A/N: Okay, apparently "shortly" translates into "two months". There are several very good excuses, but I'll just blame a screwy laptop, college, and video games.
This is rated T. Keep that in mind.
I do not, nor will I ever, own Total Drama anything.
Rime Of The One-Eyed Thief
Lightning flashed, thunder roared, rain pounded and a tiny boat smashed against the rocky river edge. Normally, this would be a fairly concerning event; after all, having stone daggers carve deep gashes in your ship's hull never leads to anytfhing remotely positive. However, one would not be able to tell that from the laughter flowing from the captain's mouth. The red-haired psychopath jerked the wheel to the left, shearing the side of the boat away from the rocks at the cost of the entire side. Water crept onto the boat, silent and erratic as a sidewinder. Two of the three unfortunate victims clambered atop the ship's railing, watching the dark liquid rise. Owen chuckled loudly and said, "What's the matter, guys? It's just water."
"No, it's not just water, you twit!" Mr. Blond barked. The former captain nodded. "One of the rivers that flows into the Black passes through the rain forest in Wüste and picks up diseases and parasites there. Don't even touch it."
Owen swallowed and tried to climb up, only for the rail to snap, dumping him and the other two men mere inches from the pestilent water. Their screams as they attempted mount themselves atop the ship's edge were music to Izzy's ears. Her laughter clashed with their cacophony, even as the weight of the water began to pull the ferry beneath the Black. Shuddering at the rising water, Mr. Blond said, "Never mind, drink all you want. We're gonna die anyways."
Within a minute, only flotsam remained.
"What do you mean, you lost him?"
Geoff shot up, his blissful sleep destroyed by Courtney's yelling. The poor man tasked with following Duncan was pressed up against a wall, as far away from the raging girl as he could get. "I-I'm sorry. He just disappeared. He may have jumped into the river."
"Well, that's just great. Now what do we do?"
"I hate her sometimes," Tyler groaned. Ezekiel yawned and nodded, although Bridgette scowled at them. Geoff wrapped an arm around her shoulders and braced himself for the inevitable Courtney eruption. The captain kept his voice as steady as he could as he said, "We are approaching the final stop, the town of Faro. You ask around, da?"
"I guess," she sighed. Once the captain had gone back to piloting the riverboat, she turned to the others and sneered, "Good to see you people are awake."
"We've been traveling since eight," Bridgette justified, drawing as close to Geoff as physically possible. "And you took a nap earlier, too."
"Hmph."
With nothing left for the snarling CIT to gripe about, the voyage was completed in silence, save for the rain splashing down upon the wooden deck. Several lights blazed in the town of Faro, accompanied people Courtney assumed were the villagers. As the small crew disembarked, the pilot called, "I don't get paid, da?"
"Nah, we'll pay you later, dude. Thanks for everything," Geoff called back with a wave of his hat. Courtney glared at him, an act rendered virtually meaningless by its frequency, and whispered, "The hell we are."
Her glared intensified as Tyler whispered something to Ezekiel. She stormed ahead to reach them, but came to a halt at the sight of four men at the village entrance, each as tall as DJ. In the firelight, she caught sight of the oversized muscles stretching their shirts. One of them, a bit taller than the rest, stepped forward and boomed, "You have disturbed the village. Please leave."
"Um, what?" Tyler asked. "This is our first time here, man!"
The man pointed at Bridgette. "Her screaming woke us up."
"Um, actually...it was her, eh," Ezekiel corrected, indicating the girl in front of him. Courtney turned and kicked him in the shin, growling, "Shut up, you prairie rat."
"Um...can't you just go back to sleep? It's only, like, ten." Geoff asked, daring to look into the mammoth's eyes. The giant shook his head. "Faro is a fishing town. It is has been our way of life for generations. However, since the Black River is a major trade route, we can only fish in the early morning. Once the boats start coming, the fish are scared away. We must sleep early to fish early. By waking us up now, you may have cost us food tomorrow. Be gone."
"So...where are supposed to go?"
The men turned back towards the village. On of the other men said, "We don't know. Just leave."
"Oh, come on!" Geoff cried, racing up to the men. He grabbed the leader's shoulder and shouted into his ear, "Just let us pass through, dudes! I promise we'll-"
A backhanded slap from the leader silenced him, throwing him several feet behind his comrades. Bridgette started running to her boyfriend's side, preparing to cast a spell should he be injured. The crunch of a massive foot stepping on gravel froze her, and she turned back to the fishermen. The four were approaching, anger showing in their eyes, their breathing, even their very muscles. She cried, "Can't we just talk this..."
"Ha!" Tyler interrupted, striking a fighting stance. "We could so take you guys! I mean, seriously. You guys catch fish, we fight killer zombie beavers! You're nothing...before...us...mommy..."
The leader towered over him for a second before dispatching him with as much ease as stomping an ant. The jock crashed down next to Geoff, moaning about cracked ribs. Courtney rolled her eyes. "Good job, Tyler. Thanks for pissing them off further."
"Um...you're the reason we're in this situation," Ezekiel reminded her, pulling out one of his books. Courtney shrieked and ducked down as the man drew back a paw to swat her away. Quickly deciding that it would be in his best interest to save her, Ezekiel pointed at the space between the hand and the girl and murmured, "Stoppenfenster."
A light flashed in the area he had pointed at and a clear wall of magic appeared, reflecting the fisherman's attack. The force launched the man backwards, right into one of his fellow villagers. The other two fishermen began to advance as Ezekiel chuckled to himself. "Oh wow. That guy must have put a lot into that attack, eh."
He held up his book, matching the fishermen's cold glares, and the two men slowed down. Behind him, Bridgette healed the fractured bones of Geoff and Tyler. The two rose and stood beside the prairie boy while the fishermen regrouped and marched as one, staring the motley crew down. People from the torch-lit village were starting to gather, sensing the coming brawl. Men, not quite the size of the first four but still of considerable mass, lined up, ready to try their hand at defeating the mage. The lead fisherman took a step. Ezekiel rose a finger and whispered, "Moddergat..."
The spell never came, nor did any sort of bull-rush from the giant. The sound of jangling metal pierced the night, waking any villagers that had remained asleep. A tall man, dressed in steel armor and a knight's helm, clanked onto the scene and grabbed the lead fisher's shoulder. He whispered something, and the fisherman nodded. He boomed, "The palace of Yellowknife has decreed that you may pass. However, please pass through as fast as you can."
Without another word, the villagers turned and headed back to their homes. The knight waited until they were out of earshot before exclaiming, "Hey, 'sup y'all!"
Geoff was the first to break out of his shock. "...DJ?"
The knight chuckled and raised his visor, and DJ's face beamed down at the party.
A mohawk rose from the dark depths of the Black and a spluttering, pierced head followed. Duncan treaded water and watched his pursuers follow a Wustan knight through the shanty village. He cackled and continued his swim against the river current. He inhaled sharply as something pierced his leg. Snarling, he stopped, allowing the current to erase his progress, and pulled out the offending point. He glared at Enceladus and growled, "Geez, what is with this thing? Every time I do anything, it stabs me or gets stuck in something...are you out to get me or something? ...Why am I talking to a sword? And why the..."
From the shore, an extraordinarily familiar voice screeched, "There he is! Get him!"
"...Fucking hell do I have this oversized glow stick out?" Duncan yelped before diving back under the water, hiding the shine of the legendary beneath the black veil. He swam for an untold, uncounted length of time, only daring to pop his head above the water to take a breath. By the time his sword finally brought a halt to his mad escape, Faro was miles away. He untangled the seaweed enveloping Enceladus and rested, watching the stars flow overhead.
