"They say every man must fall"
by: Jessica
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Note: This is Luke's POV
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"Maybe someday you'll have nowhere to turn,
You'll look back and wonder 'bout the bridges you have burned.
( From "Maybe someday" by Bob Dylan )
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I'm going to break any day now.
I can feel it.
Any day now.
It's just a matter of time.
All I have to do is let go.
I know that.
But my heart can't really let go of that little girl that once
gave me so much light.
Maybe someday I will be fine.
It's just will take me a while.
I work the diner as I have always done and maybe always will.
I serve my customers and I pray, every day I pray, for some kind
of thing that may make things change.
I don't expect thunderstorms.
I don't expect that the earth will shake.
All I want is something, anything, that will make things right again.
I used to think that I could make that change.
That I was strong enough to turn things around just by being there.
But I have failed.
Jess walks around this diner, a ghost of the boy that he once was.
He is alive.
But by whose definition?
I don't know how to reach him anymore.
When I try to talk to him his face changes and I know that he creeps
back behind his protective shell.
So I settle with being there.
And I pray that one day he will come to me.
……………………………………………………………
For now I will have to settle with trying to save another.
Maybe I can't save her.
But I have to try.
I can't just lay down and die.
I just can't let her go.
Not her.
I will not stand by and watch her kill herself.
I closed the diner as usual that evening.
I walked the path to her house with the stars as my only company.
Her house was quiet as I got there.
My heart beat like crazy as I knocked at her door.
I had come to her door, a fool in love.
Like a hero trying to save his princess.
She opened after just a minute.
Her eyes were huge and seemed to occupy her whole face.
Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she looked vulnerable
standing in the doorway dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
"Luke! What are you doing here?"
"Nice to see you too, Lorelai..."
"I didn't mean.."
"I know."
I stood there like the fool I was.
I spoke first.
"Won't you invite me in?"
"Oh, sure.."
I brushed past her and entered her home.
I hadn't prepared a speech.
I had no idea what to say or act around her anymore.
We walked into the kitchen.
"Why are you here, Luke?"
"I wanted to take you out..."
"What?"
"We could go to the diner and I could fix us something..."
"What are you talking about?"
"It's not a date or anything, if you worried about that...I just wanted
to take you to dinner..."
"I have eaten."
"Then maybe we could go into Hartford and catch a movie..."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Or would could go wild and go all the way to Boston..."
"Luke..."
"Or we could stay here in Stars Hollow...We could..."
"LUKE!"
Our eyes met.
I was desperate.
Our eyes met.
"Lor...Just let me take you out..."
"Why?"
"It would make me feel better."
"Make you feel better?"
"Yeah. You sit in this house all day long and never go out..."
"I go out."
"Getting the mail isn't what I had in mind..."
"What's it to you anyway?"
Her words stung more than I think she could imagine.
"I don't want you to be like this..."
"Like what?"
"This!"
I spread my arms out as I continued:
"You live like a hermit! Where is the Lorelai I once knew?"
Her eyes shot fire as she came towards me.
"GET OUT!"
"Lorelai!"
"No, Get out of my fuckin' house!"
"She died, Lorelai. SO WHAT?! Does that mean you have to die with her!?"
"Don't say that! Don't you fuckin' say a word about her!?"
"What? Can't I speak about her now? You weren't alone in this! We all
lost her that day!"
"She was my daughter, For God's sake...And you come here on your
high horse telling me how to live my life! Who the fuck do you think you are?"
"I lost her too, Lorelai. Not a day goes by when I don't miss her...
For God's sake, when that bell over the door rings I look up and I keep
praying that it's her that is coming. But it never is...And that's
something I have to live with.....Don't you think I was heartbroken
when I got the news? I stood there in that hospital and...."
My voice died.
I moved towards her.
She was crying now.
Her eyes where two dark pools as they met mine.
"What do you want from me?"
"Just come with me...All I ask is that you walk out that door with me..."
"I can't, Luke."
"Of course you can...."
"No. I can't...."
I took her hand in mine and started to walk.
She pulled away from me with a scream:
"NO!"
I turned to her.
"It's just Stars Hollow, nothing else..."
"Why won't you listen? I can't...."
"Why can't you?"
Silence followed.
It lay thick between us.
"I'm afraid, okay?"
"Afraid of what? You have nothing to fear..."
"I have every reason to be afraid...If I go..If I just leave...
Then, what if..."
"You might actually have a life..."
