A/N: I'm back. Yay! Sorry it's taking longer and longer to post, but...yeah, I won't bore you with the particulars of my life. So on with the show!
Oh yes, and the chapter is named after my hamster.
Murtagh's POV
Her expressions as unreadable, and it was difficult to refrain from reading her thoughts. "I see," she said slowly after a moment. "We need to talk." She looked up at me, her eyes met mine. "So talk."
"I...what will you do if Anna dies?" It wasn't the best way to start a conversation, but I needed to know.
She inhaled sharply. "W-what?"
"Please." I reached out, closing the gap between us, and took her hand in my own. "Rebecca, you must tell me."
She pulled her hand away quickly and looked away from me. She hugged her knees to her chest and shook her head. "I don't know," she choked. "I don't know." She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, but the tears still leaked out. "I know that she probably is dead already, but until I see the body I can still hope. I hope she made it to safety, I hope she escapes and lives happily ever after, but..." she trailed off.
"The soldiers will arrive in Furnost tomorrow. Then I suppose we shall see."
She nodded, and then wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. "What else?"
"Becca," I whispered. "What did I do to you?"
"You've seen the memories. You know what you did."
"I still what to hear it from you."
"Why?" she asked, turning to look at me once more. "What will that solve? Nothing. How can't that possibly help? It won't. All it can do is cause more pain." She was crying again, but she didn't look away. I didn't either. I couldn't.
"When will it end? When can I be happy again? When will it all work out? When will this pain that's been with me for years finally stop?" She turned away now, and buried her face in her arms as she sobbed.
"Shhh. Don't cry," I whispered. "Angels shouldn't cry."
"I'm no angel." She shook her head. "Sorry. What else did you...did you want to say?"
"Well, we..." I struggled to find the right words. "We sort of rushed things, didn't we? We were young, and it wasn't...right. Not to say, that I regret anything, no, of course I don't. The only thing I regret is that I left you. I shouldn't have. I just wish we had done things...properly." I cringed.
"Properly? If we had done anything properly we wouldn't have ever met each other in the first place."
"No, not like that. I just..." My face turned red. I hadn't blushed in years. "I wish I had married you."
She looked even more surprised than I had expected her to look. "Married...? Why?" she asked with wide eyes.
"It's...it's stupid, but I want to know you'll be mine forever, mine and only mine. It would have made it more official, more tangible, in a way. And it might have made me stay, or at least take you with me. I would have been a better man, a better husband, a better father." She didn't respond. I picked up a flat rock and skipped it across the water's glassy surface. "I know this sounds strange, and cliché, but I want us...I want us to start over."
"Start over." She repeated. "In what way?"
"Just as far as the...romantic aspects of our relationship. I got you your own room. It's down by the kitchens, I assumed you still liked to cook."
"I do."
Silence.
I inwardly cursed myself. I had completely messed up what I had wanted to say; it had come out all wrong.
Rebecca's POV
I didn't know what I was feeling. Partially, I suppose, I felt joy. He wanted me forever. For eternity. There was something reassuring about that. It made me feel like he would never leave again.
Of course, there was also the pain, a constant reminder of the reality of my life. I couldn't be worrying about this now. I had to worry about my baby, my Anna.
I realized I had lied. I did know what would happen if I found out she was dead. His idea of starting over wouldn't work. I would need him then, more than I had never needed him ever before. To hold me, to comfort me, to love me, to be loved. To give me a reason worth living. Either I'd need a new reason to keep breathing or I'd stop entirely.
But...suppose she lived. Then, perhaps the pain wouldn't stop completely, but...it might lessen. His idea of starting over, of making it right, would suddenly work, would be a dream come true.
When I was little I had always heard tales of happily-ever-afters. Perhaps I would get one. There was nothing wrong with hope, was there?
Thorn flew down. "We've got to go," said Murtagh, after a moment of silent conversation with his dragon. "It's getting late."
I looked up at the sky. "No, it's getting early."
The ride back was completely different from the ride there. It was awkward, and we were both exhausted, and had a lot on our minds. At last we landed.
"Let me show you to your room," said Murtagh as we dismounted. He led me back into the castle, through brightly lit hallways very different from the usual twisting dark passages. We stopped in front of a small wooden door. He pulled out a ring that held keys.
"I had two made for you," he said, handing them both over. I pushed one in the lock and turned it. The door opened with a little click.
The room was perfect. It was small, and cozy, with a little wardrobe in one corner, a small bed with blue covers and pillows in the next, and a bookshelf covering one of the walls. "This is all mine?" I asked quietly, walking over to the opposite wall and fingering the books. Murtagh nodded. I picked up an old blue book and opened it.
I hadn't read in a while, and at first all I saw was a jumble of strange symbols and letters mixed together. I shook my head and concentrated on the first word. T and H together made a th sound. Th... thi...this. This. I went to the next word. B made a bu sound. Bu...oo...k...book. I continued to sound out the rest of the individual words before trying to string them together. The first line must have been the longest sentence I'd ever read. This book is a history of Alagaesia, including a brief summery of the history of the elves and dwarves in this land, along with some information on the legendary dragon riders, and a list of past kings and queens and other rulers of this amazing land.
"Lovely," I said, putting the book back on the shelf. I had a feeling I'd be reading a lot lately if I wanted to get any better.
I turned back to Murtagh. "Thank you so much," I whispered. "You have no idea how much this means to me."
He smiled, a sad, but beautiful smile. "I should be going. You should get to bed too. It's late."
I walked him to the door. "Bye," I whispered. I leaned forward for a kiss, but he pulled away. "What?"
He put two fingers to my lips. "Starting over," he reminded me gently. He kissed my forehead and then turned and disappeared down the hallway.
I stood in the doorway for a while, then went back into my room and went to bed.
So...how was it? What do you think? Hmmmm...I'm not so sure about this one. I think it kind of sucks, but that doesn't matter if you like it, I guess.
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