I have worked this past three and half years in pulling myself back together. I've been working less, and I've spent as much time with my children as possible. I still have to work on confronting...the issue though. I feel as though I am in rehab, but instead, grief is the drug. I always spend the entire night wishing the pain away, but, I have been alive (dead) long enough to know that that's impossible

Most of my smiles aren't even false anymore though. Of course I still have my days that I feel that the world is over, but by the end of the day I accept the fact that I have to go on with 'life' for Esme...I promised.

Now that I've been more alert, I've noticed that something is not right with Bella. She always seems blue when she comes near me, even Edward has noticed. Perhaps I should speak with her. She has already been a vampire for three years now, her life seems perfect, I sometimes can't help but envy her.

One thing that has helped me a great deal is Nessie. I can't help but smile from ear to ear when looks at me with those big chocolate eyes and calls me 'grandpa.' That beautiful girl is definately a blessing, and everybody in the house agrees, especially Jacob.

The pain seems to weaken everyday, some days less than others, but it still does. Yes, my life has been looking up since the day I decided to change it. Although, one thing that seemed to make everone down was that Alexis left. According to Edward, she felt guilty for 'forcing' me to get over...yeah. Everyone tried to track her down, but they couldn't find her. Oh well, maybe it is better for me to get over this naturally, although I do miss her.

I quickly glide down the stairs and give Nessie a kiss on the forhead.

"Hello dear." I say to her with a smile.

"Good morning Grandpa." she says full of excitement. "look at what i made!" She puts a picture up to me. It's a bunny that looks like it belongs to a cartoon. The picture is way beyond her years, but I'm not surprised. She is a three year old who can pass for a six, maybe seven year old, who has always been beyond her years. "I made it for you grandpa."

"Thank you. I will put it on my wall so everyone can see." I always love how she is so full of life. She always has a big smile on her perfect face, and always makes everyone around her smile, no matter what.

Jacob walks up to me and Nessie. "Hello, Nessie." He says in an overly cheerful voice, and then looks at me. "Hey Grandpa, whats up?"

Why does he always ask me 'whats up?' Soemtimes Jacob makes no sense. Maybe it's supposed to be a joke. "Good morning Jacob." I say with a smile, lacking something better to say. "Um, how are you?"

"I'm, good. I'm going to take Nessie to the park today," he says with a big smile plastered on his face, "but first we have to eat breakfast, huh?" He looks down at Nessie.

"Uh, huh." She says with a big smile. I keep on telling Jacob to stop speaking to her as if she were still a baby. I understand she is still a toddler, but if he keeps on talking to her with that 'little baby tone' she might start talking like that, and it will take a very long time for her to grow out of it.

I sigh and Jacob smirks. I think he's doing it perpously (sp) now. Oh well.

He heads off to the park with Nessie, leaving me to go to work while everyone else is at school. Jacob does homeschooling here so he can spend as much time with Nessie as possible.

OMG! This is hard! If you have any ideas you should tell me. School is giving me writers block. Its hard to be creative where the enviornment is so flipping boring. =(

Oh, and sorry if there are stupid mistakes, I don't have Microsoft word so i have to write my stories on wordpad, and that doesn't correct my spelling.