Her eyes flashed of anger as she turned away:
"What? It's the truth isn't it. Real life awaits outside that door
and it scares the shit out of you."
"Damn you, Luke!"
"For what?"
I moved towards her.
Anger clouded my vision as I blocked her escape route.
I wanted to break her and watch her crumble.
It was the only way in.
But anger filled me.
Anger that there was no other way than hurting her.
"For what, Lorelai? Huh, For what? For telling you the truth...For
not letting you be!"
"DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!! It's my life! Not yours! You're not the boss of
me!"
"God knows!"
"I decide my life. Not you. Not anyone! I do!"
"And you are doing a great job"
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"So this is your life now, is it? Staying here and what...watch TV
all day until you die! She had hated to see you like that..."
"I said don't talk about her!"
"Or what? The world would come to an end or something!? You are not
the only one that has lost a child and you will not be the last.
But people survive. They pick themselves up from the ground and they move
on!"
"GOD DAMMIT, LUKE! You know nothing about it!"
"I know nothing. I know nothing. That's rich! Don't you think I loved her?
Don't you think I cared for her? So don't talk to me about not knowing...
Because I do...I do...I have a broken heart also.."
"Broken heart? You think this is a broken heart?HAH..You don't know.."
"Then please tell me..."
"It feels like I'm drowning..It feels like something is on my chest
and weighing me down..."
"I want to help...Everyone in this town want to help..."
"You can't...."
"There has to be some way....."
She turned away.
I wanted to touch her.
But I was afraid that she might move away.
So I kept my hands at my sides.
"I just...."
"You have to let her go...You have to.."
"No.....If I do that ..I will die..."
"No...I won't let you go..."
"Luke, please...."
"Not this time, Lorelai. I won't stand by and watch you fade away..."
"You have to..."
"No. I refuse to believe that!"
She turned towards me.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because you are my friend...My best friend and I can't let you go..."
"You have to....."
"No."
"Yes."
"Please, with me...Please..."
"I can't."
"So you'll just give up!? So you'll just lay down and die! I won't let you"
"You have to."
I grabbed her by the shoulders:
"GOD DAMMIT LORELAI!"
"Just go, Luke...Just go..."
I let her go.
I was so tired of fighting.
"I can't. I can't do that."
"Why can't you?"
"Because I love you."
She stopped.
I had come to the end of the road.
All my cards were on the table and I had no more to give.
"Luke, no...."
She backed away from me.
"Lorelai..."
"I can't..."
"All I want...is.."
"No, Luke...Okay.."
"I can't let you go..Not this time..Not now...."
"STOP IT!"
"Stop what?"
"This. All of this!"
"All I did was to tell you the truth.."
"I can't..Luke...And I don't want to hurt you...So go now before
I do..."
"I tell you that I love you and you just act like it was nothing..."
"Of course it wasn't nothing."
"Then do something, God Dammit!"
"I can't."
"Of course you can! Say something, anything...."
"Don't you understand?"
"Understand what?"
"I DON'T WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING!! Can't you understand that?"
I stood there and something inside of me came undone.
"Lorelai....."
Her eyes glimmered with tears as they met mine.
"You can't save me, Luke, because I'm already lost..."
"No...I refuse to believe that..."
Then I kissed her.
I pulled her to me and drowned in her.
I wanted to break her.
Make her feel something, anything, even though it might just be a little kiss.
Her lips were warms against mine.
For that single moment I let all my feelings pour out into her and
I prayed that I just might reach inside of her.
Her lips trembled under her touch.
But I refused to surrender.
Not this time.
I ran my tongue against her lips, whispering to her let me in.
And with a sigh she did.
As our tongues met in a beautiful dance all sanity went out the window.
For a single moment, I held heaven in my arms.
As fast as the fire inside of me was born it was soothed away as she
pushed me away.
A scream escaped her lips.
Then her hand.
Hard against my cheek.
Her eyes were on fire.
"GET OUT! GET OUT!!!!!!!"
"Lorelai..."
"GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS!"
"Lorelai...I just..."
"GET OUT, LUKE! NOW!!!"
I moved.
I had failed.
I had come there so determined to break her.
But all I did was push her further away.
I moved towards the front door.
Maybe I had come too late.
My hands trembled as I opened the door.
She stood in the doorway to the kitchen.
Her eyes glimmered still with tears as they met mine.
No words were spoken.
Maybe it was time for me to fall and scatter for the wind.
But this time around there was no one there to pick up the pieces.
As I walked away from her I came apart and for a single moment I let myself
feel everything.
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