9

Disclaimer: I own nothing…I'm just a poor college student trying to become a teacher…..

Thoughts are in italics

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews:

ckat44, Thanks for telling me about the anonymous review, I fixed it so that I can get them now…

Kayla Summers, sorry bout the confusion, the first chapter was just his first day back at the Dursley's, in the end Harry found his way to the park for the first time, that's were he was going when he said that he had to get out. Than the second chapter is Harry's night time routine and the first time that Snape comes into the story. Thanks for all the reviews too

On to the conversation, hope you like it…..

Chapter 8

Harry ended up sleeping in on Saturday, since the nightmares woke him up after only two hours of sleep, and like normal, he couldn't go back to sleep, so just like in the summer he ended up exploring the castle, trying to forget about the demons within. He tried sleeping again after most of the castle had woken up, but he just couldn't do it. With everyone else at breakfast, Harry decided to unpack everything else that he didn't get to last night, because of everything….

Too soon for his liking, Ron and Hermione were walking into the dorm, "Here ya go mate, it was all I could get," Ron said as he handed Harry some toast rapped in a napkin.

"Thanks," Harry said, taking a bite of the cold bread.

"Sorry bout last night," 'Mione said, sitting down on Ron's bed, "we didn't mean to walk out on you, but we didn't really know what to do." Harry held up his hand to forestall anymore comments from either one of his friends, "Look last night you said you were with me, but you have to think it over more, I don't want for you two to feel obligated to stay friends with me, you guys have lives to live after this war,"

Again Hermione tried to interrupt him, Harry gave her glare Snape would have been proud of, continuing with what he started,

"Look everyone around me dies, my parents, Cedric, Sirius…I'll save you the trouble, stay away from me till you decide if your life, your future is worth it, worth staying friends with me."

With that Harry grabbed the pack of cigarettes that only he could see, and left the room with his friends staring after him.

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Ron and Hermione just looked at each other; neither understanding why their friend kept pushing them away.

"What's going on 'Mione?" Ron asked, as he heard Harry slamming the portrait all the way down in the common room.

Hermione closed her eyes, and started shacking her head,

"I don't know Ron, Sirius' death hurt him and I don't think he's dealt with it yet, but I know he can't fight any of this by himself." she said setting down next to Ron on his bed. She put her head on his shoulder looking for his support.

Rapping his arm around her, Ron looked over towards Harry's bed,

"I don't know, but I do know that when the final battle comes, and all the other ones, I'll be next to him. He can fight me as much as he wants, I'm not going anywhere."

Hermione looked at her boyfriend; there was a fire behind his eyes that she's never seen before,

"I'll be there too," She said, "Someone needs to keep you two out of trouble. We just have to stay with him. Eventually we will get threw to him…I hope…" She got her head just right in the side of his neck, snuggling in; Hermione sent a prayer to what ever god was listing to help her friend.

They stayed like that for a while, each getting support from the other. After a little while, they decided that they had to do something to keep their friendship with Harry still going. Together they started planning a way to get threw to their best friend, before it was too late.

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Nothing unusual happened during the rest of the day, eventually Harry came back down from the astronomy tower, even though it was just for dinner. As dinner came to a close, Harry began to get nervous about his upcoming meeting with Snape; he said good bye to his friends and headed to the nearest bathroom, he had a few things he needed to do before the meeting.

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Harry made his way down to the dungeon, knocking on the office door and waiting; eventually, he got a barked "Enter!"

Opening up the door, Harry spotted the potions master sitting at his desk, hunched over parchment, writing very quickly. Snape pointed to the chair in front of his desk, than went back to writing. After taking his seat Harry was able to look around the office, it looked less scary than in his second year, but almost more welcoming than last year. There were still ugly thing flouting in glass jars, bookcases surrounding him on all sides, and little knickknacks scattered about.

With one final cross-out, Snape rolled up the scroll and vanished it. Sitting back and closing his eyes, "Mr. Potter, you are here because there are things you and I need to talk about."

Harry looked down towards his shoes, "Yes Sir," he quietly said, almost sounding scared.

"You will look at me Potter when you speak, you have to show me some form of respect, even though I doubt you are even capable of that."

Harry looked up with a new fire in his eyes, "Yes Sir," his voice sounded harder than Snape had ever heard before, and now it scared him just a little, "Potter…Harry, how is your supply of post-Cruciatus potion?"

