AN: It's been nearly 3 years and the next chapter is finally here. This has been in the works roughly the same amount of time, with huge gaps in between. If you guys thought I had abandoned this one and thought that this will stay unfinished - chances were, but now I am set on bringing it to close. Initially this was my scheduled last chapter for this story, but now I have a few ideas left. Only time will tell if I get around to writing it. Someday. This story has been harder to write than anything else and for obvious reasons. Now it's done and maybe it will help someone.

I thank you all, who are still with me and you, who joined halfway or just today. Thank you for reading.

L.

***SVU***

The cold February air sneaked in through the cracks on the window and between the old wall, the cold breeze entered the warm, but poorly lit room, where Olivia Benson was crouched over her couch, while holding Victor Hugo's "Les Miserables" in her hand, while her eyes quickly followed every written word. She was surprised how much this book touched her in all the right spots, in a way it gave her hope that she would find her way too.

The eventfulness of the past year was hitting hard on her, while she worked on her thesis and final exams, her personal life blew up on her and it seemed like things should get better now, but it could still get worse before. The relationship with Alar had crashed and burned like Olivia had predicted, yet it hurt more that she anticipated, when the eventual fallout happened.

The other major fallout came from the aftermath of David's suicide attempt – his girlfriend Liz had gotten pregnant months after the attempt and it seemed like coming June was going to change the best friends more than either of them anticipated – Olivia was going to graduate from Siena – if she did make it of course – and David was becoming a father. Liz has stopped the two of them from hanging around even more, but David and Olivia always managed to find a way. Surely Alar didn't like Olivia hanging around another guy to the point when Olivia started lying to him about meeting David. It seemed to solve their issues, but secrets have a tendency to come out.

Theirs did. It concluded with a big colossal bang – fireworks all over the sky that were probably heard across the coast of Ireland, when Liz came to see David in his grandma's place unexpectedly and found David with Olivia, both in a good mood and enjoying a bottle of red wine. Liz made a scene in the apartment, David's grandmother finally kicked her out, it was no secret that the elderly lady preferred Olivia over Liz. Liz called Alar, who dropped by mere 20 minutes later and made a scene as well. Olivia ended the relationship and that was the last time she saw Alar. Later that night David went to clear things with Liz, if he ever did, Olivia didn't know – she hadn't heard from any of her friends in 4 months.

Truthfully, she didn't expect to hear from any of them. She didn't expect that in a few days time either, when her mother would be reminded again of what happened at the end of May in 1967 and how 38 weeks later after 12 hours of painful contractions little Olivia Benson entered the world with a loud cry, was coming around again. To Olivia it didn't remind any of that, instead she celebrated the passing of another 365 days of her existence which made her 22 years old in a matter of days.

Olivia tried to put everything out of her head, so she decided that she should go out with a few of her friends from her sorority instead of panicking in her room about her exams, her friend, her thesis, and everything else. She dropped her book on the couch, changed and left the warmth of her room. She knew the girls had a plan to go to a pub anyway.

They met in a little pub close enough to their apartments, but fairly far from Siena, so students rarely made it there and the chances of meeting anybody was slim. She was there with her friends Rachel and Mary, with whom she had many subjects together and Olivia liked their company.

"So, I'm moving in with Arthur," Mary announced.

"That's great," Olivia said with a smile.

"When are we getting wedding invitations?" Rachel asked.

Mary sent Rachel a dirty look, sipped her beer and shrugged her shoulders. "It's up to Arthur to pop the question," Mary replied.

"But do you want to get that ring?" Olivia asked provocatively.

"Maybe," Mary said with a smile.

"Of course she does. Name any woman, who doesn't want to get a ring and a big marriage," Rachel quipped in.

"Olivia," Mary said instantly, "Me," Olivia said at the same time.

All three girls laughed.

"Name me any woman, who doesn't want a ring and who is not named Olivia," Rachel corrected herself.

Neither Mary nor Olivia knew anyone else, who had publicly announced, that they don't want to get married, except for Olivia, who once – after a couple of drinks – shared her negative opinion about all men, her inability to trust them and her desire to never get married and never have kids.

Before Mary or Olivia could say a word, their table was interrupted, when a guy approached the table. He came to stand behind Olivia and looked over her at Rachel.

"Excuse me, ladies, but my friend over there," he said and pointed his head over to the table, where 4 guys were sitting and watching their table intensely, while one of the guys waved at them. "He finds you extremely pretty and would like to ask you for a dance," the guy continued.

