Crazy Beautiful

Author's Note: I was thinking about the girl's styles and I never noticed how much they remind me of classic pin-up girls through the ages. Ivy is very Bettie Page and that whole classic pin-up look is very her, Selina is a dead ringer for Audrey Hepburn, especially in Breakfast at Tiffany's, and Harley makes the perfect modern Edie. That's my random thought for the chapter.

"Where are those girls?" Ivy asked impatiently as she checked her watch for the hundredth time that minute.

"Like I said fifteen seconds ago, I don't know," Harvey grumbled.

Ivy gave Harvey a look and he sulked down into the cushions of the booth.

"I'm rather nervous," Jervis said to no one in particular.

"Why?" Joker questioned. "They made her up and hopefully gave her a normal vocabulary."

"What if she's too good for me now?"

"To be fair, she was too good for you to begin with," Ivy replied.

"God Pammy, why don't you just kick him in the nuts and get it over with?" Harvey growled at her.

"What?!" she roared back. "I was being honest."

Jervis sulked.

"There's a line between honest and being hurtful," Harvey explained.

"Since when do you care?" Joker asked.

Harvey thought for a second. "Damn. I do care. When the hell did that happen?"

Ivy giggled a bit and rested her head on Harvey's shoulder. "Aw…my baby's gone soft."

Harvey rolled his eyes.

"I spot Kittie," Joker said as he averted his eyes from the love fest.

"Where?" Jervis asked excitedly as he jumped up to see over the crowd.

"Here, I'll get you a box," Joker replied sarcastically.

Selina and Harley sauntered over to the table, making sure they hid Alice behind them.

"Lady, gentlemen, and Joker," Selina began.

Joker rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"May we present, the new and improved," Harley continued.

Jervis was practically falling off his seat.

"Alice," they finished.

Alice stepped out from behind them. Her long blonde hair was now chocolate brown, pin straight, with bangs that just touched her eyebrows. She wore a tight black jacket, tight black skinny jeans, and black boots that reached her knees. Under the jacket was a white shirt and she wore silver necklaces around her neck. She smiled shyly with light red lips.

Joker had to slap himself in the face. He expected a difference but this, wow. Even he would go after her.

Jervis sat speechless. He just kept looking Alice up and down.

Alice waved a little. "Hello."

"You look fantastic," Ivy cried from the other side of the table. She got up and stood next to Alice. "This looks amazing! And is that…it is! It's the new Prada bag!"

"Oh, yeah. My mom and dad gave me some money for my birthday and Christmas so I decided to splurge," Alice explained.

"And do you hear that? English we can actually understand," Selina joked as she took a seat next to Joker.

"I'm impressed," Harvey admitted.

Alice sat down next to Jervis and laced her fingers through his. She smiled wide. He looked away.

"So, Harley, where's Eddie tonight?" Jervis asked.

"If he isn't with you then I don't know," Harley admitted as she too took a seat at the table. Harley pulled out her cell phone and flipped through her contacts until she reached Eddie's name.

"Hello," Eddie said through the phone.

"Hiya hun, where are you?" Harley asked.

"I'm on my way to the Iceberg. I made a stop at the store on the way. Be there in two minutes," he replied.

"See you in a bit then." Harley hung up the phone. "Two minutes. He'll be here in two."

"Sure he will," Joker said sarcastically.

"He will," she replied defiantly.

"So where was he?" he asked.

"He stopped at the store."

"That's what they all say when they're cheating on you," Joker said with an evil grin.

Harley looked him dead in the eye. "Then just think of all people I was screwing when I was with you."

"Round one goes to Harley Quinn," Selina mocked.

Instead of blowing up, Joker let loose a wild laugh. "Good one kiddo!"

Harley shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"You're awfully quiet over there," Ivy said to Jervis.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah," he replied in a half mumble.

"It's been two minutes," Joker announced to the table.

"And look who's here," Eddie said. He gave Joker a slight smack upside the head and then kissed Harley.

"He's a like a damn driver for Domino's," Joker muttered under his breath which resulted in a sharp elbow to the ribs from Selina.

"I see some empty glasses, how about I go to the bar and get some drinks? Save Holly the trip," Eddie said.

"Sounds good to me," Harvey replied.

"I'll give you a hand," Harley offered as she got up.

The two walked to the bar, hand in hand.

Selina watched Eddie and Harley laugh and flirt at the bar and even though she was rooting for Joker, she couldn't help but smile.

"They're adorable aren't they?" Alice whispered into Jervis's ear.

He nodded.

"I think we're cuter though," Alice continued.

"Yeah," Jervis replied.

Harley and Eddie walked back to the table with 4 drinks each. They sat the drinks down on the table and Eddie plopped down on a chair, pulling Harley into his lap.

"Took you long enough," Joker grumbled.

"Shut it," Selina warned.

"This is the first couples' night in a long time," Ivy said.