Tyler barely caught a glimpse of Enceladus before the purple thing was submerged once again, but it was more than enough for him. He raced towards through the dark unknown, no consideration for what may lay between him and the criminal in his mind, and shouted, "I got him!"
A strong hand gripped the back of his shirt and actually managed to halt the sprinting athlete. DJ, not even panting despite having ran down someone whilst wearing heavy armor, said, "Don't even think about it, man. That river's deadly! And why are you chasing down Duncan anyways?"
"Because," Bridgette answered, striding up next to him, "he stole Geoff's sword, and since Geoff's the Chosen One..."
"Man, for real?" DJ shook his head. "Brother's crazy, but Duncan wouldn't do that for nothing."
"That's exactly what I said," Courtney proclaimed, wearing a smug smirk. Ezekiel blinked and asked, "You did? Was that after you said that Duncan is a..."
Whatever Courtney said about Duncan was so angry, violent and profane that Chris, expressing regret that the lost description would be awesome for ratings, has ordered it be censored. Just know that it was hardly the nicest thing one could say about another.
And if Ezekiel knew what some of the stuff meant, he would be scarred for life.
By the time Ezekiel had finished his recitation, even passing squirrels had their jaws resting on the ground. Bridgette was the first to respond. "Oh...wow..."
"That's just cold, sister."
"Just her way of saying she likes him, dudes."
"Squeak!"
"I did NOT need to know that about Duncan..."
"You were asleep!" Courtney stormed, fingers twitching as though she wanted to strangle the boy. "You shouldn't...how did...what the-"
"I'm sorry, eh!" Ezekiel cried backing away from the spazzing CIT. "I was trying to fall asleep, and you just wouldn't be quiet..."
"Just shut up!" She spat, restraining herself from decking him. "You did not need to tell everyone!"
"...sorry..." He whimpered before feeling a hand on his shoulder. Geoff grinned at both him and the seething girl and said, "Chill, guys. If we fight now, we'll just be letting Duncan get away. And she said it before we got on "
The two nodded and Geoff, satisfied, walked up to the edge of the river. As he studied it, Ezekiel chuckled to himself. "He sure knows the right thing to say, eh."
Courtney returned the smile. "Yeah...except when talking to girls."
"Hey, Bridge?" Geoff called out. "Do you think you could swim after him? Can't be that bad. I mean, it's not even that fast here..."
"No," Bridgette shot. "DJ, Zeke...doesn't part of the Black go through a jungle?"
"Yeah," DJ answered, visor clanking from his nodding. Ezekiel, remembering his brief studies of the Black River, explained, "One of the rivers that flows into it does, but all kinds of bad stuff makes it all the way to the headwaters, eh. Parasites, sicknesses..."
"And...Duncan...swam in it...", Courtney realized, growing paler as DJ's words sunk in. She turned and snatched Geoff's shoulders. "We have to do something! Is there any way to follow him upstream?"
"Only by land," DJ replied, indicating the rest of Faro and the hills that lay beyond it. "You'd be nuts to try to travel the rest of the river by boat. I could try to tell the Wustan knights at the palace about Duncan-"
"Wait, wait, wait," Bridgette cut in. "We're in Wüste?"
"Why else would I be here?" DJ inquired, beaming. "I'm the head of the Wustan sixteenth division! We're only about a half hour away from Yellowknife!"
"Yellow...knife? Sounds cool," Geoff asserted. Courtney snorted and growled, "That's not a very creative name for a weapon..."
"It ain't a weapon, it's a place," DJ exclaimed, pointing into the night. "If it were day, you'd be able to see the palace right now."
"Not important right now," Tyler yawned. "Where does the river end?"
"Near Tukto...Toytuk...Tiktok..." DJ sighed and tried to untangle his tongue. "Tukto-something. Some port town. I'd take you there myself, but I need to report back to Yellowknife. Bunny will BUNNY!"
The knight's sudden yelp elicited a jump from the five travelers. Panting and sweating, DJ pulled a plate away from his thigh armor, revealing a metallic pocket. He scooped up a small, gray thing hacking up a windstorm. He cuddled the oxygen-deprived critter up to his iron-plated chest and whimpered, "Oh, Bunny! I'm sorry, I'll never do that again! I'll never even put you in my pocket again, I swear! What can I-"
"Why's Bunny with you?" Geoff interrupted, giving the furry creature a jovial wave. DJ produced a smaller suit of armor from the makeshift pocket and said, "The sixteenth division is made of animal knights! Bunny and I work together! Isn't that right, Bunny?"
"Stop talking to your pet rabbit," Courtney growled, tapping her foot, "and tell us what its going to do for us!"
"Show some sensitivity, eh," Ezekiel murmured, just loud enough for the tan-skinned girl to hear. The waterfall from DJ's eyes stopped flowing and he perked up almost instantly. "Oh yeah, Bunny will lead you Tuk...that place. It's quicker than swimming, so you should get there before Duncan."
"And we're sure Duncan isn't going to drown, right?" Bridgette asked. She wasn't exactly comforted when DJ shrugged. "Beats me, Bridge. The only reason ferries can't get through is because it gets real narrow just a few miles upstream. But we don't know what Duncan may have caught, swimming in that river..."
"Okay, okay, enough!" Courtney shrieked, shaking. Tired and angry as she was, the last thing she needed was people talking about her boyfriend's death prospects. "Just tell the hare where to go, and tell it to hurry. We need to cut off Duncan!"
"Right," DJ agreed with a noisy nod. He brought Bunny up to eye level and cooed, "Hey, Bunny, could you pwease show these guys the shortcut to the port? Good bunny!"
"Just get Bunny going," Courtney moaned, cringing. And never talk like that again, she added mentally. DJ shrugged and placed Bunny on the ground. The small, lovable furry thing immediately darted off at top speed, leaving the travelers behind in the dark. As Courtney shrieked at DJ and DJ called after Bunny, Ezekiel calmly pulled a dry stick from his pack and muttered something underneath his breath. The wood ignited, illuminating everything in a fairly large radius, including the rabbit. Ezekiel took off after it, calling back, "Let's go, eh!"
"Ugh…finally."
Duncan ran a hand through his ruined mohawk as he looked down upon the lightly glowing port town. Tuktoyuktuk was pretty much as he had expected: small and shoddy, with more boats than houses. Hell, by the mass of ships, it would seem that many citizens actually lived on the sea rather than on solid ground. His stomach churned just from the thought…well, maybe swimming against the current for hours on end had something to do with the ache, as well. He had been feeling sick for over an hour now. Time to fix that.
He clambered down the hillside and snuck up to the nearest house, a two-story wooden building. Piece of crap. Moving as fast as he dared, which was about the same rate as the flow of molasses in January, he dug his hook underneath a window and tried to pull it up. Nothing. Damn unmovable windows. Oh well, next plan. Removing the curved point from the wood, he kicked the window in, showering the room with glass. Instantly, a light shined down from the second floor. Duncan smirked and whispered, "Perfect."
He slunk back around the corner, listening to the panicked thumps echoing from his target home. He held his breath once the footsteps stopped, knowing that the inhabitant had reached the window. Now he just had to wait for the villager to leave for whatever passed as a police force and he could quickly enter and take what he needed. By the looks of the house, he could be in and out in thirty seconds… "Hey! I see you there!"
Duncan's pierced unibrow nearly merged with his hair. What the hell gave me…away… He snarled at Enceladus. Why the hell do you keep screwing me up? Well, no sense keeping you if you don't do anything. "Yeah, well, I see you too!"
He jumped out from behind the corner and gave a war cry, waving Enceladus around menacingly. He barely took in a few features of his target—male, middle-aged, black hair, wielding a sword—before bringing Enceladus around for a blow to the man's chin. He was sent sprawling backwards and landed awkwardly on his kitchen table. Panting, Duncan glared once more at the legendary blade. "Why do you always…forget that, you do I keep talking to you?"
