes her head. "But you're wrong, Mom. This is about how I feel for the man I was supposed to marry. He doesn't love me, Mom. He loves Clara."
Topanga opens her mouth to intervene again but Riley holds up her hand. She feels sick for speaking to her mother in such a way but she also knows that she has to make her mother see why the words she has just said is so hurtful.
"I am not going to fight for my husband's love after we've been married, Mom," she tells her mother firmly. "I love and respect myself too much to trail after someone who will never look at me the way Dad looks at you."
Realization dawns onto her mother's face before apology does. Topanga moves forward to say something but Riley holds up her hand to stop her. The damage has been done.
She feels numb inside.
"It hurts that you cannot respect my decision but I know that I've made the right one," Riley stands firm. "I don't want to see you right now."
"Riley, I'm –"
"If you don't leave, I will," Riley purses her lips as she looks at her mother blankly.
Sorrow is etched on Topanga's face as she tries again but Riley turns away. She hears her best friend say a few comforting words to Topanga as Maya guides her mother out of the room. When she is sure that her mother and best friend have left and that she is alone, she lets the tears fall again.
She just wants the pain to stop.
Riley hums as she puts the tray that her brother is supposed to be serving to the table outside on the counter. Auggie gives her a weird look as she flounces behind the counter while making the next order.
"Someone's happy," her brother comments and Riley nods.
"Someone," she points to herself as she beams. "Is very happy."
"Well, that someone should share with her brother why she's so happy because her brother is really happy for her," the eighteen-year-old raises his eyes at her. Riley laughs before she points to the tray that she has just handed him.
"And that someone really will once her brother serves the table outside their mother's bakery," Riley promises. Auggie grins as he gives her a mock salute, making her giggle. "Go, silly."
She watches as her brother walks out, the smile on her face slipping slightly when an older woman walks in. The woman, dressed in a pantsuit with her hair cascading over her shoulders, exudes the aura of confidence that Riley has wished for since she was a little girl.
Topanga Matthews walks over to the counter, and Riley gives her mother a small smile.
"Hey, honey," her mother greets her as she presses a kiss to the side of Riley's head. Like she has for the past year and a half, Riley stiffens in her mother's arms slightly.
If Topanga is hurt by her daughter's response to her, she does not show it. Instead, she just lets go of Riley and makes herself busy with the other orders.
They work in silence until Auggie returns and he kisses his mother on the cheek. Riley feels her heart lurch at the happy smile on her mother's face at her brother's actions. Not for the first time, she wishes for the same easiness when it comes to being with Topanga.
"What happened to your song?" Auggie pouts and Riley shrugs.
"Song?" their mother questions.
Auggie grins cheekily at his sister before facing his mother, "Riley was about to tell me why she's so happy. But after talking to her students outside, I think I might know why."
Riley narrows her eyes at her brother before she looks out the bakery. She shakes her head when she sees that the order her brother has just delivered was actually to Penelope, Jessica and Landon. She rolls her eyes when her students wave at her from outside.
"Well, do share," their mother leans forward.
Before Riley can say anything, Auggie blurts out, "Riley's met someone!"
"Oh?" her mother smiles indulgently at her son before she raises her eyes at Riley. The younger woman resists the urge to groan at the curious look her mother is sending her way.
"His name's Lucas Friar," she tells her mother and Topanga nods, waiting for more information.
"He's a vet and they've been dating for four months," Auggie wiggles his eyebrows at Riley and she laughs as she playfully nudges him.
Her mother blinks at Auggie's revelation, and the indulgent smile that was previously on her face transforms into a frown. She turns to Riley, hurt coloring her voice when she asks, "Four months?"
Auggie's eyes widen when he realizes the mistake he has made. He mouths a 'sorry' to her from behind their mother, and mutters something about helping a customer before he hurries off.
"Why wouldn't you tell me you've met someone? What's the need to hide it, Riley?" her mother asks and Riley shrugs.
She feels the tension in her shoulders as her mother confronts her. Riley knows that her mother means well, and that Topanga's questions show how much she still cares about her. Still, the accusatory tone that Topanga has adopted has put Riley in defensive mode.
"You've seen him. He comes by here a lot. I wanted to be sure about him before I brought him to meet the family," she tells her mother. "I wanted to make sure that I didn't let my insecurities take over and get in the way of my future."
Her mother winces at her words, just like Riley knows she would. Topanga steps forward, arms raised to put her hands on Riley but the younger woman steps back. Dejection mars her gracefully aging face and Topanga sends a pleading look to her daughter.
"Riley, it's been a year and a half," her mother sighs and Riley looks away. "I told you how sorry I was to say that. Why won't you just let it go?"
She scoffs at her mother's word, hurt that once again, Topanga is trying to brush off her feelings.
