I don't think so, I'm gay

X

Riku groaned as he woke up to the alarm. He hated Monday mornings when you knew you still had the whole, long school week before you and the weekend seemed light-years away. There was no point in slacking in bed though, because then he wouldn't have time to fix his hair, and he hated it even more when he had to walk around looking like a haystack the whole day. Leave that to Sora.

He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed at his eyes, then quickly got up. Entering the bathroom, he could hear the sound of running water coming from the apartment next door. So Axel was just home from work! Apparently he was in a good mood too, because Riku could also hear faint singing from the other side of the wall.

He smiled widely, immediately feeling much better about today. Everything felt so much easier when he thought of Axel, it was strange really… Or maybe not so strange.

Riku looked at his reflection grinning at him in the mirror and was almost surprised to see it. He would usually look tired and grumpy in the mornings, not like this; like he actually enjoyed living… No wonder people noticed the change.

He took a deep breath, his grin fading to an almost shy-looking smile before his eyes. "I think I'm in love," he told his reflection out loud, and in his heart he knew it was true.

He was glad the dinner with his parents yesterday had gone relatively well. It would probably be much easier to tell them he had a boyfriend if they already knew who it was, and had seen that he was a decent guy. He smiled. Somehow the word "decent" didn't seem to fit in conjuncture with Axel. And technically Axel wasn't his boyfriend yet, but Riku intended to make it so. When I come out…

Maybe his parents already suspected something? After all, Axel wasn't exactly shy about the fact that he liked other guys. "I don't think so, I'm gay," he had answered with a shrug and a smile when Riku's mom had talked some rubbish about finding a nice girlfriend on the islands. Riku had almost spurted his mouthful of papou juice all over the table at that announcement. He had thought that Axel would at least try to be subtle! His parents had looked mildly shocked and embarrassed, but there had been no drama. They had probably been too surprised to know how to react.

"Well… maybe a nice island boy, then," his mom had tried to joke lamely after a few moments of silence, looking like she was about to shit herself.

"That's more like it," Axel had agreed perfectly calm, and Riku was eternally grateful that he had avoided looking at him when he said that.

Still, he would be surprised if his parents weren't wondering about why he spent so much time with his gay neighbour and even brought him home for dinner… Maybe it was good if they had already caught on before he told them, so it wouldn't just come out of the blue. He hoped so. He so desperately wanted them to accept him.

Apart from the fact that it would hurt a lot if they were disappointed or disgusted with him, his parents could really mess up his life if they wanted to. All they needed to do was to stop paying for his apartment, and he would have nowhere to go. He would not move back home, there was just no way that was going to happen. Maybe they wouldn't even want him to.

Suddenly feeling his heart sinking, Riku stared at his now unsmiling face in the mirror. It was so unfair. Other people got together all the time, and everyone was so happy for them. Why should he have to worry so much about what people thought about the best thing that had ever happened to him?

At least Sora was okay with it… somewhat. And Kairi too, he had said. That was something. More than something. Riku was still amazed with how Sora tried to deal with his obvious discomfort just for his sake… It was pretty mind-blowing, really; when you thought someone didn't care about you at all, and then you were suddenly faced with rather glaring evidence of the opposite.

Sora… What Riku had done to deserve such a friend, he did not understand.

Riku rubbed at his eyes and sighed when he felt a tear roll down his cheek. Damn these mood swings! Normally he tried to keep a lid on his feelings, but lately they were just running rampant, impossible to bottle up. It felt weird being so emotional…

He wondered if Axel was also feeling like this. Somehow he doubted it, but it was hard to tell. Axel seemed like he was very open with his feelings, but watching him interact with his parents had made Riku realize that he was actually quite good at avoiding uncomfortable subjects (uncomfortable subjects being anything that had to do with his past). It was only when he was cornered he would get mad and lash out; at all other times he kept up a calm, carefree attitude.

Riku had had to step in a few times and ask his parents to go easy with the questions to keep Axel from blowing up, but most of the time Axel had managed by himself to lead the conversation onto another track before it got out of his comfort zone.

Riku wondered how often Axel manipulated him like that. He would have to pay more attention to catch it in the future.

X

Some forty minutes later, when Riku had finished his mourning routine, he left his apartment and went over to knock on Axel's door. The redhead opened, wearing just a couple of black boxers and that ragged, old tank top that seemed to be his favourite piece of clothing. His hair was still wet from showering, making it look darker than it really was, almost crimson… Some loose tresses clung to his face and neck.

Riku felt his knees go weak. Axel was just so… hot. Riku couldn't believe how he didn't see it from the beginning.

"Hey," he greeted and hated how breathless his voice sounded. "How was work? You look tired." He did. Those normally sharp and alert eyes seemed to have trouble staying open.

"No shit," Axel replied, sounding somewhat grouchy. "I've been up all night!"

"I heard you sing in the shower, so it can't have been that bad," Riku commented, giving Axel a smile that he hoped would cheer him up. "Can I come in?"

Axel chuckled and waved his hand in some indecipherable gesture, then disappeared into his apartment, leaving the door open. Riku followed him to where he had dropped down on the bed and sat down next to him.

"So how was it?" he insisted.

"Fine… Lots of dusting and floor-mopping, not exactly exciting. My back hurts." Axel buried his face in the pillow so Riku couldn't hear the rest of what he was saying, because of how muffled it came out. He reached out a hand and ran it through Axel's wet hair.

"Want me to give you a back rub?"