Putting his misfortunes with the sword aside, he hurdled the windowsill and examined his victim. After confirming that he was still alive, Duncan began poking around the cabinets. Bread, plenty of canteens filled with water, meat…and some weird red liquid. Duncan shrugged and took it. Maybe he would meet someone who knew what the hell that crap is. After putting the goods into a bag, conveniently found next to on of the cabinets, he stooped down to inspect his victim's sword.
"Piece of junk," he decided. "Well, guess I'd bet-"
The door flew open and a soldier stood in its place. Pointing his spear at Duncan, the man boomed, "You are under arrest, thief."
Duncan stared back and gripped Enceladus tighter. "Like hell I am!"
Next time she had to get somewhere in a hurry, she wasn't going to risk a shortcut, Courtney decided. The "quick" path to Tuktoyuktuk was a crack bored through a mountain that, at times, was so narrow even she had trouble slipping through. The daggers of stone and spiny plants that inhabited the crevice slashed at her and her allies, ripping apart their clothes and slowing them down further. Only Geoff's breastplate was left unharmed by the treacherous path, sans a few minor scratches. His hat was safely stored behind the armor, and he was personally trying to ensure his girlfriend's safety by keeping his arms wrapped around her. Not that it did much good; her sky blue hoodie was just torn as Ezekiel's jacket, Tyler's shirt and her own blouse.
To make matters worse, Ezekiel had to keep his torch lit to follow Bunny, who had a tendency to get far ahead of the others. The last thing they wanted to do was go down the wrong split in the rock, which was more than possible, but the torch had a bad tendency to burn the dry plants. And thus start fires and generally cause a major, painful annoyance. Courtney sighed as she nearly tripped over a particularly spiky plant. "If we live through this, I'm so gonna kill DJ."
"You know," Tyler huffed as he slid between the narrow walls, "That really doesn't sound like too bad of an idea right now."
"Relax, eh," Ezekiel called back. "We're almost out. I can see the port."
He kicked his foot out of a particularly nasty plant, shredding his skin, and pointed forward. Courtney squinted, trying to see what the home-schooled boy was referring to. In the distance, against the pitch black backdrop of night, a dull orange glow rose from beyond a hill. The scent of sea water confirmed that they were nearly through. Nearly bursting with joy for the first time since she'd joined, she punched the air and shouted, "Woo! Let's get outta here and find that criminal!"
Her shout startled Ezekiel and he instinctively turned to her. As the torchlight fell on her he noticed something about her blouse. "Er...um…y-your…shirt…"
"What about my…" Courtney trailed off as she looked down. The tunnel had taken it's toll on her; enough of her clothing had been slashed away by the numerous sharp objects that a fair bit of her chest was revealed. Ezekiel's eyes widened as her face morphed into something entirely demonic. He shook as she hissed incoherently under her breath. He turned and ran as she opened her mouth to screech, "YOU GODDAMN PERVERT!"
"Sorry, eh!" Ezekiel managed to shout as he fled from her oncoming wrath and debated the merits of dropping his torch to block her pursuit. Luckily for Courtney, he did not, and she was able to race after him without fiery barriers blocking her way. Tyler snarled and looked back at Geoff. "Why is she with us again?"
"She's my friend and she can help keep some people," Bridgette answered, pausing to giving Geoff a light nudge, "in check."
"Oh come on," the party boy protested. "I wasn't being serious 'bout buying a new sword."
Bridgette smirked and caressed his cheek. "Even if it was really shiny? And named after me?"
Geoff appeared to consider that prospect, and Tyler decided he didn't want to know what had led to that idea. The way the two were going, he wouldn't be surprised if they started one of their near-famous make-out sessions. "Um, guys? Courtney and Zeke are getting way ahead! We need to catch up and then kick Duncan's thieving ass! Though I wonder what set Courtney off…"
Some five minutes later, he knew. Only about a minute away from Tuktoyuktuk, Geoff was on the ground, laughing harder than he ever had before. Next to him, Bridgette was struggling not to do the same, despite her boyfriend unceremoniously dropping her there. Tyler, chuckling, had an arm around the country boy's shoulders. Ezekiel was confused and terrified, as expected, and Courtney was absolutely seething with one arm covering her chest. Luckily for them, Tuktoyuktuk, and pretty much everything else in the general vicinity, her anger was so great that she couldn't even begin to form words. Finally, Tyler stopped giggling long enough to say, "So…how'd you like second base?"
"Second base?" Ezekiel asked, his mouth the only part of him not petrified by the CIT's deadly glare. "What does baseball have to do with anything, eh?"
Geoff and Bridgette laughed harder (a miraculous feat on Geoff's part), Tyler joined them again and Courtney's glare melted away. In its place was a look that asked if Ezekiel could possibly be that ignorant. The poor boy nervously pulled at his collar and asked, "What?"
Tyler leaned over and whispered something to him in between laughs. Ezekiel's eyes widened further and he muttered, "Okay…I don't think I want to answer your question."
"Alright, guys," Bridgette said, fighting down her laughter, "We need to get going. Duncan might already be gone."
That silenced both Geoff and Tyler and finally made Courtney look away from Ezekiel. The CIT, still careful not to let anyone see her chest, nodded and commanded, "Right. The port town is right up ahead. Watch for any sign of Duncan."
"I think I see one," Geoff chirped, pointing at the town. A bright purple light emerged from one of the houses and began heading their direction. As two silhouettes cut him off, Courtney wordlessly bolted towards the town. The others followed suit. As they neared the outermost shacks, Duncan battled the two men blocking his path. One of the soldiers fell to the ground and Duncan tried to finish him off. Unfortunately, Enceladus seemed to get caught one something—perhaps a tree branch—and the criminal was forced into retreat. Tyler smirked and said, "Hey, this kinda reminds me of Star Wars."
"…How do you get Star Wars from this?" Courtney questioned with a disapproving sniff. Although her tone made it clear she didn't want an answer, Geoff was happy to give her one anyway. "Well, Enceladus kinda looks like a lightsaber at night."
"Yeah, it does," Ezekiel agreed. "It's like a Jedi fighting some storm troopers, eh. With…swords. That aren't lightsabers."
Courtney had come to a halt to throw disbelieving glares at her comrades. "Okay, seriously guys. I don't care what this looks like. We need to help Duncan!"
"Why?" Tyler asked with a shrug. "The guy took Enceladus. I don't see any reason to help him."
"Yeah, I know," Geoff agreed. He winced as Duncan took a kick straight to the chin. "Ooh, but that one had to hurt! Maybe he does need help."
"Eh, maybe. I…holy crap, did you see that counterattack?" Tyler boomed, grinning from ear to ear. Duncan had used his weapon as a pole vault and ripped into one of his assailants with his hook. The man collapsed to the ground, but another soldier was right there to take his place. "Oh, but he's surrounded on four sides! Can our champion fight his way out of this?"
"Champion?!" Courtney shrieked, throwing her arms up. "This isn't some stupid wrestling crap, Tyler! This is Duncan's life we're talking about!"
"Oh wow, what a move by Duncan! No wonder he's been the champion for three straight years!" Geoff boomed, grinning at Tyler. Courtney looked back at her boyfriend's brawl and asked, "What? What did he do?"
"Spun around and knocked them all away," Ezekiel answered. "Don't know what Geoff and Tyler mean by 'champion', though."
"They're just…I don't know, having fun?" Bridgette answered. "Calm down, Courtney. Duncan has Enceladus. He can do this."
"I suppose you're right," Courtney said with a sigh. She sat down in between the surfer and Ezekiel and continued, "I mean, this is…WOO! Go Duncan!"
