A Long Time Ago, In a Galaxy Far, Far away…

Y'know, it could be happening right now, and it's not that far away.

Now, in a Place not too Far Away…

Bonded With Flame: It's Christmas! It's time for jokes about Presents, Malls, and other Christmassy things. So this will be warm-hearted and sentimental!

Axel: Then what do I get to do with my flamethrower?

Bonded With Flame: I dunno. Go flame some random guy's story.

Axel: Well, he did say WARM-hearted. Hey Xaldin! Do we burn happy trails or Atlantica?

Xaldin: You can't burn Atlantica! Use this Nuclear Missile!

Axel: Aim… Fire!

Bonded With Flame: I tried.


ATLANTICA…

"Why are only our women and children asploding?" Sebastian screamed.

"Cause I felt like it." Axel said after draining all the water out of Atlantica. He was wearing a Santa hat. "How many worlds left Roxas?"

"Nine and we're done with Xemnas's wish list," Roxas replied, "But Larxene wanted us to burn Sunshiny Happy Land."

"Right-o then. Let's do there. That'll be so much fun, burning all the happy people. Here, use the flame thrower," Axel said.

Doo-doo-doo-doo! Roxas got a Flame Thrower!

"Thanks," Roxas said, grunting, "This is heavy!"

"Wait, why did you hold the flamethrower over your head like that? And why are some words emphasized?" Axel asked.

"Who knows?" Roxas said, "Bored author?"

"Yeah. Wait, it happened again!"

"What's up with that?"

"Bizzaro," Roxas said. They started to invade Sunshiny Happy Land.


SUNSHINEY HAPPY LAND…

"Auugh! Too bright and cheery!" Axel screeched.

"I like it. But I don't love it. Carnage!" Roxas said, meditative until he said the last word.

Axel set a log cabin on fire. 1999 people mobbed him saying, "You can't do that! It's Christmas!"

"I know, and I'm giving all of you a Christmas present!" Axel said, bombarding them with fireballs.

"Blarg!" they cried. Then, a bizarre occurrence happened. It was lightning.

"Larxene?"

"What the-" Larxene said, "Hey! This planets my kill!"

"Isn't Xemnas holding a meeting?" Axel said innocently.

"Then you should be there too," Larxene snapped.

"Ego damage. Roxas, we gotta go!" Axel said. "Oh, wasn't this the planet you wanted us to destroy AS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT?"

"Oh, I figured that you two would mess up here and there, accidentally burn each other, and make a general mess of things." Larxene said.

"That's evil," Roxas said, "but then, that's you."


AT THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…

"What do I get Xemnas, what do I get Xemnas…" Luxord was in his room with a note pad.

Knock.

"Who is it?" Luxord said, obviously not caring.

"Exralnex. C'mon, open up." She said.

"It is open, you just can't reach the handle."

"Correct."

Luxord walked over and opened the door.

"Hi."

"What do you want?"

"To give you my wish list." Exralnex pulled out a piece of paper.

"Death Rod 2.0, Jewelry of Death, Amulet of Protection plus 6, Immovable rods, a master ball- Hey, I want that! The Master Sword, and a cheese log."

"There's a back."

Luxord flipped the paper over. "Microsoft, Apple, Dell, Sketch pads, A video camera, a cell phone- you don't have one?" Luxord scribbled something down. "Alright, see ya."

"Bye," Exralnex said.

Knock.

"Yes?"

"Axel, is it open?"

"Yeah."

Axel walked in. Exralnex was amazed.

"You could reach the handle?"

"Rule 35 of Axelology, always carry around a stepladder in your bag of holding."

"What do you want?" Luxord asked.

"Xemnas wants everyone in the Organization Bus." Axel said.

"You mean the spaceship with enough space to fit 13 elephants?" Luxord asked.

"Yep."

"The double storied one?" Luxord asked.

"For crying out loud, yes. Just get over there." Axel said.

"Where is it?"

"Good question." Axel pulled out a walkie talkie. "Xemnas, where exactly is the bus? Over."

"Where are you, over?"

"Luxord's room. Over."

"Left at the first T junction, then third door on the left. Over."

"That's the pit of eternal demise! Over."

"Sorry, third door on the left. Over and out."


