ok...this is a big chapter and hope you will not hate me when you finished this...i really hope...

Being Jealous 07

Alison POV

"hi Mrs. fields, is emily here?" That's emily's mom and obviously im here to pick her up for our talk.

"Just go straight in to her room. I think she is almost done." she smiles at me and goes to the kitchen. So I go to her room and not bothering to knock. Well im alison so I don't need to knock. Which is a bad move because emily is in the middle of dressing up. Her pant is not yet zipped and her arms are stretched upward because of her blouse. She froze when she saw me and quickly turns her back to me.

Ok. I know emily is a swimmer and have a toned body but I didn't know her stomach is this toned or sexy as a matter of fact. She usually wears one piece swim suit so I have no idea. As she turns her back and mumbled something I didn't get, I noticed her back is as toned as the other parts of her body. Shit is she this sexy all along or am I just stupid that im over reacting? But no. she really is gorgeous. Very perfect. I snap at my thoughts as she now faces me fully clothed.

"Why didn't you knock?" she asked me seriously.

"im alison so I don't knock."

"oh right." she smiles and continues, "I should have locked the doors."

"It's not like I saw something important. I also have everything you have, you know." am I being defensive? But instead I just rushed to her side and sit beside her and nudge her with my shoulder. Damn this is good. It's nice to feel so close to her again. I notice she smiled too and of course I have my grin too.

"Does this mean im off the hook now?" she asks me playfully and I pretend to think thoughtfully.

"Not yet fields. You have some explaining to do." as I raise my eyebrows to her, I also smile so she knows im not angry anymore. I can't be angry with her if she is this close with me. Ugh! I hate it.

"So where are we going?" she asks me while finishing up tying her shoes.

"To the forest. Are you ready now?" I answered her and as her reply, she jumps on to her feet and held her hand for me to hold on to and something exploded in my stomach. Am I hungry? She looks embarrassed by her actions but I just give her a knowing smile. Then we left her room, said goodbye to her mother and leave the house still holding each others hands.

Once in a while we talk just to cover up the silence but the silence between is comfortable so it's not awkward. The forest is about 20 minutes walk, we are almost there when it happened that makes our silence uncomfortable.

"maya!" emily reacted fast. And sure enough there she is trying to kill me with her stare. Sorry maya, you had your chance this whole week. It's my day to be with her. She is still mine. emily is waiting if I will give her permission to talk to her. So I gave her by squeezing her hand a little. We are still not letting go.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" emily is stuttering. She is nervous.

"Oh nothing, it's nice to walk around. How about you guys?" maya replied to Emily and she is not looking at me. She is just looking at emily. It looks like she is trying to tell something hidden to emily.

"We are going somewhere." I answered her coldly.

"Can I talk to you em? In private? It will take just a second." I knew it. She wants to confirm something. I think it's because of the fact that our hands are still holding each other and we are just alone. On a Saturday morning. Maybe she wants to know from emily where she stands.

"Whatever you say to emily, you can say it in front of me. Right em?" I interrupted before emily can answer. She just nodded and turns back her gaze to maya who shifts uncomfortably but still looks confident. She is standing up against me.

"Ok. Can we hang out again on Monday after class em? I want to bring you somewhere." this time maya stares back at me. Challenging me if I will fight back. Of course I will. im not gonna lose to some musician.

"She can't. Our group has something to do. Ok? So is the rest of the week." I gave her an annoyed look and starts tugging Emily's hands to start walking again but maya interrupted again. She is a little annoying bitch.

"Come on. What do you say?" maya is begging in her eyes. And I can sense emily is giving in. she gave me one last look of permission and I have to give in.

"Ok. Just tell me when." Emily finally answered her and they both smiled in a relieved sort of way. Does emily really wants to hang out with her than with me? I have to know the truth.

"im sorry but we have to go now maya." it was emily. Wow, I thought she doesn't want to leave maya here. I really thought she's going to invite her and joins us, for god's sake. Looks like im still emily's world. She is just a friend, that I let in because im stupid. In return maya just nods and said goodbye to emily, she just nods her head to me then she walks away. She looks like she got the point. im still first in emily's priority. Maybe she is hoping that whatever happened to us is enough for her to replace me in emily's life. Fat chance.

I turn my gaze to the brunette beside me and she is looking at me questioningly.

"Do we really have something to do the whole weekday? Or are your just getting rid of her?" that was brave of her to ask. So I smile and continue our walk. I didn't answer but I don't know why she is asking me that. Is she looking forward for another whole week hanging out with maya?

No one spoke until we reach the shed that we always go to here in the forest. It's the five of us who discovered this place so we now use this shed whenever we have something very important to talk about.