There was something familiar in the guy's voice, but Olivia couldn't quite place it.

"And I would like to ask if you'd be willing to join our table, all of you lovely ladies?" the guy continued.

Mary, Rachel and Olivia exchanged looks, Rachel was the first to nod and the other girls agreed. They would not oppose to having a few drinks with good-looking guys and have some fun. The night could turn out to be much different from what they thought before.

"Sure," Rachel voiced their opinion.

"Great," the guy said.

Ever the gentleman, he pulled Olivia's chair back when she got up and they came face to face. He was standing there with a half-full bottle of beer, a goofy smile and casual outfit, it was much different from the last time they met. He had a marine haircut, and he seemed to be much more muscular than before, but otherwise he looked the same. Yeah, she had looked into those deep blue eyes last at the worst moment of her life (so far) and the moment their eyes met she knew he recognized her too.

"Olivia," Elliot said with genuine surprise.

"Elliot," Olivia replied.

An awkward silence occurred.

"You two know each other?" Rachel asked.

Olivia turned to her friends and looked for words, because she didn't tell any of her friends here about David's suicide attempt and this was not the time or place to do it.

"Um… Yeah, well, sort of…" Olivia tried to buy some time to come up with a believable lie for her friends.

"We have met once before, under much different circumstances," Elliot helped her out. "I'd much rather meet you like this though," he added and winked.

"Yeah, me too," Olivia agreed.

Mary and Rachel both sent Olivia looks that were full of excitement, yet full of questions. Olivia knew they were curious about the guy and the fact that Olivia had never told them about him. She knew she'd have some explaining to do the next day, but at least she'd have time to figure out her story now.

Elliot led the girls to the other table where his friends where sitting, the smiling guy named Andrew took Rachel for a dance and Mary took his seat, while Elliot offered Olivia a seat next to him.

The guys introduced themselves, but Olivia didn't focus enough to remember their names. All of them had muscular build and typical marine haircuts. One of the guys explained that they were all marines and he just got called back to service. Soon enough one guy left to make rounds and ended up chatting up a girl by the bar, while the other two guys were intrigued by Mary's knowledge on Knight Raider. That left Olivia and Elliot chatting away at their side of the table with little to no attention from the others.

"Since when are you a marine?" Olivia asked Elliot.

"I joined the corps in 84, right after high school," Elliot replied. "I left a year later for college and later NYPD, but I am still in reserve. With things like they are in Kuwait, I wouldn't be surprised, if I'd be called back in soon too," he said.

"Quite a life you've had," she commented.

"We all have a story to tell," he said and smiled. Olivia smiled and sipped her beer. "So what's your story, Olivia?"

"Just school – high school in Manhattan and now Siena, haven't done anything that significant," she said.

Elliot nodded. He looked around and saw that the others were not listening to their conversation and asked in whisper: "How have you been with everything?"

"I've been good. Everything's great," she replied casually. She knew, what he was asking about, but she was not about to talk about what had happened the last time they met.

Elliot took the hint. "Good," he replied and smiled.

"How have you been?" Olivia asked.

"Good. I'm really good," Elliot replied. "Actually I am at the end of my officer training and hopefully soon I'll be promoted as a detective," he elaborated.

"That's really good, congratulations, let's hope you'll get out of uniform soon," she said happily.

He angled himself more towards Olivia and placed his bottle of beer in front of her. His one arm held onto the chair on which Olivia sat, so his fingers brushed against Olivia's back. "I thought women liked men in uniform," he whispered.

Olivia laughed. "We do," she confirmed.

"Do you?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and nodded.

"In that case I might hold up on changing into regular clothes just yet," he said huskily. His voice was low, but his breath was hot against her skin.

"Are you hitting on me?" Olivia asked bluntly.

Before Elliot could reply, Rachel and Andrew came back to the table. Suddenly everybody was engaged in a conversations, they were making jokes and the night turned out to be a good one. Elliot leaned back away from Olivia, but they knew their conversation would be continued.

After awhile everybody started leaving one by one, Rachel and Andrew left together. On their departure both Mary and Rachel winked at Olivia and she knew that she'd be giving them details about this night the next day. No doubt Rachel would be talking about Andrew as well.