AT THE HANGAR…

"AHHHHH!!!! I thought you bought the blue ship!!!" Luxord screamed. In front of him was a psychedelic spaceship that you would see in the 60's.

"You like it?" Xigbar said. "Demyx and I spent forever painting it."

"To order!" Xemnas snapped.

"Sir, where are we going?" Demyx asked.

"Mall land," Xemnas said.

"Okay…"

"The objective is to get one present for everybody in the organization. You will be paired with a buddy. We will rendezvous at the bus at 1800 hours. Buddies, I will not have one. Xigbar, with Braxgix. Axel, with Roxas. Larxene, with Exralnex. Zexion, with Demyx. Vexen, with Xaldin. Marluxia, with Saix. Lexaeaus, with Luxord. Ready?"

"Sir yes sir!" They all piled in the bus.


AT THE MALL…

"Alright, we're here, remember your buddies, back here at 1800 hours," Xemnas said.

"Aye!" the Organization shouted.

"Hey, Xemnas? How'd you get a spot at the front of the mall?" Axel asked.

"Not legally." Xemnas answered.

Axel leaned down. "Dude, you crushed that car!"

"Some random Chihuahua too." Xemnas said. Everyone ran off to the mall. Xemnas pulled out his DS. "I did all my Christmas shopping online! Hello, Portrait of Ruin!"


IN THE MALL……

Xaldin was wandering around inside a giant Books for Smart People contemplating the status of the Organization.

"Everyone in this Organization is becoming stupid. Obviously books are the answer. Let's see… for Lexaeus… My First Alphabet Book…" Xaldin said, browsing through books. Vexen was standing nearby.

"You think the Organization is becoming stupid?" Vexen said.

"Ever tried engaging in conversation with Marluxia?" Xaldin said. Vexen nodded.

"I have no idea what I'm getting everyone," Vexen said. Xaldin turned to him.

"Build them a robot that will make stuff or something… Are you the computer geek or not???" Xaldin said.

"Actually Zexion has taken over my position. Now all I do is hang around in the lab and play Pac-man," Vexen said. "In fact, I think I am the least referred to character in this Fan-Fic…" Xaldin repaired the fourth wall but not before a Giant Enemy Crab smashed into the Borders. Xaldin flipped it over, and attacked its weak spot for…… absolutely no damage.

"HAH! I fooled you all! I put armor plating on my weak spot!!! NOW I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" The Giant Enemy Crab said. Vexen looked to Xaldin.

"What do we do?" Vexen said. Xaldin thought for a second.

"Run. What do you think?" Xaldin said. They bolted of while the Giant Enemy Crab decided to smash into the Sony store.


ELSEWHERE IN THE MALL…

"Dude, has it ever occurred to you that you suck at guitar?" Zexion said to Demyx. They were inside The Guitar Hero.

"I am the greatest guitarist since Eddie Van Halen, and that is being modest," Demyx bragged.

"Dude, you can play chords. And when you try to play a solo everyone's ears start to bleed. You are the sole reason the Red Octane wouldn't take my beta of Guitar Hero III. You are only reason the record producer wouldn't give our band a chance. Demyx, I am pretty sure you suck," Zexion listed. Demyx looked down.

"You know, my Organization weapon is a sitar, not a guitar," Demyx said. "So…. I guess I'm the greatest sitar player since……….." Zexion looked on Wikipedia.

"Someone just vandalized the sitar page. It now says 't3h s!7aR iz a lAm3 wu22Y !n2tRuM3n7!!!!! 4NY B0DY WH0 P1432 i7 i2 4 l023R!!!1!!!!1!! LOLZ!!!!!!1!!!1! Known players: Demyx.'" Zexion put away his laptop. "Probably Axel."

"I'm the best player since me!" Demyx proudly proclaimed.

"You're the worst player since my others little sister. No, she was better than you." Zexion said.

"So what do I play then?" Demyx asked.

Zexion thought for a moment. "Sonic Heroes."


WITH AXEL AND ROXAS…

"Roxas, I'm buying you your present so…" Axel pulled out his Ipod and plugged one earphone into Roxas's ear. Kurt Cobain's singing could be heard.

