The beeping was really beginning to piss me off.
I mean, only so long ago did I begin to notice it, but jeez the shit is annoying. I don't even know where it's coming from!
Not to mention that my head was pounding, my stomach was aching non-stop, and my back was sore from my uncomfortable bed. This is a bed right? I mean, it's like a freaking rock with a sheet. I shook the thought as the pain came to the front of my mind again.
Urgh, why can't a girl get some Tylenol or something in here?
That's when I noticed the particular amount of light behind my eyes. I hadn't even realized that they were practically sewn shut until I tried to open them. I've never felt so annoyed with my body in my life. All I wanted to do was find the light switch, or maybe even speak up and ask someone to shut them off for me.
But that's a little hard to do when you can't find it in you to control your body. To open your eyes, to move your tongue, to scratch your itchy nose! And yes, my nose has been itchy for the last hour-and-a-half. This only made me want to groan in complete annoyance.
That's when I noticed the deadweight in my hand. Was it a deadweight or was I the deadweight? It was warm, and comfortable, but foreign. I'd only just felt it and I was now curious as to what it was. So, with that, I closed my fingers around it and gave it a squeeze hoping that maybe I'd figure it out.
Wait...I just moved.
I did a mental cheer as I squeezed it again.
"Bella..." I recognized Edward's voice from my right side - the side which my hand was being held - and I wanted to smile. "Are you awake? Can you hear me, sweetheart?"
I wanted to tell him that I could hear him, and that I loved him, and I wanted to prove to him that I'm awake. It was difficult though. So, I did what I knew how to do, and I squeezed his hand a little tighter.
"Oh, Bella...I'm so sorry about all of it. I should have kept you behind. I should have made sure that you were safe." He breathed and I wanted to shake my head. Suddenly the beeping went wild. "No, don't worry, it's all okay."
The beeping kept going.
"Bella, you're so selfless. Don't worry about it. How about we both not worry about it?" He asked me and the beeping went down a bit. "Alright. It's a deal, gorgeous."
I gave him another squeeze.
"Ella's asleep. She's with Esme down in the cafeteria. It took everything I had to get the girl to go home with Mom. She was dead-set on sleeping here with you, Bells." He chuckled and I felt his lips press against my hand.
I was happy that they were taking care of Ella. She's one of my biggest worries. That and the baby, but even her, Ella comes first right now. She the one who's alive, and real, and walking around. Not the soon-going-to-be-baby.
When Edward began speaking again it was as if he could read my mind. I was curious though as to how he knew about the baby, because with his words, he seemed pretty clear on the fact that I was pregnant. Well, they probably found out when they took my blood sample and stuff.
"The baby's okay," He breathed and the beeping went completely back to normal. "I know you were worried about it. You shouldn't though, because I have Carmen taking care of it. She's had it on a heart monitor for a while. I even got you some pictures for when you wake up.
"Um, I understand why you didn't tell me, I guess. Though there wasn't much time for you to tell me anyway." He spoke softly and I could practically see him toss his shoulders in a shrug. "Um...are you keeping it? Squeeze twice if you are. Once if no. Three if you are unsure."
I squeezed once at first but after a few seconds a I did it a second time. I got angry because I wasn't sure if I had the strength to do a third one, though that's what I was going for. I fought deep, down inside and finally mustered up enough energy to give him one last squeeze. I surprized both of us by opening my eyes.
When they first opened I felt like I'd been stabbed in the eyeballs. The flourescent lights of the hospital were ridiculous and did not help my headache much either. I moaned and Edward was suddenly not beside me.
And then it was dark.
And then he was back.
"Sorry about that, sweetie," He whispered.
"...baby...I haven't...de...de...made up...mind." I whispered trying to form a coherent sentence.
"That's alright, don't worry about it...you still have a bit of time." He smiled carefully and ran his hand up and down my arm. "Do you need anything? Like pain-meds, or ice-chips, or something?"