"Oh, fuck yes!" Axel looked up, looking almost comically grateful and wrenched off his tank top. Riku laughed and straddled Axel's thighs as he stretched out on his belly.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked softly, running his hands down Axel's spine all the way down to the small of his back, where fine, coppery hair disappeared in under the hem of his boxers. Hot…

"Right there…" Axel groaned.

Riku got to work, first just gently stroking and then moving over to more forceful kneading; enjoying all the small, sexy noises Axel was giving out.

"If your work is heavy, it would probably do you good if you started working out," Riku suggested. "You could come with me to the gym."

"Me in the gym? Are you serious?" Axel snorted. "I'll just have to hold out this week, then I'll get to work by myself without a supervisor and can start slacking off."

"Impressive work ethics you've got there…" Riku murmured, rolling his eyes. "Watch it so you don't get fired."

"Don't you worry; I'll still do what I'm supposed to… I just won't be completely anal about it! You should see this woman I'm working with; what a freak! She cleans the toilets like she's planning to eat from them…"

Riku laughed, suddenly getting a very comical image in his head of Axel and a neat, little cleaning lady at each other's throats.

"I'm sure you're giving her a handful."

Axel chuckled. "Probably… She was starting to look pretty tired after a while."

Riku smiled. He could imagine…

"Speaking of work ethics…" Axel continued, "don't you have school?"

"Yeah…" Riku sighed and ran his hands over the smooth skin of Axel's sides. He was building up quite an erection, and he made sure Axel noticed by pressing it against his ass. "Should I skip?"

Axel chuckled. "I'm too tired for that… And education is important."

Riku snorted and rolled his eyes. "You don't even have an education!" He pressed his knuckles hard into Axel's back.

"Oww! Exactly… Look at me now, mopping floors with a broken back."

Riku laughed and leaned over Axel, pressing his body against him. "Just a quickie?" he whispered, grinding his hips into Axel's ass.

"But I just showered!" Axel was whining, but Riku didn't miss the slightly breathy tone of his voice. "If I give you a blowjob, will you leave and let me sleep?"

"Uhh… Sure!" Riku grinned and rolled off Axel. He really hadn't expected to be getting any, but he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity. Just thinking about being with Axel made him so hard… He was hard a lot lately. How had he even managed before Axel? "But you don't really have to…"

Axel sat up and smiled at him, starting to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. "It was a nice massage," he said and touched the bulge in Riku's underwear. "And you won't be able to concentrate in school with this, anyway."

Riku nodded and closed his eyes. "It's for a noble cause," he agreed.

Axel chuckled and Riku felt how his pants and boxers were tugged down to his knees. Being exposed like that while he still had his shirt on made him feel strangely vulnerable, but Riku had come to realize that he really liked that sensation… Before Axel even had time to touch him, he whimpered softly.

Then Axel's mouth covered him in tight, moist heat and he gasped for breath. That always felt so incredibly good… And even better when Axel slid his mouth down his length. Riku moaned his lover's name and tangled his hands in his damp hair, already losing himself to the intense feelings of pleasure coming from between his legs.

Axel seemed intent on getting him off as fast as possible, because the slow, teasing licks and kisses he was used to being tortured with, very soon turned into hard, fast sucking.

Then Axel did that thing with his tongue that felt so fucking good… Riku begged for him to go slower, but was ignored. He tried to hold back, but after a while it was just impossible; his cock twitching wildly as his orgasm washed over him like a burning wave, making the world go blank around him for a short moment. The feeling was so intense, he couldn't help thrusting his hips up and showing himself down Axel's throat as he exploded into his mouth.

"Whoa!" Axel spit him out and coughed, and when Riku opened his eyes he saw his sperm dribbling down an annoyed-looking Axel's chin. He grinned despite feeling a little sorry for him. That probably hadn't been very pleasant… It still looked funny, though.

"You look good in a beard…"

Axel snarled and pounced on him. "Shut up, you little fucker, I nearly choked!" With a wicked grin, he bent down and pressed his lips to Riku's, forcing a kiss on him. Riku tried to struggle, but Axel held his head with both hands and slipped his tongue (along with a good amount of cum) into his mouth when he made the mistake of opening it to protest. Riku gave up and kissed him back, feeling the bitter taste of himself on the back of his tongue.

Soon they both broke down into giggling, and Axel pulled away, his green eyes glittering.

"That was disgusting!" Riku laughed and wiped at his mouth.

"Yeah…" Axel grinned. "But kind of hot…"

They kissed again.

X

"Is he in there?" Kairi unsuccessfully tried to peek over Sora's shoulder through the glass window of the door to Riku's biology classroom.

"Yep, there on the front row…" Sora waved to him, but apparently wasn't noticed, because he sighed and turned around. "He's just staring off into space."

Kairi just shrugged and went to sit on a bench standing at the side of the corridor opposite to the classroom. "We'll just have to wait for him, then." She patted the seat beside her, and Sora also moved over and sat down. They were alone in the hallway; all other students still in class or already at lunch. Riku's lesson should end soon.

Kairi had convinced Sora they should go and wait for him, so they could get a word with him in private before everyone gathered in the cafeteria for lunch. She was just dying to hear everything about this guy Riku had met. Trying to get any information out of Sora was hopeless; he would just blush and mumble something incoherent… Kairi shook her head to herself. No way would she react this childishly if let's say Selphie would come out and reveal that she liked girls!

Maybe Selphie was a bad example though; it was pretty obvious she was crazy about boys…

"Riku's mom called me yesterday," Sora said suddenly.

"His mom?" Kairi turned to look at Sora. "What did she want?"

