A/N: EDITED VERSION.

Another update for you guys! The response for Chapter Seven was a lot better than I'd expected seeing as how nervous I was about it. Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing, you make this so much more worth doing. I know I told you a few chapters back that you could expect an... eventful conversation between Katie and Naomi and it will happen soon, I promise! I miss Katie, I know you do too. How could you not? Anyways, this chapter features some more background info and a flashback to the break up as well. Hope you guys like it!

Enjoy!

RS xx.


Take Me or Leave Me

Chapter Eight

"It's open!" I yelled from the kitchen when I heard knocking on the door that afternoon.

I looked at the watch above the kitchen counter and saw that it had just reached the one o'clock mark. I smiled at myself, punctual as ever.

"What would you've done if I'd been a burglar or something? This is London, not fucking… Is there even a place anymore where you don't have to lock your door?" Emily asked as she took off her coat, threw her bag on the floor and made her way to the kitchen.

She looked great as always; there was no denying that. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she was wearing a pair of casual maroon coloured skinny jeans, a loose white vest top with an owl printed upon it and a black casual blazer. Needless to say she looked stunning.

"Pretty sure a burglar wouldn't knock on the door, Ems, but I could be wrong…" I said playfully as she came to stand in front of me. "And hello to you too."

She grinned at me then, eyes sparkling, and surprised me by leaning up to kiss my cheek. What was that all about? Kisses in a bloody text message were one thing… but then again, a kiss on the cheek didn't mean anything more than a simple friendly gesture, a way of saying hello. I mean, in France it would probably be considered a fucking crime not to greet someone with a kiss or two on the cheek. Of course Emily was my ex-girlfriend and we were definitely not in France.

"Hi," She grinned at me with those enchanting chocolate brown eyes before she went to sit at the kitchen island, "So, what's on the menu, chef? I'm starving."

"Really? Never would've guessed." I joked sarcastically while I finished the chicken pesto parmesan I'd prepared for lunch. It was kind of my specialty and also one of the only things I could cook without setting fire to everything.

"Oi!" She exclaimed as I placed her plate in front of her, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," I started as I sat down on the opposite side of the kitchen island with my own plate and added with a sly smile, "that you're always bloody starving."

"Are you saying I'm fat?" She asked offended with her mouth full of pasta.

I couldn't help but laugh at her. She was so adorable… which is perfectly acceptable thing to say about your friends FYI.

"No, definitely not fat, Ems," I smiled and added with a wink, "You have the perfect body."

It was out of my mouth before I'd even considered what I was saying or how I'd said it. That was just one of my many talents, you know? Speaking before thinking. It was just such a familiar thing to playfully banter like that with her and I'd always loved it. Okay, so it might've been slightly out of line with our new friendship and all, but she started it.

Christ, Naomi, what are you? 12?

Emily blushed and looked down at her pasta awkwardly.

"Sorry… That was -" I started.

"This is really good." Emily interrupted and took another huge forkful of pasta in her mouth.

I was grateful for the change of subject, but still I found it a bit strange that it hadn't seemed to bother her when she texted that, not like this anyway. Maybe that was what it was then. Friendly harmless text messages with a slight flirtatious edge… It didn't mean anything. Then there was the kiss though…

Fuck's sake. It was on the bloody cheek. Get the fuck over it.

"It better be and just so you know you're cleaning since you insist on having lunch here instead of a place where they have actual staff to do that."

"Naoms…" She began, her eyes sad.

Fucking foot in my mouth… THINK BEFORE SPEAKING, NAOMI. How hard can it fucking be?

"I'm sorry for making you sneak around like this. I know you're already uncomfortable with Rosie not knowing the truth about the wedding and… um… the other stuff. I just can't deal with another fight like the one we had after I slept over. It was…" She swallowed uncomfortably and she looked a bit... embarrassed, I guessed, "Eventful."

"Eventful?" I questioned confused by her choice of words.

"Yeah, well, not something I care to repeat. Look, she just needs to get comfortable with the idea of you being around. She'll ease up, you'll see." She said with an unconvincing smile.

"Ems, how is she supposed to get used to the idea if she has no idea that I am around?"

"We'll all go out again," She said after a moment and instantly making me regret I ever brought it up, "Maybe Saturday evening, yeah? We'll drag Effy and Katie along as well so it won't get weird."

"I don't know, Ems…"

"Please, Naoms." She pleaded with her Goddamn adorable puppy dog eyes. Mine didn't even compete with those, "You're two of the most important people in my life… I'd really like it if you could at least try to get along."