As I take my place and make myself comfortable, I look at emily and tries to asses what im really feeling. I can't deny it. There really is something and its not just best friends. Something much deeper. I shouldn't feel jealousy this strong if we really are just friends'. im not supposed to feel like throttling maya for ruining our walk last Monday. I mean she is just a girl who wants to be friends with emily. Right? Wrong! She wants more than friends and that's where I draw the line. Is this how she also feels with me?

"So," she cleared her throat and sat opposite me.

I want to know everything. I want to know what does she feels towards me. If ever we are sharing the same feelings. The feelings that ive been trying to get rid of by going on a date with a guy. Well call me stupid of you like but that's the only thing I thought of to do. As you see it fails completely. When im holding hands, it doesn't feel right. im thinking about emilys warm hands. There is no funny feeling in my stomach. At first I thought it's just because of the boy so I try another. im bound to find someone I have some sort of connection right? If there is, then maybe this feeling is just a phase. But no, angry explosions bursts through my whole body when I saw emily holding hands with maya. I can't help it but somehow accept the idea. Not completely but at least just for some comfort. I hope this talk can somehow clear up my mind.

"I will ask you. Answer me ok?" I told her and she nods. Then took a deep breathe and start.


Emily POV

"what's going on between the two of you?" is her first question. She is so straight forward.

"Nothing. She said she asked you permission if we can hang out together and you said yes. So after every practice we hang out. She waits for me to finish." I can't read what ali is thinking. I still don't have any idea what she wants now. But it looks like ali is having problems answering it herself.

"Do you like her?"

"I like her as a friend if that's what you mean. I am relaxed when I hang out with her." come on ali! Show some emotion. Give me a hint on what's happening.

"Tell me about yesterday."

"We are just hanging out on their house. She thought me how to play the guitar." I think were getting close. I can't forget the surprise in ali's eyes when she saw me holding hands with maya. I know it's supposed to be nothing but in her reaction I know it's not nothing. So here we are trying to figure out what the hell is happening.

"Why are you holding her hand?"

"It's nothing. It's just a friendly gesture." did I answer that right? Are our little holding hands just a friendly gesture? I don't know. I like ali. But maya is growing fond of me and I know if ever we continue this it will not stop on being friends. im not sure about that. Am I really gay?

ali just sighed and relaxed and said, "is being gay bad?" what? When did ali became interested on gay stuff? She just looks at me and laid down her head on my lap. She tore her gaze away from me and tilts her head sideways. I didn't answer her for a whole minute.

"I don't know. I know it's not accepted but I can't see anything wrong about it. Why did you ask?" I touched her hair and stroke it. She smiled and nuzzled closer to me. She is back to being sweet to me. im falling again. Shit.

"maya said she like you. She wants you. Not just friends."

"I know. I asked her about it yesterday. Maybe that's the reason we are holding each other. She has been so nice to me this whole week ali. When you're not around." ali looked at me and I stop stroking her hair.

"Sorry for not being around. im trying to get rid of something but I didn't. Anyways it's ok now. im dealing with it now. Do you like her too?" she asked it again. I heave a deep sigh and took a risk.

"I don't like her that way. Well not now. But im thinking if this continues I may like her." ali holds my hand now. ali's warm hands is very different from maya's but they are both comfortable. I more like ali's warmth.

"How about me? You like me right?" ali asks me head on. what? That is so straight. And she knows. Oh great. Might as well not lie.

"Yes, I still do." I answered her seriously. She sits and looks at me directly. I want to kiss her. I want her to know how I feel for her. How much I want her to want me like maya. I don't care if she is a girl.

"Are you gay?" her eyes is still on me. im surprised she only asked this now. I thought that's her first question to be honest.

"Does it matter? Will you not accept me if im gay?" I brace for the answer. I know this will be a make or break answer.

"No. I love you ems. I don't care if you're gay. I want you to be honest with yourself." still looking at me with those pretty light blue eyes. I can't hold it any longer. She said she love me. That counts for me something right even though it's not the same love that I want her. But still it is love. And I did the stupidest thing you can do when you're in this situation. She said be honest with myself right? So I kiss her.


Alison POV

her lips is so soft. Not unlike any other kiss I have. Her lips is perfect with me. As soon as it started the blissful sensation in my stomach stops because she pulled out. I just looked at her. I think that's my greatest kiss ever. I want to feel that blissful sensation again. She looks like she doesn't know what to do. But she is not breaking my stare. So I just smiled and leaned in again. I want her to know that I want her too. As much as maya wants her. im just not ready. Yet. im not brave like maya.

I don't want this to end. I just want her lips on mine. Never letting go. I think I really do love her. As we break our second kiss, I just hug her. And whispered, "Wait for me, please em."


uh..what do you think? please review!