HOLY JEEBUS IT'S BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE I UPDATED THIS, I THINK. I AM SO, SO, SO SORRY TO ANYONE WHO IS STILL READING THIS.
To be honest, I stopped caring about this. I lost all motivation to do it when I had the time, and so stopped. It wasn't until I looked at my profile today and saw that I hadn't updated this or Heardom Kingst in nearly a year that I thought, "Oh, God, I better do this. And I better do this now." The next Heardom Kingst chapter is almost done, but since this is, I uploaded it. I am so, so, so sorry.
I don't own KH or Shrek.
If any of you are left, read on minions!
The ship sailed out into the ocean blue, and Sora and Ven stood beside one another, marveling nature.
"I can't believe it. Me, a king?" Ven mused. "I-I mean I knew I came from royalty and all, but… I just figured everyone forgot about me."
"Oh, no," Sora made a show of shaking his head. "In fact the King asked for you personally."
"Really? Wow. Look, I know it's not all going to be fun and games."
"It really is all fun and games, actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the bottle."
"Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle," Ven scoffed.
Sora nervously laughed and replied, "Well, I've heard it's harder than it looks."
"Whoa, this is going to be huge. Princesses, parties, castles. Princesses," Ven gushed.
Roxas and Axel joined in, Roxas chiming, "Oh, it's gonna be great, Ven, you'll be living in the lap of luxury. They got the finest chefs around waiting for you to place your order."
"And, uh, fortunately, you'll have the royal food tasters," Axel nodded.
"Oh, yeah? What do they do?" Ven asked.
"They taste the food before the king eats, to make sure it's not, uh, poisoned."
"Poisoned?" Ven looked alarmed, and Sora quickly interjected with, "Or too salty."
"Don't worry about it," Roxas reassured. "You'll be safe and sound, with the help of your bodyguards."
"Bodyguards?"
"All of them willing at a moment's notice to lay down their lives out of devotion to you," Axel responded.
"Really?" Ven queasily responded as Sora tried to get them to shut up by crossing his finger across his throat behind Ven.
"The whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance," Axel continued.
Sora mouthed. Stop talking! as Roxas said, "Just make sure they don't die of famine!"
"Or plague."
"Oh, plague is bad."
"The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores."
Sora laughed and pushed Ven out of sight, "Festering sores, hey! You are one funny kitty cat."
Axel made an I-don't-know gesture and asked, "What did I say?"
"We don't want Ven here getting the wrong idea." Sora turned around and didn't see a blond. Well, a human blond. He saw Roxas. "Uh, Ven?"
The boat suddenly made a sharp turn, and all three fell to the floor. Ven was commandeering the boat, and the true captain was on the floor, moaning, "There goes my hip!"
Sora made his way to the wheel, demanding, "Ven! What are you doing?" He pushed him away and took control of the boat, putting it back on course.
Ven grabbed an oar and cried, "What does it look like?", pushing Sora out of the way using it and sent Sora to the back and took back the wheel.
Sora walked forward and grabbed it, saying, "This really isn't up to you."
"But I don't know anything about being king!"
"You'll learn on the job!"
"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm going back."
"Back to what? Being a loser?"
Ven's face formed a glare, and he let go of the wheel, and all of the force that Sora had on his hold caused him to break the wheel off of the boat. Sora turned on the younger boy and growled, "Now look what you did!"
Roxas forced himself up to vomit and looked at the landscape as Ven argued, "Look what I did? Who's holding the wheel, chief?"
Roxas, seeing what the landscape was, force-swallowed his vomit and in a panic cried, "Sora!"
Sora and Ven looked away to see rocks. Rocks everywhere. Sharp rocks everywhere. Sharp, pointy rocks everywhere. Sharp, pointy, REALLY FREAKING DANGEROUS rocks everywhere. Sora desperately put the wheel back where it came from and started turning it in an attempt to move the boat away. But alas, there was no defeating the inevitable, and the boat crashed into the rocks and split into pieces.
"Land ho!" the captain cried. Thank you, Captain Obvious.