Not very likely, I thought.

Seriously though, we've all experienced that feeling, that vibe, when meeting someone new that you're just not going to get along with that person, that you simply don't like them even when there's no apparent reason why you shouldn't. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was Emily's new and hotter girlfriend and that I didn't like the way she looked at her or touched her or spoke to her, nothing to do with that.

"Ems… It's perfectly understandable that Rosie doesn't want me around, let alone be my friend." And perfectly understandable that I just can't stand her.

"What if I can get her to play nice? If I can get her to say yes to Saturday evening knowing you'll be there, will you do it then?" She asked in the soft pleading voice that matched her puppy dog eyes perfectly and I knew that she knew I was going to give in.

"Fine, but don't expect me to play nice if she doesn't, Ems. I only ever tried playing nice occasionally with Katie because you and I were together and she was your sister… This is your new girlfriend we're talking about and I have no such obligations anymore, yeah?"

She thought about what I'd said for a few moments. I could tell she was trying to figure out what it meant by the way she bit her lip at the same time as she narrowed her eyes.

It wasn't because I didn't want to make an effort… Okay, maybe a little, but the point was I wouldn't take crap from a girl like Rosie just because she was Emily's girlfriend. In fact I wouldn't take any crap from her because of that very reason. Emily was the one who'd pushed this friendship thing and even though I'd gone along with it, it had happened kind of fast and very much out of the blue. I wasn't going to change the way I normally acted around people like Rosie just because Emily said so. Not anymore. However, I was ready to make a small effort if it meant we could stop sneaking around as if we were having a bloody affair.

"Deal then," She finally said, "I'll talk to her."

"Brilliant." I said half-heartedly, "Now eat, my darling, we can't have you complaining that I'm starving my guests."


Hours later we were lying on my bedroom floor with a bottle of vodka much like we'd done another lifetime ago before we'd ever gotten together. Sometimes I thought that it was so much simpler back then. I'd loved Emily from afar, my fortress had never been stronger and I had no one to answer to but myself. No expectations, no responsibility and no chance of getting hurt. Sounds pretty nice, doesn't it? It sounds like freedom, only it wasn't.

There's a price, you know, for hiding inside a fortress like mine. It becomes a prison and there's nothing remotely free about that. It might keep people at bay, but it keeps you locked up as well. To maintain that kind of protection you can't allow yourself to just feel, you can't allow yourself to care. So I became almost numb… nothing could hurt me if I didn't let myself feel. Then Emily came along and it was like she didn't even notice the walls or the impeccable defense system that just kept firing at her like a maniac to keep her at bay. She just walked right through, barely flinched.

When I finally did let myself feel, when I finally gave in to her, all the feelings I'd bottled up and locked away came at me with such strength that it was completely overwhelming. The thing about not letting yourself feel or care your entire life is that you've never really experienced feelings like desire, passion, love… and loss. The only feeling that came close to that was when my dad left us, but to be honest, I'd never really known the guy. So the feeling of loss was more a feeling of disappointment of what I'd never had, not a feeling of losing something I actually had.

Needless to say when I finally did have Emily I was scared shitless about the possibility of losing her. My feelings for her were so foreign to me, so overwhelmingly strong that I didn't know what to do with them. All I thought about every day, every minute and every second was her. Suddenly I was feeling trapped again, I felt like a prisoner in my own personally designed fortress, chained to my own feelings, but unlike before Emily, I was now very much in danger of having the whole fucking thing crumbling down on me and crush me completely. I wouldn't be able to do a bloody thing about it either, because as I said I was chained to my feelings, my feelings for her. So I did what I do best; I ran and I ran fucking fast, so fast in fact that when I finally stopped to catch my breath and realised what I'd done, it was too late. I'd done something unforgivable and I felt more trapped than ever as a result. It was never my intention of doing something that would eventually make me lose her, I just wanted to feel free. That backfired as fucking hell, didn't it?

After months of what felt like imprisonment with only food and water we finally managed to get over it though, she forgave me. I've never understood why, I really haven't, but that's Emily. Fucking pure of heart. But like I said, I'd done something that was supposed to be unforgivable and as I result I never forgave myself, still haven't, and though she did forgive me I'd practically ripped the chain of my feelings up by the root when I'd run to Sophia and that had consequences. In the process I think I might've ripped apart our ability to trust each other and it fucking went both ways because of the things she'd done while punishing me. I thought it wouldn't mean anything the moment I got her to forgive me, but without me realising it, it had affected me more than I'd originally thought.