"Staaaaaaaaaay! Staaaaaaaaaaaay awaaaaaaay! Staaaaaaay Awaaaay!"

"Jeez, I get it. I won't follow you." Roxas headed towards The Guitar Hero.

"Dude! You suck! Live with it!" Zexion yelled.

"I refuse to believe that!" Demyx saw Roxas. "Roxas, do I suck at Sitar?"

"Yes." Roxas said. He went up to the clerk. "Hi, what do you have in Double neck Guitars?"

"Acoustic, Electric, or Mental?" The clerk asked.

"Mental?" Roxas asked, confused.

"You think and it plays." The clerk (we'll call him Tim) said.

"Does it work?"

"Heck no." Tim said.

"Electric."

"How are we gonna sell those…" Tim muttered under his breath. "Yeah, we got bass/ electric, Electric/ electric, and Electric/ Bass."

"Electric/ Electric." Roxas said.

Tim pulled out the guitar. "It's really awesome. You can be rhythm and lead at the same time."

Roxas looked at it. "A, do you have one in non-hippie colors, b, is it hard?"

"A, yes, B, yes," Tim said.

"What designs?"

"Classic black, Red Flame, Blue Flame, and Green burst." Tim said.

"Only those?" Roxas asked.

"Yeah, but I can custom paint one for you. It would be done in… an hour, I'd say." Tim said.

"No, I'll take the Blue Flame." Roxas said.


WITH AXEL…

"Let's see, Circuit Metropolis…" Axel walked in. He didn't get two steps in before he was mobbed by Salesmen.

"How can I help you?"

"20 off DVDs."

"Have you found what you're looking for?"

Axel was fed up. "I have a product under extended warranty that needs to be serviced." The salesmen went bug-eyed and then ran away really fast. "That worked." He spotted a salesman. He was shaking.

"Don't kill me." He said. (We'll call this one Dave.)

"Relax. I'm not gonna kill you. Here, chocolate?" Axel said.

Dave relaxed. "Sorry. Yes, what would you like?"

"What do you have in laptops?"

"We have four new laptops. Each one is fitted with internet access, loads of RAM, but only this one has millions of thousands of miniature tamed Heartless that can make you coffee, chocolate… you name it."

"How much does that one cost?"

"300,000 munny," Dave said.

Axel looked aside. "I'll give everyone else pointless junk."


WITH XEMNAS…

"Should I get them more presents?" Xemnas looked up from Portrait of Ruin. Xemnas thought for a moment. "Nah."


SCREW THAT, WITH LUXORD AND LEXAEAUS…

"Lexaeaus not know what to give Xaldin." Lexaeaus said.

"I usually get everyone deeds to fancy houses, so I can't help you there." Luxord said.

"Book?" Lexaeaus was holding a book called How to Dominate Massive Amounts of Land.

"Yeah, he'll probably like that." Luxord said. "C'mon Lexaeaus." Luxord walked over to The Ace of Spades. "I'll get you some money."

"Thank you." Lexaeaus said.

"Don't mention it. I know you don't know what to get Xigbar. I can't help you, except giving you a bunch of money." Luxord said.

"Lexaeaus think new gun would be good." Lexaeaus said.

"C'mon, who's sucker enough to play us?" Luxord called. "You take poker, I'll take dice."

"Gotcha." Lexaeaus said. He went and dominated everybody in Poker.

"Ok. Double sixes." Luxord placed 400,000 munny down.

"Heh. You ain't gonna get dat." A gangster said. "I raise you twenty thousand."

"I see that. I raise you 10,000." Luxord said.

"I call." The gangsta said. (He's Tony, got it?)

Luxord rolled. He stopped time just before the dice hit and placed them on double sixes. "Time rules." He unfroze time. "Oh, whaddaya know? Double sixes."

"Tony ain't gonna accept dat. Tony gonna kill you."

Slash! Lexaeaus sheathed his axe. "Let that be a lesson to all you gangster fools. You do not mess with the Organization XIII, in the gambling hall or life. If you do, well, look at him!" Lexaeaus pointed at Tony. "Tony died for foolishness. For shame any of you," Lexaeaus started coughing, "un," Lexaeaus stopped coughing, "Honorable chaps be doing that today."