I shook my head deciding that I was content where I was. I could probably use some more medication but I didn't feel like going back to sleep for a while. And I wasn't particularly hungry or thirsty either. Just...content, like I said earlier.
"Fine. I'm fine." I told him and tried to shoot him a smile though I'm sure it's more of a grimace.
"Only if you're sure," He sighed as he kissed my knuckle again. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."
"How long was I out?" I asked him softly.
"Let me just say that it was the longest twelve days of my life," He groaned playfully and I gasped. I was asleep for nearly two weeks? Well, I'll be damned.
"I can't believe that I was out that long!" I huffed wondering what all I'd missed.
"Believe me, it wasn't all that exciting," He told me as if he had read my mind. "I even got the chief to let me feign being traumatized so that I could stay here with you. They all think that I'm too chicken to come back to work."
"That's really unnecessary, Ed." I whispered.
"No, it's not. I couldn't get myself to leave." He sighed and ran a finger through his hair. "I've been sleeping here, you know? Showering, eating, sleeping, living...all of it."
"Edward..." I sighed.
"Bella." He mocked playfully and I frowned. "How about we play twenty-questions?"
"Er...okay?"
"I ask a question, we both answer, then you ask one. And so on." He explained and I nodded slowly. I could play, I guess.
"Okay...what's your full name?" I asked. I knew it but I didn't know what else to use as a first question. I've never done anything like this before.
"Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen." He smiled.
"Isabella Marie Swan." I told him with a soft smile before saying his name, as if testing it on my tongue. "Edward Anthony. I love it."
"Where did you grow up?" Edward asked me and I bit my lip.
"Well, the first year of my live I lived with Mom and Dad here in Forks...in the house that Charlie still lives in. But then Renee, my Mom, took me with her to Phoenix. And then she left me in the same old place with Charlie when I was six." I whispered and he sighed softly, kissing my hands again.
"I don't understand how she could have done that to you...I'm positive that you were just as amazing when you were six as you are now." He breathed out softly and I shrugged with a sigh.
"I don't know." I whispered.
"Anyway, I was born in Chicago and stayed there until everything between Mom and Charles happened. And then we all moved to Forks to get away." He explained and I remembered when Esme had sat me down and explained her past in order to help me with the entire James situation.
She's such a nice person. They all really are...
I then came up with a random question. "What's your favorite nickname?"
"Well, I always liked it when my Mom called me 'Romeo'." His cheeks pinkened a bit and I smiled.
"It's sweet."
"Yeah, she said I was going to turn out to be a prince-charming someday." He shrugged with a slight chuckled. I could tell he was embarrassed but I didn't understand why he would be. It's cute and actually kind of true.
"You're my prince-charming, you know." I spoke extra soft. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to hear me or not.
"You're my princess," He smiled widely - showing off his teeth. "Now, princess, what's your favorite nickname?"
"Well, I have two...I like it when you call me 'sweet-girl' and 'beautiful'...but I also always liked it when my Mom called me 'Beauty'. Like Beauty and the Beast." I whispered and played with the blanket that was covering me.
My Mother always just loved the Beauty and the Beast and always told me about how I was just like Belle. And she told me about how one day I'd find my own beast and that he'd be my prince. I never really believed her but I still begged her to tell me the story every single night before bed.
"Bella, honey...why aren't you sleeping?" Mom asked as she walked into my room.
I looked at her face with the light from the crack in the door. My room was dark, as it was late, and she'd come in here to make sure that I was in bed and asleep. But what I saw on her face disturbed me a little bit.
It was all flushed and her eyes were bright red. She'd obviously been crying. I could also tell that she was trying to cover it off as she was lightly sniffling every so often and swiping at her cheeks and eyes. Why was Mommy so sad? I could help but wonder. I was so young that I wanted to cry when she'd cry.
"Mommy, I can't sleep." I whispered into the darkness.
"Why not, Beauty?" She asked as she walked in and sat on the edge of my bed. I caughter wiping away another tear but decided not to ask - she'd probably play it off as a 'grown-up' problem.