"She wanted to know about Axel… Apparently Riku brought him home to his parents for lunch." Sora sighed heavily and Kairi noticed how tired he was looking, with dark shadows under his eyes, and she felt a little sorry for him. She reached for his hand, clasping it in her smaller ones.

"What did she want to know?"

"She wondered if I had met him… What he was like and how much time Riku spends with him." Sora sighed again. "I think she suspects something."

"Sounds like it…" Kairi frowned. She hoped Riku's parents would be okay with him being gay once it came out. That family didn't need any more problems.

There had always been friction between Riku and his parents, with him being strong-willed and stubborn to the point of stupidity, and his parents not very much better. It wasn't that they were bad parents, or that Riku was a bad son; they just seemed to grate on each other's nerves. Very often Sora had had to serve as a link between them, helping them understand each other.

"What did you say?" she asked Sora.

"I said I was over at Axel's place with Riku on Saturday… That we played videogames and drank beer." Sora bit his lip and looked at Kairi pleadingly. "I said he seemed nice enough and that Riku usually hang out with him after school… I don't know, Kairi, I got so nervous! I hate lying!"

"That wasn't a lie though, was it?"

"No…" Sora looked down. "But then she asked me if I knew Axel was 'a homo' and if I was sure there was nothing fishy going on. I said they were just friends and that if Riku had no problem with homos they should be proud of him for being so tolerant."

Kairi giggled. "You actually said that? Wow, Sora, now I'm proud of you! I hope she got the hint…"

Sora smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "I just don't like it when his mom tries to get me to rat him out instead of just talking to him."

"Yeah." Kairi nodded thoughtfully. "But you know Riku; he never tells his parents anything."

"Tell me about it…" Sora rubbed at his head with his free hand. "Though if he brought Axel home, he is probably planning to tell them. He's really head over heels with that guy…"

Sora sounded exasperated, but Kairi couldn't help giving out a small squeal. It was just so cute that love could soften even a cocky, old grump like Riku! And this kind of "forbidden love" was just so romantic… She smiled innocently as Sora glared at her. He was definitely not as sold on the concept…

"I don't get why you're so thrilled about Riku hooking up with a guy," he said, a slight annoyance in his voice. "One you haven't even met, at that… I actually think Riku's mom has good reason to be worried."

"I thought you just said Axel was nice," Kairi answered frowning.

"Yeah, so far…" Sora had a sullen look on his face, and Kairi rolled her eyes. You could think he was jealous from the way he was sulking over this! "…But you can practically smell he's trouble, and even Riku thinks he has a bad temper!"

"I think you're overreacting," she told Sora. "Riku can take care of himself."

"Maybe." Sora wriggled his hand free of hers and crossed his arms, leaning back against the wall, an unhappy look on his face. "I just don't know anymore…"

Kairi didn't answer. It was useless trying to reason with Sora when he got like this… Not that it happened very often, thank the heavens. Sora could be such a baby!

"You should tell Riku his mom is asking questions," she said instead.

"I will."

They waited in silence for Riku's class to end after that; Sora staring out in the air at nothing and Kairi texting Selphie that they would meet her soon in the cafeteria. Luckily it wasn't long until the classroom door opened, and both Kairi and Sora perked up, trying to spot a glimpse of Riku's silver head among the hordes of bored students spilling out of it.

X

"Hey man, class is over!"

"Huh?" Riku snapped back into reality as Tidus waved his hand in front of his face. Looking around he saw his other classmates already beginning to file out of the classroom and their teacher packing his notes into his briefcase. Oh fuck. He had been spacing out the whole morning, not paying attention to anything. Again.

He laughed nervously. "Ehm… I was lost in space, I guess."

Tidus smirked in his annoyingly cheerful and knowing way. "Uh-huh... Bet you were daydreaming about your secret crush, huh?" he whispered rather loud and indiscreetly.

"There is no secret crush," Riku replied automatically, and stood up gathering his books. He knew that answer wouldn't fool Tidus, but it was all he got. At least he wasn't blushing this time… Maybe he should have been, because he had indeed been thinking about Axel, wishing he was at home beside him in bed. No news there, he was always thinking about Axel.

His homework had really been suffering during the last week, and he had promised himself to try and concentrate more on school this week, but apparently it was futile. It was like there wasn't room for anything else than Axel in his mind.

"You're so full of shit, Riku!" Tidus laughed and poked him. "Come ooon! Who is it?"

"No one." Riku started to walk towards the door, but Tidus persisted.

"Who do you think you're fooling? It's so obvious the way you sit and dream away like some fairy princess-"

"If you ever call me a 'fairy princess' again, I'll punch your teeth in," Riku promised darkly. Tidus just laughed.

"You know, I'm starting to think it's one ugly chick you've fallen for since you're so embarrassed about it…"

"It's not an ugly chick," Riku answered honestly (for once), rolling his eyes and hurrying out the door to get away. He could have sworn that even the freaking teacher had been snickering! Tidus was such a pain in the ass! Riku wondered what he would say if he told him the truth. It would probably wipe that smirk right off his face; that was for sure.

"Good to know." Tidus laid a hand on his shoulder. "You can do better than some swamp monster, you know…" Riku's eye twitched. Was he trying to give him some kind of feel-good talk in the middle of everything? At this rate, Tidus was rapidly passing Selphie on his most-annoying-people-I-know list. At least Selphie was actually nice sometimes. And not disturbingly handsome, like Tidus…

Not that there was anything wrong with Selphie's looks or that Riku would ever want to do anything with Tidus…

At the sound of familiar giggling, Riku looked up and saw Kairi and Sora sitting on a bench at the opposite wall of the corridor.

