The night had been awful. Yosuke couldn't let Souji know how upset he was, or how it had been painful, so the moment he walked back in, Yosuke was already pretending to be fast asleep, burying his face in the pillow and pulling the blankets up to his chin. Souji seemed to have paid no mind, crawling in next to Yosuke and making himself comfortable.

It wasn't long before he heard the steady breathing from behind him, and he chanced a look over his shoulder, being extra careful not to disturb the blankets or creak the bed. Sure enough, Souji was fast asleep; the same sleeping boy that he was dreaming about just a few weeks ago. Silver hair damp and dishevelled, lips parted just enough to see a sliver of pearly whites touch a soft pink, his face...

Yosuke found he was staring and turned back to face the wall, his cheeks feeling warmer. He didn't regret what he did tonight, he was just ashamed he had to do it at all. But Souji was happy, and that made it worthwhile. Souji might love him because he did this, he'd given him what he wanted and made him feel good, something he was sure Yukiko hadn't done. A small smile crept up on his face.

He'd given Souji what could be called the ultimate pleasure, not his damn girlfriend. Sure, it was at the cost of some pain and a little self-deprecation, but it was worth it for Souji. And, it may be a bit selfish to say, but Yosuke thought Souji would say... something. Say a few words that would mean the world to him, praise him for all he'd done and love him for who he was. He strived to reach that goal, and if that meant doing a few things he didn't want to in particularly, he'd do them in a heartbeat.

He turned over in the covers quietly and carefully as to not rouse the other, and curled in close to his warm chest.

He'd do it all for Souji, if that meant he'd love Yosuke.


Souji had seemed like he'd been in a better mood since that night; he seemed kinder, gentler, more attentive to Yosuke, and Yosuke'd practically bathed in the love and attention. They hadn't done it again since that night, not between both of their work schedules and school, but the weekend would come again soon enough. Yosuke wasn't particularly excited for what it would bring, but over the week, he'd found he had adored the closeness. He was as close to Souji as he could get, as anyone could get. He'd provided something to Souji no one else had before him, shared such a new experience with him. No one could take that away, not even if Yukiko jumped his bones next week. Yosuke had been his first, and Souji had been his.

The shame of doing such an act before he was ready soon dissipated with every small touch, gentle kiss and broad smile shot his way. With every one, his heart swelled and he knew he'd done the right thing, and the shame had been pushed further and further down until it never was brought back up.

That is, until the moon rose and so did his insecurities. Without kind words and a brilliant grin, his shadow would stretch along the wall and ceiling of his bedroom as he lay awake, engulfing him in the doubts and shame.

Fucking whore, he'd hear the distorted voice echo in his head. Can't keep someone's interest unless you let them fuck you into your mattress, huh? Under your parents goddamn noses, no less, you fucking sicko. This is why Souji hit you that day, 'cause you're disgusting and pathetic. You didn't even put up a fight, did you? Just gave it to him so he'd be happy.

He'd toss and turn all night, his mind reeling with shame and despair. Until the next day, when Souji would greet him cheerfully, pull him off to one side for a brief moment of privacy, kiss his face lovingly and stroke the back of his hand with one thumb, lean in close and whisper how he'd missed him and couldn't wait to wake up this morning and see him again. It was like Souji loved him, and although no words were spoken, Yosuke believed that. Believed it with all his heart and that maybe this would silence his thoughts at night.

"Alright, what's up?" Chie put down her drink and stared hard at Yosuke across the plastic Junes table.

"Wh-what?" His cheeks turned red under her all-knowing gaze and he stiffened. Okay, maybe he'd been day-dreaming about Souji when he and Chie had been working a shift, and continued the fantasy into their dinner break.

"You've been staring at that sign for, like, twenty minutes!" Yosuke knew Chie was over-exaggerating – twenty minutes my ass, we'd been here for no more than ten – but his blush only deepened when his eyes flicked towards the promotional sign standing across from their table. "What were you thinking about?"

She leaned a bit closer, and her mischievous grin stretched from ear to ear and her eyes took on a devilish sparkle. She had clearly noticed the pink tint of Yosuke's cheeks despite him trying to hide it beneath the fur collar of his jacket. "Or should I say, who were you thinking about, Hana-chan?"

Yosuke groaned, cursing the day she'd heard Saki-senpai use that wretchedly girly nickname, using it whenever she teased. "I wasn't thinking of anyone! J-just... we're going to start offering some new dishes here, and that sign reminded me of one."

"Oh?" She leaned back, one eyebrow cocked and her arms crossed firmly over her chest. "Does this dish have beautiful, slim legs too?" He's going to kill Kanji.

"No! It has..." Piercing eyes, silky hair, toned muscles and milky skin. "Noodles! And beef!"

"Don't try and distract me, lover boy!" Dammit, the one time she ignored beef. "Tell me who it is!"

