Fairest Diary,

After I scrubbed Gilligan's trashy mouth with my special 'bad grammar' soap, I did some serious thinking. I have tried almost everything possible for Akari and Gill to go on a date and get married. Maybe I'm being too subtle. Yes, that must be it! They just aren't getting my hints. Today, my attempts at getting them to go on a date revealed something shocking. Let me explain to you what happened:

Making sure little Gilly was still sound asleep in his room, I picked up the phone and dialed the number that would save their relationship.

"Hello you've reached Merengue Clinic, Dr. Jin speaking."

"Why hello, doctor! I am interested in your couple's therapy session," I said. There was silence on the other end. He must have thought I was talking about myself! "Oh don't worry, it's not for me. It's for Gilly and Akari. Their relationship has hit some turbulent times." I chuckled.

"Hamilton… I'm not a therapist, and I don't offer couple's therapy sessions," he said.

"You are a doctor! Does your title lie? Is it all a lie? Your career? What did you go to school for then? To put smiley face Band-Aids on my boo-boos? You don't need a degree for that! …or do you nowadays?"

He interrupted me. THE NERVE OF THE YOUTH THESE DAYS! "Alright, alright. Tell them to come in later today."

Satisfied, I hung up the phone and went into Gilly's room to prepare him for his first couple's therapy session.

"Get up, my little gosling!" I shoved him out of bed and he hit the floor with a plunk.

Alright, diary, I am going to fast forward to the therapy session because I don't think you want to hear all about how Gilligan tried using his comb yet again. I swear… one day that kid is going to severely injure himself with that weapon of mass destruction. I had to wrestle it out of his hands and throw it into our fireplace so that no other children could possibly find this item and stab themselves in the eye.

Anyway, there we were, at the doctor's office.

"So what seems to be the problem?" Dr. Jin asked with a sigh.

Akari shifted uncomfortably under Gill's arm which I ordered him to put around her in a loving gesture. Gill removed his arm and I promptly sprayed him with my spray bottle.

"There is no problem. Akari and I aren't a couple and we don't have any relationship issues," Gill said.

I interjected, "I saw the kiss with my own eyes!"

"It was fake, okay? We staged it so you would leave us alone! Jin, I believe my father is the one with the problems." Gilligan pointed an accusing finger at me.

I gasped and practically wet my pants. It wasn't real?

Jin looked at me and got ready to take notes on his clipboard. "Is this true, Hamilton? Are you perhaps harboring negative emotions from your past which could be causing you to force your son to find a girlfriend?"

That was not a plausible notion, but I decided to humor them and talk about the secrets of my past. "See, it all started when I was five, and my mommy wouldn't let me have a pet rock." I felt a tear escape. "Then when I was six, my imaginary friend, Gill, moved away and left me heartbroken."

"Wait a second. What did you say?" Akari asked.

"I said that my imaginary friend, Gill, moved away and left me heartbroken."

Gilly stood up. "You named me after your IMAGINARY friend?"

"Yes! He was such a good friend too." At this point I was sobbing. "Jin, please hand me that box of tissues."

Gilligan sat back down and shook his head. I continued, "And then when I was seven…"

Several boxes of tissues later, I felt so emotionally free. Unfortunately, Jin seemed to have fallen asleep. My soothing voice does have that effect on people. I glanced over at little Gilly and Akari, and they were asleep also. It was so cute. Her head fit perfectly on his shoulder. I whipped out my camera and took lots of pictures for the scrapbook to show the future grandchildren.

As I am writing this, I am sitting in the doctor's office waiting for Gilligan and Akari to wake up. Now I'm going to write out a list of my favorite names to give to Akari for my grandbabies. What do you think about Claudia Derrièra? Yes that is quite lovely…

~Hamilton Fawn Derrièra~


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- violetfireflies