Luxord shook his head. "He made a speech! With sarcasm!" he slapped himself. "Nope, this is reality."

Luxord called Lexaeaus over. "You got enough munny?"

"Yes." Lexaeaus said.

"Right. Wanna buy Xigbar his gun?"

"Yes." Lexaeaus thought for a moment. "Guns n' More Guns would work."

"Yeah." Luxord paused. "Dude, you made a speech! How'd you do that?"

"Must look good in front of people." Lexaeaus walked off.


AT GUN N' MORE GUNS

"Hello. We would like to see what you have in guns?" Luxord said.

"We got this Harbinger, a Magma cannon and two Arbiters." The clerk said. His name tag said, "Hi! My name is Ace HardLight."

"Anything pre upgraded?" Luxord asked.

"No." Ace said.

"You have Fusion Rifle in back case." Lexaeaus said.

"No, that's an Anti-Matter Rifle." Ace said.

"That's Pre-Upgraded idiot." Lexaeaus said scathingly. Lexaeus took out his axe.

"Uh… I'm outta med-pacs! Not that I need 'em anyway." Ace said.

"Luxord? Can I kill him?" Lexaeaus asked.

"Yeah. He won't be missed." Luxord said.

Slash-slash-slash-slash! "Blarg!" Ace yelled.

Lexaeaus grabbed his key and opened the back case. He grabbed the Anti-Matter Rifle, stuffed it in his bag of holding, and left.

"That was cool! You slaughtered him!"

"Not that loud. Security hearing fine," Lexaeaus said.

"Yeah, sorry. Say, did you leave any marks that you did it?"

"No. I did leave fragment of moon. Pin blame on Saix," Lexaeaus said, walking into Gothic Jewelry of Death. "Exralnex gets this Death ring. You think she like?" Lexaeaus asked.

"On her wish list." Luxord said. "Wait… what's it say on the inside?" It said 'The One Ring to Rule them all, The One Ring to Find Them, The One ring to Bring them all, and in the darkness PWN your enemy's soul.'

"Sound good." Lexaeaus said.


WITH SAIX AND MARLUXIA…

"Stop singing Saix." Marluxia said.

"I'm-a making cookies, I'm-a eatin' em too…" Saix sang.

"SAIX! Stoppit!" Marluxia yelled. It was then that the Giant Enemy Crab ran through a wall right into Saix.

"ARGH!!!" Saix yelled. Marluxia gave the Giant Enemy Crab a medal. The Giant Enemy Crab's eyes started watering.

"A medal? For me?" the Crab said. "You don't know how much this means to me! Everyone just thinks of me as some giant enemy crab but you saw through that! You gave me a medal. I think that I'll prove to the world that I'm more than a Giant Enemy Crab. Henceforth, my name shall be..." the Giant Enemy Crab paused. Then Xaldin came flying out of nowhere, flipped over the Giant Enemy Crab, and attacked its weak spot with a lightsaber. The Giant Enemy Crab died, with his final words being, "Shoulda thoughta that." Marluxia was staring a Xaldin.

"YOU KILLED HIM!!!! AND HE WAS GOING TO CHANGE!!!!!" Marluxia screamed.

"#&$" Xaldin swore. He then proceeded to run away back to Books for Smart People. Marluxia was following behind him.

"YOU LOUSY LITTLE BLEEP!!!!!!!" Marluxia screamed. Then he ran into Larxene and Exralnex, who were buying anything and everything that they could find. Exralnex was carrying the stuff. Marluxia knocked over all over Exralnex's bags. Larxene got really angry.

"MARLUXIA!!!! PICK THEM ALL UP AND YOU ARE GOING TO CARRY THEM NOW!!!!!" Larxene yelled. "If you don't do this I won't buy you that weird plant thing you wanted for Christmas."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Marluxia screeched. Exralnex pumped her fist.

"I don't have to carry them! SWEET FREEDOM!" Exralnex said. She ran off and started buying people presents. "Let's see… Axel… Game Guy…" Exralnex mused. She then ran off as Larxene approached her. "Running… Game Guy…" She ran in. The lit sign above the store said 'Game Guy.' There was a shy guy playing video games in between the words. Drool was coming out of his mouth as he played the Wii.

