Happy new year!
This is the last chapter :3
I hope you've enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.
I know it's not quite a "perfect ending" but it's not too sad either.
Anyways! I wish y'all a good year 2014, make the best out of it!
Dean stared at his little brothers corpse, trying to keep his eyes open. Even if he could fall asleep, he wouldn't dare to. Nightmares followed him everywhere. Even daydreaming would let him remember, that his little brother was dead.
From time to time Castiel appeared, looking at Sam as well, but no words were spoken. The first time Cas made his way to the motel Dean was staying at, he tried to communicate, but Dean simply chose to ignore him. It hurt to talk about anything right now. Everything did hurt.
Right now, Dean was sitting next to his brother, waiting for him to turn around or sit up or anything that breathing people would do. But of course, he wasn't breathing. Dead people didn't breathe…
"Dean", Castiel said and even though he was ignored, he kept talking. "I know, you don't want to talk about that. But it's about Sam. We need to talk about him."
The Winchester Boy looked at the angel, then back at the dead body. "I don't need to do anything."
Castiel sighed. "Your brother is safe and sound in heaven. You should be happy for him and don't pity his dead."
"I know he is. But I am selfish." Dean shifted on his chair. "You could bring him back, couldn't you?"
It was quiet for a bit, then Cas answered: "Yes, I could. But it wouldn't be Sam anymore."
Dean turned around to face him. "Why so?"
"He was ready to go. He made up his mind, said goodbye to anything, to his life. If I'd get him back, he would be emotionless. He'd be practically dead, but walking and breathing. He wouldn't care about anything going on, wouldn't care about you in any way."
"How can you be so sure?", Dean asked, looking at the ground, trying to imagine his baby brother like that. He once was without his soul, but he still had some kind of emotions.
Castiel sat down next to the Winchester. "This isn't my first time bringing someone back who said goodbye to the life he once had." He seemed to fight with himself a while, then he laid his hand on Dean's shoulder. "It's okay to feel this way, Dean. It's natural."
Dean snorted. "Oh, yeah, right, Cas. I understand… I just wish, that… that I could say a proper goodbye. I never had the chance to."
"You'll see each other again", Cas answered, as if that was obvious.
Dean raised an eyebrow and kept staring at him.
Cas shifted uncomfortably on his chair. "Okay, I don't think we ever talked about that… But you know… Whatever I say now, don't get overhead, okay? Think everything through." After Dean nodded, Castiel continued. "So, I was in Sam's heaven. He let me in, which I really appreciate. We talked and he told me, that he could imagine how you feel. But you'd see each other again, Dean. Because soul mates always share a heaven, which you and Sam are. He even said, that if the moment would come, he'd make you a place, but right now, it wouldn't be your time."
Dean just kept staring at the angel, trying to process his words. Sam was in heaven, the same heaven, Dean would get. They'd share a heaven, be together forever. He would be able to have family time with him… Do the things they couldn't when they were kids. Be family.
"But you listen", Cas said, noticing the realization in his friends eyes. "He said, if it was time for you to die. Not yet. He also mentioned, that if you made a deal, you'd better live forever, because he would kill you if you made on step into hell."
Even though he was tired as hell, he still managed to chuckle. "Yeah, that's Sammy…"
Cas eyes became sad as he watched the Winchester. It was hard to really understand his feelings, because even though he missed Sam too and blamed himself, it was still hard for him to understand humans. He could just imagine, that Dean wanted Sam back on earth, just like Castiel did. Of course he'd never say that. It would only make Dean more miserable.
"So… I'm just supposed to keep going, yeah?", Dean asked, looking at the angel insecure. "Just like nothing had ever happened? Me, alone? Against all those sons of bitches out there? He thinks I can manage to do so?"
Castiel touched Sam's hand slightly. Dean's look snapped to the dead body again, his features showing pain again. "Yeah, he does, Dean. He knows you're strong enough to live your life like you want to."
Dean smiled slightly and leaned back in his chair. "I'll try. For him. You can go to his heaven and tell him, that when I'm coming, he will have to watch his ass. 'Cause I'm going to kick him for that."
Cas looked at Dean one last time and nodded. "That I'll do." And the next second, he was gone.
He waited a little longer, then the smile fell from Dean's face. He put his head in his hands and sighed. "Sammy… I won't let you alone that long, okay? I just… need some time. And even though I know you want me to live till I'm old…" He looked right at his dead brother. "But you know I can't do that… You'll have a good, old hunter funeral tomorrow, alright? And don't you worry about me. I can handle myself just fine." He stood up. "See you in heaven, bitch."
Castiel knocked and the door flew open.
Sam looked up, to look at his angel friend, a smile playing on his face. Right in front of him was a picture of two little boys, playing catch. "Hey, Cas. You've talked to him?"
The angel nodded and came closer. He realized, that those two boys were in fact 9 year old Dean and 5 year old Sam, playing in front of Bobby's house. "I did. And he said he'd understand."
Smirking, Sam looked back at the children. "Yeah, of course he did say that. Just… did he mean it?"
For a brief moment there was silence, then the Angel spoke: "Yes, yes, I think he did. He will try to live his life."
"Not for long, I'd guess", said Sam, grinning a bit sadly.
Cas didn't reply.
A sigh left Sam's mouth as he started to walk to another place in his memory. "But I know that he'll do what's right. Even though he's stubborn and always choses what seems to be the worst for him, he'll still make himself happy. I just know it."
Castiel didn't follow. He didn't move at all, just staring at Sam. "You know, that he will most likely kill himself, don't you, Sam?"
There was silence again – a little longer now. Sam took a deep breath and turned back to the angel. "Of course I know. This is my brother we're talking about, no one knows him better than me. And that's why I know that he'll still fight. As long as he can, he's going to fight."
Cas nodded and said: "He said, that I should tell you, that you should watch your ass when he comes to heaven. Because he will kick your ass."
Sam laughed slightly, shaking his head. "Yeah, that's what I thought. That suits him."
Castiel smiled, then he looked back at the door. "I need to go. I still have much to clean up here."
"Of course", Sam said and went to hug Castiel. "I've always been grateful for your loyalty, you know that, Cas. You've done too much, I don't know how I could ever thank you."
Cas shook his head. "You're dead because of me, Sam. Don't thank me."
Sam sighed and then hit the angel on the head, just slightly, but still a bit painful. "You idiot. It was my decision. You're not to blame."
A smile appeared on the man's face and then he was gone.
Sam turned around, looking back at beautiful memories with Dean from their childhood. He sure missed this, but he knew, that when Dean came, they would talk about every single memory. But he would not want to rush it. Dean needed to live his life as long as he managed to and Sam would get along, even though he was pretty lonely.
"Just make sure you come here and don't go down there", he said, sitting down in his chair, still watching the memories, a smile on his face. "And I can't wait for you to kick my ass, jerk."