Harry went to look down again, than caught himself in time, "I still have 3 vials left sir," he said looking anywhere but at Snape.

"Very well tell me when you are down to one, so I may make you more, though I do need more of your blood."

Harry's face slightly paled with the thought of having to roll up his sleeves again, "you won't need my blood tonight though, right."

Snape smirked at him, Harry was playing right into his hand, "no Pot…Harry, I need your blood tonight because I may not have a chance to get any before you run out of potion."

"Yes sir" Harry replayed looking down again.

Guess it's a good thing I cast the glamour before I left the bathroom

"Are we going to do this now sir", Harry continued.

"Yes, but not here, follow me," Snape said getting up and heading towards the far wall of the office. After pulling out three different books, the wall began to move aside opening up to a passage. Snape walked threw and Harry hardly made it in before the bookcase closed, he had to run to catch up to the potions master.

The passage opened up into a sitting room, which the pair walked right threw, Harry was barely able to get a glimpse of the room, and threw another door they went, walking into a potions lab, "sit over there, do not touch anything," Snape mumbled as he talked over to get the supplies he needed.

"Alright Potter roll up your sleeves"

And Harry did just that with a smirk on his face, reveling bear forearms, not a scare or cut in sight.

Snape pinched the bridged of his nose, "Harry you need to remove the glamour so I can get an actual vain."

Harry looked down at this arms, "there is no glamour and a vanes are right there and there and here," he cheekily told him well pointing to each vain.

"Do not lie to me Potter, I know that there are cuts there" Harry just looked at his professor, tilting his head to the right and shrugging his shoulders.

"You are a terrible liar Potter, now, Finite Incantatem."

Before their eyes, Harry's forearms converted back to what they were like during the summer, just with more scars and some new angry red cuts, one which was still bleeding, "Tell me what these are Harry; tell me why you did this."

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Harry yanked his arm out of the potions master's grasp and ran out of the lab. He didn't get far though because the door that he came in was gone and he didn't know where else to go,

Stop. Breath. Look around. There has to be a way out

Slowly Harry began to look at the room he was in,

Must be his sitting room

There was a black leather couch with two matching chairs, which looked like you just sank into them when you sat down. They were all facing a first place which only had ambers burning in it at that moment. On the far wall was another bookcase loaded with books. Tuning around Harry say another desk, which now had the scroll Snape was working on when Harry came into the office on top of it. The rest of the walls held doors, but Harry wasn't stupid enough to go threw any of them.

Wait bookcase

Quickly Harry walked over to the bookcase and began pulling random books off the shelf,

It's the way we came in, has to be at least on way out,

Once Harry was half way threw with the bookcase, Snape stepped out from the doorway of the lab, "Potter, sit down over there now, we need to talk," he said pointing towards the couch. Harry pulled once more book off the shelf than stormed his way over to the couch.

Snape took on of the chairs and positioned it in front of Harry, "Harry, roll up your sleeve so I can heal the open cuts."

Obediently Harry rolled up his sleeve, but refused for Snape to heal them, "it's done bleeding, just leave them, I need the pain" Snape conceded and sat back on his chair, "why did you cut Harry"

"What would you know about it anyway, why do you care, you hate me remember, or did you find out that I'm not as spoiled at you think, so now you need to be nice to me…what kind of bull shit is that…"

Snape sat back in his chair and closed his eyes, weighing his options, than he took a deep breath, "Finite Incantatem"

He rolled up his own sleeves to reveal many scars and the Dark Mark, "I know more than you think" he said looking down at his own arms, it's been years since he last saw all of his scars, they are under constant glamour since he stopped. "Now can you tell me why," he asked again looking Harry dead in the eyes, for his part Harry could not hold the stare and looked back down,

"It all started as an accident, I was reaching into my trunk to get a book when I cut my hand on a broken mirror. For the first time since Sirius…I felt something, it was pain, but at least it was something…" Snape moved forward on his chair "Go on Harry," he urged, for his part Harry began rubbing at his wrist, "that night I had a nightmare and I wanted to blame myself, hurt myself like the house-elf I am, it was all my fault that everyone dies, I just wanted that feeling back. I found my potions knife at the bottom of my trunk and I just cut and cut. There was so much blood, I rapped my arms up in some rags, but I felt everything disappear in those few moments, everything left me with the blood that flowed down my hand and onto the floor. All the mattered was the blood, I wanted, needed to see more blood, I needed that feeling back."

