Disclaimer:

Me: Guess what? Guess what?

Meg: What?

Me: I am now the proud owner of Family Guy!

Zack: Umm, no you're not.

Me: What do you mean?

Meg: Tying up Seth MacFarlane and locking him in a closet does not make you own Family

Guy.

Seth(From the closet): MMMPH!!! MMMPHHH!!!

Me: Does so.

Meg: Don't listen to this guy. He does NOT own Family Guy.

Zack: The only thing he own is me.

Me: Oh, fine! Let's get the fic going.

Seth(still in closet): MMMMMPH!!! MMMMMPH!!!! MMMMPPPPHHHH!!!!

Me: SHUT UP!!!

----

Chapter 8: My Sister is a Moron

Zack had gotten home from a hard day at work. You'd be tired too after a long day of getting robbed, getting beaten up by customers who complain about the prices, and yelling at your boss/dad all day. He was too damn tired to drag himself all the way upstairs into the attic so he walked into the living and dropped himself onto the couch. It was then that he noticed that no one was there. No Lois, no Peter, no Chris, no Brian, no Stewie, not even Meg. He really wanted someone to talk to, but since nobody was there things were rather quiet. He thought to himself that quiet was good and that he should take a nap. However, before he could close his eyes, the phone rang.

"Wonder who that is?" he muttered to himself as he picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Hello? Is Brian there?" asked a female from the line.

"He's not here. Who is this?" Zack asked.

"This is Jillian," she said.

"Oh no!" said Zack as his eyes widened in horror.

"Wait a minute? Zackie?" said Jillian, "Is that you?"

"Umm, no," said Zack as he covered his nose to make a nasally voice, "This is Bill, ummmm, Humperdinkle!"

"Well Bill ummmm Humperdinkle," said Jillian, "Could you tell Brian I'm on my way over."

"Um sure. Goodbye!" said Zack as he hung up the phone and laid back down on the couch. 2 seconds later the doorbell rang. Zack then got up, threw one of the cushions accross the room, and walked to the door as he muttered cuss words under his breath. As he opened the door, to his surprise(and dismay), there stood Jillian.

"What the?!?" he shouted.

"Zackie!" said Jillian as she gave her younger brother a hug, "What are you doing here?"

"I live here!" said Zack, "And why did you call when you were at the doorway?"

"I wanted better reception," she replied as Zack gave her a blank stare for half a minute, "Anyway, where's Bill ummmm Humperdinkle?"

"There is no Bill ummmm Humperdinkle," said Zack, "I made him up."

"Are you sure?" said Jillian, "He sure sounded real to me."

Zack placed his palm onto his face as he slowly dragged it down. He then held onto his nose and said, "I am Bill ummmm Humperdinkle."

"Oh my gosh! It is you!" said Jillian in amazement, "Now do someone else!"

"Jillian, go away!" said Zack as he pointed out.

"But I came to see Brian," said Jillian, "And besides, you're not the boss of me. I'm older so nyah!"

"Well I'm smarter!" said Zack.

"Prove it," said Jillian.

"What's 2 plus 2?" aksed Zack.

"..."

"What's 1 plus 1?"

"..."

"What's the first letter of the alphabet?"

"..."

Zack rolled his eyes, "What is your name?"

"..."

"Jillian, you can't even remem-"

"Wait! Wait, I know this one," interrupted Jillian, "It's Patrick! Right?"

Zack just sighed heavily as he hung his head in frustration. Just that very moment, the rest of the family had gotten home from the grocery store. The first thing Zack noticed was that they did not bring him any onion dip... Then he noticed that Meg looked beat up.

"Meg! What the hell happened?" asked Zack.

"What do you think?" asked Meg, "Lard ass got me in trouble with the supermarket!"

Flashback

The Griffins were about to leave the supermarket, when Peter gets an idea.

"Hey, Lois. Watch this," said Peter as he placed a can of soup in Meg's back pocket. Meg walked out but the alarm sounded.

"YOU!" shouted a security officer, "DROP WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE HOLDING!!!"

"What? But I didn't do anything!" shouted Meg, but then they released the dogs and she ran screaming. Peter, Stewie, and Chris were laughing their heads off as the dogs began mauling Meg.

"Peter, you know Zack's gonna kill you for this," said Brian.

"Nah, Zack's cool," said Peter, "He's cool about everything."

