Ch 7 ~ Starting Over

"That is the second reason I returned to America." I answered her readily enough. "I know people here. You and your mother, Alberta, Cassie, and the others. I came back to see if there might be a new life for me here."

"With us?" She questioned excitedly, assuming more than I had intended with my answer.

"Danielle!" Rachel exclaimed in horror. "Don't be presumptuous! I'm sorry, Severus." She murmured, a soft blush suffusing her cheeks.

"It's a natural question, Rachel. I am not offended in the least." I stated gently before turning to Danielle. "I can not live with you and your mother, child. It would not be appropriate for me to do that."

"Are you going back to the Lighthouse to work for Alberta?" Danielle asked curiously. "She really missed you after you left, too."

"I am still weighing my options, but I do admit that it would be ideal for me." I replied with a shrug that made me wince. I had forgotten about the pain in my ribs until that moment.

"Can I get you anything, Severus?" Rachel spoke up with immediate concern in her tone.

"I need nothing except for time to heal, Rachel." I murmured quietly. "I'm sure that after a good night's sleep all will be put to rights."

When Danielle's questions had run dry, Rachel sent her off for her nightly bath. As she returned to the room, and sat across from me, I studied her solemnly. "Do you wish for Eddie to return here?" I questioned gently.

"No, I do not." She shook her head vehemently. "Our divorce was final over a year ago, but he refuses to let us go."

"Does he bully you, or does he continue to threaten violence?" I murmured, wary of the answer I would receive.

"He has gotten…physical…with me. He still frightens Danielle every time he is near." She stammered hesitantly, the fear shining clearly in her eyes. "He doesn't care what the court order states. He merely tells me that he owns this house, and he will enter whenever he wants, and…do…whatever he wants."

"Do you mean…"

"Yes!" She cut me off in mid-sentence as she gritted her teeth, and growled the answer in impotent rage.

"I see." I replied with a growl through my own clenched teeth. "We shall put a stop to this immediately." I declared angrily. "He must be made to understand that he can no longer treat you in this manner."

"Don't you think I've tried, Severus?" She cried, tears filling her eyes. "I've tried to reason with him. I've tried to fight with him." She sobbed brokenly. "I'm just not strong enough."

I hesitantly reached out, and took her hand. "Well, I am." I murmured reassuringly. "He will see reason by the time I finish with him. I promise you, I will make sure that you, and Danielle, are safe from this menace."

"You can't be here every minute of every day, Severus." She replied, sounding defeated.

"I promise you." I declared softly. She looked up, and drew a deep breath, nodding to acknowledge my declaration, but I could sense that she couldn't quite believe it to be possible. I released her hand, suddenly uncomfortable with the familiar contact, and leaned back in my chair. She studied her hands for a few moments before she looked up, and noted the time on the old clock on the wall.

"I, um, need to get some sleep. I have to work in the morning." She stated quietly. "Is there anything I can get for you before I go?"

"No, thank you, Rachel." I replied solemnly. "I will be sitting up for a bit longer. If I should need anything at all, I'm sure it will be something I can get for myself."

"Alright." She answered hesitantly.

"If you don't mind me prowling about your kitchen, that is." I added lightly, and she smiled. "I may want a cup of tea before bed."

"No, I don't mind at all." She stared at me for a moment. "I think I'd like it very much if you made yourself to home. I feel very safe having you here. Thank you for all you've done for Dani and me. Goodnight, Severus."

"It was my pleasure." I replied softly. "Goodnight." I watched her walk away, my thoughts swirling in my head as to how I was going to accomplish all I had promised I would.

Danielle's room was on the upper level of the house, and I had a gut feeling that we hadn't seen the last of Rachel's ex-husband. I didn't want to be that far away from them on the main floor if he should return during the night, so I transfigured the sofa into a comfortable bed, and settled in.

I laid there, listening to the night sounds, familiarizing myself with what was normal for the old house as it, too, settled in for the night. I could hear nature outside the window, settling in as well, and as I listened, a quiet, unnatural noise came to my ears. It was a crunching noise, and the quiet sound of an engine idling outside.

