Chapter 8: In Another Life
Hinata woke up that night sitting in one of the couches which inhabited the Afterlife Battlefront's Headquarters. He blinked three times in quick succession, momentarily disoriented by the drastic change in his surroundings. The paltry colors of the wall opposite him made his eyes ache from too much use of late. Or maybe he'd been crying? But why? Hinata had no idea. The last thing he remembered doing was standing outside at the baseball field and talking to Yui-
His brain pulsed as the recent, and raw, memories pouted back into the periphery of his consciousness. She's gone, Hinata thought, in agony. I'm alone.
Of course, Hinata knew that he was never truly alone; he had Otonashi, he had Yuri, he had his friends. But whenever he remembered that Yui was no longer part of the world that he lived in, it made him feel like a huge chunk of the world had been ripped out of its place. For a second, he hated Otonashi for trying to fulfill Yui's dreams, thus sending her away from this world. The feeling only lasted for a moment though, before it evaporated to be replaced by understanding. He was just doing what he felt was best for her. For everyone. Who am I do object? Otonashi made Yui happy; and so, I should be happy.
Hinata still missed her, though.
Hinata's left eye twitched and he felt a salty sting there. What, was he crying? Was he really this effected by Yui's departure? His heart was screaming duh, but his brain kept telling him to be rational, that the chances of meeting again were six billion to one, so just give up and move on. He couldn't though.
"You came in here when it was empty and cried yourself to sleep, so I decided to wait here until you woke up," said a voice to his right.
Snapping his neck in that direction (and causing pain to blossom there in the process), Hinata saw his leader, Yuri, sitting at the mahogany desk with her arms crossed sternly. Her eyes were soft, though.
Rubbing the back of his neck and wincing, Hinata said, "How long have you been sitting there?"
"Just an hour or two."
"Sorry to keep you."
Yuri rose from her seat and walked around the desk with her fingers trailing over the wood. She sat on the desk itself and said, "It's no problem. I didn't have anything better to do."
Hinata just nodded, accepting the fact as it was and not deigning to expand on such a topic.
A lengthy silence was born from this, one which lasted for around five minutes, with Yuri sitting legs crossed on the desk. Hinata had his elbows up on the back of the couch, head thrown back to stare at the dark ceiling; the lights were off in the room, and the only illumination originated from an open laptop screen on the desk. It set a paltry glow on everything.
Finally, Yuri broke the silence with a question. "Do you miss her, Hinata?"
He was prepared to give a sturdy, confident, and even answer. Which was why he was surprised when his voice cracked when he opened his mouth and answered, "Yes."
Yuri nodded firmly, as if she knew just how he felt. Did she? Sliding off the desk, she sat next to him on the couch and said, "Hinata, you know we all understand how you're feeling-"
"No you don't."
His leader's lips pursed in disapproval at his sudden and rude interruption, but she didn't comment on it and Hinata didn't care either way. Instead, she forged on, saying, "Yes, we do. I do, at least. I've lost people I love."
"It's different though, Yuri," Hinata said, his voice sounding frighteningly dead. "Have you ever loved someone, not as family, but as another individual who completed you, became such an integral part of your existence, that when they're gone it feels like my own arm got torn off?"
Yuri winced at the rather vivid comparison, saying, "Perhaps not, but I know how much pain you could be in right now. So if there's anything you need, if you want to skip the next operation or something..."
Hinata turned his head away from her. "Don't go easy on me cause of this, Yurripe. We'll be stretched even thinner without Yui anyway. It wouldn't do."
"She's a part of Girls Dead Monster, not the assault group," Yuri pointed out without thinking.
Without seeing, Yuri knew her friend's eyes had sharpened. "Was, Yuri. Was a part of GirlDeMo. Maybe now they can find someone who can play guitar and sing at the same time. Yui could do both, but she sucked at multitasking."
Before Yuri could say anything, Hinata continued. "I watched her perform the German Suplex with Otonashi from the fourth floor window," he said in that same voice devoid of feeling or emotion. "After she pulled it off, she was so happy. Yui did whatever she wanted to do, and she kept doing it until she was good at it. It made me want to be able to have that smile show up on her face all the time, thanks to me. I wanted to be the greatest source of her happiness. Was I expecting too much of myself?"
Yuri didn't say anything. She didn't trust herself to.
"Who knows?" Hinata said finally. He actually sounded hopeful now. "Maybe we'll meet in the next life. Despite the six billion to one odds, and assuming we'll both be reborn as humans. With the same personalities."
