Author's note: Huge thanks to my consultant on all things French, havuhadanosejob on Tumblr!


Chère Geek Monkey,

I am joking. Chère Cosima,

I am sorry it has taken so long to write again. I do not feel good for keeping you waiting. These last weeks have been hard for me. A lot of things have happened and I have been upset. I did not want to think about it, but then I remembered you. You said I could talk to you about anything so maybe that is what I need. I broke up with Louis. My friend Adèle goes to school with him, and we had lunch recently, and she told me that he had been cheating on me. I did not believe her at first. I told her that Louis loves me and would never do something like that, but she insisted. She says she is just looking out for me. So I asked him about it and he did not deny it. I am not sure what I expected. At first I was angry. I yelled at him, but then he said it was my fault because I could not be there for him! I suppose that is to be expected of boys though. After the anger passed I was mostly just sad. I spent so much time crying. I am trying to get over it, but I am still upset sometimes. I apologize, I think I just needed to talk about this, and you say I can talk to you. That is why I have not written sooner, I have been preoccupied. But I am so sorry to put all this on you. I have been alone for a while but I think I just need a friend right now. Thank you for letting me talk. We can just forget about this now and get back to the rest of our conversation, if you'd like.

You make it too easy to make jokes at your expense. Oh, do not say that, you are very cool! Hm, I still think you are just not liking chemistry because you are bad at it. You singed off your eyebrows? Did that not hurt? Oh, I would love to see pictures of that! See? It is just so easy to poke fun at you. Yes, being a doctor would be too much. I think I am going to not think about deciding on a career yet. I will keep my options open and see what I like to do. Yes, there are so many degrees you must get for a career in the sciences. It is a tough profession, but I cannot imagine myself doing anything else with my life. It's possible I will also be in school for a very long time, depending on what I decide to do. Forgive me, I am not good with American geography, but how big is California? Do you not live near LA? How far is everything? But yes, I am considering my options for American schools. I will let you know where I apply, if I do at all.

I am very glad I have not offended you. I can be blunt with my questions sometimes, without realizing it. That is a very good point of view to have. It is interesting to know someone with such an open mind as you. Your friends look very interesting. Are you sure they are being nice? Yes, my brother would bribe me. He offered me some of his joint once, but I refused. Hm, cigarettes may be worse but at least they are allowed! You can trust me not to rat you out, as you say. Who could I even tell? Oh my god, Cosima! You are very, cheeky I think is the word. I will consider your offer! IRL? Is that an acronym for something? Well meeting me in person would not be too exciting. I am so much more awkward in person! After five minutes you will be wishing I was still thousands of miles away!

Well, if it means anything, I think the nose ring was a good choice. It looks good on you.

Excuse me? I'm "hot"? Where is this coming from? Your classmates are crazy! It is not even a good picture that I sent. No, no, thank you for the flattery, but I am definitely not hot, as you say. I could never be stuck with you, Cosima. You have been a joy to talk to these past months. I always look forward to receiving a new letter from you, and I truly appreciate your friendship. You are wonderful, Cosima, and I would like to thank you again for being so kind to me. I hope to hear from you soon, and I promise my next response will come in a more timely manner.

Bien à toi,

Delphine Cormier