"And Duncan defeats another one by pounding him into the ground with Enceladus, like Chef did to Tyler," Geoff announced. Tyler threw him a quick glare and boomed, "ooh, but it looks like Enceladus got caught on something while he tried to roll away! This could be the end!"
One of the soldiers tried to bring a club down on the delinquent's head, but was blocked by his hand. Duncan took the opportunity to do some clubbing of his own. Once the soldier was downed, Duncan turned his attention to the three rushing him from behind. Tyler crowed, "And what a block with his hook! That's at least seven that he's downed already. At this rate, he may just set the record!"
"Go Duncan, go!" Courtney cried, punching at the air. She quickly remembered why her arm was where it had been and covered her chest once more with another glare at Ezekiel. Not that is was necessary; the boy was transfixed by the brouhaha raging before his eyes.
Duncan glared back at the town, annoyed. The idiots had followed him all the way to Tuktoyuktuk, and now they seemed hell bent on distracting him. Not to mention it was insanely hard to fight with one working eye. Oh, and Enceladus kept screwing him up by catching on to stuff. Had he not had bad experiences with the sword prior to the battle, he would have simply chalked up his misfortunes as simple bad luck. And the fact he currently had no depth perception. But considering the crap that seemed to happen every time he used Enceladus, he could think of no other possibility other then the sword had a life of its own and wanted him dead.
All mental gripes aside, he mowed down the next three soldiers with two slashes and latched on to another with his hook. He spun around and used his momentum to hurl the man into two other foes, removing them from the fray. And then he lost balance thanks to the overly weighted sword and fell onto his back. Cursing Enceladus to every hell he could think of—most notably Camp Wawanakwa—he managed to parry another soldier's strike. Damn it, how many are there?
Duncan kicked out the soldier's foot and stood back up. He heard a branch snap behind and he whirled around, blocking a club poised to shatter his skull. The man wielding the brutish weapon was far stronger, though, and Enceladus was pushed back into his own face. Snarling as the weapon smacked his nose, he ran his hook through the brute's arm, slicing through whatever tendons controlled his hand. The club fell to the ground, and Duncan finished the job with a quick kick to the groin. He turned around and saw five more men, ready to try their hands at defeating him. He snickered and said, "Let's go, bast-urk!"
Pain beyond pain streamed up his spine, filled his extremities, his muscles, his head. He lurched, dropped his weapon and collapsed onto all fours, shuddering and heaving. A second agonizing wave spread through his body, this one twisting his stomach. He heard faint voices around him, asking if he'd been in some river as he threw up violently. He felt pain spread once more and didn't feel anything after that.
"What the hell just happened?" Tyler shouted, joining the others as they stood up. Courtney began racing towards her fallen boyfriend, ignoring Geoff's last bit of commentary, some rather inappropriate comment about the fall of the champ. She didn't care about her comrades' thoughts on his sudden collapse, all she cared about his saving him from the bloodthirsty jackals preparing to carve him up. Except, she realized as she got closer, the villagers seemed to be helping him. Two of the still-standing soldiers began carrying him away. She tried to run after him, but a third soldier stepped in her way. "What do you want with the prisoner?"
Prisoner? Dammit! "I'm his girlfriend, you idiot! I need to see him!"
"Sorry. He's caught a deadly parasite from the Black River and needs to be treated. He is then to spend his life in the dungeon for the deaths of our soldiers. You may visit him tomorrow, though." He looked down at her exposed chest and snarled, "And cover yourself better, harlot."
"What the hell did you just call me?" Courtney covered herself up with one hand and lunged with the other. Geoff, panting and complaining about headstrong people, grabbed her wrist before she could do anything stupid and chastised, "Wow, bad idea, Court! Don't wanna tick off the authorities."
Courtney growled at him but pulled her hand back. The soldier continued to glare her, hand resting on his sword. The others caught up and Bridgette said, "Sorry about my friend. She's a little short-tempered."
"A little?" Tyler asked incredulously. Geoff silenced him with a look and continued, "Yeah. And could you tell us where we could buy new clothes? Ours totally got shredded in that pass."
The soldier looked at each of the five in turn, deciding if he should arrest them or help them. Fatigue and earlier fear won out and he said, "There's a clothing store on the western side of town, but it doesn't open until morning. Our inns are completely filled up. If you're gonna sleep here, you're going to have to sleep outside."
"Cool," Geoff chirped with a shrug, earning him some not-too-happy looks from his comrades. "Just one more thing. Where's the prison?"
"The dungeon is in the center of town."
"Alright, thanks dude!" Wearing his usual grin, he picked up a giggling Bridgette and carried her behind a building, the others following. Ezekiel asked, "So, um…any have any blankets?"
"Naw, but I've got Bridge," Geoff replied as he set the surfer down. As they cuddled up to each other, Geoff said, "Zeke, you've got your jacket and your funny hat thing. Courtney and Tyler…"
"Don't. Even. Say it," Courtney spat as she headed for the other side of the house. Ezekiel smirked a little and called, "You sure you don't want to cuddle with Tyler, eh?"
"I don't like him!"
"You make a great boat, Owen!"
Several miles from Tuktoyuktuk, a certain overweight ball of joy and gas swam up the Black River despite carrying two passengers on his back. Mr. Blond rolled his eyes and scooted further away from his psychopathic commander. "I still don't see how he can carry us up the river. And I'm glad you covered his mouth with that frying pan, since he'd probably answer otherwise and it would probably be disgusting."
A pause. "Why did you bring along a frying pan, anyways?"
"I dunno, just thought it'd be a good idea," Izzy replied with a shrug. After a few seconds of near silence, she said, "Hey, let's play a game! I spy something…stupid!"
"Owen. Your reflection. That lovable snake over there. Heather. Me."
"Yep!" She chirped, grinning like…herself. "Your turn!"
I spy something I'm going to have executed in the near future. "I'm not playing. I like my sanity."
"But sanity's so overrated!" Izzy admonished. She dipped her feet into the river and began splashing the nearby shore. "I mean, it's just not being able to think outside the box. Open the box, Mr. Blonde! You'll be able to see things the way I do!"
"No freaking thank you," the former intern growled. Daring to stand up on his rocking ride, he kicked Owen lightly and commanded, "Head for shore. We're walking the rest of the way."
"Aww," Izzy groaned, but made no attempt to override him. Once they had disembarked from Owen's back, they helped the big lug onto dry land. As soon as Izzy untied the rope holding the pan over his mouth, words began flowing. "Great Gordon Ramsay, I need FOOD! And water, even though I was just swimming in a river."
"A river with water that would kill you if you drank it," Mr. Blond reminded him. "Hence the frying pan over your mouth."
Izzy picked up the pan in question and defied physics to put it into a far-too-small bag while Owen continued. "Oh yeah, I forgot. And I'm tired. I think I'm just gonna lay down here and…"
He didn't even get to the laying down part before a razor-thin sword with putrid green edges appeared an inch away from his nose. Mr. Blond snarled and said, "No, you're gonna walk with us back to the ship and sleep there. Now move."
Owen nodded feebly and began walking after him. Izzy, meanwhile, was already far ahead of them, threatening to fade into the dark of night. Mr. Blond rolled his eyes and muttered, "And then we're making a leash for that ball of unending energy."
"Hey guys, wake up!"
Geoff moaned and forced his eyes open. He smiled at his awakener and said, "Mornin'. Courtney!"
He then kissed his girlfriend on the forehead and whispered, "Morning, Bridge."
After returning the kiss, Bridgette looked over at Courtney and said, "Hey, Courtney. Your new shirt looks good!"
"Thanks," Courtney replied. Her new shirt was a simple green tank top that matched her ragged pants. "I figured dressing a bit more casual for the journey couldn't hurt. And I recommend all of you buy new clothes before we leave; your clothes are all torn and filthy."