"I think you should drop the subject, Tidus," Kairi said with a wide smile. "Riku looks like he's very close to murdering you!"

"Aww, he always looks like that," Tidus said cheerfully and ruffled Riku's hair. That was IT! "…Well, except when he looks like a fairy princess, dreaming of love…" Tidus fluttered his eyelashes and then laughed madly and ducked when Riku tried to hit him. Riku had half a mind to follow him and beat the snot out of him when he quickly darted away down the corridor to put some safe distance between them, but Kairi stopped him.

"Don't care about him," she said, getting up off the bench and walking up to Riku, hooking her arm with his. "He's always such a tease! Come and have lunch with us." She nodded her head towards Sora. "We waited for you!"

Riku looked down at her suspiciously. They never used to wait outside his classroom. "You just want a chance to interrogate me, don't you?"

Kairi rolled her pretty violet eyes. "Well, I am curious if that's what you mean…" Then her face cracked up in an excited grin, and she continued whispering, "I think it's so great that you met someone! And it's a guy!" She giggled ecstatically. "I want to know everything!"

"Keep your voice down," Riku hissed nervously, but couldn't help a smile from spreading over his lips. It seemed Sora was right when he said she didn't mind… He flashed him a quick smile, then turned back to Kairi. "I'll tell you later, I don't want to talk in the corridor…"

"Okay!" Kairi giggled again and looked at him with glittering eyes that showed nothing but happiness. Riku could only stare, totally unprepared for such an all-out accepting attitude. She really thought it was okay that he was… what he was. Maybe it really wasn't such a big deal? He felt his eyes starting to sting from an intense feeling of relief rising in his chest. Again these weird emotions…

"Let's have lunch," he finally managed to get out, and they started walking towards the cafeteria, Kairi still hanging on to his arm and Sora joining them to walk at his other side.

"I should warn you," Sora said to Riku, sounding tired, "she now thinks she can cuddle you all she wants because I won't have a reason to get jealous." He said the last part raising his voice to a girly pitch, and glared mildly at Kairi, who just stuck her tongue out at him and clung tighter to Riku's arm. "Where's the logic in that? She still likes guys!"

Riku laughed at Sora's pout and winked. "There's no need to be jealous, Sora. You can cuddle me too if you want…"

"Oh, that is so funny, Riku!" Sora snapped angrily and crossed his arms over his chest, but both Riku and Kairi laughed as his cheeks betrayed him by turning pink.

"Isn't he adorable?" Kairi giggled, nudging Riku's side.

"Yeah," Riku agreed, sharing a conspiratory look with Kairi, and chuckled as Sora's blush intensified.

"You know," he said indignantly, refusing to look them in the eyes, "I think I'll let you two enjoy your girl-talk alone, I'm catching up with Tidus. See you at the cafeteria." With that he quickened his pace, swiftly leaving Riku and Kairi behind in the corridor.

Riku felt a little stupid. Sora hadn't seemed really upset, but maybe he shouldn't tease him like that… He hoped Sora knew he was only joking. Well, mostly anyway…

"Don't worry about him, his head is just a little thick," Kairi assured him and patted his arm, as if she was sensing what he was thinking. "He'll be just fine… I'll make sure of it."

Riku laughed. Sometimes Kairi sounded more like she was Sora's mother than his girlfriend… Couldn't blame her for that, Riku sometimes felt like he was Sora's mother himself…

"Thanks, Kairi," he said, and added when she looked at him questioningly, "For being so cool with this… It means a lot."

"Don't mention it…" Kairi smiled and then suddenly looked a little embarrassed. "I'm just glad you're not into Sora; I mean, I wouldn't want to have you as a rival…" She eyed him up and down suggestively and Riku rolled his eyes.

"I don't think my chances with Sora would be that big," Riku answered dryly. "He's all yours."

Kairi nodded, looking smug. "That he is."

Just a little more than a week ago, a comment like that would probably have made Riku very upset, knowing that Kairi had what he could never get. Now there was only a faint sting in his heart, and he suppressed it quite easily. Things were working out…

He smiled faintly at Kairi.

X

"What's up with them?" Tidus asked when Sora caught up with him further down the hallway, and pointed with his thumb towards Riku and Kairi, walking arm in arm.

"They're being insufferably girly," Sora answered shortly, not bothering to explain himself. Tidus frowned, probably wondering why he looked so flustered. Then his eyes lit up with realization.

"Are they talking about his secret crush?"

"Probably." Or about my god-damned ass! He blushed deeper. His best friend and his girlfriend teaming up on him, watching him like that… It was highly disturbing!

"Why did you leave? Don't you want to know who it is?" Tidus asked incredulously.

"I already know," Sora said and enjoyed the sight of how Tidus mouth fell open in shock.

"He told you? Damn!" Tidus threw his hands up, looking defeated. "You have no idea how I've been nagging him to tell me! He's like… like a clam!"

Sora chuckled. "I had to beat him at Tekken to get it out of him," he confessed.

Tidus nodded thoughtfully. "Good strategy." The he turned to Sora, watching him eagerly. "So, who is it?"

"Sorry, can't tell you. You'll have to ask the clam."

Tidus pouted. "Dude… No one ever tells me anything!"

"You don't want to know anyway…" Sora said, slinging a friendly arm over Tidus shoulders. Being out of the loop was never fun. "Once he gets started he never shuts up about it; it's really annoying! Just look at them!" He glanced back over his shoulder. Kairi was still clinging to Riku's arm, and they were whispering about something, their heads close together. They looked like total dorks.

