SORRY I HAD TO EDIT SOMETHING n.n
I really hope a few of you are still reading my fic. I can't tell you how sorry I am but I just couldn't write for a while. There's just a lot of unpleasant things going on in my life right now and I didn't have the energy to write this, but here it is :)
It's an extra long chapter to make up for the lost time and I really hope you forgive me and still like and review my story.
As always thank you to my beta Zanab. Jafry, the most amazing girl on this entire planet. I couldn't wish for a better beta for my story
I don't own anything except the plot, though I wish I would.
Chapter 8
CPOV:
The suspense is excruciating. I've been sitting here for an uncountable amount of seconds, minutes, hours, watching the sun go down and waiting for something to happen.
Maybe they're just talking.
BULLSHIT!
As if Jonathan would miss out on an opportunity to hurt me. Hurt us.
The room I am in is now completely dark. You'd think that I should be scared of the darkness, but actually it helps calming me down. My brain just shuts everything out, leaving me to believe that if I can't see all those evil things in the world, they can't see me either. It's stupid, I know, but as long as I can spend a few moments of my hellish life in peace I definitely won't stop hanging on to this credence.
Nervous little sister?
I didn't answer, but that was enough information for him to know how scared I really was. Maybe Jace had figured it out on his way to see him. He knows that there is a connection between me and my brother, so it should be quite obvious that whatever happens to him, happens to me as well. However if Jace is angry enough, he doesn't really stop to think what he is about to do, or what the consequences may be.
Suddenly I could feel some kind of shift in my body, making me so dizzy I had to close my eyes for a few moments to regain my composure. When I opened them again I wasn't in Jace's room anymore. I was in a huge dark hall. The walls were bare and gray and the only source of light was the moon, barely shining through the dirt smeared windows.
But I wasn't really myself.
I felt incredibly strong. Like one little flick of my finger could kill the entire population of New York City.
Feels good to be me huh ?
"What?"
You're in my body now. You'll feel like that in about 6 months, don't you worry your little head.
At first I just wanted to make you and everyone around you suffer until you beg me to kill you but I just realized how useful you could become to me once you... developed properly.
"What are you talking abo–" There was a loud creak, like metal scratching on concrete. A thin sliver of silvery moonlight Illuminated the dirty floor for a second and dissolved as soon as the intruder closed the door.
Footsteps. Fast breathing. Someone gulped. Jace.
Ah, there he is.
I tried to warn him, tried screaming that he was making a big mistake, but no words would leave Jonathans' mouth, no matter how hard I wanted to force the words out of him. How could he control me so easily, make me do anything he wanted me to and I couldn't even make him say one single word? I knew he was way stronger than me – I mean physically – but that I couldn't even overpower him when I was inside his head? I really was a weak, useless Shadowhunter.
You're not inside my head. I'm just letting you see what I want you to.
I felt my – or better his – hand push some kind of button and then the room was suddenly flooded with light. He stood in the middle of the room, his hand defensively over his eyes to keep them from watering. As his eyes adjusted he lowered his arm and instantly focused on – me.
I've never seen him so angry. Or maybe I had but never was his anger directed towards me like that.
You do realize he can't see you, don't you?
"Doesn't change anything, I'll feel it anyway when he tries to kill you."
He snickered and took a few steps towards Jace. I tried to gulp down my fear but the adrenaline just pumped through me faster and faster, the nearer we got to him.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't dear little angel boy. How are you doing? How is Clarissa? I've heard she had a pretty bad accident a few weeks ago-"
"Shut the hel-"
I wish they would just get it over with already, my heart wouldn't be able to bear this tension any longer.
"Ah ah ah. No need to get nasty."
It was written all over his face how hard he tried to keep calm – probably for my sake. His fist started shaking while he closed his fingers around something in his hand, but instead of just throwing the first punch he asked "What do you want?"
"Hmm, what do I want? Force over your life, the power to destroy it whenever I want to, you can call it revenge if you like. Anyway, I'm going to get what I want, there's no way you can save dear Clary this time."
While Jonathan talked Jace carefully named his seraph blade and hid it behind his back. I was actually surprised he'd think that my brother wouldn't notice it but he played along anyway. My brother wanted to test him. Wanted to know how much he could take before he snapped completely.
"You know, I was surprised I found her walking the streets alone that night. I thought you were her bodyguard or something like that, chasing her like some love sick puppy, but I guess her safety isn't as important to you as I thought it was. But seriously, she's not really in your league anyway. I convinced her to think it, too. In fact, it wasn't really hard to make her believe that."
His facial expression changed for a second, into some other kind of anger. Anger towards me for believing Jonathan so easily? Even though it was true and Jace probably knew it, too. I would never be good enough for him, there would always be people who'd tell him that. I just hoped he'd never start believing it.
"But boy did she feel good. I asked myself whether you got to touch her the way I did, if she ever let you suck her breasts like I di-"
Jace finally snapped. The tip of his blade was inches from My – Jonathan's – heart when he easily side stepped it, though the blade cut a shallow gash over his chest.
I felt it. It was the strangest sensation, feeling someone else's pain as if it were my own. Jonathan didn't even react to it, he ignored the blood running down his chest and laughed. He just laughed at him as if he had just told a funny joke.