Finally it was just Olivia and Elliot left in the small pub, which was slightly more crowded and much louder than it had been before, but Olivia and Elliot didn't quite notice it. At last, they were alone and Elliot could get the answer to the question he had had for about a year.

"How's your friend?" Elliot asked.

Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. He's somewhat better than when you last saw him, but I don't really know. I haven't been in contact with him much," Olivia said heavily.

"Okay. We don't have to talk about the events surrounding the first time we met. You know that time you looked…" Elliot said, but lost his words, "You look much better now," he finished. He still remembered those big teary brown eyes and the way she looked at him. She looked broken and so fragile then, but she doesn't look like that anymore.

Olivia nodded thankfully – she was not ready to discuss David – probably never was, felt like David was her dirty little secret.

Elliot waved at the bartender for another round of beers for them and then turned back to Olivia, who was staring at the table rather uncomfortably.

"We can talk about anything you want, we don't have to talk about what happened," Elliot said.

The bartender arrived with 2 bottles of beer and removed the empty ones from the table. Elliot took his and sipped it, while Olivia wrapped her fingers around the bottle, but she didn't lift it to her lips.

"How did the investigation turn out?" she asked.

"Suicide attempt. We talked with David once he came to, his story checked out and we didn't investigate it further," he explained. "You know I tried to call when we finished, but one time there was no reply and then some other girls answered, you weren't there," he added quickly.

Olivia nodded. "David said the same thing," she said.

"He seems like a nice guy," Elliot added. Olivia smiled. "You really wanna talk about him?" she asked and raised her eyebrow.

He smiled. "Not really." He sipped his beer and looked around the pub. He leaned closer to Olivia again. "We don't have to talk at all." He licked his lips. "I'm pretty content in sitting in this cozy pub with the pretty girl. I'm all good." Olivia shifted in her chair and smiled at him.

"The weather is nice," Olivia said with a silent laughter. One of her friends always said that when he wanted to change the topic or they ran out words.

"The snowfall we got last night certainly was pleasant," Elliot continued.

Both of them laughed. Elliot took a bottle in his left hand and sipped it. As Elliot raised his hand, his golden band around his left hand's 4th finger glistered and Olivia noticed the wedding band for the first time.

"You're married," Olivia stated. She pulled away slightly and Elliot did the same, though she could tell that he didn't want to. It wasn't a question, but Elliot still felt obligated to respond, so he nodded and held his hand up. "I got married, when I was seventeen," he confirmed.

"Must've been one hell of a relationship," Olivia commented. Then again she waned to get married, when she was 16, then again it was to escape her mother and it didn't happen. It probably was for the best, otherwise she'd be 21 and divorced.

Elliot swallowed hard. "She was pregnant and it was the right thing to do. I love her, but I don't think I would have proposed if the situation was different," he explained.

"Good to see at least some guys are taking responsibilities for their actions," Olivia said bitterly, the anger towards her own biological father, whom she had started to call her bastard, came back to her.

"I'm a Catholic, I didn't have much of a choice. But it's good to have kids and wife to go home to. Honestly I don't remember my life without them," Elliot said easily.

"You have more kids?" Olivia asked with surprise.

"Two girls. Maureen is seven, she's in first grade and Kathleen is one. I turned eighteen weeks after Maureen was born," Elliot replied.

"You have quite a family. And you've had quite a life. You're what… 25?" Olivia asked.

"Five. I'm twenty-four," Elliot corrected.

"You're twenty-four, you're at the end of your police training, you've attained you B.A., you are married with kids and you were a marine. Quite some life," Olivia complimented.

"There is no such thing as ex-marine, once a marine always a marine," he corrected her.

"My apologies," she said sincerely. She was amazed by the life he had had and felt disappointed in the life she was living. Going nowhere and if she had to show her accomplishments, then she'd be in trouble as she had none.

"You'll get there. Once you finish your studies, you will be great. I'm certain in that," Elliot said. "You'll change the world and even if you don't cure cancer or death, then you will save some lives and change others. I'm sure of it, even if you don't know it yet."

"You dream big, marine. I'm gonna graduate in a few months and I have no idea what I'm gonna do next," Olivia confessed.

"You'll figure it out," Elliot said casually.

"How did you know that you wanted to be a marine or a cop?" Olivia asked.

Elliot laughed. "It's a long story."

"I have nowhere to be," Olivia said.

Elliot took a deep breath and concentrated his thoughts. Both of them drank their beer, Elliot took a deep breath and turned his eyes away from hers.