Tidus also looked back, and sighed longingly. "I want to girl-talk too!"

Sora rolled his eyes. Sometimes he really wondered if Tidus wasn't a little addled in the head… "No, you don't."

Tidus watched him, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. "You know, you're being a little weird… Just last week you were as curious as everyone else about this!" A sly look appeared on his face and he continued, "You're not jealous, are you?"

Sora frowned and turned his face to watch Tidus back. "What do you mean? I know Kairi doesn't really like Riku like that…"

It was Tidus turn to roll his eyes. "Jealous of Riku's secret crush, I meant!"

"What?" Sora stopped dead and stared at Tidus, who just shrugged.

"No offence, man, I know you're with Kairi. It's just that you've always seemed a bit gay for him." Sora blinked. There was not a trace of joking in Tidus' blue eyes, and Sora didn't know whether he should laugh or cry at the irony of it all.

"Tidus, you are a complete idiot, do you know that?"

Tidus shrugged again, looking as happy as ever. "People keep telling me that… But I know when I'm right."

Sora could only stare at him.

X

To Riku's great relief the conversation during lunch for once did not revolve solely around him and his "secret crush". When he and Kairi had arrived at the cafeteria, Tidus, Selphie, Wakka and Sora was already sitting at a table with their lunches, eagerly discussing Selphie's upcoming birthday.

"My parents are going away this weekend, just so I can have the house to myself and throw a party!" the short, brown-haired girl explained to Kairi and Riku as they joined the group at the table with their lunch trays. "Isn't that cool? I'm going to invite everyone!"

Riku politely agreed that it was great, not really caring that much, but Kairi squealed and clapped her hands, immediately entering party-planning mode as she sat down beside Selphie and started discussing who should be invited.

Sora snorted. "I'm pretty sure your parents didn't mean you could invite half the school," he said to Selphie, picking at his food. He seemed upset with something, Riku noticed as he settled beside him. He hoped it wasn't with him.

"Duuuh!" Selphie said and tapped Sora's head with her fork. "Of course they didn't mean that… But what they don't know won't hurt them, alright?"

"Hey! Don't put food in my hair!" Sora glared at Selphie while raking his hands through his mess of brown locks. Selphie just ignored him and turned to Kairi again.

"I think you got a piece of salad there," Riku said to Sora, reaching into his hair and removing it for him. For some reason that made Sora blush and Tidus snicker.

Riku frowned. "What?"

"Nothing!" Sora muttered, obviously flustered and stabbed at his peas, avoiding Riku's eyes.

"Whatever." Riku concentrated on his food, a little annoyed with Sora. If he thought Riku was flirting with him or something, just because he picked salad out of his hair, he was just stupid. He decided to listen to what Kairi and Selphie were saying, since both Sora and Tidus seemed incapable of normal conversation, and Wakka was, as always, too busy eating.

"Do you think Keiko will come if I invite him?" Selphie was just asking Kairi loud enough for the entire table to hear, and even loud enough to be heard a few tables away, where Keiko just so happened to be sitting… "He's sooo hot!"

"Keiko? I didn't know you like him!" Kairi giggled in a much quieter tone and glanced over at his table, where Keiko seemed to be doing his best to ignore them. "You don't know until you try, I guess…"

"Who doesn't like him?" Selphie had gotten a dreamy look on her face. "His eyes are just so…" She gave out a loud sigh. "And those abs!" Suddenly her gaze flitted over to Riku, who did not want to know what that train of thought had looked like. "You're coming, aren't you Riku?" She gave him a teasing smile. "You can bring a date…"

Riku rolled his eyes. "Do I have a choice?"

Kairi spoke up, sounding a little too innocent. "Why don't you ask that guy that moved in next to you to come, Riku? Wouldn't he want too meet some people around here?" She smiled sweetly and Riku glared at her. Selphie nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, bring him! We never meet any new people around here… What was his name again? Is he hot? He must bring me a present!"

Riku frowned, and he saw Kairi trying hard to suppress a giggle. "His name is Axel," he said, trying to sound calm. It wasn't like Axel would be interested in Selphie anyway. "I guess I could ask him."

"You do that. We can't wait to meet him!" Kairi winked at him, and then the conversation thankfully moved on.

X

"Riiiku! Riku, wait up!"

Hearing his name being called out, Riku turned and saw Sora running towards him over the schoolyard, clutching the strap of his backpack with one hand and waving the other one in the air wildly. He stopped and waited for his friend to catch up with him, wondering what was up. Kairi was nowhere in sight.

"I almost missed you…" Sora wheezed out of breath when he stopped in front of Riku. "I've been waiting for an hour! I was about to fall asleep…"

"You could have texted me and told me we were supposed to meet," Riku answered with a slight smirk. Sora never thought about the obvious.

"Uhh, yeah… I guess I could have…" Sora looked embarrassed and scratched the back of his head. Riku rolled his eyes, but smiled affectionately at Sora a moment later.

"You're such a dufus…"

"At least my butt is cute," Sora countered, sticking his nose in the air. He didn't quite manage to pull off that comment, as his ears were turning red, but Riku gave out a surprised laugh anyway. It was a good sign if Sora could joke about things. Riku felt something warm wrap around his heart.

Maybe that weirdness at lunch had been about something else.

"Right," he agreed, giving Sora a small wink. "So what's up?"

"Well…" Sora smiled apologetically. "We got this huge math assignment for tomorrow, and I was wondering if you could help me out? If you don't have other plans…" His gaze flickered away to study the flower arrangements by the side of the road, and his ears turned an even darker shade of red.