Why doesn't he notice that Jonathan isn't defending himself for God's sake?
"I'm gonna rip your damn head off, you bastard!" He screamed and came forward again, throwing his blade away and effectively breaking my and his nose with a hard punch. It went on like that for god knows how long until Jonathan lay on the ground with Jace sitting on top of him, his blade pressed against his throat. I could barely grasp what was happening anymore. While Jonathan seemed to barely be in any kind of pain, the blood flowing out of me took my strength with it until I was hardly conscious anymore. I couldn't really feel the pain, though I didn't know if it had something to do with the fact that I wasn't really present in my own body at the moment.
Jonathan kept mocking him, telling him details of the night he raped me and how good it felt to hear me scream and cry in pain.
".!" With every word he threw a fist at his face.
"Don't you think it's strange I didn't bring any weapons? Didn't you notice how I wasn't defending myself at all?" I couldn't really make out what they were saying anymore. It felt like Jonathan was slowly blocking me out of his head, like my consciousness was tardily creeping back into my own body. Or maybe I was just dying, I didn't know what the difference was anymore anyway.
Eventually Jace got what he was talking about, let the dagger fall and scramble backwards frantically, whilst whispering the word "No", more to himself than to anyone else.
"So now you understand what's going on, don't you? She's still breathing, but I would hurry if I were you. Maybe you'll get to her in time, but..." That was the last thing I could hear before I was thrown back into Jace's room.
Why does it hurt so much?
I lay on the ground, half hidden under his bed and it hurt. My face felt as if a barrel just rolled over it apart from the fact that it was doused in my blood. I didn't even want to think what my body must look like. I couldn't breathe. My entire ribcage felt broken, squeezing my lungs under the broken pieces until they screamed for air. Secretly I hoped I would die. I lost enough blood anyway and even if Jace could make it in time, Magnus never would.
It would be a pity if you'd die now. I had big plans for you little sister.
I couldn't answer anymore. My eyes closed, my breathing got slower. I could feel the last life-saving drops of blood dripping out of the wounds Jace unknowingly inflicted on me. Jace. If I had enough energy left I'd try writing 'I love you' on the floor with my blood, like I read in one of my favorite books once, but I couldn't even lift a finger anymore. I whimpered – even though I felt like screaming. How long do I have to suffer before my body finally gives up? But I don't want to give up on Jace.
He'd never forgive himself if I died now. I couldn't do that to him, I couldn't let him live with that for the rest of his life. It would kill him, too. I'm going to stay strong for you.
Just then an unbearable ripple of pain shot through me. Surprisingly I still had energy to scream after all. "Please make it stop." I whispered, though I'm not sure I didn't just mouth the words.
Just breathe, I told myself.
In,
Out.
In,
Out.
JPOV
I dialed Magnus' number while I ripped every door in my way off its hinges in order to find her.
"Do you have any idea what time it is, Blondie?"
I didn't react to his annoying pet name and kept searching for her.
"You have to come here. Now." was all I said as I neared my room. My tone of voice let every cuss word he wanted to throw against my head die on his tongue.
"What happened?"
"I don't know it yet. It's Clary, you have to—" And then I sucked in one single painful breath. I had opened the door to my room and there she lay. Her torso and head were hidden under the bed, just her legs were visible, lying motionlessly on the floor in a weird angle.
"Clary?" I asked, terrified.
No answer.
I fell to my knees beside her and pulled her out from under the bed. The phone fell from my hands as I took in her body. All there was left of her was blood, bruises and flesh wounds. Her eyes were closed, her heart was still.
She's dead.
I killed her.
I sat there, her head on my knees, her hands in mine. She was still warm, the blood hadn't even dried completely yet. Something wet slid down my cheek and dripped onto her lips. I leaned forward and kissed it away, lingering there, waiting for her to respond to me, like she always did when I kissed her awake like that every morning.
But she didn't.
She just lay there, her eyes closed, her lips cold, her body still.
"Wake up Clary."
Nothing happened.
I kissed her again. Nothing.
"Clary, wake up." She didn't. She just kept sleeping in my arms.
Breathing was painful. It came out in fits and starts, squeezing my lungs and stretching my windpipe. And then I realized.
"No, Clary, you have to wake up, please, please, please wake up!" I lay her on the ground and started on a cardiac message. Runes would be useless on her now.
"Don't you die on me Clary, please, I'm so sorry, I didn't think, please come back so I can make you forgive me, please don't you dare die on me now!" I didn't know if I was sobbing or screaming or begging but I didn't stop apologizing to her. Apologizing to a corpse.
I kept pumping her heart and push air down her throat until my arms hurt so much I could barely push anymore. All of a sudden the door burst open and Magnus, Alec and Isabelle came rushing in.
I ignored them and continued to pump life through her, all the while begging for her to wake up, even threatening her that I'd kill myself if she wouldn't come back this instant.
"COME BACK, GODDAMMIT! CLARY, I NEED YOU!" I didn't care that I was screaming. I didn't care that Isabelle was crying against Alec's shoulder, I didn't care that Magnus told me it was over and that I should stop. I wouldn't stop until she opened her eyes and tells me she forgives me.
