Reason #8: Airlines Do Not Like Crazed And Delusional Passengers

"This is so degrading…"

Snape is sitting on a flight heading to Amsterdam, surrounded by dozens upon dozens of air-marshals and other security guards. There were no other pedestrian travelers on board, just Snape and his...special escort service.

"Let's see you try doing something stupid now!" one of the air-marshals says to him.

"Oh put a sock in it…" Snape sighs to himself. "There is so much damn security on this plane, I'd probably be prosecuted for sneezing…"

Snape then notices something from the corner of his eye. A cloud of darkness rises around the seat next to him, and began forming into a solid human-like form. When the cloud dissipates, a pale, evil looking man was sitting next to Snape, looking at him with a menacing glare.

It was Lord Voldemort.

"Well well well…isn't this a sight to see. Poor old Severus Snape has to be babysat like a child while riding on plane. How pathetic," Lord Voldemort says in an insulting tone.

Snape almost jumps out of his seat when he appeares.

"Lord Voldemort?! What in the world are you doing here?!" Snape demands, now on his guard.

"Hey! Settle down over there!" one of the many air-marshals warned Snape.

"What do you mean 'settle down'?! Don't you see Lord Voldemort sitting right here next to me?!" Snape insists.

Everyone on the plane looks at Snape like he was crazy.

"They can't see me, but you sure can," Lord Voldemort explains.

"What the hell do you want with me!?" Snape now whispers to Lord Voldemort, trying to reduce suspicion of talking to someone who they think is not there.

"I just came to keep you company, that's all. Is that a crime?" Lord Voldemort asks with a vile smile.

"You're just here to cause me trouble, that's all! Now get out of here before I get jumped!" Snape says to Lord Voldemort angrily.

"Sorry, no can do. After all, I did buy tickets," Lord Voldemort responds, holding up actual airline tickets to this flight.

"How the hell are you able to buy tickets...Oh dear god, help me…" Snape mumbles, slumping down in his seat.

Exactly Two Hour Later…

For the last 119 minutes, Lord Voldemort began singing a really horrid rendition of an old Celtic melody in many different languages, from German, to Russian, to Cambodian. Each time Lord Voldemort repeated a verse, his singing got gradually louder and more irritating. Snape had dug his fingers into his seat, gritting his teeth, and trying furiously trying to hold the urge to blow up Lord Voldemort with a magic spell. Lord Voldemort then began getting really cozy with Snape as he kept singing. Eventually, Lord Voldemort was rubbing his hand across Snape's thigh as he sang.

Snape's face was beet red from holding his frustrations in so long, and it now looks like a cross between Popeye, Frankenstein and Winston Churchill. He knew if he'd gone ballistic on Lord Voldemort and told him to shut up right now, he'd get his ass beat by security in mere seconds.

"I wish Harry Potter was here to fix this…" Snape thinks to himself, getting very pissed off at Lord Voldemort's terrible voice.

Just then, an announcement was made over the plane's loudspeakers.

Attention passengers, we will be landing in Amsterdam shortly. Please fasten your safety belts as we begin to land. Thank you.

"Oh thank goodness," Snape says with some relief.

Lord Voldemort finally stops singing at that moment.

"I hope you enjoyed my elegant singing talents," Lord Voldemort says with a cocky tone.

"The only music I'll enjoy hearing is the beating of my fist against your face when we get off of this place," Snape threatens Lord Voldemort.

"Oh come now, we both know you're too much of a kitten to even bother resorting to senseless violence. Oh, by the way, fasten your safety belt," Lord Voldemort says to Snape.

"For your information, my safety belt is already fastened," Snape growls at Lord Voldemort.

"No it isn't, because I just unfastened it a moment ago," Lord Voldemort counters.

"What?!" Snape says, looking down to see that his safety belt was indeed not fastened.

The plane then made a sudden dive as it was now beginning to land, causing Snape to fly out of his seat over the other air-marshals and slam into the cockpit door, knocking it over, resulting in Snape to land on the airplane control panel inside.

"THAT DOES IT!" Snape yells from the top of his lungs as he storms out of the cockpit and took out his wand, firing a large fireball-like spell toward Lord Voldemort.

Lord Voldemort dodges the blast by disappearing using magic. The fireball whizzed all the way toward the back of the plane, blowing up the plane's rear in a grand explosion.

"You are officially banned from flying, FOREVER!" one of the air-marshals yells at Snape, holding him down while the other air marshals went to put out the flames from the fire spell.


Shortly after, Snape was arrested and taken into custody by the police, and was in jail until his court hearing that following week. And that people, are the reasons why Severus Snape is no longer allowed to fly on an airplane.

But one must wonder what would happen to Snape if he were freed from all charges against him for his disturbances on those crazy flights.


Continue on to the next chapter!