For almost two years after that night in Freddie's shed we fought, we fought for us and for a long time we were the happiest we had ever been, at least I was. It was the most incredible feeling in the world, being that much in love that you didn't care how your life turned out, you didn't care about anything or anyone except the breathtakingly beautiful girl in your arms. That's the only time in my life I've ever really felt free, the one thing I wanted most. Ironic, you might think, but I'm book smart, not… whatever the other one is called.

As fate would have it, however, that feeling didn't last. And before you go ahead and think something moronic in the lines of "but you have to work for your relationship, it's not always rainbows and kittens and shit", I fucking know okay? And I fucking tried, I really did, but at some point the reality that was our past and insecurities caught up with us. I'm not sure how it started or why but I ended up resenting Emily for not going to Goldsmiths that year instead of traveling with her, which makes me the biggest hypocritical arsehole to ever walk this earth, because as I so obviously described I was the happiest fucking goof at that time. I mean, I could've just applied again for fuck's sake, but I didn't. At the time I guess I didn't wanted to risk losing her again with the distance and everything, but that logic backfired… again.

I admit I'd become more jealous as well, but Emily… Well she'd become the green monster itself. And in the end the resentment and the jealousy consumed us and destroyed the happy couple we once were.


"This isn't working, is it?" I asked defeated, "Us."

The girl I loved with all my heart was stood at the kitchen counter and had started on cleaning the dishes. We'd just had yet another of many dinners in silence that eventually ended in some fucked up argument I can't even remember what was about. I just knew that after months of this and months of trying to fix something that seemed so unfixable there was clearly something that wasn't working between us anymore and I had no idea what to do anymore. We'd tried talking about it over and over again. We'd tried ignoring it and we'd tried a few weeks of break from each other. Nothing seemed to work.

"No, it's not." She answered, still trying to occupy herself with the dishes.

"Ems…" I started, not knowing what to say anymore or how to say it, "You know I love you with all that I am, but -"

"You don't have to finish that sentence, Naomi, I already know what you're going to say." She said restrained, "You're running again, aren't you? Just when things get a little tough you're out of the door…"

"Ems! Fuck's sake, that's not what I'm saying…"

And it really wasn't. I just needed her to tell me what to do, what we should do. Because we couldn't go on like that, we'd die loving and hating each other. She turned around to face me then, tears running down her cheeks, anger and hurt flashing in her eyes.

"Then what are you saying then? Because to me this sounds a lot like a breakup."

"What? Is that what you want? To break up?" I asked incredulously, tears already spilling over.

"Of course not! I love you, but as you said something is clearly not working and maybe that's just not enough anymore."

"Now it sounds like a breakup." I said hurt and started to feel the walls trying desperately to rebuild themselves to shield some of the pain I knew was inevitable, "It sounds to me like you're the one who's fucking running, Ems."

I turned around then and walked away from her. I couldn't stay in the room, I couldn't, because I knew what would happen if I did. Unfortunately I only got as far as the hallway before she caught up with me. She tried turning me around to face her, but I couldn't. Instead I sunk down on the floor in the doorway, crying.

"Then tell me, Naomi, just tell me what we can do to make this work. I'll do anything… I don't want to lose you." She sobbed and I was reminded when I'd said those words myself.

At that moment I felt so tired. I felt completely and utterly defeated. I'd clung to the hope that Emily, the brave one, the less emotionally damaged of us would somehow figure out how to fix this, fix us. But as I looked up at her then, I saw the defeat so clearly in her enchanting tear filled brown eyes. She was as lost as I was; yet she was willing to fight. She was willing to keep hurting each other everyday in the hopes that we'd somehow find our way back even though it was slowly killing us both.

"I don't want to lose you either, but…" I started and looked down.

Slowly I was coming to the horrible conclusion that if we kept this up, kept doing this to each other day in and day out there wouldn't be any love left in the end, only hate. The thought of Emily hating me, the thought of me hating her… it was too much. She deserved so much better; she deserved the world. And I couldn't give it to her.

"I'm just so tired, Ems. Aren't you?" I said as I looked up at her again, pleading with her to understand.

"Wrong answer, Naomi." She sobbed angrily and hurt as she turned to storm up the stairs.

"Emily!" I cried after her, "Emily, please. I didn't mean…" but I couldn't finish the sentence. Instead the tears and the pain took over as my heart broke the last piece that was holding it together.