"I don't know...It's just not happening." I explained and she chuckled, and began rubbing my arm soothingly. "Mommy?"
"Yes, Bell?"
"Can you tell me the Beast story? Please?"
"Yes, I can tell you the Beauty and the Beast," She sucked in a deep sniffle then and her voice thickened. Since when does this story make Mommy sad? I always thought that it was a happy story.
That was the very last time that I'd seen my Mom. She was completely in tears and cried through the entire Beauty and the Beast. That very night she drove me to Forks and left me with Dad. I woke up in his living room and to a completely empty house.
He'd gone to work without even acknowledging me.
"Bella...are you okay?" Edward pulled me from my deep thoughts and I gasped.
"I'm sorry, what?" I asked him and he smiled softly.
"I asked what your favorite food was. I didn't realize how much thought it took." He joked and I rolled my eyes at him.
"Sorry, I was just thinking about my Mom. My favorite food is Mushroom Ravioli, without a doubt." I told him and he sighed.
"I'm sorry about her," He told me genuinely. "And mine's your spaghetti. That stuff is amazing."
"Thanks...and thanks." I spoke a bit sheepishly. I've never been good with compliments. Even if they're as simple as - you look nice today. "What's your favorite color?"
"Blue."
"Is there a reason?" I asked him because of how straightforward and quick his answer was. His cheeks pinkened and he smiled crookedly.
"Yeah...you look absolutely amazing in the color blue." he explained himself and this time I was the one blushing. "That and your blush." He continued and I smiled. "What about you, Bell?"
"Green." I answered before I could think.
It wasn't just any green though. It was Edward's green. The perfect, deep green of his eyes. They were like emerald orbs. Emerald orbs that could see deep into anybody's soul. How could that not be my favorite color after spending any time with him? I'd be crazy if I didn't like it by now.
I love it.
"Is that so?"
"Your eyes." I decided to be honest. "I love your eyes so much. They're always so bright, and honest...beautiful. Like the ocean."
"Wow," He smiled and kissed my temple. "I could say the same about your gorgeous, chocolate-brown ones." He frowned for a second. "And you don't have any pets..." He frowned as he tried to think of another question to ask me. "If you could go anywhere, anywhere at all, where would you go?"
"I would probably fly to Phoenix. To see if my Mom's there...I know I won't. But still...if I could. It's where I'd be." I told him and he sighed.
"Maybe I could take you there sometime?"
"I don't know, maybe," I frowned. I never thought about it but I really would like to. Maybe I could pay him back later if he'd buy me the ticket. I shook the thought and got back to our little game. "What about you?"
"I don't know. I was always happy where I was...I think it'd be nice to take the kids, and you and Ella now, to Italy or something for a vacation." He shrugged and I smiled thinking about how amazing that would be.
"That would be fun."
"See," He chuckled.
"My turn..." I stopped to think some more. "What are your goals in life?"
"Well, since I've pretty much already got my career down - I love our job. I think I'd like to find the kids a Mom. Lately I've ver much liked a woman for the job, but she's a bit younger, and has a lot going on...so..."
"Wow..." I whispered.
"Alice spoke." He suddenly said. "Six days ago. We'd already brought her in twice before then and she'd immediately fallen asleep tucked into your side. This time she didn't go to sleep though and she began babbling. She said your name, Bella. She was crying your name. The little girl already loves you - you were her first word."
"Oh God, I'm sorry..." I gasped.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"Well, I'm just a woman in her life. You're her Daddy. She has so many more important people to start talking with. More imporatant than me." I explained my logic and he shook his head no at me.
"That's so untrue, Bella." He scoffed. "You are the closest thing to a Mother that she's ever had. And if it's up to me, I'd like for you to be the only thing that she'd ever consider a Mother. I don't want to scare you, but damn...I'm deep in this already."
"Oh..." I sighed with relief. "Me too. As long as you allow it, and want me, I'll be here for her. No matter what."