Other plans, huh? Riku wanted nothing more than to go over to Axel's and return the favour from this morning, but… Sora was really horrible with math; it was like the part of the brain dealing with stuff like that was just missing on him. It would just be cruel to leave him alone with it…

"Can't Kairi help you?" he asked.

"No… She went downtown with Selphie. They're going to shop and plan for the party…" Sora looked at Riku desperately. "Pleeease, Riku!"

Riku sighed. Axel was probably still sleeping anyway, and his own homework sorely needed some attention… Plus Sora's wounded puppy look was really convincing today.

"Fine," he said. "But you owe me one!"

"Thank you!" Sora beamed at him, and suddenly Riku had his slim arms wrapped around him as the smaller boy hugged him gratefully. Before he had time to enjoy it, Sora seemed to realize what he was doing and broke loose, his face flushing furiously. "Uhm… I mean, great…"

Well, that was awkward…

Deciding it was probably best to just pretend like nothing had happened; Riku shrugged and gestured towards the parking lot.

"Let's go. I was late, so I took the car here this morning… It's over there."

"Okay." Sora fell into step with him as he started walking towards the car, taking a short cut over the neatly trimmed lawn that cut the parking lot off from the school yard. They were both silent; Riku despairing a little over the way Sora had freaked out on him and Sora just looking like he was fighting to get his blush under control.

Riku wondered what the hell he was so scared of. All of his life, Riku had applied the look-don't-touch principle regarding Sora; it wasn't like he was going to try anything now, especially when he had finally found someone who actually liked him back.

At least it wasn't like Sora was trying to avoid him… It was a little curious. Riku couldn't even remember the last time Sora had waited for him after school, or outside his classroom at lunch (although Kairi was probably behind that one). Hopefully it meant everything would be alright once Sora had come to terms with the fact that his best friend was gay…

Arriving at his car, Riku placed his keys in the lock and cast a mischievous glance at Sora. "Should I try to set a new speed record?"

He noted with satisfaction how Sora's eyes brightened, giving him the exact reaction he had been hoping for. They both knew it was irresponsible, but there was just something about speeding along a sunlit road that made you feel so alive. Not that Riku's car was terribly fast, or something… It was old and had been very cheap, which had been the main reason Riku bought it.

"What's the old record?" Sora asked expectantly, running around to the passenger seat door.

"5.48… I was really late that morning!" He turned the key, unlocking the doors, and they got in the car, strapping themselves up in the seats while exchanging happy grins.

Riku didn't beat the record today; there was too much traffic to drive fast through town. However, on the only longer stretch of straight road between the school and his home, he had been able to push the pedal to the metal, making Sora squeal in delight. For a short time everything had been normal and just right, all awkwardness forgotten.

"What's Axel doing today?" Sora asked as they climbed the stairs to reach Riku's apartment.

"Sleeping, I think," Riku said shrugging. "He got a night job and was home from his first shift this morning."

"Oh." Sora nodded to himself. "I heard you took him home to visit your parents yesterday."

Riku stopped, furrowing his brow. "How did you know that?"

"Your mom called me…" Sora shrugged apologetically.

Riku could not believe what he was hearing. "She still does that?"

"Not very often…"

"What's wrong with that woman?" Riku was angry. He had always hated when his mother did that, but now he was worried as well. Not worried that Sora would have told her something he shouldn't; he never did, but worried what she thought if she was starting to have suspicions… "Was she asking about Axel?"

Sora nodded. "Yeah… If I had met him, what he was like and how often you hang out with him; stuff like that. Sounds like she's onto you…"

"I had expected that… Axel isn't the most subtle guy." Riku chuckled weakly. I don't think so, I'm gay. "Did you get an idea of what she was thinking about it?"

Sora shook his head. "Not really… I just thought you should know. And I didn't tell her anything, uh… compromising."

Riku smiled. "I know you didn't. Thanks."

Sora smiled back.

They arrived at Riku's door and entered, Sora immediately kicking off his shoes and taking a seat in Riku's couch, where he started to unload his books from his backpack onto the coffee table. Riku followed his example, and soon there was a veritable mountain of books and papers covering the table.

Sora groaned and leaned back on the sofa, watching the piles of homework with a discouraged look on his face.

"Maybe we should play some Tekken first?"

Riku had to agree that was a very tempting idea, but he knew himself and Sora well enough to know there would be no homework done if they got into a Tekken match.

"I think we should get some work done first," he sighed. Then he smirked. "After that I'll be glad to kick your cute little ass all you want!"

Sora snorted and opened his math book, not blushing at the cute ass remark this time. "Keep dreaming, Riku. Remember what happened last time?"

"Yeah, you beat me one time! Nothing to be very cocky about, is it?" Riku poked Sora's side, making him squirm and give out a small giggle.

"It was the one time that mattered!"

Riku guessed Sora was right about that, so he stopped tickling him with a slight chuckle, and looked at the page Sora had flipped ahead to. Trigonometry. He had been studying that last year, but to be honest he didn't remember much of it. Curves and triangles, sine and cosine…

It was going to be a long afternoon.

"So what's your assignment?" Riku asked. "I don't remember much of this, but I guess I can read up on it…"

"Uhm…" Sora grinned sheepishly. "Uh, just to understand this, I think?"

Riku looked at Sora suspiciously. "There is no assignment, is there? You're just behind schedule again."

"Yeah…" Sora blushed slightly. "We've been working with this for three weeks, but I don't get any of it! And next week we're supposed to start on a new chapter."

Oh, so Riku was supposed to get Sora to catch up on three weeks of trigonometry studies in one night? A long afternoon, indeed… He sighed and looked at Sora tiredly.