How long had she been dead for? Three minutes? Four?
"Come on, you're stronger than this, you're stronger than him, don't let him win Clary, please don't let him win!"
I sure as hell wouldn't let him. But my subconscious whispered that he finally had. Nobody who'd been dead that long would come back. It was over. I killed her. He won.
I sat back and just... stared at her. I barely heard Isabelle whisper ave atque vale, barely felt Magnus' reassuring hand on my shoulder, barely noticed the cooling drops of blood running over my hands and sure as hell didn't sense water running down my cheeks and onto her pale face.
The only thing I saw, heard and felt was that I killed her. I killed her.
"No Jace, you didn't do this, don't take this out on yourself." Alec. He had no idea. None of them had. "You don't understand. She told me. Clary told me that the night he-" I choked, barely able to speak properly anymore. "The night he raped her he made her drink his blood to bind her to him. They've been linked ever since. She told me and I didn't understand. I went to meet him and he just- he told me everything! Mocked me how he made her scream and cry and I just couldn't take it anymore and I..."
A sound dangerously close to a sob escaped my mouth. "I beat him and now she's FUCKING dead! I killed her with my own two hands and there's nothing I can do to change that."
Realization dawned on her faces as they stared at me. Isabelles' hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide. She understands. She knows what I've done. Pity was written all over my Parabatai's face, but all I cared for was the dead girl in my arms.
I softly stroked her hair, wiping drops of water and blood from her face as good as I could with my smeared fingers. "I'm so sorry." was all I could force out of my mouth. Nothing. There was nothing left inside me. I didn't want to live anymore. I gave up.
And then – just like that – her eyes flew open.
She struggled to breathe in my arms, sucking in air as if she'd been drowning and someone pulled her out the second her lungs were filled with so much water they threatened to burst.
I don't know if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I swear her eyes were black for a few moments, before they turned back to the green I loved so much.
I kneeled before her, shell-shocked, my brain not able to compensate what just happened and how someone who's been dead for longer than 5 minutes could simply wake up like that again. Magnus broke me out of my trance as he pushed me aside to get to her. She arched her back off the ground as a horrible cracking noise echoed off the walls of the room. First I thought she broke something because of her thrashing on the floor but somehow her leg seemed to relocate itself back to where it was instead of the painful looking angle it was before.
"Jace, do something for God's sake, I can't heal her like that!" Magnus shouted at me and I instantly sprang to action. I took her by the wrists and Alec tried to grab a hold of her legs bust she seemed incredibly strong and nearly threw the both of us off.
Something wasn't right. She shouldn't be able to do something like that in this state. Hell, she shouldn't be able to do something like that at all!
"Stop it! I'm healing myself. I don't need your magic!" That wasn't Clary. It was a strange, contorted rip-off of her voice, like an angry demon spoke through her. Of course, Jonathan!
But whether it was Clary or him speaking, it was true. Her nose righted itself with a sickening crack, her bruises slowly faded to leave the pale, smooth skin Clary had before this nightmare broke down over us and her wounds filled with some sort of sticky black liquid before they closed themselves off, skin over flesh and flesh over bone, until she looked as if nothing had ever touched her, if you only ignored the blood she was still drenched in.
Her breathing slowed down and a relieved sigh escaped her mouth. "Jace." She smiled exhausted and stretched her hand out towards me. It felt like my heart started beating again, without me noticing it had even stopped before. I hastily slid towards her, lifting her off the ground and onto the bed where I sat down on the edge, my legs too wobbly to stand anymore.
I cupped her cheek with my shaking hand and gulped. "I am so sorry," was all I said, all I was capable of getting out of my mouth as exhaustion washed over me and threatened to pull me under.
She laid her hand over mine and rubbed her cheek against it.
"You didn't know Jace. And how could you? I wasn't allowed to tell you anything. But I'm okay now."
"But Clary I ju–"
"Please. I'm tired. Can you please just lie down with me?" I wanted to protest further, but I saw how difficult it was for her to keep her eyes open, so I just obeyed and lied down beside her, pulling her against me and basking in her recurred warmth. I kissed her neck, her cheek, the sensitive spot behind her ear. I placed my lips everywhere I could reach, so that she could feel just how sorry I was for everything I'd done tonight.
"It's okay Jace." she murmured. She braided her hand in my hair, her fingers lazily massaging my pounding scalp.
"No it's not. I will never forgive myself for what I've done to you." Even if I did, I could never forget about it. I was sure I'd be dreaming about tonight for the rest of my existence.
All she did was sigh and tuck her head between my chin and shoulder, her breath warming my clammy skin.
She continued stroking me until I was on the verge of sleeping. I nearly didn't hear her say the next words.
"Thank you."
"You don't have anything to thank me for."
"Not you. Jonathan. He gave me his blood." she sighed, her voice getting more and more quiet. "He saved me."
I really hope you liked it and if so, please leave me a pretty REVIEW okay? I'd just like to know how many people are still reading this, or if I scared you off already.
SO PLEASE REVIEW AND THANK YOU FOR READING!
~SBT