Yuri couldn't bear to hear her closest friend talk like this. "Hinata, don't say things like that..."
Suddenly, the blue haired boy stood up. The abrupt movement caused the tear that had been perching on his left eyelash to fall. Yuri caught sight of the drop hitting the floor and looked at her friend in alarm.
"I'm going out for some air," Hinata said gruffly, leaving the room and slamming the door. Yuri sighed, looked out of the window, and tried to fight back her own tears.
Hinata left the school building immediately. He pushed through the first door he saw, and when he did it turned out that he was standing on the track field. This was where the NPCs ran around and stretched and got instructions from their drill coaches all day, every day. Walking over to the center of the field, Hinata looked up and the sky. The night air was dotted with countless stars. He wondered which one was Yui.
I'll find you, He promised silently. I'll die before I give up.
Just then, Hinata thought he heard the faint sound of a door opening and closing. It was very soft, though. The door behind him wasn't being opened. Turning and looking up, Hinata saw the figure of Hisako walking out to the edge of a balcony. The balcony overlooked the track field, and Hinata retreated into the shadows, not wanting to be seen for some reason. He could still see Hisako though, who had brought a chair along with her and was now sitting in it. Stargazing? She didn't really seem the type. Then she seemed to reach into her pocket and take out a phone sized object.
Hinata was about to turn around and go back inside (it was cold) when Hisako hit PLAY on the tape recorder she was holding.
A string of piano bars began to stream out, and Hisako froze. The piano notes were beautiful and pure, carrying him along in a melody both sad and hopeful. It matched his mood. Then an all too familiar voice began to sing.
[My Most Precious Treasure]
by Girls Dead Monster
When we faced each other, we did nothing but fighting
Yet those were good memories, too
You taught me that, so I'm not scared anymore
No matter how fettered I am, I can seize happiness, so-
Even if I'm alone, I'll go on, even if it's tough
I'll definitely take along the dream I had with you
I'm glad to have been with you, not anyone else
But on the morning when I wake up, you're not there
顔を合わしたら喧嘩してばかり
それもいい思い出だった
きみが教えてくれたんだ もう怖くない
どんな不自由でも幸せは掴める だから
ひとりでもゆくよ 例え辛くても きみと見た夢は 必ず持ってく
よ きみとがよかった ほかの誰もでもない でも目覚めた朝 きみは居ないんだね
The singer was obviously Iwasawa, but Hinata didn't remember hearing this song at any of her concerts. It didn't seem likely that he had, either. This song was too slow to work as a diversion.
I felt like we'd be able to play forever
I know I only felt so I no longer regret that I was born
It's like after a festival; it's lonely, but let's get going shortly
I'll go everywhere, that's what I learned here
I'll show you I'll fulfill the dream known as happiness
Even if I'm separated from you, no matter how far apart we are
I'll live in a brand-new morning
ずっと遊んでれる そんな気がしてた 気がしていただけ
わかってる 生まれてきたこともう後悔はしな
祭りの後みたい 寂しいけどそろそろ行こう
どこまでもゆくよ ここで知ったこと 幸せという夢を叶え
てみせるよ きみと離れても どんなに遠くなっても 新しい朝に あたしは生きるよ
This is what I promised Yui, Hinata thought, clenching his fist. The song reflected exactly his feelings.
Even if I'm alone, I'll go on, even if I want to die
I can hear your voice, saying, "You mustn't die"
Even if it's tough, even if I cry in loneliness
Deep in my heart, I feel warmth
Cycling and flowing, the times change I can't recall what happened anymore
But if I try closing my eyes, there's someone's laughter
Somehow that's my most precious treasure now
ひとりでもゆくよ 死にたくなっても 声が聞こえ
るよ 死んではいけないと 例え辛く
ても 寂しさに泣いても
心の奥には 温もりを感じるよ
巡って流れて 時は移ろいだ も
う何があったか 思い出せないけど 目を閉じてみれ
ば 誰かの笑い声 なぜかそれが今一番の宝物
Hinata felt the tears beginning to fall and he punched the wall, making his knuckles bleed. The song was beginning to die out, going with a slowing piano melody, but Hinata's thoughts were certainly not fading. I made a promise to you, Yuri, he thought. I won't fail. I promise.
That established, he pushed the door open and made his way back inside. Tomorrow morning, he would ask Hisako for that tape recorder.