"Who cares, eh?" Ezekiel asked, stretching. "As long as they cover you, they work."
"You're never going to get a girlfriend with that outlook, Ezekiel," Courtney said bluntly, earning a light giggle from Bridgette. Tyler nodded and said, "Yeah, dude. If Lindsay's any indication, you definitely want to look into that stuff. I've learned way more than I ever imagined from her…"
"That's great, Tyler," Courtney snapped. "But we need to go visit D- I mean, the prison and get Enceladus back."
The two-minute journey to the prison was remarkably uneventful; Tyler didn't find a way to hit the ground, Courtney didn't erupt, even the warden allowed them to pass straight to Duncan's cell without much conversation. The directions to the cell were clear enough and they found it without getting lost in the labyrinthine dungeon. As if the journey to find the sword wasn't easy enough, Enceladus was hanging right outside Duncan's cell, along with the other stuff he had stolen. As soon as the blinding pink of Geoff's shirt came into view, though, Duncan thrust himself against the bars of his cell and growled, "What the hell is with that damned sword? It kept trying to kill me!"
Geoff yelped and leapt back at the prisoner's words. Whimpering under Duncan's angry scrutiny, he muttered, "I don't know, dude."
"Geoff has no problems using it," Courtney remarked, casting a dubious eyebrow at him. Duncan rolled his eyes and sat down on the cold stone floor. "Yeah, whatever. Like it's possible to be good with something so heavy…"
He trailed off as he realized who was standing before him. His snarl quickly became a wide grin and he said, "So, princess. Come to make out in a medieval dungeon?"
"Ew," Courtney retorted, "Is that all you think about, you ape?"
"Yeah."
"Urg!" Courtney glared down Duncan, stewing over proper responses to his attitude. The prisoner's smirk widened and he said, "So? Did you?"
"I do not believe I should respond," Courtney said with haughty tone, one that annoyed everyone but Duncan. Ezekiel rolled his eyes and muttered, "Yeah, because all know the answer, eh."
"Shut up, Ezekiel," she snapped, although she didn't look away from Duncan's eyes. "This conversation doesn't involve you. In fact, Geoff, just take Enceladus and leave. I'll catch up later."
"Whoa, wait now," Duncan said as he lost his smirk. "What's with that? It's not like we're gonna talk dirty here and besides-"
"They are not listening-"
"BESIDES," Duncan harrumphed, looking a bit hurt for overriding her so angrily, "I have a deal for you, Geoff. And I may just be able to help you get into Heather's castle."
"How are you going to help from prison?" Tyler asked dubiously, crossing his arms. Courtney silenced him with a glare before asking, "And how did you know that Heather's our enemy?"
"All in good time," Duncan responded with a shrug. He pointed at the CIT and asked, "But first, darling, a question for you. Why are you back to being snappish and uptight again? I thought I changed that."
"I'm not uptight! Or snappish!"
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Duncan scoffed as he fought back a smirk. It never ceased to amaze him how much in denial Courtney was. "Anyone in the peanut gallery got an answer?"
"She said she'd tell us if we reached the moon," Geoff answered, a bit distracted as he groped for something inside his back armor. As he pulled out his torn, scrunched up hat and began to weep silently over its state, Courtney snarled, "I thought I said this was my conversation. And it's nothing, darling."
Duncan chuckled to himself. She was so in denial. "Okay, fine, princess. You wanna know how I know about that bitch? I'll go further and tell you everything I've done and learned in this stupid world. It'll just cost you one kiss and one of my canteens."
"You're such an ogre," Courtney commented, although she certainly didn't look dismayed by his price. "Just get on with it."
Duncan shrugged and began to speak.
The grass was wet. That was the first thought that crossed Duncan's mind as he came to. Groaning, he forced himself up and took in his surroundings. Wet grass stretched for miles around. Not too far from there, he could see a beach and what he guessed was an ocean. An island protruded from the water, a terrifying phantasm in the far-off white mist. If he looked closely, he could make out a skull shape on the island's lone mountain. His first thought was that he had somehow found himself back at Camp Wawanakwa and that he was currently viewing Boney Island, but no. This was somewhere entirely foreign to him. And luckily he wasn't alone. He had no idea why Chris was dressed as though he were a king, but it didn't surprise him in the slightest. Duncan stood up and jabbed the overly vain man in the chest. "Okay, man. Straight up. Where the hell am I?"
"Near the Uturn Gulf in the great province of Uturneos," Chris answered. "In the distance, you can see Boney Island, home to the endangered, prehistoric Pearl Goose!"
"Uh…wha…" Duncan blinked, trying to work out if he was dreaming. The grass felt real enough, but the nonsense spewing from Chris's mouth made him think otherwise. "So, either I'm dreaming, hallucinating or not Canada anymore…great. It's the last one, isn't it?"
"Correctamundo!" Chris chirped. "Sorry, but I can't tell ya much more than that. Don't want to take the fun out of this."
"Yeah, this looks to be mountains of fun," Duncan muttered sarcastically. "So, if you can't tell me anymore, who can?"
"Eh, if you go north about a day, you'll run into the capital, Saint Felicien. But I'm sure you're wondering why I brought you here."
Chris stayed silent for several seconds, as if he was daring Duncan to rush him. Finally, he said, "In the far west, in the province of Tofino, there is a blue orb. You must secure it…and then you decide what to do with it. You can either give it to the Chosen One, who'll be entering this world in about…oh, a month or so, or you can give it to the evil queen. But remember—your decision will help decide the fate of this world. The choice is yours, young thief."
"So…" Duncan began, an evil grin cracking across his face, "I can either help save the world, or doom it? Hmm…"
"Oh, and the queen is Heather! You know, the kind, lovable teddy bear of a girl you came to love on Total Drama?"
"Tch. That settles it. No way am I helping her."
"Suit yourself," Chris said with a shrug. "I have three out-of-place hairs and need to get back to my totally awesome castle ASAP. See ya!"
He hopped onto an ATV (which Duncan swore wasn't there a minute before) and zoomed across the plains, spraying the thief with mud. Snarling, Duncan wiped himself off a bit and headed in the direction Chris had pointed. He growled, "I hate that man…but that was a pretty sweet ride. Time to get myself some wheels!"
"And how long did it take you to realize you weren't getting your 'wheels'?" Bridgette asked, exchanging smirks with Geoff. Behind them, Tyler whispered something to Ezekiel, beginning a very quiet conversation. Duncan glanced at the two, thought better of acknowledging them, and answered, "Oh, about the time I ran into a village made entirely of log cabins. This place has less technology than home-school's farmhouse."
"Hey, my dad-" Ezekiel started, but Duncan silenced him with a brief glare. "Don't care, dude. Anyways, moving on. After getting directions in Saint Felicien, I decided to get into Heather's castle and get her to trust me..."
"So that's the castle, huh?" Duncan asked the yellow-haired soldier. The former intern nodded. "Yes. You're lucky Her Majesty's recruiting right now—she needs people to scout the other provinces. Otherwise, I'd have to kill you for getting this far."
"Friendly," Duncan muttered, looking up at the castle. The black fortress rose like a spear point into the sky. The circular base of the castle hovered several hundred feet above the ocean. From where he was, on the northernmost beach of Discordia, he saw an immediate problem."So, how do we get up there?"
"Easily," the guard replied. He dug his foot into a crack in the grassy ground and kicked. The ground lifted up and fell back on itself, revealing a metal panel. As the guard placed his palm flat on it, he said, "Just a bit of technology brought over from the real world."
The panel glowed green around his hand, and something began protruding from the castle's bottom. Something that took a long time to fully extend. As it moved towards them, Duncan noticed something jutting partially out of the water not far from the cliff he stood on. He elbowed his escort and asked, "What's that?"