"What is it with you and math?"

Surprisingly, once they got into it, it wasn't so boring. They read the explanations and definitions at the start of the trigonometry chapter together, and Riku showed Sora how he was supposed to solve the first problems.

Maybe the lack of boringness had something to do with how close they were sitting; their thighs brushing against each other and their heads almost touching. Sora seemed too busy concentrating on the math to realize just how cosy it was getting, but Riku was very aware of the situation, and couldn't help liking it. It just felt natural being close to Sora, watching his cute frown and how he bit the end of his pen when he was thinking.

Was it wrong of him to like Sora so much that even trigonometry studies became nice in his company? He could easily imagine Axel's frown if he would have seen them sitting like this (it certainly wouldn't be cute!), and he sighed, grabbed his biology book and scooted away from Sora to lean back on the couch.

"I think you're doing fine on your own now," he said when Sora glanced at him questioningly. "I have a lot to catch up on too, but just tell me if you need any more help."

Sora smiled. "Okay! This is so much easier when you explain it; you should be a teacher, you know!"

Riku smiled back, raising an eyebrow. "A teacher?" He had a very hard time imagining himself trying to keep an entire classroom of bratty kids under control. And an even harder time imagining himself spending his whole life in school...

Sora just nodded happily. "Yeah! 'Mr Watanabe!' It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Riku chuckled and shook his head, flipping the pages of his biology book until he found the chapter he was supposed to have read last week.

They got about half an hour of uninterrupted study time before the doorbell rang, and made Riku look up from his book. Figuring it must be Axel, he got up and answered the door, unable to hold back his smile as it turned out he had guessed right.

Axel smiled back, looking much more alert than earlier in the morning. "Hey, what are you up to?"

"Hey…" Riku noticed his voice was sounding breathless again. "Uhh… I'm helping Sora out with some math problems and trying to catch up with some of my on stuff. I didn't get much homework done last week…"

Axel smirked at the last sentence, but then looked serious. "So I should leave you alone?"

"Well…" Riku hesitated. He didn't want Axel to leave, but he had promised to help Sora out. "We're not finished yet… But if you want to hang around anyway, that's fine." He smiled hopefully.

"Hang around to watch you two doing homework?" Axel made a face, but then suddenly brightened. "Maybe there's something I can help you with?"

Riku crossed his arms, looking at Axel with great amusement. "You're offering to do my homework for me?"

Axel smirked and stepped inside, leaning in to give Riku a kiss. "That should give you an idea of how much I like you. I never did any of my own homework..." He said it like a joke, but Riku's breath still caught in his throat and his heart started beating faster. Axel often told him how hot he thought he was, but statements hinting at actual feelings were much rarer.

He let Axel kiss him, and returned it eagerly, forgetting all about Sora and cosines.

X

An hour later all three of them were sitting on the couch, concentrating of the work before them. Riku had dumped his history assignment on Axel, figuring it would be something he could manage. You were just supposed to read a chapter and answer the questions at the end of it. Axel seemed to be taking the task very seriously, and Riku had to hold back his laughter every time he looked at him sitting there so concentrated and writing down the answers very slowly and meticulously.

Sora's concentration was wilting, however.

"This is so boring, Riku!" he complained. "I don't get it!"

Riku looked up from his book, sighing. "Alright, let me have a look at it…" He leaned over to look at the page Sora was pointing to, and was surprised to see that it was a new section of the trigonometry chapter.

"Did you solve all the advanced problems of last section by yourself?" he asked.

Sora nodded. "Yeah, but I don't understand this new stuff…"

"Never mind that," Riku ruffled Sora's hair, giving him an encouraging smile. "You did great!"

Sora looked surprised, watching him with wide eyes, but then he suddenly grinned. "I did, didn't I? I didn't even notice I was on the advanced problems!"

"Dork." Riku chuckled, and moved in closer to Sora to go over the new definitions with him, much like before. This time though, it wasn't until Axel's voice cut through their hushed conversation Riku noticed that they were once again sitting a little too close to each other.

"I could use some help too," the redhead said sharply and Riku gave a start. When he glanced over his shoulder he could see Axel sitting leaned back on the couch, his arms crossed and a decidedly angry-looking frown adorning his face, as he watched Riku and Sora intently.

Do not blush, do NOT blush!

Of course Riku blushed anyway, making Axel's thin eyebrows creep even closer together.

"Uhm, I…" Riku stuttered helplessly. "It's hard to see unless I…" Damn it! Why was he feeling guilty? Even worse, why was he acting guilty? It wasn't like he had done anything wrong! He shook his head, giving Axel an annoyed glare, but nevertheless scooted a small distance away from Sora, who wasn't looking like he understood what was going on at all, his blue eyes large and questioning.

Axel had made plenty of comments in the last few days hinting of jealousy towards Sora, but it hadn't really seemed that serious… And Riku must have pointed out like a million times that Sora was straight and had a girlfriend, so why was he still worried?

"Better now?" Riku asked pointedly.

"Whatever," Axel muttered sullenly; shoving the notebook he had been writing in into Riku's hands. "Is this good enough?"

Riku threw a last cautious glance at Axel before leaning back and reading through the writing. It was good, actually. Since Riku knew school hadn't been working out at all for Axel, he hadn't really expected him to produce something that could be handed in and be approved, but Axel's answers were in fact better than what he would come up with by himself.

"It's really good," he said carefully as he looked up at Axel again. Was it all because of the drugs he had failed at school? It didn't seem like he would have had any problems with it if he had just tried. "The teacher will be wondering what hit me."