"And I appreciate that so much." He spoke with a true honesty and devotion in his voice. I smiled back at him and gave his hand a squeeze. "Now, what are your goals in life?"
"Well, I've always wanted to get Ella into a better home. With me. But I can't really afford anything like that right now. So for now keeping her happy will have to do." I told him and he was already shaking his head at me.
"No, I mean your goals for you."
"Well, I've always wanted to be a doctor...but I can't leave this job. It's what my Mom was. If she came back, then she'd get a job here as one - and we'd find each other. I can't risk not finding her. Anyway, Ella makes it hard to do medical school. I hardly could finish high school!"
"Bella, you need to let go of your Mom." Edward ran his fingers through my messy hair. "I know you love and miss her, but sweetie, it's not healthy. You need to do what you need to do. Not hold on to broken dreams."
"It's hard," I whimpered.
"I know, I know it is, Bell...but you have to. Get your dreams. Don't let your life go any way but the way that you want just because of your Mother's mistakes." He told me in his 'you can do it' voice and I sighed.
"You mean it?"
"Absolutely. And now that you have Esme, maybe it's time to pick back up on that Med-school thing. Carlisle would love to help you know. Oh! And Carmen!"
"Edward, I'm pregnant," I cut in suddenly thinking of the child that was going to soon be growing inside of me.
"Oh...right...well...do you know if you're keeping it?"
"Not at all."
"Then we'll decide when you decide on that, okay?" He asked me and I sighed, nodding slowly.
"Who was your biggest role-model growing up, Edward?" I asked him suddenly curious about who turned him into the perfect person that he is today. Or at least who was his main ideal as to who he'd be.
"My Dad, Carlisle." He smiled widely, proudly. "He taught me that not all men have to be bad. He taught me how to be the Dad that I am to my children. He taught me how to treat a woman right." He kissed my hand and smiled. "He taught me to be myself."
"I'd like to say the same, except about my Mom. Aside from the part where she left me with the worst man in my life...she taught me how to be a good parental figure. She loved me for who I was and not who anybody wanted me to be. She was an amazing woman who did some amazing things every single day."
"Aw," He sighed.
"Yeah..." I smiled back. "She was a good Mommy."
"What was your first car?" He then asked me.
"The one I'm driving." I told him and he raised an eyebrow.
"Is that so?"
"Yes." I shrugged. "It was hard enough to get taht. I don't know where you think I'm going to get another one."
"Right...sorry."
"Not a problem. And you?" I asked him.
"Carlisle and Esme bought me a Mercedes..." He looked a little sheepish and I shrugged at him.
"That was nice of them." I whispered, taking his hand.
"Where'd you graduate from?"
"Forks." He shrugged.
"Me too." I smiled. "I was in fifth grade when you graduated though."
"Freaky, huh?" He laughed and I nodded, smiling at him as he leaned in a little closer to me. He was now resting his head on my shoulder and playing with my fingers. I really did like the contact. I could smell his amazing hair from here.
"Edward..." I tried to think of a question when one hit me quickly. We were so comfortable together that it made me think about a few things. "Do you ever want to get married again?"
"I'd love to get married again." He sighed. "But it has to be the one this time. And I think I've found her, but I don't want to scare her away. She's too perfect."
"Who?" I breathed.
"Well, she has brown eyes. Porcelain skin. Her hair is long, brown, and gorgeous. Everything about her, her personality, her heart, her sister...I love everything that comes with her and I'd never change a thing about her." He described me and I felt my eyes begin to water. What he said next shocked me the most.
"I love you Bella. I know it's soon, and that you're already taking in so much...but I can't fight it. I realized it when you were hurt. I realized that I need you to survive. I'll always need you and that's it." He sniffled and I wrapped my free arm around his head.
"I love you too. I didn't know what love was until I met you. I mean, yeah, I loved my sister...but I'm in love with you." I sighed soflty and kissed his hair.
"Do you want kids, Bella?"