"Nothing. Just a totem pole. A quarter of this island sank during an earthquake centuries ago. And it went with it."
"Ah," Duncan noted, looking at the ancient construct. It looked somewhat familiar to him, but he couldn't quite place it. He eyed whatever was sticking out of the castle and frowned. The thing was only halfway across. Sitting down, he asked, "So, do you minions have names or something? Or should I just call you 'you'?"
"My name is meaningless," the soldier responded curtly. "Her Majesty has designated me Agent 12. Her psycho hosebeast of a commander kills me 'Mr. Blond'. I hate that girl, but thankfully I don't have to deal with her too much. The third-in-command just calls me 'man' or 'dude' or something just as informal. The other soldiers call me 'sir', and so will you, rookie."
"You're a lot of fun," Duncan muttered under his breath. With full sincerity, of course. Deciding he did not like his escort one bit, he resigned himself to a silent journey. The castle's bridge finished its five-minute sojourn shortly after Agent 12's 'introduction'. They quietly made their way up the bridge, which made up for its lack of railing by being several meters wide. Duncan let himself trail a bit behind the soldier to protect his own hide. He did not trust his new companion one bit and did not need to be thrown into the ocean. Agent 12 looked back and warned, "Just so you know, the bridge is retracting even as we walk. You're about two meters from finding yourself in the water."
After confirming that the bridge was indeed racing him back to the castle, he reluctantly drew astride Agent 12, matching his pace. Once they arrived at the castle's doors, Agent 12 again pressed his hand against a panel, and the doors flew open. As soon as Duncan set foot in the lavishly decorated entry room, the lights went out and the doors slammed shut, the room instantly becoming black as black can be. He felt two hands grip his shoulders, and Agent 12 whispered, "Her Majesty doesn't want to risk you knowing the layout of Castle Discordia if she rejects you and you escape."
Reject? Escape? He didn't have time to think it over as his escort continued, "I'll guide you to the throne room. Once there, you'll-"
"Ooh, Mr. Blond! You brought Doug!"
He knew that voice. That high, sugary, stupid voice. He called out, "What the...Lindsay?"
"Hi, Devon! It's-"
"What?!" Duncan was thrown back from the force of Tyler slamming himself into the bars. The athlete was huffing angrily, clenching the iron bars as tightly as he could. He cried, "You're joking! Lindsay would never work for Heather after what that bitch did!"
"I heard her then and then saw her in the throne room, " Duncan said, angry at Tyler's outburst. "She went off to get Heather something to drink."
"Bullshit!" Tyler howled, trying to pull apart the iron bars apart to get at the thief and do unspeakable things to him. No, not those kinds of unspeakable things. The ones that inflict pain and damage. Seething, he kicked the bar, stubbing his toe on the metal, and shouted, "She learned from the first season! Hell, she led her team in the second! She wouldn't follow..."
He whipped around as someone placed a hand on his shoulder. As he did, he caught a glimpse of looks of terror on his friends' faces. Ezekiel was even hiding behind Bridgette. Courtney, shaking slightly from his outburst, said, "Look, Tyler. I know you're concerned about Lindsay, but you can't blame Duncan. For all we know, Chris forced her to work for Heather."
Tyler nodded, although the angry flame continued to burn inside him. "Sorry, man. It's just...I..."
"It's cool, dude," Duncan said, although he hardly sounded like he meant it. "I'd probably react the same way if Courtney was working for someone I hated."
"Besides," Ezekiel added, daring to peep put from behind Bridgette, "I think it's a good sign that you're that passionate about her."
He exchanged looks with Geoff, and the party boy nodded. Tyler looked around at his comrades and, despite still breathing a bit heavily, said evenly, "Geoff. Whenever it's time to go after Heather, I will be there. Even if I've left the party, come and find me. Nothing will stop me from beating the hell out of her."
"Not even if you're paralyzed? Or dead?" Duncan inquired, although he was surprised by the eternal screw-up's conviction. Tyler considered that. "Maybe that would. But nothing short of paralysis. Even if it's on one leg, I'll fight her and free Lindsay."
"Wow," Bridgette said after a moment. "You really do care for her."
Tyler nodded and turned back to Duncan. "Sorry 'bout that, dude. Won't happen again."
"Hurry up and finish your story," Courtney commanded, pointing back in the general direction of the lobby. "We're nearly out of time here!"
"Alright, geez," Duncan cried. "Well, after I met Heather and assured her that I would defeat the Chosen One and these dudes called the sages, I headed over to Tofino to look for the orb. I couldn't find it anywhere and decided I hated that place too much to keep searching, so I went to Wawanakwa to try and talk to Chris again. Didn't work, so I hung around until Geoff and Bridgette showed up. Oh, by the way, one of those bags is the money I stole from you. I then got a tip that one of Heather's minions had the orb, and so I tried to steal from the queen of insanity herself. Izzy kicked my ass and made off with the orb."
"Wait, Izzy is the reason you're fashion sense is worse than ever?" Courtney asked, glaring at his eyepatch and hook. Duncan smirked and coyly said, "Maybe. Maybe not. Trust me, I'm dealing with the person that did this as soon as I break out of here."
"You're breaking out?" Bridgette asked, a mixture of displeasure and awe in her voice. The thief nodded and said, "Yep. First meal break, I'm gone. But anyways, I know that Izzy's heading up here—this is the only port in Wüste that currently allows anything other than trade vessels. If you guys can take the orb from her, I'll help you out. Capische?"
"Time's up," a deep voice boomed. The warden from the lobby stood behind them, pointing to a clock. Before anyone else could respond, Duncan said, "Hey, dude. A lot of my stuff is actually theirs. They can take it, right?"
"Sure," the gaoler replied with a shrug. "As long as they have your permission, I don't care. Oh, and sometime soon, we're gonna need to do something about that hook."
"Gotcha," Duncan said dismissively, although he was fairly concerned about losing his lone weapon. "You guys can take everything but the red crap."
As Geoff grabbed Enceladus, silently commenting on how much he'd missed the pointed pole, and Courtney grabbed the sack of money, Bridgette looked through the canteens for the aforementioned "red crap". She found it, took a whiff, and nearly gagged. "Gah! What is this stuff?"
"Got me," Duncan admitted. "Just thought it might be important."
"It's probably a medicine of some kind, eh," Ezekiel agreed, still looking at Tyler with fear. The jock hadn't moved since Duncan had resumed his story. Ezekiel approached him and asked, "Um, are you okay?"
"I'll be fine," Tyler said, finally looking away from the ground. "It's just...I never expected Lindsay to be on the enemy's side."
"Hey, it'll all work out, man," Duncan called, uneasy at the sight of Tyler acting depressed. "You kick Heather's ass, you get Lindsay on your side again. Now, princess...I believe you owe me something?"
Courtney froze. Slowly, she turned to look at him "Oh, um...I dunno, the warden is here, and..."
"And the entirety of Canada saw when we first did it," Duncan reminded her with a leer. "So what's the problem if someone you'll never see again watches?"
"Well...um..." Courtney muttered, thinking of rational explanations to refuse. Without warning, she raced over to the cell, grabbed his shirt with both hands, pulled him into the bars and kissed him deeply between the iron. He was stunned by the suddenness of her actions, but quickly returned it. As they continued, Geoff noted, "And that is why they're together. Though they fight way too much..."
Finally, Courtney pulled away, breathless and flushed. She glanced between Duncan and the exit several times before heading over to the warden without a word. He said, "Ready to leave?"
The party nodded and followed him out, leaving Duncan by himself again. He called out, "See ya, princess! Well, better rest up..."