"Hi. What's a good game that's not for the X-Box?" Exralnex said, panting.

"There's Ratchet: Deadlocked-" The clerk said.

"I'll take that bye." Exralnex grabbed the game, and ran out of the store, blowing straight past Larxene, who was carrying her own bags.


MEANWHILE WITH XIGBAR AND BRAXGIX…

"Shopping for presents sucks," Braxgix said. Xigbar was still contemplating.

"Dude, what the heck do you want for Christmas?" Xigbar asked Braxgix. Braxgix shrugged. He then walked over to the Game Guy. Exralnex had just run out, Larxene was running after her. Xigbar looked around for a present for Braxgix, then something caught his eye… "Hey, Mr. Clerk guy, I'll take this."

"Paper or plastic?"

"Check."

"Dude, what do you want your crap in?"

"Oh. A bag."

"Dude…"

"Sorry. Plastic."

"What the? Ah!" The clerk was rolled up in a Katamari.

Xigbar started freaking. "AAHH!" He ran really fast. In the other direction. The Katamari still got him.


IN GAME GUY…

"Roxas, isn't this an awesome game?" Axel asked Roxas.

"Yeah. What about you Zexion?" Roxas said.

"Pretty sweet." Zexion said.

"Hey, check it out!" Axel said.

"Dude…" Roxas said bewildered.


ELSEWHERE IN THE MALL…

"AHH!"

"Eep!"

"Meep!"

The Katamari rolled in to Big Bob's Pet Mart. It was accompanied by two more Katamari, one five meters, the other 54 meters. The first was 20 meters. "Oh my evil darkie gods! Will this nightmare stop!!!!" Xemnas screeched, he was stuck on the Katamari.

"Hate to break it to you, but no." Xaldin said, reading Katamari for Complete Idiots. "According to this, the Katamari is the most deadly weapon in the universe. Developed in the Great Furby War, this decimated most enemies."


IN GAME GUY...

"KATAMARI DAMACY THREE RULES ALL GAMES!!!!!!!" Axel said.

"Yup." Zexion said, rolling up Saix.


ELSEWHERE…

"MY COOKIES!!!!" Saix said, having his cookies being attacked by a three centimeters Katamari.


IN GAME GUY...

"Meow," Meowzers meowed.

"Yep. You just rolled up Saix's cookies." Roxas said. "Ooh, get that midget."

"Hey! Zexion, I had Xigbar!" Axel yelled.

"First come, first serve."


ELSEWHERE…

"AAAAHH!!!!!!!" Saix yelled. Meowzer's Katamari rolled him up. It was marked by the cats on the blank space.

"AAH!" Larxene screeched. "I'm being rolled up by a $# sticky ball!" She had been rolled up by Roxas.


AT GAME GUY…

"Always wanted to do that." Roxas said. His ball was light shades of multiple colors.

"Nice one." Zexion said. "Meowzers, got Braxgix."


ELSEWHERE IN A DIFFERENT KATAMARI…

"God! This $#! Katamari has no one else on it!!!!!" Braxgix yelled.

"Dude, pull it together." A voice said. "Go to the Apple store and get lots of tunes."

"Who was that."

"It's me dude."

"I've lost it."

"No. Just me." Exralnex waded through the Katamari. "So, what do we do now?"

"I feel a strange disturbance in evil." Braxgix said. "So, a Katamari must've rolled up the Root of all Evil."

"Heck. I'm going to the iTunes store to get an iPod." Exralnex said. "I'll get you one too."

"Thanks." Braxgix said.


AT THE VOID WHERE GAME GUY ONCE WAS…

"Katamari Three, and us are the only things here."

ATTENTION! You have rolled up everything in this universe. Go to a different universe?

"Yeah." Axel pushed yes. "Care Bear Land sound good?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Mew."

"Okay…"

ATTENTION! Your trial time has ran-

"Hacked!" Zexion said, hacking it.

Play as long as you like master. I bow before you.

"The Meaning of Life is mine!" Roxas yelled.

"Kingdom Hearts is mine!" Zexion yelled.

"That Opera House in Sydney is Mine!" Axel yelled.

"We got care Bear land and not The Sydney Opera House?" Zexion asked.

"MEOW!" Meowzers rolled up True Happiness.