"Well, I mean, I already adore yours, and I have Ell...but sure. I mean...I think it'd be nice to have some of my own. And if you still love me, then maybe even some of yours..." I whispered. "I don't know what I'm going to do about this baby, Edward..."
"Don't worry about it right now, Bella. It's too much stress. It'd be bad for the both of you." He breathed and I nodded slowly.
"It just scares me. Aren't I supposed to adore the idea of a child? All I can do is fear it. I could be horrible at it this time around. I don't think that I'm ready. I don't have a stable home, money, or even a stable state-of-being. I'm a mess!" I cried and he shook his head, wrapping his arms awkwardly around me.
"You aren't a mess. Nobody is perfect Bella. We'll figure this out soon enough. Don't worry about it tonight." He kissed me softly on the lips and I felt immediately calmed down.
"But I agree." He spoke after some time. "I think some more would be nice. Your baby's would be beautiful. I'd want them to be little girls, with your chocolate eyes."
"No, that'd be a tragedy. They should have your copper hair. And model looks." I contradicted and he shook his head no.
"No, they would look better like you. But either way, they'd be perfect just as long as they were a part of you." He explained and I rolled my eyes. He is a prince-charming, isn't he? How did I get so lucky to have somebody like him in my life? I must have done something pretty damn good, though. He was suddenly talking again. "What was your first date like?"
"Well, I was raped and then almost kidnapped." I spoke bluntly before my face heated up. "Sorry, that was rude, I-..."
"That was your first date?"
"If you want to consider it a date. If not then it'd have been that night that Carmen told me that I was probably pregnant before I went to that banquet with you." I told him honestly.
"Holy-cow...I'm so sorry, Bella."
"No, um, it's okay."
"No, you haven't even had a proper date yet!" He exclaimed as I shrugged again. "I can't wait until you're well again. I'm taking you on that date that I'd planned. You won't go another week without knowing what it feels like to go on a good date."
"Thank you Edward," I smiled and he just hugged me gently, but a bit tighter. "What was yours like?"
"It was with a girl named Gianna. She was okay. We were fourteen. Um, I don't remember much about her. Just that we saw a movie, awkwardly kissed, and then left." He told me and I nodded.
Lucky boy and his normal life.
"Was that your first kiss?" I asked him and he nodded.
"Yours?" He asked.
"Um, well, I didn't go around kissing boys that I didn't date." I shrugged. "So, James."
"Oh, good God, Bella." He sighed.
"I know...it's pathetic bu-..."
"Hell no! it's not pathetic, gorgeous! I just hate that he had to go and ruin the first one for you. It's supposed to be something that you remember. Something that you think about when you're older and smile."
"I know...I just didn't get one."
"Want to start now?" He rolled over just enough so taht he was facing me.
"What?"
Suddenly he'd leaned in and his lips were on mine. I reacted by tangling my hands in his hair becoming completely engrossed in him. The heart-moniter went wild as he opened his mouth to breath a bit and pulled my bottom lip into his mouth. I pressed my tongue on his upper-lip right before he sighed and pulled away.
"I don't want it to go too far for your first," He winked and gave me a few pecks before kissing my forehead. "Don't worry though, when you're ready, I'll give you your first makeout."
"Nice." I chuckled and he shrugged, snuggling back into me.
I then realized that it was my turn to ask a question. I let my mouth speak before my brain could and just asked, whispering, "Do you think we'll make it, Edward?"
"Make it?"
"You know, like...together. That we'll be together in the end?" I asked him and he smiled.
"Bella, I remember back in middle school, and high school, when I did track and we jumped hurdles. It would be so easy at first. But slowly it would grow harder and just when you think that you've had enough there would be another big hurdle in your way. In the end you always came out stronger but dammit, it's hard to get to the end.
"It feels like there's always another hurdle. Just like how you and I are always jumping hurdles. Maybe someday we'll come out stronger...together." He whispered and I felt my eyes prick with tears.
"Edward...that was so-..."
I was cut off by the door being opened and Esme walking in. She had Alice in one arm and Ella on her hip. Emmett followed close behind. Alice was wide awake and looked at me but Ella was sound asleep.