"I'll let it go when you actually see how much your words hurt, Mom," her voice cracks and she abruptly steps backward when Topanga makes to move towards her.
Her heart is beating faster now, and Riley can feel the tears in her eyes. She blinks them back, desperate not to let her mother see them.
"Riley –"
"I have to go," Riley wheezes, taking off her apron as she walks past her mother.
"Riley, please – "
"Katy will be here in ten minutes so you won't be short-handed for too long," she mechanically tells her mother, shutting off. She forces the blank look on her face and watches as her mother's shoulders slightly slump.
"Okay, honey," her mother sighs again before she hands Riley her bag. She caresses her daughter's face, eyes sad as Riley stiffens at her touch again, before she walks away from Riley and into the kitchen.
"You know, if you'd just give her a chance," her brother says from behind her. Riley shakes her head after she turns, kisses him on the cheek and leaves Topanga's.
He is typing his reports onto his laptop when the feline he saved four months ago leaps into his lap, nudging her head against his chest. Lucas chuckles as he rubs her head.
"Hey, how's my favorite doing?" a new, but welcomingly familiar, voice pipes up and Lucas looks up to see his girlfriend at the door.
She is smiling at him softly and her hands are full with two paper bags of Chinese food.
"I'm great," he waves her in. "It's been a slow day here so I've been able to get a lot done."
"I was actually talking about Ada," she smiles mischievously when he blushes.
"Oh."
"But I am glad that you had a good day," she grins before she leans in and gives him a kiss on the lips. He closes his eyes at her touch, memorizing the way she strokes her thumb on his cheeks and missing her the moment she pulls away.
Her eyes light up at Ada's meow and she coos at the cat before picking her up. Lucas watches as his girlfriend strokes Ada, feeling his heart swell like it always does at the sight of her.
He sets the Chinese food on his desk as Riley plays with Ada.
"You know, I'm starting to think that you only come here for her," he jokingly puts his hands on his hips.
Riley lifts Ada up beside her face, blinking at him almost the same way his cat is, "Why would you say that?"
"Intuition," he laughs and Riley blows him a kiss before she sets Ada down. She lets the cat roam around before she takes her place beside him.
A knock on his door draws their attention to it, and they look up to see his partner. He raises his eyes at the way she is dressed.
"Smackle, you look beautiful," Riley gapes at her. Lucas nods agreeably before his eyes narrow at her.
Isadora has let her hair down, and she is dressed in a green dress that stops mid-thigh. She has applied makeup on her face and the excited grin that she is donning on has him on alert.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"The supermarket. We're out of milk," Isadora drawls sarcastically and Riley snorts. He shoots them both a dirty look. "Obviously, I'm going on a date, Dreamboat."
"Who would ask you out?" he does not mean to sound so incredulous but when he sees the way Isadora dangerously narrows her eyes at him, he knows that he is in trouble.
"Believe it or not, Lucas, someone has," she says coolly. He yelps when his girlfriend stomps on his foot. "And just because you only have eyes for Riley does not mean that no one else looks at other people. Now, goodnight."
Isadora flips her hair over her shoulder, gives Riley a smile before shooting him a disappointed look that makes him feel like scum and slams the door. Ada meows in protest at the loud sound.
Lucas turns to see his girlfriend looking at him, unimpressed.
"I didn't mean that no one would ask her out. I just mean that she just got here. Who else has she met?" he tries to explain himself and when Riley just remains silent, the judgmental look still on her face, he sighs miserably.
He suddenly remembers the way his girlfriend reacted last week at Isadora's arrival and hastily clarifies, "This is not jealousy, by the way. I promise, Riley, I – "
"Calm down, Cowboy," Riley laughs at him and he relaxes at the way she is smiling at him. "You reacted exactly the same way Farkle did when I first dated Jordan. I know I have nothing to worry about. I trust you."
Her words make him feel lighter and he pecks her on her lips. "Good. Because I really only have eyes for you, Riley Matthews."
"You're so cheesy," Riley chuckles as she playfully pushes him away. He grins at the blush on her cheeks before he remembers that he has upset one of his best friends. He sends a text to Isadora when she does not answer his call.
"I'll apologize to Isadora again after her date," he tells her and Riley nods approvingly. "Now, let's eat."
He tells her about his day as they eat, enjoying her company. He wants to memorize the way she scrunches up her face when she laughs whole-heartedly and the way she sympathetically takes his hand when he tells her about a difficult case. He never wants to forget the way her arms move animatedly as she talks.
He notices the way she smiles as she talks about her day and frowns when she suddenly sighs at the mention of her shift at the bakery.
Lucas knows that his girlfriend manages her mother's bakery so that her mother can have a peace of mind when she is not there. He also knows that there is a strain in their relationship. It puzzles him how Riley can give so much of herself to her mother but still not be able to forgive Topanga for words said a year and a half ago.