"That was hard to find." Axel attempted to roll up The Truth.

"You can't handle that." Zexion rolled into Commercial Success, bumping off A Little Integrity. He then rolled up Commercial Success. "I sacrificed A Little Integrity for Commercial Success! How could I?"

"I got Love!" Roxas said.

"No, that's Lust." Axel said.

"I rolled up Axl Rose's ego!" Zexion said.

Warning, Katamari size exceeding disk space. You must stop.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Axel said. Game Guy was back. Zexion bought Katamari Three as Axel's present.

"It's 1800 hours. We gotta go." Roxas said. He stopped. "C'mon Axel, stop playing the Wii."

"Wii came, Wii saw, Wii conquered…" Axel said, mouth full of drool.

Roxas grabbed Axel. "Xemnas is going to kill you, man."

"Oh yeah, he does that doesn't he." Axel said. "Run!"


AT THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…

"Present opening! Saix, pass them out." Xemnas said.

"Why not flower boy?" Saix asked.

"Cause you're an elf!" Xemnas said.

"Fine." Saix said.


XEMNAS OPENING PRESENTS…

"Gee, thanks Xigbar! A pair of handcuffs." Xemnas said.

"Welcome, man." Xigbar said. "The idea is that you cuff Sora and Riku together."

"Cool." Xemnas tore off the wrapping of Xaldin's present. "Other Evil Villains and How to Kill Them." He opened it up. "Hey, I feel evilly enlightened."

"Knew you'd like it." Xaldin said.

"From Vexen. 'This potion makes you ten times eviler than you once were! Of course, it's kind of hard to multiply zero.'" Xemnas read. "Thanks!"

Axel leaned over to Roxas. "He didn't get that?"

"He's kind of not evil." Roxas said.

"From Zexion… it's a note… 'I ordered your present online. I'm sorry it didn't get there in time. Sincerest Apologies, Zexion.'"

"Yeah." Zexion said. "Sorry."

"A fitness program?" Xemnas said. "What's the note say? 'Guaranteed to make you lose 40 pounds!' You think I'm fat? WAAAAH!" He ran.

"Since Xemnas was a girly girl, Exralnex, you may open your presents." Xaldin said.

"Thanks. Alright, from Larxene… A badge that says, 'I am not Larxene.'" Exralnex rolled her eyes. "We all know!"

"Just wanted to make sure. You're too nice to be my nobody." Larxene said.

"I got the Conscience. Muahaha." Exralnex tore open Lexaeaus's gift. "The death ring I wanted! Thank you so much!"

"Welcome." Lexaeaus said.

"Xaldin… what's with this Summoning a Demon in Five Easy Steps?" Exralnex said. "I can already do that!"

"Oh." He pulled out a notebook titled Things Organization Members Can and Can't do. He looked at the Xemnas section. 'Skills: Dictating. Buying stuff on E-Bay. Asking me for help.' He flipped to the Exralnex section. He added summoning demons.

"Xigbar, thanks for the Finger Painting…" Exralnex said after using the wrapping paper as target practice. "But seriously, aren't you a little old?"
"Nobody is ever to old for finger painting." Xigbar said.

"Axel's turn." Xaldin said.

"From Roxas… A DOUBLE NECK ELECTRIC GUITAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He started playing Stairway to Heaven.

Roxas looked up. "Yes! We might get decent Guitar for our band!"

Demyx looked to the side. "That's mean. But then who does drums?"

"You. You took elementary drums."

"But I suck at that!" Demyx protested.

"Dude, as long we get you away from the guitar, we'll sell records." Zexion said. "And you're so bad at guitar, You're gonna be better with drums. It's for the best."

"Ow." Demyx said. "In return for your crushing my ego, I'm opening Axel's present to me." He tore off the wrapping paper. "Loser. A single by Beck." He looked at Axel. "You implying something?"

"Implying? No, I think I'm pointing it straight out!" Axel said.

"To order!" Xaldin snapped. "It's still Axel's turn."

"Thanks, This ones from Zexion…" It was Katamari Three. "Thanks a lot Zexion!" Axel said.

"You're really welcome," Zexion said. Axel then burned the wrapping paper off Xemnas's present.