"I was senior in High School, when Captain Richard Finley, who went to the same high school as I did, came to give a speech and I knew that flying was my thing. He nearly made it to the moon and I wanted to do that too. So I joined the marines and it was also a solid income for my family. I had a daughter and I realized, that I couldn't go off to the Middle East to fight, so after some time I quit marines and got into college. I studied political science in Queens College, got my BA, then joined the NYPD. I always knew that I wanted to be a cop, my father was one and he took me to police camps every summer. Being a detective is my dream and I'm living it," Elliot said. Maybe his story was a bit shorter than he thought. Even though he never regretted his choices, he kept wondering what would have happened, if Kathy hadn't become pregnant and if he didn't need to worry about providing for his family.

"Wow," Olivia said. "I'm sure you have equally interesting story to tell," he coaxed.

Olivia shook her head. "No, I don't," she said and drank her beer.

"Let me be the judge of that," Elliot said and encouraged Olivia to speak.

She took a deep breath. "Well, it's just school. I had no clue what to do after high school, so I went to Siena. I study history, but I minored in psychology and took some environmental science classes. That's all my story," Olivia said.

Elliot stayed silent.

"I told you I'm boring," Olivia announced.

"You're not that boring, I bet there are many interesting stories to tell and we'll get there some day," Elliot said confidently.

"There's nothing interesting," Olivia said, nobody needed to know about her deepest darkest secrets, not even the blue eyed marine, who seemed to be a good guy, an honest guy and someone with whom Olivia would like to hang out again sometime.

"I'm sure we can find something, I mean history is compelling, as is our environment," Elliot tried.

"So you wanna talk about school?" Olivia asked.

Elliot laughed. "Yeah," he paused. "Not really. Unless you want to,"

Olivia shook her head.

"Well what's your opinion of what's happening in Europe?" Elliot asked.

"You mean the downfall of Soviet Union? At least I hope that's what's about to happen," Olivia asked.

Elliot nod.

"About time, don't you think?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, it'll be interesting to see what happens, when the empire falls," Elliot agreed.

"I'd say nothing changes for us. But for the people of Europe, everything will. If the countries under Soviet rule get independence, like Germany is already reunified and the Berlin wall has fallen. Soon the borders will be open and refugees can go back to their homes. I also think that Europe will get new face, but for us as Soviet Union is probably succeeded by Russia and it will be just as powerful even with the loss of some areas," Olivia voiced her opinion.

"I'm gonna have to agree, but I guess we'll see. It would be great to see, what happens in Europe, if the new countries will turn to west or stay with Russia," Elliot said.

"That's interesting point. Before WWII, France and Britain promised to aid Poland for example, yet they didn't. It'll be interesting to see, if the betrayal is still there. But I think they will look towards west, because they were repressed under Soviet for nearly 50 years," Olivia said.

"Good point. But let's remember that not all of them are free yet," Elliot pointed out.

"They will be. The only question is for how long," Olivia said confidently.

"We'll see," Elliot said.

They continued discussing European politics and the possible change about to happen, when Olivia looked at the time and realized it was already 3 am and she had to be at school at 8 am.

Elliot was the gentleman, who paid the bill and helped her with her winter jacket.

When they got outside the bar, Elliot stopped by nearby payphone to call his friend with whom he was supposed to crash but decided against that considering the time.

It was cold outside, much colder than it had been before, which made Olivia shiver. They walked through snowy streets, while more white show fell on the ground, it also landed on their clothes and on their hair. Olivia's brown hair was covered with white snowflakes and Elliot thought she looked beautiful.

"Where are you headed?" Elliot asked.

"Not too far from here, about 30 minutes walking," Olivia replied. "You going home?"

Elliot shook his head.

"I'm gonna find a place to crash and then I'll catch the bus in the morning," he replied.

"Where are you gonna find a place to crash at this time?" Olivia asked.

Elliot shrugged his shoulders. "I'll find something," he was confident.

"I have a couch," Olivia said out of the blue, it surprised him probably as much as it surprised her.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Well yeah. I have to warn you it's not comfortable, but it's a warm bed to sleep in," Olivia elaborated.

"I'll take it," Elliot said.

"Your wife won't mind?" Olivia asked.

"What she doesn't know, doesn't hurt her either," Elliot said. "We had a little fight and I'm not welcomed back there right now," he said.

Olivia didn't ask any further.