Chie, aside from Souji, was his best friend. He'd been closer to her than anyone else before Souji came, but his friendship with her really deepened once the case started. They really did care for each other, in a twisted brotherly-sisterly kind of way that usually involved kicks to the groin or punches to the arm or pushes into a disgusting and freezing river. But this... this was too much to reveal.

"It's no one!"

"Bullshit." She snapped. Oh god, he'd awoken the beast. "Why the hell can't you tell me, Hanamura?! You can tell me dirty jokes at two in the morning that border on sexual harassment, and you can tell me about your weird 'guy problems'" he shot her a warning look to not say them out loud, "but you can't tell me who it is you like? Why not?"

"It's..." He searched for the right word. Forbidden, gay, secret love affair with the leader of our team, "complicated..."

"Alright fine, don't tell me." She huffed, turning away from him. He groaned, not wanting to deal with a pissed off Chie for the rest of the night.

"Fine." He whined, burying his face in his hands. "It's someone... you know..."

"Really? Who?!" She seemed to bounce back quick.

"I'm not telling you everything!" He snapped his head up. The thought of Chie finding out that he had been sneaking around with her best friend's boyfriend was an ugly one. You're disgusting Hanamura, I can't believe you'd do that! Are you really so pathetic that you'd stoop so low? I'm going to go tell Yukiko and the others right now, and don't think about ever talking to me again!

"H-hey..." His eyes focused back again. "Are you okay...?" Chie's determined and slightly frightening expression had been replaced with worry. "Yosuke, I'm not going to make you tell me if..." She trailed off, and he instantly felt bad. "I'm sorry if I said something wrong or-"

"It's not you..." He sighed, slumping in his chair. "It's just... complicated, alright?"

"It's not anything... bad, right?" Even her voice sounded worried, he soon discovered when he focused on the edge of the table.

"No, it's just..." He groaned, thoroughly frustrated with himself and scrubbing his face with one hand.

"O-okay..." It was quiet for a minute after that, just the steady sound of background noise and chattering crowds. "But, Yosuke? You can always come to me, alright? For whatever it is. You're an idiot, but you're my idiot, got it? And no girl is going to break your balls, because that's my job."

He looked back up to her to see an infectious grin, already feeling the effects twitch his own lips into a half-smile. "Now who's telling dirty things to who."


"Yo, Souji!" Yosuke waved at the boy down the hall during lunch break; it seemed Yukiko needed to use the restroom. Souji gave a small smile and waved him over, and Yosuke was quick to follow the direction. "Free tonight?"

"I could probably take a day off from the daycare, why?" Yosuke loved the way Souji's lips would curl into a mischievous smile at one corner, barely containing themselves from a full-blown grin.

"I was thinking we should hit up the movies tonight. Whaddya say?"

"Sounds like a good plan." Souji leaned a little closer to the other, his smile taking on a bit of an edge and his eyes acquiring a playful glint. "What time should we meet at Yasoinaba station?"

"How about 6? That way we can grab a bite when we get there and catch a good time." Yosuke couldn't help but mimic the underlying tones, his voice gaining a suggestive tone. He really was just inviting Souji to the movies, but when Souji would suggest otherwise, it was a habit that Yosuke would, too. It was all just fun anyways.

"Meet you there." Souji said that a little lower than he should've, and Yosuke fought every fibre of his being to not pull the boy down into a rough kiss. Fortunately, or rather, unfortunately, Yukiko walked out of the bathroom, straightening out her skirt before she took her boyfriend's hand in hers, offering a warm smile and greeting to Yosuke, who had slunk a few steps back from the two the second she arrived. He tried his hardest not to glare, but seeing her fingers intertwined with his was like rubbing it in his face.

He'll show her. Tonight, he and Souji were going to be in a dark theatre, and she'd be sitting at home alone. Tonight, he'll thread his fingers with Souji's, and he'll sit close to him, and he'll kiss his cheek and laugh lightly at just being in his presence, not her. She could do all that shit now if she wanted, but Souji was happy with him. Souji cared for him. And maybe, Souji loved him.

He was so consumed with scowling in their direction as the couple walked off, he hadn't noticed Chie walking towards him, glancing back to see what he was glaring at, and shoot him one tight-lip, shocked look.

Shit.

"I can't believe this!" She whisper-yelled once she was close enough. Yosuke's scowl had melted away, and sheer panic rose within. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. "You like...!"

"Shh!" He shushed her loudly, ushering her to the stair way to talk a bit more privately.

"But I can't believe it!" She continued to hiss loudly. "You really like-"

"Yes." He said calmly. He needed her to calm down and shut up before the whole school knew, he couldn't believe he let this shit happen why couldn't he have just walked away and scowled elsewhere, goddammit.

"But Yosuke, they're in a relationship, you can't go messing with that."

"I-I know! But... I really..." He felt his heart leap in his throat and lodge itself there, and he swallowed hard, looking at his feet as the shame took over again.