There was an involuntary brightening of Axel's eyes, and the corners of his mouth twisted upward for a fraction of a second, before his frown returned.

"I didn't drop out of school because I was stupid, you know," he said coldly, as if he could read Riku's mind.

"I can see that," Riku replied patiently, biting back some of the more acid answers that immediately came to mind. However, it certainly seems like you're stupid enough to think I was flirting with my best friend right in front of you.

He sighed. Wasn't there some truth to those suspicions, though?

He did like Sora, maybe he always had. It had been harder to see and fully understand before he met Axel, because back then he hadn't even been entirely sure he really was gay. He had had a very hard time accepting Sora's relationship with Kairi, but he had told himself it was because Sora didn't spend time with him anymore, when in truth he had been jealous.

"Sora?" he said, putting the notebook away and leaning his face in his palm. "Do you mind if we continue this tomorrow? I really need to talk to Axel."

"No…" Sora shook his head, a look of worried confusion on his face. "I was getting tired anyway." He smiled nervously, then stood up and hurriedly started to pack his things back into his backpack, clearly uncomfortable with the sudden tension in the room. Riku really wished he hadn't had to be caught in the middle of this… whatever "this" was.

As soon as Sora was out the door, he turned to Axel who was watching him with an unreadable expression on his face, but before he had time to say anything the redhead spoke up. "It's a shame he's straight, you two really look cute together."

Riku frowned. "So what if we do? Nothing will ever happen anyway, even if I wanted it to."

Axel laughed bitterly. "That's my point, Riku. There is only one reason you're not banging him, and that's because he's straight. Makes me feel so fucking special, you know?"

He looked away. "I don't know why I even care, it's not like we're a couple…"

Riku stared at him. He could see now how what he had been saying could be taken like that, but he really thought it should have been obvious that Axel was what was on his mind like ninety-eight percent of the day! Who cared if Sora looked cute doing this or that, or if there were some ghosts of feelings left from back when he didn't even know Axel?

"You're wrong," he blurted out, and once he started talking he couldn't seem to stop, all his confused feelings tumbling out of him like potatoes from a broken sack.

"I'm in love with you. Not Sora. Maybe I was, but… I really don't care anymore, not since I met you... … I wasn't even sure I really liked guys until I slept with you, you know. I thought maybe it was just this weird idea I had... If I had been feeling like this about Sora, I would have known, because this is… I can't even think about anything else than you! Even when I'm with Sora… It's true that I like Sora a lot, and I used to be jealous of Kairi, but now it's starting to feel okay, like it doesn't matter if Sora and I never will be more than friends. I mean, we've always been friends and maybe it would even be weird if we tried to be something else, you know..?"

It was Axel's turn to stare at him, the angry frown gone and replaced with a surprised and almost scared expression. Riku swallowed and took Axel's limp hand in his. He didn't know if his disorganized rant had made any sense at all, but…

"I'm not so happy with just being friends with you, though…"

"Okay…" Somehow Axel managed to look both happy and panic-stricken at once. "Uh, I… In love?"

Riku nodded, searching Axel's wide eyes for a hint of what was going through his mind. He was feeling very small with all his own feelings suddenly out in the open... It was one thing to say sweet things when you were in bed together, but talking like this was completely different. "Tell me it's not just about sex for you?" he whispered.

"No…" Axel shook his head and blinked, looking like he was trying to find his tongue again. "No, it's not… I like you more than I've liked anybody in a long time. The same thing goes for the sex, by the way. It's just…" He smiled, once again looking scared and a little insecure, expressions that Riku had never expected to see on his face. "I'm scared that if things get too serious, we'll start arguing about stuff… That everything that's light and simple and is making me happy for once will disappear. Kind of like now, when I started freaking out about Sora… God, I'm such an idiot!"

"Maybe 'just friends' isn't enough for you anymore either?" Riku inquired hopefully.

"Maybe not…" Axel squeezed Riku's hand and swallowed, leaning in to rest his forehead against Riku's. "Fuck, I'm so scared…"

Riku slowly run his other hand through Axel's hair. He didn't know what there was to be scared of, but Axel probably had his reasons. He just wished that Axel would trust him enough to tell him what was going on in that head of his, but maybe it was still too soon for that. It felt like much longer, but they had only known each other for a little more than a week; he had to remember that. "We can wait for a while, if you want… I wasn't going to ask you to be my boyfriend until I had come out, anyway."

Axel nodded, his eyes squeezed shut. "Maybe that would be best…"

"Okay." Riku was careful not to let any disappointment show in his voice. He kissed Axel's nose, thinking it was time for a change of subject. "Hey, I almost forgot! I'm supposed to invite you to Selphie's birthday party…"

Axel looked into his eyes curiously, already looking less freaked out. "Who's Selphie?"

X

Author's notes:

Longest chapter yet, and still nothing happens! Sorry if it was boring… :-( I needed to set some things up for next chapter, which should be a lot more action-packed! Does everyone feel as bad about their writing as I do?

Don't get me wrong, I like writing and I'm kind of excited about having written a story this long… I haven't even tried writing anything for at least ten years! (Whoa!)And I tend to like the chapters better when I haven't looked at them for a while.

Another thing; I'm bad at answering reviews (if I don't deal with it right away it just feels weird to respond much later), I hope you all know I love you and your opinions/speculations anyway! ;

(And more… Just picked some random Japanese name for Riku's surname… And Keiko… I don't know why that name popped up in my brain, but when I googled it, I realized it was the name of the whale in Free Willy! Haha!)