"Cool… A Evil Fiery Dagger of +5 Doom!!" Axel said. "Thanks Xemnas!" Xemnas walked down from his room.

"I'm OK now…" Xemnas said. Xemnas then opened Luxord's present. "A private island in the Caribbean!" Xemnas said. Luxord nodded.

"You can all open my present now," Luxord said. The all opened them up, and everyone except Braxgix had a private Caribbean island.

"How come I only got a one million dollar gift certificate to Jack Sparrow's Caribbean Cruises?" Braxgix asked.

"Uhhhh… Because there were no more Caribbean islands left," Luxord said.

"Then couldn't you of got me a Pacific island?" Braxgix said.

"That's enough," Xaldin said. "Marluxia, open some presents." Marluxia opened Saix's present.

"It's the claw of the Giant Enemy Crab!" Marluxia said. He hugged it. Then Marluxia opened Larxene's present. It was a piece of paper with "I'm sorry I made you carry all of my bags." "WHAT KIND OF PRESENT IS THIS!!!" Marluxia screeched.

"Hey, I never apologized to anyone else before this!" Larxene said. Xaldin then opened one of his presents.

"The shades that Agent Smith wore in The Matrix." Xaldin said. "Thanks Xemnas."

"Yeah, that was really hard to get on E-Bay," Xemnas said. "In the end I had to have Zexion hack this one person's account."


ONE DAY AGO…

"ARGH!" Sora screamed. He and Riku had created another cardboard box and were using the computer. "Someone hacked my E-Bay account and canceled my bidding on the shades. Then they signed me up for bidding on The Greatest of Hello Kitty!"

"Wow… That's lame," Riku said. "The person who hacked you was called E-Bay God."

"Yeah! Also I think that the cardboard box is going to disappear soon," Sora said. POOF!

The cardboard box disappeared.


BACK TO THE PRESENT…

"But yeah…" Xemnas said. Larxene was opening her presents now.

"From Xemnas," Larxene read. She ripped of the wrapping to reveal a yellow shuriken. "This shuriken was used by a great ninja…" Larxene read. "Cool, it'll sell for a lot on E-Bay."

"You sell all your presents on E-Bay?!?" Demyx said. Larxene nodded. Xemnas fumed.

"I spent fifteen endless days on E-Bay biding for that and you just sell it back?!?!? Do you know what that can do?!?!?" Xemnas said. Larxene read the description.

"Guaranteed to cause one hit kills," Larxene said. "Maybe I'll keep it." Larxene then tore the wrapping off of Axel's present. "A candy cane? What good is this?"

"….It's extra sugary?" Axel guessed. Larxene looked at the candy cane.

"I'll just say that it was licked by Brad Pitt or something then sell it, thanks I guess," Demyx then started to open Xigbar's present.

"A SOLID GOLD BAR!!!!" Demyx squealed. Xigbar nodded.

"The Katamari I was on rolled into Gold Land," Xigbar said. "Xaldin should put that on our list of places to raid." Xaldin nodded. He then took Axel's present and opened it.

"Master of Puppets… By Metalica… A METAL band," Xaldin said. Axel shrugged.

"I thought that if you didn't want it then you could give it to Roxas, then out of the goodness of his soul he'd give it to me!" Axel said. Xaldin sneered.

"Like I'm going to do that," Xaldin said. He then snapped his fingers and Axel's presents got warped into the pit of one million fangirls.

"NOOOO!!!" Axel screamed. He warped them back. Xaldin turned to Braxgix.

"You can open some of your presents now," Xaldin said. Braxgix looked down on his pile of envelopes.

"I'm not certain but for some reason I think you all got me gift cards," Braxgix said. Braxgix opened them all. "YOU ALL GOT ME GIFT CARDS!!!!"

"Hey," Zexion said. "Just because we all got you gift cards doesn't mean we don't care!"

"Yeah," Xemnas said. "I had a hard time picking between a Blockbusters gift card or a Hollywood Video gift card!"

"Same here!" Axel said. "I had to choose between giving you a Home Depot card or a Depot de la Casa gift card!"

"Whatever." Braxgix said.

Axel started opening some more presents. "A pack of gum? What the heck kind of present is this, Larxene?"