When I heard the sound of a door closing, I slipped from the bed, and stood behind the front door in wait. Soon, there was a scraping noise, and the slight rattle of the doorknob. I braced myself as Eddie picked the lock on the door, waiting patiently for him to enter the house.

He came through the door, and carefully closed it behind him. The light from the streetlamp outside allowed me to observe his actions, while keeping my presence shielded in the shadows. He looked around the room, and noticed my makeshift bed, and frowned. He stepped over, and lifted the blankets, a puzzled look on his face.

"Are you looking for me?" I murmured quietly, and he stiffened in surprise before he whirled around, and faced me.

"What are you doing in my house?" He growled defiantly, turning one of the lamps on, and illuminating the room.

"I was invited to stay." I replied calmly. "You, however, are intruding, and no longer welcome here."

"Why don't you call the cops if I'm no longer welcome here?" He taunted menacingly, the smell of alcohol strong on his breath.

"I do not feel the need to call in the authorities." I replied with a snort, backing away from the stench. "I can handle you myself, and I will."

"Sure you can." He retorted with a derisive laugh. "With those cracked ribs I gave you this morning, I highly doubt you're in any shape to handle me yourself."

I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, and turned my head to see Rachel standing in the kitchen doorway. "Go back to your room, and lock the door." I ordered immediately. She nodded, and quickly disappeared from view. "I wouldn't." I snapped in warning as Eddie took a step to follow her. "I guess we'll do this the hard way." I sighed as he continued to follow her, and I went after him.

When he reached the hallway leading to Rachel's room, I grabbed him by his collar, and jerked him off his feet. Slamming him into the wall, I snarled in his face, "Get out of here, and don't come back!" I released him, and shoved him back up the hallway.

He turned on me, and slammed me against the wall, pinning me there with his arm across my throat. He punched at my ribs a couple of times, and laughed. "How'd that feel, lover boy? Not so tough now that you got a little reminder of how that feels, eh?"

I forced myself to remain calm, breathing through the pain until I had it under control. When he reached back to deliver another punch to my midsection, I took the opportunity to grab the arm across my throat, and give it a twist. He roared in pain as his shoulder dislocated, but he managed to give me another solid hit, and I felt a rib crack as I fell against the wall.

"Devon!" Rachel screamed from her doorway, and Eddie whipped around to go after her.

"Get in your room, Rachel!" I roared, angered that she hadn't listened to me. I lurched away from the wall, and grabbed at Eddie again, preventing him from slamming through her door before she could lock it again.

He returned his focus to me, and swung again, but I was ready for him. Every time he would swing, I would take a step back, and slap him away. It served to anger him further, and keep him focused on me. Soon we were back in the sitting room, and moving closer to the door. He lunged toward me, and grabbed me around the waist. I hissed in pain, but didn't let it stop me.

I knew he was going to try to add more injury to my ribcage, and decided to take the initiative, and give a little of it back. Even though he had a firm grip on me, my arms were free, and I started to punch. I felt a very satisfying snap as a rib gave way. He released me immediately, and bent over double, gasping in pain.

I stepped back out of his reach, and caught my breath. When I had calmed a bit, and regained focus, I readied to take up with him once again. "I think it's time for you to go, and sleep this one off." I growled lowly. "You are in no condition to win in a physical fight, despite the fact that I am injured."

He swung at my jaw, missing it by a fraction, and roared in rage when I slapped him away. "I will leave this place when I damned well feel like it!" He ranted furiously. "This is my house, and that is my bed, and I will sleep in it when I want to, and with who I want to!" He declared angrily, still gasping for breath.

"You are going to leave this house, and leave Rachel and Danielle alone. They are not your property, and this house is no longer your home." I pressed solemnly. "Why don't you wise up, and just get on with your life, and allow Rachel and Danielle to do the same?"

He swung at me in reply to my suggestion, and we faced off again. He managed to get in several good hits, but by the end of it, he was the one who had suffered the most damage, and I stared at his unconscious body as I caught my breath, and quickly healed my injuries.

It was still dark, and I was assured I wouldn't be seen as I levitated him out to the street, and into his car. I cleaned up all traces of blood and injury that I could see, leaving the pain in place for him to enjoy upon awakening, shut off the engine, and quietly returned to the house.

