p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"strongspan style="font-size: 14.6667px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;"Hi I'm back and I'm ready to upload a bunch of content I hope y'all are ready. Tbh I recommend listening to Cro while reading this. Anything by him is just good anyway (like, he makes German rap he's pretty dope ngl)./span/strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I sat at the edge of the bed in my room. I was shell-shocked. I can't believe I didn't think about it earlier. I can't believe I never considered how my mom was feeling at all, I never even began to think about what Pavone thought. Yeah he was kind of a dick and said a bunch of shitty things to me, but like⦠I wasn't any more well behaved. It's not like I could pull a "you need me me more than I need you" thing on him, even though he was an ass. That was because Jeanette seemed happy to have Pavone and I around. She seemed to be able to go back and remember her days as a kid, fighting crime and stuff. I mean, she always talked about it. I couldn't even cry, I just stared at the floor. I then allowed myself to replay all of the bad things that happened in my life. I never let myself think about it, because I was always on the move and I had to survive. Right now though, as things stood, I had food and shelter. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"My mind wandered to when I was five. It was late at night and there was a riot. There were car alarms going off and the smell of smoke filled my nostrils/span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong id="docs-internal-guid-783bc6ed-98a2-25e2-45c6-73da68c46793" style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I awoke with a start, the smell of smoke was pungent in the air and sounds of screaming filled the air. I looked out my window to see several car tires on fire, and people were chanting something. I don't remember what, but it sounded angry. The rest of the night I slept with mom, where I thought the smoke and screams couldn't get me./span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Two years later, I came home from school. I remember being really hungry because I thought my mom forgot to pack me a lunch. I walked to the 'kitchen' and saw mom gazing tearfully into the empty pantry./span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Momma? Why didn't you pack me a lunch? Can you make me some food? I'm really hungry momma please. Can you make some Mac and Cheese? I tried some from one of my friend's lunches it was yummy. Can I have that?" I asked, tugging at her shirt./span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Sweetie, look in the pantry. There's nothing there." She uttered./span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well go get some more silly! I love going to the grocery store with you momma! We can buy all the Mac and Cheese! We can also get apples and hot dogs and coloring books and-"/span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""WELL THAT'S THE FUCKIN PROBLEM DAGMARA! I CAN'T GO OUT AND GET FOOD BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY! FOOD STAMPS WON'T COME UNTIL TWO DAYS FROM NOW SO I GUESS THERE WON'T BE ANY GODDAMN MAC AND CHEESE WILL THERE?" She burst out. I remember running from the room crying. I remember her trying to comfort me, but I wouldn't have it. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"At the time I thought I was right for treating her like a dog; she was mean to me so I was mean to her. I realized in the moment I stared at the puke-green carpet, that my mom was just trying to get by. She was trying to raise a fussy kid on her own and she couldn't get a job because she had to raise me. Maybe she wanted to give me the Mac and Cheese and coloring books but she couldn't buy it. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Then it clicked./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"That's why she moved with some old sleazy guy to France./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"That's why she rarely spoke to me but made sure I had enough to eat./span/p
p style="text-align: left;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"She wanted me to be happy. She wanted me to be able to go to bed with a full belly. She wanted a better life for me out of the slums. I touched my face to find that it was wet. For the first time in years, I cried. I cried myself to sleep./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"strongspan style="font-size: 14.6667px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;"OOOOOO Angsty! OOOOWEEE/span/strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I sat at the edge of the bed in my room. I was shell-shocked. I can't believe I didn't think about it earlier. I can't believe I never considered how my mom was feeling at all, I never even began to think about what Pavone thought. Yeah he was kind of a dick and said a bunch of shitty things to me, but like⦠I wasn't any more well behaved. It's not like I could pull a "you need me me more than I need you" thing on him, even though he was an ass. That was because Jeanette seemed happy to have Pavone and I around. She seemed to be able to go back and remember her days as a kid, fighting crime and stuff. I mean, she always talked about it. I couldn't even cry, I just stared at the floor. I then allowed myself to replay all of the bad things that happened in my life. I never let myself think about it, because I was always on the move and I had to survive. Right now though, as things stood, I had food and shelter. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"My mind wandered to when I was five. It was late at night and there was a riot. There were car alarms going off and the smell of smoke filled my nostrils/span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong id="docs-internal-guid-783bc6ed-98a2-25e2-45c6-73da68c46793" style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I awoke with a start, the smell of smoke was pungent in the air and sounds of screaming filled the air. I looked out my window to see several car tires on fire, and people were chanting something. I don't remember what, but it sounded angry. The rest of the night I slept with mom, where I thought the smoke and screams couldn't get me./span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Two years later, I came home from school. I remember being really hungry because I thought my mom forgot to pack me a lunch. I walked to the 'kitchen' and saw mom gazing tearfully into the empty pantry./span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Momma? Why didn't you pack me a lunch? Can you make me some food? I'm really hungry momma please. Can you make some Mac and Cheese? I tried some from one of my friend's lunches it was yummy. Can I have that?" I asked, tugging at her shirt./span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Sweetie, look in the pantry. There's nothing there." She uttered./span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well go get some more silly! I love going to the grocery store with you momma! We can buy all the Mac and Cheese! We can also get apples and hot dogs and coloring books and-"/span/p
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""WELL THAT'S THE FUCKIN PROBLEM DAGMARA! I CAN'T GO OUT AND GET FOOD BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY! FOOD STAMPS WON'T COME UNTIL TWO DAYS FROM NOW SO I GUESS THERE WON'T BE ANY GODDAMN MAC AND CHEESE WILL THERE?" She burst out. I remember running from the room crying. I remember her trying to comfort me, but I wouldn't have it. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"At the time I thought I was right for treating her like a dog; she was mean to me so I was mean to her. I realized in the moment I stared at the puke-green carpet, that my mom was just trying to get by. She was trying to raise a fussy kid on her own and she couldn't get a job because she had to raise me. Maybe she wanted to give me the Mac and Cheese and coloring books but she couldn't buy it. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Then it clicked./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"That's why she moved with some old sleazy guy to France./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"That's why she rarely spoke to me but made sure I had enough to eat./span/p
p style="text-align: left;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"She wanted me to be happy. She wanted me to be able to go to bed with a full belly. She wanted a better life for me out of the slums. I touched my face to find that it was wet. For the first time in years, I cried. I cried myself to sleep./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"strongspan style="font-size: 14.6667px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;"OOOOOO Angsty! OOOOWEEE/span/strong/p