Outside the prison, the group was oddly silent. Courtney appeared to want to say something, but she just kept glancing at Geoff. Once her actions become unnerving enough, Geoff asked, "Um...what?"
"Nothing," Courtney responded somewhat impatiently. "Just waiting for you to gush about getting Enceladus back."
"Honestly, I'm not that excited about it," he said with a shrug. "I mean, yeah, I need it and all, but it's just a weapon."
"Besides," he added, looking into Bridgette's eyes, "I really don't like fighting too much."
"I know that, but...never mind," Courtney said, watching the two kiss. "Well, anyways. We need to find Izzy before she leaves. I say we split up and try to-"
"Um, she's the crazy girl with red hair, right?" Ezekiel asked. Courtney inhaled sharply and snapped, "Yes, Ezekiel, she's the nutcase. Why couldn't you have waited to ask?"
"Because I think I see her, eh."
"What?" Courtney began scanning the main plaza, head jerking back and forth. "I don't see..."
"By the docks!" Bridgette shouted, pointing at a large gathering in front of what looked like a tavern. The red-haired psycho stood there, alongside Owen and someone Bridgette was sure had been an intern for Total Drama Action. Izzy held the orb, apparently trying to spark the interest of a local man with the blue ball. Courtney charged and commanded, "Let's get her!"
"Or just talk to her," Bridgette suggested, bolting after the CIT. The others swiftly followed, Tyler dragging behind the rest. Izzy moved the ball right into the man's face, slowly moving it from side to side. "When I say my name, you will...act like a monkey! One...two...hey guys!"
She dropped the ball onto the cobblestone, cracking the road, to wave at them. "Whatcha doin' here?"
"Dudes!" Owen interrupted whatever Courtney was about to say with a shout. He ran over and drew three of them into a big, painful hug. "Geoff! Bridgette! Tyler! How're you guys?"
"Just...fine...Owen..." Bridgette squeaked. The large teen put way too much force into the hug and cut off most of his friends' air. Tyler managed to give the big guy a grin and asked, "How 'bout you, Owen? Izzy?"
"I'm doing awesome!" Owen gushed, squeezing harder. His stomach rumbled and he asked, "Um...you guys got any food?"
"I'll give you deer meat if you let my friends breathe," Ezekiel offered. Owen complied, and stared hungrily as a strip of meat flew towards him. He caught it in his mouth and snarfed it down. And then he farted, prompting everyone to leave the vicinity. Following the reminder that she didn't particularly like Owen, Courtney decided to get to business. "I'm sorry, Izzy, but we're gonna need that orb. And we will fight you for it."
"Okay!" Izzy chirped, holding out the sphere even as the other members of Geoff's group prepared for battle. Geoff looked at the ball, at Bridgette, and back to the ball. "Uh...really?"
"Yep! You're my friends, I can let you guard it." Courtney stepped forward to receive. Without warning, steel flashed before her eyes. Mr. Blond's slash came within inch of cutting across her face, and he didn't relent from there. He took a stab at her throat, forcing her to fall back to avoid impalement. She landed on her backside, and the minion stood over her for a second, ready to bring his sword down. Owen gasped as the the man prepared for the finishing blow and began to suck in air. A lot of air. Mr. Blond snarled and glared back as if to ask what Owen was doing even as the fat boy's vacuum of a mouth pulled him away from Courtney. He stabbed in vain at the CIT (although it was close enough for her to shriek), and turned to face Owen. "Owen, you fool! These people are your enemies!"
"What?" Izzy cried. "These are Izzy's friends!"
"He," Mr. Blond roared, pointing at Geoff, "is the Chosen One!"
"And?"
"And he's fighting against Her Majesty!"
"And?"
"And you are supposed to help protect Her Majesty!"
"And?"
"And...um...just let me finish them! Owen, you can stop now."
"And?"
"Izzy?"
"And?"
"Why do I even bother with you?" Mr. Blond cried as Owen ceased his inhalation. "Her Majesty sent me with you for my swordsmanship, let me do my job."
"Um..." Owen began, but Courtney cut him off. "Fine! Geoff. Ezekiel. Take care of this guy."
"Ooh, cool!" Izzy cheered, chewing on a piece of jerky. We get to see the Chosen One in action! Isn't this great, Owen?"
"Woo-hoo! Go Geoff!" Everyone except Izzy gave Owen a strange look. The large boy, upon realizing his mistake, chuckled nervously and said, "Uhh...I mean, go Mr. Blond."
"So, Chosen One," Mr. Blond sneered, drawing his lime-edged sword again, "Have you ever fought another person before?"
"Uh, well, I've had a few fights at some parties. Really kills the mood," Geoff replied, annoying the already irritated swordsman further. "Sword fights, you twit. Not fistfights. Good god, this is gonna be pathetically easy. Especially since Enceladus can't cut. Too bad for-"
"Oh, just shut up already! I'll take care of you," Tyler roared, charging at Mr. Blond. He hesitated for a moment from shock, and that was all Tyler needed. His initial punch missed the completely unmoving target, but Mr. Blond's retaliatory lunge was equally accurate. Tyler sidestepped another stab and kicked, landing a blow to the chin. The swordsman staggered back and wiped off his mouth. "Not bad. But I know who you are, worthless athlete. I'll strike you down right now and then I'll def-"
"Not now, Mr. Blond!" Izzy shrieked. She grabbed him and pulled him away, glowering at Geoff. "Hah! You thought you could trick me, tricker? You cannot fool E-Scope! Besides, if you can't catch me, you can't get this awesome little ball! So E-Scope wins if she runs! See ya!"
The basket case slammed a smoke pellet on the ground and took off running and cackling. The smokescreen quickly enveloped the entire party, throwing them into choking fits. By the time the gray clouds cleared, Izzy and her two companions were gone. Courtney stomped the remains of the bomb and shouted, "Dammit! The crazy girl's gone! Ezekiel, why didn't-"
"Will you stop blaming him for everything?" Tyler responded, balling his fists. "He's a hell of a lot more useful than you are! Heck, he's doing more by simply not throwing a damned fit every time something goes wrong!"
Courtney was speechless in anger, her hot, angry breaths rebounding off of Tyler's face. Bridgette and Geoff exchanged worried glances. Ezekiel, deciding he wanted no part of the argument, made sure Geoff noticed him as he darted off into an alley. Or at least he hoped Geoff saw. Bridgette whimpered as the two constant bickerers drew within an inch of the other's face, daring the other to say something. Gingerly, she took a step forward, and Geoff patted her on the back for encouragement. Taking a deep breath, she marched up to Courtney and Tyler and said, "Okay. Look, guys."
Two angry faces turned to meet hers, and she flinched. Taking another deep breath, she continued. "Fighting is not gonna get us anywhere. Tyler, I know you're mad that Heather's using Lindsay again. But erupting like that is not like you at all. You cannot do that just because Courtney does."
Courtney smirked a Tyler, a victorious, evil mockery of a smile. Bridgette instantly turned to her and said, "And you need to stop erupting period. You don't do us any good when you're yelling at everyone. I don't expect you two to make up right now. But when we get the chance..."
She let her words hang, although both were giving her very angry looks. Behind her, Geoff called, "Um, dudes? Zeke-man's already ran off. I think we should follow him."
The three looked each other and came to a silent agreement. They followed Geoff down Ezekiel's alley of choice. Once she was close enough, Geoff said, "Great speech back there, babe."
She giggled despite the situation. "Thanks. I think it comes from hanging out with you."
"Aw, but you're so pretty, you don't need any of my help...uh, where'd Zeke go?"
"If you two weren't too busy flirting," Courtney snapped, "you'd know he turned after all of the houses."