When I entered the house, Rachel was standing in the middle of the room, her fingers pressed to her lips. "He hurt your ribs again, didn't he?" She whispered as tears filled her eyes.

"I'm fine, Rachel. He didn't do anything major." I replied quietly.

"Where is he?" She asked, her tone haunted and frightened.

"I put him in his car. My hope is that when he regains consciousness, he will simply leave." I replied, taking my wand from my boot.

"What are you going to do?" She asked curiously, as I pointed it at the door.

"I am going to ward the doors and windows so that he will not be able to enter as long as I am here to maintain them." I replied, warding the door, and moving to the window. "It will at least give us an uninterrupted night's sleep." I informed her as we went from room to room.

"Won't he be able to simply break the glass?" She questioned curiously.

"No. These wards are protection against any form of intrusion. Even another wizard will not be able to breach them without my allowing it." I explained solemnly.

"What about when you're not here?" She asked tremulously.

"As soon as I leave, these wards will fall. He will be able to break in just as he did this evening." I replied regretfully. "I do not know what Muggle means you can employ to assure he can't get in."

"When will you leave?" She whispered softly.

"Soon." I replied. "I have to find my new life, Rachel. I can not stay here. Your ex-husband already assumes more than he should about me, and I feel my continued presence here will only make things worse for you."

"Assumes more than he should?" She questioned, tilting her head in curiosity. "What do you mean?"

"He already assumes that you and I are lovers, simply because of my presence here tonight." I growled lowly. "Though there was proof to the contrary right before his eyes, he chose to see what he wanted to." I explained, gesturing toward my bed. "I don't want to create more trouble for you."

She took a few steps too many within the circle of my comfort zone, and I shifted uneasily from one foot to the other, struggling not to take a step back for every step forward that she made. When she reached for my hand, I swallowed hard, and forced myself to allow her touch.

"I'm sorry that he has made you uncomfortable here with his unfounded assumptions." She stated solemnly, and gently squeezed my hand. "I know you have to go. But, before you do, I want you to know that I appreciate all you've done for Danielle and me. I will never forget you. You will always be welcome here, Severus. Come back any time your feet carry you our way." She stretched up, and softly kissed my cheek before leaving me standing there in the middle of the room.

More than a little disturbed, I returned to my bed, and lie there, my senses on full alert. Thoughts swirled in my brain, refusing to take any form of logic or conclusion. I knew that I had to find my place in this new life, and that I had to move on. But, I didn't know how I could do that, knowing full well the danger that this woman and her daughter were living with. My conscience wouldn't allow me to simply abandon them to their fate now that I had become more involved with them.

Rachel's increasing familiarity with me was extremely disconcerting. I didn't know how I felt about that openness. I wasn't used to being accepted so easily for who and what I am by either wizard or Muggle society. It left me wavering between accepting the change, and retreating into the familiarity of my solitary existence.

With a heavy sigh, I rolled onto my side, and stared across the room, focusing on the window where dim light made it appear lighter than the surrounding walls. A shadow passed by, and I narrowed my eyes in anger. Rachel's ex-husband had regained consciousness. Rather than take the hint and leave, he was choosing to create more turmoil. I slipped from the bed, silent as a ghost, and trailed along with him inside the house. He made his way to the rear of the cottage, and stopped in front of the back door.

I stood in the shadows of the kitchen, and watched as he wrapped a piece of cloth around his fist, and hit the glass. The shards fell silently onto the matt before the door. I waited as he reached through and unlocked the door, smirking when he tried to open the latch. The doorknob rattled furiously as he tried to gain entrance. I could hear his muffled cursing as he struggled to enter the home.

He gave up after several more minutes, and I studied his shadow as he made his way around the house to where Rachel's bedroom is located. I slipped into her room undetected, and gazed at the two of them asleep in the bed, unaware of the man outside trying to intrude. Failing to gain entrance to Rachel's room, he continued around the house, seeking a way to get in. I was nearly laughing out loud in delight when he finally gave up, and made his way back to his car, muttering curses under his breath. I stood at the window until he drove away, then made my way through the house, silently repairing the damage he had done. Rachel and Danielle would be unaware of the potential danger they had been in.