"It's cinnamon flavored. It's hot and your element is fire." Larxene said.

"Whatever." He burned the paper off of Xaldin's present. "The History and Analysis of All Music! This is a book I might actually read!"

"I thought so." Xaldin said.

"This one's from Demyx… Loser. By Beck. How coincidental."

"I think you're one too." Demyx said. "I mean, seriously, how cool can you be when you've never played Sonic?"

"Dude, Sonic sucks!" Axel said.

"To order! Xemnas, you may open some more." Xaldin said.

"From Axel. Basket Case, a single by Green Day. They're good sometimes I guess."

"They aren't half bad you know." Axel said.

"From Braxgix, a third light saber. I guess I could somehow incorporate this in to my strategy." He pushed it on. "Double sided. Nice."

"See! I care enough to get you all actual presents!" Braxgix said.

"Your personality hasn't been defined enough in this fanfic! It isn't my fault!" Exralnex said.

"And I made a wishlist!" Braxgix said. Darth Vader crashed though the Fourth wall.

"I am Darth Vader." He said.

Exralnex put on the ring. Darth Vader died. He started twitching on the ground.

"Powerful." Xaldin commented.

Lexaeaus leaned over to Luxord. "It was $1.50," he said.

"They must have not known." Luxord whispered.

Xemnas snapped his fingers and Darth Vader's dead corpse was teleported away. "Let's continue opening presents," Xemnas said.


AFTER ALL PRESENTS WERE OPENED…

"Axel, this computer rocks!" Roxas said. Axel nodded. Luxord got an idea.

"Let's give Sora and his friends a present," Luxord said sarcastically. Xemnas nodded. Then Xemnas, Zexion and Luxord went to the pit of a million fangirls.

"Sora," Zexion said. "We decided that out of the goodness out of our nonexistent hearts, we will give you a Christmas present."

"HOW ABOUT YOU GET US OUT OF THIS PIT!!!!!" Sora yelled from the pit. "OR CANCEL MY AMAZON ORDER FOR A BARNEY'S GREATEST HITS CD!!!!!"

"Come to think of it, that was Christmas present to you…" Zexion said.

"Hey, Riku!" Luxord yelled. "For Christmas I got you a paper bag to put over your head. Maybe then fangirls won't know it's you." Luxord threw the bag down. Riku put it on his head.

"Who's that loser?" a fangirl asked.

"Who cares? Sora is still here!" another fangirl answered.

"Thanks, I guess," Riku said. Xemnas snapped his fingers and a giant video monitor appeared. On it was Kairi in a small room.

"Now for Kairi's present, we took her out of the pit and put her in a deserted room, where the speakers play nothing but… Backstreet Boys and NSYNC," Xemnas said. Xemnas then started to do his evil laugh.

"Cool," Sora said. "Those are like her two favorite bands." Xemnas's evil laugh abruptly stopped.

"Zexion, I asked you if there were any people in all the worlds who liked those bands. You said no. YOU WERE WRONG!!!!" Xemnas yelled. He then turned to Sora. "So what music does Kairi hate?"

"Like I'd tell you," Sora said.

"I'll have Xaldin kick your…"

"Why do you always have Xaldin do everything?"
"Shut up! What does she hate?" Xemnas said.

"Rage against the Machine, System of a Down, Metalica and Iron Maiden." Sora listed.

"Get Axel," Xemnas said to Luxord.


IN A FAR OFF PLACE IN THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…

"Awww… The Backstreet Boys stopped," Kairi said. Then all of a sudden Axel's voice came through the speaker.

"This is a special concert by the Shades of Black, and just before we start our Rage against the Machine marathon, we would kick it off with Silent Night," Axel's voice said.

There was some muttering

"Alright Demyx, you do this then this OK?" the voices said. Kairi sat down.

"At least they're playing Christmas music first," Kairi said.

"By the way Silent Night is to the tune of Enter Sandman," Roxas said. "SILENT NIGHT!!!! HOLY NIGHT!!!! ALL IS CALM!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kairi started screaming.


MEANWHILE…

"Did you hear that Braxgix?" Xigbar said.

"It sounded like someone being tortured," Braxgix replied.

"Ahhh, nothing says Merry Christmas like the screams of a victim,"

"Too true."


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