"Yosuke..." Chie said it quietly, full of... pity. He was pathetic. "Yosuke, how do you feel? I mean, about them? I know it musn't be easy, but..." He could tell from how soft her voice was, a rare feat for Chie, that she was treading lightly around this delicate topic. "How... how do you feel about h-"

"I think..." he cut her off, the words swimming in his head, they have been since that night. "I think I love him..."

"Wait." She said this louder, offsetting her early and short-lived gentle-tone. "H... h-him?!"

Fuck.

"I-I..." Fuck! He'd been panicking just from Chie and her prying and then seeing him glaring at them that he never even fucking considered she might've thought he liked Yukiko.

FUCK!

"Wh-what do you mean... him?!" Chie had abandoned any attempt at being quiet at this point. "Y-you don't mean..."

Yosuke thought he was going to throw up. He legitimately thought he was going to lose his lunch on Chie and she'd shriek and run away and he'd be known as that freak that threw up on a girl in the stairwell. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt dizzy. He felt like the world had come crashing down all around him and he was choking on the dust and he'd collapse and crack his skull on the debris and-

"Yosuke?!" Chie was back to her loud whispers, punching Yosuke on the arm. "Will you answer me already?! What the hell do you mean him?! You can't possibly mean... oh no, you've gotta be fucking kidding me..." she laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "This is all a joke, right? You're not in love with... Souji... right?"

He didn't answer. Just stared at his friend, soon to be ex-friend. He let it slip that he loved Souji, the secret was out, she'd go running to Yukiko and Yukiko would tear him limb from limb for fooling around with her boyfriend. He was a loser. He was a pathetic loser who just wanted to do nothing more than run home and hide under his covers and cry because he'd been so fucking stupid.

"Yosuke..." There was that pitying voice again. Chie lightly touched her friend's arm, her eyes searching his face for something. Maybe a hint that he had been kidding, maybe something to suggest it was a slip of the tongue. Maybe a sign of something other than complete regret and shame. "Yosuke... are you really... in love with him? A-are you sure you're not just... curious?"

He stared at the wall behind her a little longer before shaking his head slowly. He was sure of how he felt, so heart-breakingly, bone-achingly, want-to-slit-my-own-throat-every-time-I-see-them-together sure that he was in love with his best friend. "I'm..." his mouth felt dry, and he tried licking his lips before biting his lower one. He could only think of two words to say right now, two brutally honest words. "I'm sorry."

"Why...?" She asked quietly, still searching her friend's eyes for something.

"Because... it's wrong, isn't it?" He heard his voice crack, feeling the lump in his throat swell with despair and the tears threaten to overflow from his eyes.

"Why would it be wrong...?"

"H-he's... with her... and I'm..." A loser, a guy, not the most beautiful girl in school that comes from a traditional and well respected family but one of ridicule and hatred. "Me..."

Chie said nothing after that, and the lump only grew larger, thoroughly silencing him. He squeezed his eyes shut, if only to stop the room from spinning, when he felt a pair of arms around his middle and warmth against him. "You really are an idiot, aren't you..."

He wrapped his arms around her in return, squeezing so tight. All of his doubts and fears were flowing free from him now, and he was just glad someone was there for him when it happened.


"Tell him." Chie said it quietly, but sternly. She'd brought Yosuke up to the roof –thank god Souji and Yukiko weren't up here – to talk about everything. Yosuke had only begun with the fact that he thinks he'd fallen for his best friend, but when Chie barraged him with questions, and then began piecing information together from the past few weeks, he'd admitted to the affair. She'd been silent through it all, a miracle in and of itself, and he made her promise not to tell anyone. She had agreed, only because she saw how much her friend was hurting.

"What?" he asked, in disbelief.

"Tell him." She repeated, a little more firmly this time. She was only met with disgust at the idea and disbelief at the preposterous proposal. "Yosuke, you have to tell him."

"Why should I te-"

"If you don't, you'll regret it. He sounds like he may... love you, too." She was still having a hard time adapting to the whole idea, and would hesitate in her sentences often. "It's not fair to Yukiko either. If it was anyone but you, I'd be telling her right now about all of this. What Souji's doing... it's not fair to either of you, but that's because he doesn't know the truth. So you have to tell him. Once he knows how you feel, that'll push him to choose."

"But..." Yosuke bit his lip and stared at his shoes, fidgeting slightly and pushing a pebble to hit his other shoe. "What if he doesn't choose me...?"

Chie was silent for a while before she finally spoke up. "Then at least he knows the truth." She sighed, her shoulders slumping. "Look, Yosuke, he needs to know, and you need to tell him. You both need this, and Yukiko deserves to be happy, too. If everything you told me is true, it sounds like he really, really cares. Tell him."

He nodded solemnly. "Yeah..." He said quietly, more to himself than anything. Souji had been treating him with so much kindness, so much love lately. Yosuke could just feel it, there had to be something there. "I'll tell him. Tonight."