They made small talk on their way back to Olivia's apartment, they made it there in no time. Both were shivering when they entered the apartment, Olivia turned on the lights in the living room and then went to her room.

"It's a little messy," she warned. Elliot laughed. "I have two kids, my home is always a mess," he said.

Olivia opened the door, and let him in. Her clothes were over the floor and her chair, her notes and books were on the couch, the desk, cupboard and shelves, there were a few cups and a plate on her desk, but otherwise it was rather neat.

Olivia pulled extra blanket and sheets from her closet and handed them to Elliot. They were standing close, much too close, and they were both under the influence of alcohol.

"Olivia," he whispered.

"Elliot," she whispered.

He leaned closer, but Olivia leaned right back. "You're married," she said harshly. "I can't," she added.

Elliot resigned. "I'm more attracted to you right now, than I am to my wife," he said honestly.

"I will not be a homewrecker," she said surely and took a step back.

Elliot dropped the sheets on the couch and pointed at the picture on the wall. It was of David and Olivia, they were both proudly smiling.

"You love him?" he asked bluntly.

Olivia didn't have to look behind her to realize who he was asking about. She shrugged her shoulders and then nodded. "It's not relevant," she said.

"Why not?" he asked. "He should be so lucky to have you," he commented. He knew he wanted her, but he also respected her choices.

"He has a girlfriend and she's pregnant," Olivia said and breathed out heavily.

Elliot walked close to her, placed his arm around her shoulder, pulled her close and hugged her. "I'm so sorry," he said. He felt her arms around him and it felt so much better than having Kathy in his arms. Nothing would happen, but he could dream. He wrapped his other hand around her middle and held her against her.

"Your prince Charming is out there and he's making his way to you. I promise you that," he said.

Olivia smiled against his shoulder. She thanked him. Elliot planted a soft kiss to temple, he waited for her to let go of the hug first and then he descended to the couch, while Olivia left to brush her teeth.

When she came back Elliot pretended to be asleep to avoid any awkward polite small talk. She turned off the lights and then changed into her pajamas. She slept easily. When she woke up in the morning Elliot was still asleep, she left a not saying that she went to the lecture and when she got back, he was gone. And it was likely that they would never meet again.

***SVU***

Olivia was sitting on the couch in the living room, she had a book in front of her and she was concentrated on it. The ringing phone at her side surprised her and she flinched – it was 11pm, who'd be calling at this hour? She answered it.

"Yeah, Olivia," she said to the phone, but her attention was on her book.

"Liv, it's me," a familiar voice said – David.

"David," Olivia said, she wasn't expecting to hear from him. She closed her book, she was focused on the phone call.

"How are you?" he asked.

Olivia could almost see the smile on his lips. "Good, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm very good. I'm talking to you," David said. Olivia was sure he was smirking by now, she was smiling too.

"How are things?" she asked.

"I have news. I gonna have a daughter, we just found out. I'm not sure if I am ready to become a father. What if I fail?"

Olivia swallowed, she looked around the room for inspiration, so she'd have something to say to him, but she fell short.

"Liv? You still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Dave, you don't have the option to fail anymore. Your life's about to change, nothing will remain the same. You still have a few months to figure it out."

"Your life will change too. You will graduate soon, any plans on what to do after?"

"None."

He laughed and she heard his grandmother in a distance. "Gramps wishes you luck. You'll figure it out. You always do."

"I don't have any other choice either," Olivia said heavily.

"There she is. If you can't make it, then none of us can. No pressure, but all faith is on you."

"Soon enough you have much bigger responsibility than I will."

Silence fell on the conversation. Olivia got the feeling that they were getting to the core of the conversation – to the reason why he was calling.

"You know that you're my best friend in the whole wide world. You are my favorite person in the whole wide universe and I can't imagine my life without you. When the world is ending then I want to have you by my side and face it together. You know that, right?"

"Yeah."

They shared silence one more. She heard his heavy breaths and she knew he was still there. "But we can't," she said. "We can't be friends or even acquaintances, we can't be anything now," she said the words he didn't.

"I fucked up, Liv."

"No, you just fucked," Olivia made an attempt to joke, but neither of them found it funny.

"I'm moving in with Liz, we have a small apartment in Manhattan. It's actually not too far from your mothers."

Olivia laughed. "I might run into you at the corner store when I'm home. I might even smile at you," she said.