"Couples?" Selina questioned out loud and then she looked next to her and remembered the charade. "Oh yeah."

Joker tossed his arm around Selina's shoulders and smiled at her.

"You guys going to celebrate your anniversary?" Harley asked, sipping on her diet and vodka.

"Anniversary?" Joker asked.

"Yeah, it's coming up in a couple of weeks," Harley replied.

"Hadn't thought about it," Joker admitted.

"Me neither," Selina added.

"We should have a little dinner to celebrate," Harley squealed.

Joker looked at Selina and she shrugged. "Only if we celebrate all our anniversaries," Selina offered.

"Can Holly and Dick come too?" Alice asked excitedly.

"Absolutely."

"Then it's settled," Harley said firmly.

Joker looked at Selina and glared.

"It's dinner and booze, we'll live," Selina whispered.

"I love this song," Selina half slurred.

It had been a couple of hours since they got to the Iceberg and the table was littered with empty glasses. Ivy was practically passed out on Harvey, Harley and Alice were planning the anniversary party, and Jervis was still silent as the grave.

Joker got up from his chair and offered his hand to Selina. "Wanna dance?"

Selina smiled and allowed Joker to lead her to the dance floor where she stumbled into his arms. "Sorry," she mumbled.

Joker gave her a little twirl and the two swayed slowly to the music.

"It had to be you," Selina sang. "It had to be…" then she hummed the rest of the song.

Harley stopped talking with Alice and watched Selina and Joker dance. She felt her cheeks get a little warm and she began to breathe deeply. "I need to use the ladies." Harley got up and grabbed Ivy's arm.

Ivy's eyes fluttered open and she stumbled a bit. "Where are we going?"

"The bathroom."

"I don't have to go," she mumbled.

"I need you to go with me."

Harley continued on to the bathroom, dragging Ivy behind her.

"I'm a little drunk," Selina admitted.

"I can tell," Joker replied.

"You smell nice," she said as she buried her face in his jacket.

"The miracle of the shower," he joked.

"She ran to the bathroom," Selina said as she watched Harley stomp into the ladies' room with Ivy trailing behind.

"Who?"

"Harley."

"Oh. I think I lost the war."

"No, there's still hope."

Joker dipped Selina and she laughed as she about fell over.

"Okay, we're not doing that again," she laughed. Selina looked up at him and realized he was focused on the ladies' room door. "Maybe we should call the coast guard in case she fell in."

"Hmm?" Joker snapped his attention back to Selina. "She's been in there for a bit."

"Why couldn't you be this into her when she was with you?"

"I was, I just never let her know it," Joker answered.

"Oh my god!" Selina exclaimed.

"What?" Joker asked panicked.

"At the bar, it's Bruce."

Joker turned to look and he saw the man in question. He did look like Bruce but he could only see his back. "I can't really tell."

The man started to turn and Selina grabbed Joker by the back of his head and kissed him.

You'd think he'd be used to it by now but he still fought a bit and then relaxed.

Harley walked out of the bathroom and the first thing she saw was Joker and Selina. She wiped the tears from her eyes and walked to the table where she faked a smile and kissed Eddie.

The man turned around and Selina realized it wasn't Bruce Wayne but Dick Grayson. From behind, it was an honest mistake. Selina pulled away from Joker. "Sorry, false alarm."

"Why is it always when in doubt, kiss Joker?" he asked sarcastically.

"Look, you agreed to this whole charade," Selina said as she poked him in the chest.

"Agreed, forced into it, tomato, potato."

"Those are two different words," Selina told him.

"Exactly."

The two stopped dancing and Joker practically carried Selina back to the table. "I think we're calling it a night," he told everyone.

"Us too," Harvey added nodding toward Ivy.

Out front of the Iceberg, Harvey tried to hail a cab without dropping Ivy who was passed out on his shoulder while Joker tried to keep Selina from walking back in to get another drink.

"You guys going to be alright?" Eddie asked.

"Fine," Harvey grunted as he adjusted Ivy again.

"Good night girls, Harvey," Harley called as she and Eddie walked down the road.

"Ouch! You got snubbed," Selina laughed.

Joker glared at her.

"You were quiet tonight," Alice commented as she and Jervis walked home.

"Was I?" Jervis replied nonchalantly.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No."

"Can you say anything else besides no?" she joked.

"Yeah." Jervis cracked a smile and Alice nudged him.

"Tell me what's going on," Alice coaxed.

"What happened to "spill it" and "what it do"?" Jervis asked.

"I upgraded my vocabulary along with my wardrobe," she answered.

"Mmm," he grunted.

"Alright, seriously, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he replied.

Jervis opened the door to apartment and headed straight for bed. Alice trailed behind him like a puppy.

"I got new pajamas today too," she said hopefully.

"Did you?"

"Yeah, at Victoria's Secret. They're very sexy."

"Maybe tomorrow." Jervis quickly changed into his own pajamas and jumped into bed leaving Alice alone and slightly heartbroken.