Blinded By Love

By Serena

A/N: OK, OK, I know I've been a horrible authoress, not updating for so long. But don't worry, we're going to get to the really good parts soon. But I do have some good news - not only am I updating now, but I'm about done with the first draft of my novel! YAY! Love all of you guys!! Thanks so much for waiting.

Now I have to give a shoutout to my TFN boards homies - ILDV and DanaeMariSkywalker. Thanks for dropping by, guys! And if I missed anyone, let me know!

I wish I had time to reply to all of your wonderful reviews, but sleep awaits!


Over the next three weeks, I became integrated into the crew. Dash went off after the first week to do his own thing; and although I would miss him, he promised to stop by once in a while to check up on me. Ty and Moin were my personal favorites, but Ty I could talk to about my deeper issues. I learned from Ty that most of his family was still on Corellia, but he didn't see them very often.

"Family feud," he told me one afternoon as I was sewing up one of Raler's torn shirts. I wasn't sure how good a job I was doing, "We've never gotten along."

"May I ask why?"

"Eh, long story. My uncle was taken as a baby as a Jedi, but my grandparents didn't want him to be taken. But the in-laws were connected with the Jedi in some way, so a fight started. My uncle ended up getting killed in the Purges."

I swallowed, and my hands started to shake. Before I knew it, I'd pricked my finger on my needle. I put my finger to my mouth and sucked it.

"You all right?" Ty asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just poked myself," I said, partially lying.

Silence for a moment.

"Oh, kriff, I'm sorry, Padme," Ty apologized. "I forgot... your husband."

"It's okay." I kept my head down to my sewing. "Not your fault. He died a hero. That's what matters."

Oh, Anakin, my love. What have they done to us?

I pushed my agonized thoughts away and cleared my throat, returning to my sewing. But when a warm hand covered mine, I froze. I really couldn't take another Taronel right now. "Ty..."

"Padme," he interrupted gently. "You've torn your stiches."

"Have I?" I muttered.

"Yeah. Listen, I know you're not ready for a relationship anytime soon, but I just want you to know that I'm going to be here for you."

"Ty," I said, biting my lip, "I don't know if I'll ever get over Anakin."

What is it with me and attracting all these scoundrels? Do I have a sign on my head that says "Seeking a Meaningful Relationship: Available Former Senator"?

"Padme, relax," he chuckled. "I meant as a friend. After the way Taronel was with you, I'd never presume anything more than friendship. You know we all love you. You're a part of this crew now. You're family."

I nodded. "Thank you, Ty. But as much as I'm grateful for being accepted into this family... there's still my real family out there somewhere, family who need me. And who I need, too."

"I understand. And I want to help you look for them."

I smiled. "Thank you." I squeezed his hand. "Now you'd better pull away before I accidentally stab you with this needle." I hoped he would take the kind hint and release me. To my relief, he did.


Anakin... Anakin, I need you.

I lay in my small cot, eyes drifting shut as I remembered my beloved husband.

Anakin... why did you leave me? I wondered painfully. But when I opened my eyes, I gasped. "I can see!"

"Padme."

I turned to see a familiar figure standing on the terrace, backed by the red, pink, and gold sunset. The black figure smiled at me. "Anakin," I breathed. I rushed forward and enveloped myself in his strong, warm arms.

"Padme," he murmured. "Padme, I miss you."

"I miss you, too," I whispered, feeling tears prick my once again seeing eyes. "Oh, Anakin. Why does it have to be like this?" I pulled back and realized that tears ran down my cheeks. "Why did you leave me?"

"I'll never leave you," he promised fervently. His dark blue eyes glittered with warmth and passion - all for me. "I'll never leave you, Padme." He slid a hand up my neck and took my mouth, kissing me as if he'd never kiss me again. All my hopes, dreams, and love burst forth in the heated kiss; and my arms slid around his neck. After what seemed like forever, I reluctantly pulled away.

"But this isn't real," I whispered. "You're not real. This is just a dream... always a dream..." I turned away, my eyes sliding shut.

"Padme. I'm here," he said quietly. "I'm never going to leave you. I swear." I felt a gloved finger touch my bare shoulder. "Padme... look at me."

"I can't," I moaned. "I love you too much, Anakin. This is too much."

"I love you, Padme. Look at me. Please."

His gentle, loving prodding undid me. Glancing back, I stared at his gloved hand. His inhuman hand. But I didn't care. I loved him. All of him.

But when I took Anakin's gloved hand and slowly met the eyes of my husband... I stared up not into the face of Anakin... but into the mask of Darth Vader.

I screamed.

My eyes flew open. I bolted upright in bed, gasping for breath. My chest rose and fell heavily from shock and fear, and I sunk over, my head touching my blanket-covered knees. I didn't move for a full five minutes, shaking.

Oh, Force.

Minutes passed. I still couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

Anakin...

A faint knock on my door. "Padme?"

I sighed. "Go away, Ty."

"Padme, are you all right?" he whispered. "I thought I heard you."

"Go back to sleep. There's nothing you can do for me. I need to... be alone right now."

"Padme, don't do this. Don't shut everyone out," Ty pleaded.

"Are you a smuggler or a psychiatrist?" I asked crossly.

I heard him swear under his breath and knock a fist against the door in frustration. He fell silent for another minute until he finally said in a low voice, "Padme, I'm just trying to help."