"I hope you do. And if Liz is not around I will hug you so tight and buy you something nice. It'll be like the old days."

"That would be nice."

"I'm so fucking sorry. I really fucked up and I can't see another way."

"It's okay," she promised. Her throat was dry and she felt the tears forming in her eyes. She'd known for years that she and David will have to depart, that they won't be sitting on a swing in some porch and look over at the street, when they're seventy. It was always temporary.

"Don't do anything stupid. The world is a better place with you in it."

"I should be telling you that," she said with a slight smile.

"Liv, I know. I guess I was waiting for a right moment to bring it up, but I know. I know what you've been doing and please don't do it anymore," he said.

Olivia knew what he meant. Subconsciously she ran her fingers over her scar on her right upper hand. She wrote his initial there a few years back.

"You too. My life was never in danger, I've always been perfectly safe. Promise me you'll be too," she said firmly. Her eyes were rested on the painting in the living room wall. It was of roses, she focused on the pink petals the artist had painted with much details.

"I will be safe. I will not kill myself," he said and paused.

"I will be safe. I will not kill myself," she repeated.

"At least we had a good run," he chuckled.

Olivia agreed with a small smile, that didn't quite reach her eyes and barely touched her lips.

"I don't think I'll ever find another like you," she confessed.

"I am one of a kind," he said and Olivia laughed, "I'll never find another girl like you. I don't want to. When I'm eighty and swinging on a porch, these are the days I wanna look back to – you, Tanzee, Harold… all the guys, but mainly you. I wanna look back at the nights we sat at my place, drinking wine, listening to music and talking about everything. I wanna think of you and I wanna think that you'll be happy wherever you are. One day you will change the world and I will be thinking of you and I will be so proud. Just promise me that once in a blue moon, you will look at the sky and you will think of me. That's all I ask. I'm asking you not forget me."

"Only if you do the same," she said. The tears were falling freely from her eyes and Olivia took the phone and walked to her room.

"I will. Always."

David's Grandma's voice was loud again on the other side, but Olivia couldn't quite hear what she was saying.

"I have to go now."

Liz was coming there, that's what his Grandmother was probably saying.

"We'll always have the convenience store at the corner from my mother's place," she said. Both of them knew it was not true, they'd be ignoring the corner store from now on and if they meet again it will be pure chance.

"I love you, Liv. I love you more than I'll ever love Liz and I will always love you, don't forget."

The line went dead.

"I love you too," Olivia whispered, but nobody was there to hear it.

She cried. She cried more that she'd cried when she found out he tried to kill himself. She cried for hours, because that would be the last contact she had with her best friend. She'd never find another guy like David. She cried for the loss of friendship and for the loss of extraordinary guy she knew for 3 years. David Russell had been her solid ground and her rock, he wasn't always there, but he showed up, when it mattered the most. For those years she didn't feel alone. She grew apart with her childhood friends and she doubted that she'll ever see her friends from the university again unless there's some reunion, but she'd probably skip that event.

She closed her eyes, and she knew that from the moment the phone call ended she'll be alone again. David once said that they're soulmates and not all soulmates are romantically involved. She read once that sometimes soulmates meet only briefly and when the lesson they needed to learn is done, they will depart. The lesson Olivia took was not to trust anybody.

She ran to her desk drawer, pulled it open and found her blade wrapped inside a cloth inside a box. Olivia unwrapped it and felt the cold material in her fingers. She took it out, looked at the photo of her and David on her wall. It seemed ironic, that they were laughing on the photo – they were young and happy. She glanced at David and the blade.

The blade dropped on the floor. She made a promise and she intended to keep that promise.

If ever there was a moment, when she needed a release that badly, needed to feel something – anything – it was this moment. She never wanted to die like this, she'd couldn't do it. For her the blade made her feel, whenever she needed a reassurance, that she can feel anything other but anger, hate or despair embedded deep in her mind, she used the blade.

Now, she needed something else for that.

David saved Olivia and destroyed Olivia.
Olivia saved David and destroyed David.

He saved her and destroyed her.
She saved him and destroyed him.

***SVU***

She will turn twenty-two in days, for once she is at ease,
She feels stuck in her own maze, he's down on his knees.
Begging her to stop, and she did, for him she'd do it all,
If only he'd know how she feels, how long it took to fall,
She's in love, but he won't know – she will never tell him,
She knows she has to let him go, fade sparkle back to dim.