"I just hear those words when I look at her, you know?" she groans. "I know it's been a year and it's irrational but what she said really hurt me."
"I can't tell you to just forgive her, Riley, because that's not how forgiveness works," Lucas takes her hand and squeezes, hoping that it comforts her somehow. "But at the end of the day, she's still your mother. She loves you and you love her. To let your relationship deteriorate for that one moment –"
"That's the thing though," she sighs, and his heart aches at the sight of the tears welling up in her eyes. "I needed her on my side for that one moment and she wasn't."
He does not know what to say to that. Instead, he lets her talk as she grips his hand tightly.
"You know, growing up, I always admired her. She's like a powerful Amazon warrior. Nothing could defeat her or tear her down and I always wanted to be like her but I never could," she laughs humorlessly. "And I guess I've always felt like I haven't lived up to her legacy, you know? She's done so much and I've not done enough."
"Nothing could bring her down and I was always letting something bring me down. Walking away from Jordan hurt like hell but I knew that it was the right thing to do. For myself," she leans into his chest and he wraps his arms around her frame. "For her to accuse me of letting my insecurities get the better of me just made me feel stupid. And I didn't need anyone else bringing me down at that time."
"And now?"
"And now, every time I look at her, I think about that one moment when I needed her to believe in me and she didn't," she sniffs. "I hate this rift between us but it's funny. I've spent my whole like never being able to be mad at her but now, I can't even look at her because of how small she made me feel that day."
"I'm sorry, Princess," he hugs her tighter when she nuzzles against him. He can feel the wetness of her tears soak through his shirt.
He wonders how long she has kept this to herself. He knows that she did not even speak about Jordan until about a year later. Lucas is almost positive that she has not told Maya about her issues with Topanga because of how close her best friend is to her mother. Riley would not want to put Maya in a difficult situation.
They stay that way for a long time. Her in his arms, and him vowing to always be the person she can talk to no matter what.
She wakes up the next morning with a smile on her face and her heart feeling lighter. Riley hums as she goes to the kitchen to make herself breakfast. When she hears the shower turn on and knows that her roommate is home, she makes another batch of pancakes for him.
Riley beams at her roommate as he settles himself on the table. She puts her chin on her hand and wiggles her eyebrows at Farkle as he puts the pancake she has prepared onto his plate. He sighs exasperatedly when he sees the face that she is making at him.
"Okay, it is too early for me to comprehend why you're making weird faces at me," the genius says and Riley chuckles.
"I know something you don't," she sings.
Farkle rolls his eyes at her silliness. He chews his pancake as he says, "You know a lot of things I don't and I know a lot of things you don't. What something do you know and think I don't but there is a possibility that I do know?"
"What?" she blanches at his word vomit and when he smirks at her, she playfully punches him on the shoulder.
"What do you know, Riley?" Farkle laughs.
"I'll tell you if you tell me how your date went," she grins at him.
She watches as a goofy smile makes its way onto her childhood friend's face and internally squeals. It has been a while since she has seen that look on Farkle's face.
"It was amazing. She's so great and smart and – wait a minute," Farkle's previously dreamy expression turns into a grimace. "How did you know that I went on a date? I didn't tell anyone."
She smirks at him, enjoying the way he squirms in his seat.
"Smackle went on a date last night too," she knowingly raises her eyebrows at him.
"Pfft, so?" he nervously stuffs his mouth with the pancake she has made.
"Oh, cut the act, you goof. Why wouldn't you tell us about your date with Smackle?" she asks, confused. Farkle sighs before he swallows his food, reaching for the glass of milk when he chokes.
"We just wanted to see how the date would go first," Farkle says. "If it went horribly, we'd forget it happened and then just remain friends so that we wouldn't change the dynamic of our group."
She squeezes his hand at their thoughtfulness. "That's very thoughtful but I'm pretty sure it was a good date."
"It was," the dreamy smile comes back and Riley really squeals this time. He rolls his eyes at her. "So, we're going to continue seeing each other."
"I'm glad. Tell me everything, Farkle. Where did you bring her? How did you ask her out? How did she say yes? How –"
"Okay!" he cuts her off, and stands up. Riley watches as he picks up his plate of pancakes and the syrup bottle. "It is too early for you and your questions. Ask me again after I've slept properly."
"But, Farkle!"
"Good morning, Riley," he sings as he walks away. Riley laughs as she watches him go, knowing that she will get the details from him later anyway.
Not for the first time since Lucas Friar entered her life, she finds herself content. She is happy that she walked away from Jordan. Riley knows that she still has to deal with the after effects of their relationship – mainly her relationship with her mother – but she also knows that she made the right decision.
Because walking away from Jordan brought so much more into her life than she could have imagined and she is thankful for that.