As I laid back in my bed, my thoughts drifted to the woman and child. I was gravely worried for their safety, once I left their home. My wards couldn't hold in my absence, and stronger protections had to come via permission from the Ministry. I was no longer in a position to request the proper permits and licences to perform a full, and lasting ward for them. There was no one I could trust at home to do it for me. Albus, Remus, Mad Eye, even Black…all were gone. Minerva would turn me over to the Ministry without batting an eye. Hagrid would simply crush me first, and ask questions later. I couldn't be sure that any of them would know the truth, despite the fact that I gave those memories to Potter. Did he even look at them? Did he know the truth at all? Would I dare to approach him, and let him know that I had survived? No…even with my appearance unaltered, all of those doors would remain closed to me now. No matter what name I gave on the forms, as soon as I signed them, the letters would re-form to my true identity. Eventually, I fell into a light sleep with none of these issues resolved. In the morning, I would leave, and hope for the best.

Rachel was already awake, and standing before the stove fixing breakfast when I entered the room. I came to a sudden halt, and simply watched her, unaware of my presence. I felt an incredible sense of awareness while gazing upon the scene, as I took my first objective look at her. I don't know if it was caused by the sight of her in her dressing gown, hair down, and spilling over her shoulders while she cooked. Or if it was the fact that she was humming softly, appearing so content and relaxed. I dared not indulge in the thought that I was becoming attracted to her. I had nothing to offer them, and I would not stay, and continue to take advantage of their generosity.

She looked up suddenly, spotting me standing there, and smiled. "Good morning, Severus. Would you like some coffee?"

"Good morning, Rachel. Coffee sounds good." I replied with a smile that seemed to come easier and easier to my face.

"Help yourself. The cups are there to the right of the sink." She gestured over her shoulder as she focused on the eggs, and bacon she was preparing.

"Good morning, Devon." Danielle mumbled sleepily a few moments later as she came and sat at the table with me.

"Good morning, child." I murmured quietly. "Did you sleep well?" She nodded in silence, her eyes still half-closed in slumber. I looked away only to see Rachel solemnly regarding the two of us. I tilted my head questioningly, and was shocked to see tears fill her eyes. I quickly came to my feet, and stood beside her. "What is it, Rachel, that has you in tears?" I whispered, mindful of the child at the table behind us.

"Eddie…used to snap at her to sit up, and pay attention…very cruel." She whispered back, and swallowed hard. "It was wonderful to see someone who would accept the fact that she is one of those people who has to wake slowly. Thank you for being so patient with her."

"Would he also slap at her in those times?" I couldn't help but ask as my mind jolted to the past.

"Oh yes. He'd cuff her a good one when he told her to sit up." Rachel replied, her tears beginning to spill from her eyes.

"I understand more than you know, Rachel." I murmured quietly, surprised to find that I trusted her enough to reveal a bit of my past. "My father was very much the same way."

She nodded, wiping at her eyes as she turned back to the stove. I dared to reach out, and give her shoulder a gentle squeeze. She drew a shuddering breath as she began to dish the food onto our plates. I poured glasses of juice, and a cup of coffee for the two of us.

We ate in near silence. Conversation was strained, and centred around my leaving. I struggled within myself, wanting to be assured of their safety, and yet, determined to push on and find a life for myself.

When Danielle had finished her meal, Rachel sent her off to get ready for the day, and I took the opportunity to speak more openly with her mother. "I wish there were more I could do for the two of you." I confessed gently. "Is there anything that I could possibly take care of before I go? Any repairs that need tending to? I would be willing to fix the place up if there is need."

"I can't get over this power you have!" She exclaimed with a breathless laugh. "So many times I've wished I could do what you're capable of doing. I think I'm jealous!"

I didn't know what to say to that, so I merely smiled, and felt uncomfortable in my own skin. This woman rattled me, and she had since I first spoke with her the night she came into my life. There was something about her that had kept her present in the back of my mind for the past two years. Something that held both of them there, and I couldn't explain what that was or why it held me captive.