Later that night I'd made my way up the stairs. She'd already packed a bag or two and told me she would be leaving in the morning. I didn't argue, didn't try to stop her and didn't even tell her how much I loved her. All night we lay tangled up in each other. We didn't do anything but hold each other as close as possible before the morning came and went.

"Are you even listening to –" Emily started but interrupted herself suddenly, "Shit, Naoms, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

For a second I had no idea what she was talking about and shot her a questioning look before I felt something wet run down my cheek.

Fuck, I thought, hadn't even realised I'd slipped up like that. Fucking memories.

"What? Yeah, just got some fucking dust in my eye or something," I lied and wiped the tears away quickly and prompted her to hand over the vodka, "What were you saying?"

I took a big swig of the vodka to call my nerves as she started re-telling me some story about how Katie had once asked the exact question I'd asked Emily on the floor of my old bedroom floor so many years ago: "What do lesbians do exactly?"

I would've found the story hilarious if my heart wasn't pounding frantically at the less than happy memory. Sometimes I wish you could just press a delete button inside your head so you would never have to re-run the memories you'd rather forget and ask yourself the useless and stupidest question of all time; what if?

"Ems, it's nearly seven… " I said as she'd finished her story and sat up on the floor, "Not that I don't like having you here, but shouldn't you get back to you know… um… Rosie?"

"I've decided to stay for dinner." She grinned as she sat up as well and took the vodka from my hand.

Fuck me she was beautiful when she grinned like that.

"Really?" I asked playfully, "Well, apart from the fact that you weren't exactly invited, don't you think you should check with Rosie first?"

"Not home at the moment."

"What do you mean she's not home?"

Not that I care. She could be at the fucking North Pole for all I care.

"She's with her dad on a business trip, won't be back until tomorrow."

"Okay… And where exactly did you tell her you would be spending your day and evening? More importantly with whom?"

"Um…" She started, clearly feeling slightly embarrassed by the way she couldn't seem to look me in the eyes and probably a bit guilty too, "Home with Katie."

It didn't surprise me that she'd lied to Rosie again, I mean, I didn't really care that much about it, but suddenly it seemed to me like she'd planned everything. Like, the moment she knew Rosie would be gone and out of town she came running straight to me. I wasn't sure how I felt about that and I was about to say something that would indicate that I cared whether or not she was lying to her girlfriend about hanging out with me, something that would indicate that I could definitely care less, but thankfully she beat me to it before I put my foot in my mouth again.

"It's not that I like lying to her, you know and I know it's a really shitty thing to do, but I-"

"Hey, it's your relationship Ems." I said nonchalantly with a shrug, thankful for the chance to look completely indifferent.

"Exactly, it's my relationship and I'll talk to her, I promise." She said in a serious tone, "Besides, it's not like you even like her, so why do you even care?"

I found it relieving that she'd jumped to the conclusion that I was bothered about the whole thing on Rosie's behalf and I found it a bit amusing as well. That was definitely not the case, but what really surprised me was the fact that she'd caught on to the fact I didn't particularly like the girl. I'd only met her once for fuck's sake.

"Why would you say that?" I asked her, faking a frown.

"Please, Naoms. You've clearly underestimated me and my ability to read you. I could already tell back at the pub when you met her, but the way your face nearly contorts every time I mention her or she calls or texts, well… I think I know you just as much as you think you know me," She said slyly, "The only thing I can't seem to figure out is the why."

Think fast, think fast, think fast.

"If you know me as well as you think you do, Sherlock, I'm sure you can figure it out." I said then, not realising how completely loaded it sounded and quickly added before she could answer, "I see the world in black and white, remember? Either I like you or I don't and there's just something about her… As for the why? Still a mystery to me."

Okay, so maybe I lied slightly at the end, but it wasn't a complete lie. I knew that I didn't like the way she looked at Emily, the way she touched her, the way she spoke to her. Downright the way she treated her, but I'd met her once. Everything else was based on stories, eaves-dropping on one-sided phone calls etc. and that's when I started trying to analyse it, the why, and either I didn't want to admit the answer I found or I just liked the conclusion that I was too judgemental much better, because when Emily didn't answer I continued.

"However, I do somewhat trust your judge of character, so I'll try to play nice as I told you earlier since it's clearly important to you, but as I also mentioned earlier -"

I didn't have a chance finish my sentence before I was tackled to the ground, a very excited Emily on to top, hugging me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," She repeated, "And I know what you said and it's fine just as long as you try."