"Gotcha." They continued their mad chase after the mage, and Courtney's words quickly proved correct. Ezekiel's toque bobbed in the distance as he ran up the beach. As they drew closer to the somewhat slower teen, they saw were he was headed. The town docks. Izzy, Owen and Mr. Blond were already departing in a galleon that looked far too large for three people. Courtney cried, "Dammit, we're too late! It's all...no, never mind. It's not your fault, Ezekiel. Nor yours, Tyler."
"Thank you," Tyler cried with false exasperation. Courtney smirked a little at his response. By the time they arrived at the dock, though, the smile had disappeared completely. Izzy leaned over the edge of her ship and hollered, "Ha! You can't get me! The win is Izzy's!"
She cackled as the ship steadily departed, leaving the party on dry ground with no means of reaching her. The party just stared at the galleon that had apparently put an end of their quest. Tyler was the first to speak. "Well. Game over."
"What are you talking about?" Courtney hissed, fighting an urge to kick him for his pessimism. "We can still catch her."
"Yeah, sure. How?" Tyler shot back. He pointed down at the ground. "We are stuck on land. With no boat. She's on a boat, and I doubt even Bridgette could swim fast enough to catch her."
"Tyler. Think about where we are." Courtney tapped her foot, waiting for the athlete to figure it out. Bridgette decided there wasn't time for him to do so, and said, "A shipyard. There has to be a boat we can-"
"Steal!" Courtney finished. She pointed at the one closest to Izzy's ship, although that was so far off it didn't really matter anymore. "I think that one over there looks good."
"Courtney. We are not stealing a boat," Bridgette deadpanned. Ezekiel and Geoff both nodded. "I was thinking of buying one. We just got our gold back from Duncan. Hopefully it's enough. Let's go find one."
Ten minutes later, Bridgette stood at the helm of a medium-sized steamboat. As she directed the boat towards Izzy's distant galleon, she said, "Wow, we sure lucked out with this. Just 750 gold and the chance to hold Enceladus for such a fast ship? Great deal. Good job, Tyler."
"This isn't fast," Tyler griped. "But yeah, that was a lot better than our other options. A boat even smaller than this, without steam power, for 2500? Yeah right. Heck, this thing even has cannons!"
"And sleeping quarters," Ezekiel added, looking a bit green. "And I'm sure this fast for these people, eh. He said it was experimental."
"Nah, it's slow," Geoff commented. "I'm gonna catch a few z's. Call me when we catch up."
He pulled open a hatch near the rear of the boat and disappeared below deck. Ezekiel shrugged and followed him into one of the two rooms. On deck, Courtney nudged Tyler and whispered, "We need to talk. Now."
"Yeah, I need to ask you why Izzy keeps changing her name."
She gave him a deadly cold glare and growled, "Just come with me."
Bridgette, growled a bit as she fought the wheel to keep the ship on track. "Grr...does anyone know anything about this?"
Silence. "Hello? Guys?"
She turned and saw the deck was empty, sans herself.
"Do I at least get to know why stealing's become one of your primary instincts?"
Courtney rolled her eyes and plopped down on a cot. "It's not. Don't confuse me with Duncan."
You've sucked face enough for that to be hard, Tyler thought. He sat down on a bed opposite the CIT. "So...what?"
"Okay, as we've discussed, we're not together in any way, shape or form. And you're dead if you imply it," Courtney reminded him with a glare. "But it seems our truce has fallen apart. Bridgette's right; we can't fight so much. I know I've been unfair to you. And...I'm sorry."
Tyler blinked. Those were the last words he expected to come from her mouth when speaking to him. "Um, accepted. But what about Zeke?"
Sighing, she said, "I don't know. I just can't bring myself to tolerate him after his comments."
"You mean on the first day of Total Drama Island," Tyler stated. He shook his head and looked away from her. "Ya know, you can't judge him on that. At least not fairly. Dude didn't know any better."
"I know, I know," she snapped, although she mentally kicked herself for the brief outburst. "I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything. But we have more important things to discuss."
"Like?" Courtney rolled her eyes. "Like you. I just need to know right now: are you gonna be okay? I don't us to have walk a razor's edge around you because of Heather."
Tyler closed his eyes and didn't speak for several moments. When he finally did, he was as quiet as a mouse. The waves outside nearly drowned him out. "I'll be fine. Just give me a couple hours."
Courtney nodded, not daring to challenge that. "I know it's hard, but we can't have you acting like this. I hate to say it, but it's...depressing."
Tyler nodded and muttered, "Sorry. Anything else?"
"Yes," Courtney said after a moment to gather up her courage. Oh man, Tyler, I hope you don't blow up at this. "I've been thinking. What if...what if Heather's not the evil queen she's made out to be."
That thought broke straight through Tyler's despair-coated mind. "What? How could she not be? Chris said that-"
"Exactly," Courtney cut in, holding up a finger. "Chris said. He also fed you total crap about 'saving' and whatnot. Who's to say that he's telling the truth about Heather?"
"Well, why wouldn't he? Yeah, he's a bit of a bastard, but...what would he gain from this?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "But honestly, I've always considered Chris to be the true 'villain', so to speak, of both Total Drama seasons. I mean, he's the one making us do all of that embarrassing, dangerous crap, even if Heather was meaner and Harold...well, you know. I just can't trust Chris. Not one bit."
"Like I said, I don't think there's anything for Chris to gain from this," Tyler repeated. "I hate him, too, but there's really not much we can do. Since he left Wawanakwa, we have no clue where he is. I know he's a liar, but...I'm gonna trust his word on this. I mean, seriously. That bitch is cruel and manipulative enough to be an evil queen."
"Fine," Courtney sighed, rising from her cot. She extended her hand and said, "I know Geoff believes Chris, too. I'm not going to fight over this. Well, thanks for the talk, Tyler."
"No problem," Tyler responded, although he was really thinking thank you for being civil for once. "I'm gonna go see if Bridgette needs any help."
They waved goodbye to each other, and Tyler left for the upper deck. Courtney stayed on her cot, thinking. She didn't move until Ezekiel knocked on her door several hours later. "Um...Courtney? We've caught up to Izzy. And she's playing some music she calls 'battle music' and rambling on about this being a 'boss battle'. I mean, I know what that is, eh, but I don't see why-"
Courtney rolled her eyes and stood up. "Thanks, Ezekiel. I'll be up there in a moment."
The first thing she noticed when she reached the deck was the loud music coming from the other ship. She wasn't too experienced with video games, but it did sound ominous enough to be played for a difficult enemy. Second thing she noticed was how expertly Bridgette and Tyler had managed to position the ship. They were to the right of the galleon, with both cannons aimed at it. Izzy had no way of moving in that direction without going through them first. It seemed that their ship was fast enough to maintain its position should Izzy change course.
Courtney's third observation was that Izzy and Owen were dancing to the music. Mr. Blond stared down the larger crew, occasional shifting his glare to his mirthful companions. Izzy finally stopped her "dance of the rattlesnake" when she saw Courtney on deck. "Oh goodie, they're all here. Let's rock!"
Giggling, she leapt up and began climbing the rigging. She looked down at her own crew and practically screamed, "Are you READY?"
"We are ready," Owen shouted back, mile-wide grin on his face. Izzy didn't wait for Mr. Blond to respond. "Okay! Music's going, battle gimmick's in place, crew's at the ready...prepare for the third boss battle!"
Mr. Blond slapped his forehead. "I don't know you."
A/N: This by far the longest chapter I've ever written. Hell, it's almost as long as my first story. And the next chapter looks to be just as long.
In case you're wondering, no, I do not hate Courtney, although I fear it may come off as that.
And I'm not gonna promise anything, but I have too much time on my hands at the moments. This, along with how long I've been planning this next chapter, should make for a moderately short wait for it. MAYBE.