By this time Harry had rubbed his wrist so hard that some of the cuts began to open,

"Harry, Stop."

Pain. Blood. Need to see the blood, more pain more blood

"Potter" Snape shouted again grabbing his hands to stop him

"I'm sorry uncle. I'll clean the glass…"

"POTTER" Snape shouted again, slowly Harry began to blink out of the memory he was in.

Once Snape was sure that Harry wasn't in any danger from himself and he was just staring off into space, Snape went over to his liquor cabinet and poured two large tumblers of scotch. Sitting down, he handed Harry one glass and got a mumbled thanks in return. Once Harry had he emotions under control, and his past back in its hiding place in his mind, he looked up and took a sip, "thank you professor"

"I accidentally cut my finger with my potions knife in class in my 5th year," Snape started, staring off into the fire, "As you said, the feeling was addicting and I continued to cut, with it getting ten times worse during my death eater days, I came very close to killing my self a few time, that was until Albus physically took the knife out of my hand. He sent me to the locked ward at St. Mungo, where they let me out a month later. I was already spying for Albus by this time, so I went back to that, but at the same time he offered me the potions master spot here at Hogwarts." He finished, looking back at Harry, he could see that the boy was thinking over what he told just told him.

"How did you stop sir? I don't think I can the feeling"

"It took me very long time Harry, and I still have many urges and devils to fight everyday, I just do other things now to get that same result, that same feeling, the same pain."

"What did you do sir; I mean what can give you that same feeling?" Harry looked like he was actually beginning to enjoy the conversation, if that was even possible.

"I make potions, and I work on muggle fighting of all things. It helps most of the time, and when it doesn't I go and see Albus, we normally just play chess, but just knowing I'm not alone helps a little too."

"Sir, will….Can…Can you …Will you teach me, he…help me, I can't give up cutting, I like the feeling, but you say this will give me the same feelings, the same pain"

Snape downed his remaining scotch, than went over to one of the doors, "Come here."

Obediently Harry went over and when Snape pushed open the door, Harry's jaw opened, "what in Merlin!"

"Go on in, than I will explain."

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Together they walked into what can only be described as a muggle gym, there was a running track going around the perimeter of the room and in the middle was all different weight lifting equipment. Beyond that was more hand-to-hand fighting equipment, some punching bags and weapons, "wow" was all Harry could say.

"This" Snape said, "Is how I don't cut, I work my body till I can fell that same pain, you are welcome to join me for workouts."

Together they wandered around the room looking at all the different things around; eventually they ended back out in the sitting room again.

"Your little Gryffindor must be getting worried by now and it is almost curfew, this is your choice to make either stop cutting and work with me or keep cutting and I will tell Albus and you can enjoy your 6th year in the lockdown unit of St. Mungo. It's your choice. If you choose to work with me will be expecting you down here at 6am Monday morning, this way you have all day Sunday to think about it. Make sure you bring everything you would need for the day, plus cloths to run in and your uniform, since there will be no time for you to go back when we are done."

Harry looked at Snape than back around the room, he spotted a few dark arts books on the self.

He would be the best on to help me with my plan and this training will help too

With one final look, Harry went out the door the professor was holding open, "Goodnight Professor," Harry said just as the door closed, never getting a chance to hear his reply as he made his way back towards the Gryffindor dorms. He had a lot to think about in the next 24 hours.

"Goodnight Harry," Snape said once the door was closed. He walked over towards the scotch again and poured himself some more. He looked down and got a glimpse of his scars that covered his arms. The memories came flowing back to him, with each scar he remembered the story that when with it, or that caused it; most of them not very nice memories.

I have to remember to reapply the glamour before I go to bed…don't need anyone else finding out…

He thought as he sat back in his favorite chair, replaying the entire evening in his mind,

His relatives are going to be are next conversation, if he comes back, which he will, because Albus is right, I am the only one who can help him with his revenge…

Glancing at the clock, Snape headed over towards the bookcase to take away the darker books that were never outside his bedroom, those were all put there for Harry's benefit. He needed reminding of just who he was talking with. With everything cleaned up, he headed for bed and a nightmare filled sleep. Up in the 6th year dorm Harry was doing the same thing.

"My boys, my sons, you are so much a like if only you could see that, at least it is a start," Albus said, looking into his Pensieve, before heading for a few hours of sleep he could get himself.