At that point I had trouble even comprehending what she was saying because all my attention was on the fact that she was basically straddling my waist at that point, that her warm breath tickled my neck as she spoke and that her warm soft hands were around my neck. I almost forgot to breathe.

Suddenly I felt her whole body stiffen on top of me and she fell completely silent. It seemed that what she was doing had finally caught up to her and not even nearly half a bottle of vodka could whisk that away.

She slowly lifted her face from my neck so it hovered a little over mine. As she looked down at me she didn't have the awkward or slightly embarrassed expression I'd been expecting written across her face. On the contrary it was very thoughtful and slightly… captivated?

For a moment I was completely focused on how her hands had travelled from my neck and to my face. The sensation of her touch was undeniable. It felt like tiny sparks of electricity wherever she touched me and I couldn't help the shiver that ran down my spine as I closed my eyes and leaned into the touch.

When I looked up again, I saw that her eyes were serious, pupils were slightly dilated and her breathing somewhat heavy. She was biting her bottom lip and her eyes were completely fixated on my mouth. I knew that look. It was hard to forget; in fact it was completely etched in my brain, because she was so fucking breathtakingly sexy when she looked like that. Needless to say it made my body react immediately to her and I felt the familiar feeling between my legs only she could make me feel with just a single look.

I knew what was about to happen and I found it kind of ironic that the whole reason she'd hugged me like that in the first place was because I'd said I'd try to get along with her girlfriend.

Her girlfriend, I thought again and the thought was like a cold bucket of water in my face. Well almost, but I could feel my thoughts become clearer and clearer with that single thought clear as water in my head. It was like I could literally feel her getting pushed back out of each wall she'd managed to slip through while I was slowly able to focus on something else than the way she looked at me… or at my lips really. I was able to focus on the fact that it was wrong what was surely about to happen. Not because she'd be cheating on Rosie again per se, but I knew how guilty Emily felt about it and also… it wasn't fair to either of us. I couldn't be this… this substitute for her whenever her girlfriend wasn't around and I wouldn't.

With that final thought I'd made up my clouded mind and just as she started to lean down I finally blurted, "Pizza?"

Smooth, Campbell.

At first she looked like she hadn't heard me and only acknowledged what I'd said with a quiet soft, "What?"

"Um… Do you want to get pizza for dinner?" I clarified awkwardly.

"Pizza… Dinner…" She repeated slowly, still not taking her eyes off my lips or even seeming to comprehend what the hell I was saying.

A quick moment after though the words finally seemed to make sense to her and she snapped her eyes up to meet mine. I could see the panic and the embarrassment so clearly it didn't surprise me when she nearly bolted back from me a second later and sat down several feet away from me.

"Great. I mean… Dinner… Pizza… Sounds great." She blurted nervously and looked anywhere but me.

It was a relief to me that she wouldn't look me in the eye to be honest, because even though she wasn't on top of me anymore, the feeling between my legs was very much still there. I contemplated taking a cold shower but that would probably be a tad bit too obvious.

"Great," I said and thought to myself that the word great had reached its limit for that day, "I'll go in the next room and um… order one."

I stood up from the floor, desperate for more distance between us and turned to walk out of the room.

"Naomi, I -" She started, but I didn't want her to finish that sentence. I didn't want to hear her excuses about familiarity and habits and girlfriends. Instead I interrupted her again.

"Effy!" I blurted out of the blue.

Fucking smooth again. Can't possibly understand why you didn't apply to Goldsmiths again since you're clearly so very fucking eloquent…

"I mean you should call Effy and ask her if she's going to join us. She should've been home hours ago, but she's been working late lately." I clarified.

Emily seemed relieved that I hadn't made her finish whatever she had been about to say, though something else was written across her face as well, but I didn't stick around to decipher it. I needed to get more space between us and even though a single room didn't seem like enough it would have to do for now.


A/N:

I'm fairly certain the sexual tension could light a fucking Olympic stadium to quote Liv from Clean Sheets by scriptmanip. I'm also fairly certain a room isn't enough to make it disappear, but I love Naomi for trying, which she will be doing for quite a while I'm afraid. She's nothing but not determined. And she's quite determined to keep Emily at arms length. That night out with Rosie should be interesting though, yeah?

I appreciate you all for just reading, but if you want a tiny bit more appreciation, please go ahead and tell me what you think so far.

Until next time lovelies ;)