I was around the back side of the house, surreptitiously repairing some loose clapboards, and repairing the window frames, when Rachel came around the side of the house, carrying a plate of food, and a tall glass of lemonade.

"Time for a break, Severus." She announced, standing beside me, and handing the glass over. "I made you a couple of sandwiches. I thought you might be getting hungry. You've been working all morning."

"Thank you. I was feeling a bit hungry." I replied, taking another drink of the cool, tart liquid. "This is very good."

"Thanks. Why don't we take a seat on the swing? It's shady over there." She suggested, and I followed along behind her. When we had settled, she watched me for a few moments as I tucked into my lunch. "Will you stay one more day, Severus?" She quietly asked, her green-eyed gaze piercing me to my soul.

I swallowed my food, and carefully thought of my answer. "Why would you want me to stay? Nothing will change if I do." I replied, a bit harshly to my ears, but she didn't seem to take offence.

"The truth?" She questioned with a tilt of her head, and a strange look in her eyes.

"Only the truth, Rachel. Always." I replied, fixing my gaze upon her face.

"I like your quiet presence, your strength, the order you have brought to our lives. I feel safe, and protected, having you here to look out for Danielle and me." She replied simply. "If you stay for just one more day, I feel that, somehow, I will be able to overcome this trial I'm facing in my life."

I drew a sharp breath, shocked by her forthright reasoning, and I was more than a bit alarmed. I found myself fighting an overwhelming urge to flee, and an incredible desire to stay.

When she reached up, and pushed away the hair that was hiding my face, I was suddenly struggling with desire of a different sort. Her touch was gentle, and I didn't fail to notice that she didn't hesitate to touch me in the least. She was becoming increasingly familiar with me, and I wasn't sure whether or not I welcomed that closeness. I had been alone for so long, I closed my eyes, not knowing how to react in any other way.

"Will you stay, Severus?" She whispered so softly, I barely heard her over the leaves rustling on the trees, or the blood roaring in my ears. She caressed my cheek, gently forcing me to look her in the eye. "Please?"

When I opened my eyes, she looked deeply into them, surely seeing the doubt, the desire, and the battle that was raging within myself. She was a beautiful woman, and she seemed to be asking for so much more than one more day with me.

The look in her eyes shifted, and I held my breath as she drew nearer. I knew she was going to kiss me, but I was helpless to stop her. Her kiss was the sweetest I had ever experienced in my life. Not even the awkward, innocent, attempts Lily and I had shared so long ago were as pure. With a low moan, I tangled my fingers in her hair, and allowed the kiss to deepen.

I was the first to break away, and I pressed my forehead to hers. When I could speak at last, my voice was roughened by desire. "I'm sorry." I closed my eyes, and swallowed hard. "I shouldn't have allowed that to happen. Forgive me."

She stood suddenly, and looked flustered, and ashamed. "No, I'm sorry, Severus. I shouldn't have been so forward. I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry." She whispered, and fled into the house.

I remained there for a very long time, thinking over the best way to deal with the unexpected event. I didn't know how I was going to make her see that she had done nothing wrong as far as I was concerned. She had to see that I had nothing to offer her at this point in time, and I wouldn't allow myself to consider anything more than friendship with anyone. She obviously wanted more than friendship, but assumed that I wasn't of the same mind. With my mind made up, and settled on the matter, I picked up the plate and glass she had left on the swing when she fled, and made my way into the house.

She was seated at the table in the kitchen, staring into space, while she spun a glass of lemonade idly in her grasp. I put the plate and my glass in the sink, and came to sit across the corner of the table from her. She looked up when I leaned over to capture her attention. "You left before I could answer your question." I stated solemnly. "Does your request still stand?"

"Yes, it does." She answered quietly, a strange light shining in her eyes. "Do you want to stay for one more day?"

"Yes, I do, because we need to talk, Rachel. I still feel as if I never should have allowed that kiss to happen, but I think I owe you an explanation as to why I feel that way." I stated calmly, and continued. "After Danielle has gone to sleep tonight, I wish to discuss several matters with you. There are things you need to know and understand be…before anything like that can or will happen again."