End Flashback

"YOU FAT BASTARD TURD!!!" shouted Zack as he grabbed Peter in a chokehold from behind and continiously knee'd him in his spine rather hard, "YOU WANT TO ENTERTAIN YOURSELF, GET A GAMEBOY BUT DO NOT HURT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!"

"You leave my dad alone!" shouted Chris.

"YOU WANT NEXT, TWINKIE???" shouted Zack as his eyes looked rather bloodshot.

"You know, Dad really needed to be taught a lesson," said Chris as he sat down.

"Some son you are," said Peter as Zack finally let him go, "Hey, Brian. That hot chick girlfriend of yours is here."

"Jillian?" asked Brian, "What are you doing here?"

"I needed your help," Jillian explained, "Remember that computer you bought me? Well, it doesn't work."

"Really?" asked Brian, "What did you do?"

"Well, I took it out of the box and I told it to work, but all it did was sit there," said Jillian.

"No way!" said Peter, "My computer did that to me too!"

"Did you try putting it together and then plugging it in?" asked Zack.

"Is that what that other stuff was for?" asked Jillian.

"Forget it," said Zack defeated.

"So anyway, Jillian," said Peter, "You wanna stay a little bit?"

"I'd love to!" said Jillian, "I'd really like to catch up with my little brother, Zackie."

"Zack's your brother?" asked Lois.

"HALF brother!" said Zack in annoyance, "We only have the same mom."

"But you can't me my half brother," said Jillian, "You're a whole person."

"Since you're Zack's sister, can you tell us stories about when you were kids?" asked Meg.

Zack then began to make comical jestures that said 'no'!

"I'd love to!" said Jillian, "When we were litte kids, Zack would used to run around in his underwear, wearing a cape and pretending to be a superhero! It was the cutest thing ever! Here are some pictures."

Everyone gathered to take a look. Snickering and giggling could be heard.

"Awwww," said Meg, "He looked so cute."

"Looked?!?" aksed Zack, "Wadda ya mean looked?!?!"

"Whoa man, that's um, that's pretty embarrasing," said Stewie, "I mean look at you. You were running around in your freaking underwear when you were a lad."

"Well... as long as she doesn't show those other photos," said Zack.

"Now here are the other photos, " said Jillian as she dug into her purse, "Zackie's bath time pictures"

"God F#ck! I hate you so much right now," said Zack as he fell backwards onto the ground and rocked from side to side.

"Zack, it's okay," said Lois, "We're laughing with you, not at you."

"HAHAHA!" laughed Peter pointing at Zack right before he grabbed the most blunt object near him and threw it at Peter shutting him up for a while.

"Zack, It's nothing to be embarrassed about," said Meg, "In fact, I wish someone would show baby pictures of me."

"Yeah, that would be possible. IF WE TOOK ANY BABY PICTURES OF YOU! HAHAHA!" laughed Peter, before Zack smashed a wooden chair on him, "OW! WHAT THE HELL?!?! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?!"

"Sorry, just needed something to break" said Zack, "So any more ways to strip away my dignity, sis?"

"Nope," said Jillian rather cheerfully, "By the way, what's a dignity?"

"I thought so," said Zack.

"Say, Jillian," said Brian, "If you want, how about I take you on a date tonight?"

"I'd love to!," said Jillian, "Hey Zack, you and your boyfriend can come, too! It'll be a double date!"

"SHE'S A FRIKKIN' GIRL!!!" shouted an angry Zack, "AND NO!!!"

"Come on Zack," said Meg, "It'll be fun!"

"But I don't wanna," said Zack in a whiney tone, "I just don't."

"Pleeeease? For Me?" begged Meg.

"Oh, alright," said Zack as he lightly kissed Meg, "For you, sweetie."

"Oh, ewww! He kissed Meg!" said Peter, "I haven't seen anything that gross since, uh... since... ummm... okay I got nothing."

"What?" said Stewie, "No non sequiter with a random flashback from the fatman?"

"Look I said I got nothing," said Peter.

"Well, this, um, this is a first," said Lois.

"What will we do?" asked Meg in panic.

"Quick, somebody do something for about a minute!" shouted Stewie, "That's how long the flashbacks usually are!"

"I think I'll just end the chapter instead," said Zack as everything faded to black.

End Chapter.

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