"Esme, you don't have to carry her," I wiped at my eyes as she lay Ell down in the recliner in the corner of the room. Emmett went to sit in the window and play with his action-figures. Esme brought Alice, who was squealing with her eyes on me, and laid the baby in her Daddy's arms.
"B-B-Be-...Bella!" Alice giggled and replaced the 'L's with a 'W' sound. I giggled and let Edward lay her in my side where she happily attached herself to my shirt.
Carlisle chose then to walk in with Carmen and Eleazar on his tail.
"Oh! You're awake! How do you feel, Bella?" He asked as Carmen checked my virals and he checked my clip-board.
"Good..." I frowned. Actually, now that he has me thinking about it, my bullet-hole was throbbing.
"Don't put on a brave face for us, Bella. You were shot, for God's sake. You can tell us if it hurts." He told me softly. "It's supposed to hurt."
"It really hurts," My eyes watered for a different reason this time as Carmen grabbed a syringe to fill my I.V. up with.
"I upped your dosage," She whispered as she did just that. "Edward's right Bella, your body does not need stress right now. Not with you. Not with the baby. If you need medicine, then tell us, and we'll help you guys. Alright?"
"Yes...thanks Carmen. Thanks to all of you."
"Absolutely," Edward smiled and kissed my cheek.
"I just didn't want to have to sleep more..." I yawned. Well, speak of the devil. Edward smiled at me and ran his fingers through my long hair again.
"You need your rest though, so you can have it. We'll all be here when you wake up. Don't worry about it." He kissed my cheek seemingly extra affectionate now that I revealed that I wasn't terrified of him.
"Just sleep, love." Edward smiled softly.
"I don't want to yet..." I yawned and he smirked at me.
"Bella?" I turned my head to see that Ella was now awake and coming towards me.
Her hair was a haystack and her little brown eyes had bags under them. I smiled softly at her and let her come sit in Edward's lap, so that she could reach me. When she got close enough I took her hands and kissed one of them, asking her how she's been.
"Worried sick!" She exclaimed and I chuckled at her antics. "I was so scared that you weren't going to wake up, Bella! Esme let me stay with her, but I really did want to stay here, at the hospital, with you and Edward!"
"I now you did, honey, but you're young. You need your rest and that needs to happen in a bed. Not a plastic chair. Edward should have went home too." I whispered and she rolled her pretty eyes. She looked just like me, only a hell of a lot cuter.
"I know...I just...I was scared." She whispered.
"I'm sorry. I wish I could have been awake for you." I told her and she shrugged.
"It's not your fault." She patted my arm before very carefully hugging me. "You need to sleep don't you?"
"Yeah..." I sighed which triggered a yawn. "Next time I wake up, we'll talk, okay bug?"
"That'd be great," She kissed my cheek as I grew sleepier.
I don't think that I could be happier with the group of people surrounding me right at this moment. Esme, Carlisle, Eleazar, Carmen, Emmett, Alice, Ella, and Edward. They were all I'd ever need in this world to be okay. I loved them so much already. So much more than I'd probably be willing to admit.
And Edward said that they loved me. Even if it's not exactly the love that I've always wanted, from my own two parents, it's still love. And it still means everything to me. More than everything. I know that if I lost what I had in this room that I'd be nowhere.
And that I'd sink back to where I was the day before Ella came into my life.
Thank God for this family.
I fell asleep soon enough and with them all around me - there was a pure smile on my face.
I don't remember ever falling asleep like that.
For someone who was shot twelve days ago...I sure am happy.
A/N: Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Any other copyrighted or trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners, all other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.
Hey everyone! What'd you think? I finished this one pretty damn fast...three hours fast. Three hours with lots of breaks! So, you know the drill, send me a review!
Come on, just review! I posted two in one night! Please!
Tell me what you think of their little game? The baby? Bella's sudden happiness? I really want to know what you all think! Please and thank you!
- Em