You can't help me. No one can. I am alone.

"Tyros... go back to sleep," I told him in a quiet voice. I could feel the hot tears running down my cheeks, and I grew immediately angry at my weakness. I had been stronger than this once. I'd been determined, bold, brave. Nothing could stop me. Not vile gangsters, or Counts, or Separatists, or droid armies. I'd been able to stand in front of thousands of people and speak without fumbling once. I had ruled all of Naboo for years. I'd stood up to everyone who opposed me.

But now...

"All right," Ty said with a heavy sigh. "But if you need me, call me on the com."

"I will."

I won't.

"Thank you, Ty." I slowly sat up and lay back on my pillows. Listening carefully, I waited until his footsteps had disappeared down the corridor of the ship until allowing my eyes to drift shut again. Needless to say, I got no more sleep that night.


The next morning at breakfast, the table conversation... wasn't really a conversation at all. Ty, I knew, wanted to bring up last night but couldn't in front of the others; I simply wanted to eat in peace and forget about the incident; and the other two were merely confused by the awkward silence.

"Padme," Ty said finally, "how are you feeling?"

Annoyed.

My hand clenched my fork, but outside I remained calm. My senatorial expression, Anakin used to call it when I hid my emotions. He hated it. "I'm perfectly fine, thank you." My tone was diplomatic. I'd used it so often that it became habit when I needed it.

"Oh." Tyros sounded put off by my tone. "Good."

We fell into another uncomfortable silence.

Desperate to break the uneasy quiet, Raler said, "So, did you guys hear about Princess Leia?"

I froze.

"No, what about her?" Moin asked, his mouth obviously full of food. Tyros had stopped eating like I had.

"She got captured by Vader on Bespin, but she managed to get away. And the Jedi, Luke Skywalker, he dueled Vader and got his hand cut off. But then he got away, too," Raler told us.

I choked on my food, my heart rate gone up considerably. Tyros' fork clattered onto his plate, and his hand went to my back, patting it to calm me down.

"You okay, Padmé?" Moin asked, sounding concerned.

I barely nodded and motioned to Tyros that I was all right. "Yes, I'm fine. Just... went down the wrong pipe." My head turned toward Tyros' direction, and slowly, he took his hand off my back.

"So why you talking 'bout this, Cap'n?" Tyros inquired, sounding guarded for my sake. "What's this got to do with us? I mean, it's not good for the Rebellion, but it doesn't affect us."

"I mentioned them because next week we're making a delivery on the planet of Yag'Dhul. The top dogs of the Rebellion and the Empire are gonna be there – some kind of diplomatic assembly. They've both claimed the planet as a neutral one, so no fighting. We're supposed to make the drop off near the assembly."

My heart now nearly stopped beating. "Do-do you know who will be there?" I managed to ask, my throat dry.

"Yeah. Skywalker, the Princess, that Senator – Mothma – Vader, Admirals, Xizor," Raler rattled off.

"Vader?" My voice had acquired an edge to it.

"Yeah," Raler continued, "I take it you don't like him?"

Damn straight. "He killed my husband," I said in a low voice.

There was a confused silence, and then I realized what I had said. Oh, kriff.

"What d'ya mean?" Moin asked, bewildered. "I thought that Kelcos killed Taronel."

"I mean my first husband," I corrected my careless mistake. "I was married to another man before Taronel. Vader murdered him."

The men winced, and Moin said sympathetically, "I'm sorry, beautiful."

I clenched my fists. "Thanks. I loved my first husband more than I've ever loved anyone. Taronel… Taronel was sweet, but he tended to be too overbearing. My first husband… I couldn't live without him. He was everything to me." Unwanted tears streamed down my cheeks, and I wiped them angrily away. "I'm sorry. Here I am pouring out my heart and I sound like a love-struck idiot." I rose quickly from my seat, intending to leave the table.

"No," the men simultaneously protested, and gently grabbed my arms, pulling me back down.

"No, it's all right, little lady," Raler insisted. "We don't mind. We're just a bunch of old softies, anyway. Don't be afraid to tell us anything. We're here for you, right boys?"

"Right," the other two said together.

I smiled through my tears and reluctantly sat back down. "Thanks. You guys are the best." But I wasn't going to tell them everything right now. I'd already told too much.

"Hey, you're part of the family now," Raler said. "No secrets here."

Family. That word was no stranger to me. But I needed to find my real family. And maybe I would finally find them - Force only knew. I exhaled and brought my attention back to the mens' conversation.

No secrets, Raler said. But I needed to protect them - Ty already knew everything. And I'd made a huge mistake back on Coreliia by telling that mysterious shooter my name. Force, I've been stupid, I realized. Here I am telling everyone and his brother that my name is Skywalker when my son is a wanted man, and my husband a dead Jedi. I can't tell anyone else anything. It's too risky.

I resolved then to keep everything else about my past a secret. I couldn't take what I'd said already back, but I could keep quiet from then on.

Padme Skywalker didn't need to exist anymore.


Yeah, I know, no action in that one. And Ty isn't going to be another Taronel - he's just really concerned about Padme as a friend, like he said. He might be having a few feelings for her, but nothing beyond good friendship at this point.

And as for my favorite SW hunk back in the last chapter, don't worry. He'll be back. Like the Terminator. Only... hunkier. And without an Arnold accent. Hee.

Reviews would be lovely! :D

- Serena