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When Ms. Raine had sent an email out to all of Sammy's friends asking if any of them would like to speak in his honor at the inaugural ceremony of the Center, Tara had volunteered. She had thought, what better way to fill her long days than by writing about her best friend! What a prodigious opportunity to let the world know what a great person he was, she had thought to herself. She had written down her thoughts, proof-read and made her edits as best as she could. And now, the moment was nearing and her nerves were shot! Who was she kidding? Could she really sum the life of Sammy up in a few words? Could she do justice to the greatest person she had ever known? The doubts just wouldn't stop gnawing her all week long.
Friday rolled along and she was still not sure what she should do with her speech. Was it too late to tell Ms. Raine that she had to find someone else, she thought to herself. She forced herself to smile and talk to her friends that night during dinner. All around her, there was pleasant chatter and laughter. The small group of friends was celebrating Kat's birthday that night. She owed it to her best friend to not have a long face at her party.
She and Abigail had planned a surprise for Kat. Abigail had taken the day off from the Company so that she could come in early and help set the place up. She had not let Tara do much and Tara knew better than to start an argument with her. Sometimes she hated how her back brace limited what she could do. And that day was just one of those days, where she wanted to do more but couldn't.
Jamie had showed up first that evening, followed soon after by Christian. When Kat walked in to the apartment later, the four of them jumped up from behind the couch and yelled, "Surprise!" Kat's eyes grew wide with wonder and she ran forward to hug them. "Aw…so nice of your guys to remember my birthday! You didn't have go to all this trouble," she protested as she looked around the room and took in the streamers and balloons decorating the place. But Tara could tell from her smile that she liked it.
"Take a few minutes to freshen up Kat. We know you've had a long day at the studio," Tara said. "Ollie and Wes aren't here yet. We have to wait up for them anyway."
Kat was happy to oblige. She felt grimy with all that makeup on her face anyway. By the time she got cleaned up and came back, her boyfriend had asked Tara twice to check on her to see why she was taking so long. It amused Tara to no end that he was so restless. "A lady needs her space and time Jamie!" she laughed. Before Jamie could come up with a clever retort, Kat had come out of the room looking beautiful as ever. He stared dumbfounded at her, as if he was seeing her for the first time ever. Tara teased him, "Hey Jamie, Cat got your tongue?" And everyone around her burst into laughter. Jamie didn't seem to mind it in the least. He just walked up to his girlfriend, pulled her into a hug and kissed her. When they pulled apart, Kat was blushing.
Soon after, Wes and Ollie joined the group. They all sat around the makeshift table and had their dinner. They had ordered Kat's favorite – Thai cuisine from down the street. And then it was time for presents and games. They were in the middle of a game of "Who am I?" when Tara excused herself to go to the kitchen.
"Come on, out with it." Tara hadn't noticed that Abigail had followed her.
Tara looked at her with a blank expression.
"You may have fooled everyone back there, but I know something's been bugging you all evening."
Tara looked at her with incredulity, "How did you know?"
"Tara, I've known you for three long years. I have always tried to decipher your emotional code for my own personal reasons." She shrugged her shoulders. "So, are you gonna tell me what's bugging you?"
She sighed in defeat and said, "Well, you know about this speaking thing I agreed to at the opening ceremony…. I am not really sure anymore that I should do it. When I read what I've written, it just seems like words. They don't seem to convey how important Sammy was to all of us."
"That's an easy one to solve. You say you have it all written down. So go get it; I'll read it and tell you what I think. And you can count on me to be brutally honest."
Tara managed to inconspicuously grab her folder from the living room and head back to the kitchen. As she handed it to Abigail, her hands shook with apprehension.
"This is actually good!" Abigail had tears in her eyes by the time she got done. "This is perfect!"
Tara didn't know what to say. She was moved beyond words that Abigail had actually liked what she had written. She just silently hugged her friend, hoping to convey her gratitude for putting her at ease.
After a few moments Abigail said, "I didn't know you could articulate this well Tara. What other hidden talents have you been keeping from us?"
"Thanks for the compliment Abigail, it means a lot coming from you. Since you ask, I have been writing this novel sort of thing. It's about us…at the academy. Do you mind?"
"Fine, I'll critique it for you. Just don't tell anybody that I did. I have a reputation to protect."
"Oh Abby! You're the best!" Tara hugged her again.
"Ew…that's too much hugging for one day. Let's go before they send a search party for us," Abigail grumbled, but there was a smile on her face.
Two hours later, Abigail left with Wes and Ollie. "E-mail me your book," she had whispered to Tara as she had left.
"Is it ok if I borrow my girlfriend for a few more minutes?" Jamie asked them. "I just want to treat her to some dessert."
"But we just ate!" Kat exclaimed. "And I have to help Tara clean up!"
But Tara guessed he just wanted some alone time with her. "Go!" she said and pushed her friend out the door. "Christian will help me. And anway, the birthday girl should not be cleaning up!"
"I hope it's ok that I said you'd help," Tara told Christian. "I'm sorry I didn't ask you first."
"Are you kidding me? I've always wanted to be a dish pig!" Christian smirked.
They cleaned up in silence. It didn't take too long and then they sat down on the couch.
"So are you all set to speak at the inaugural ceremony?" Christian asked Tara.
"Well, I have it prepared if that's what you mean." Now that Abigail had put her stamp of approval, she wasn't nervous about the words anymore. But Christian's question brought to her mind another problem, a problem she hadn't considered till then at all. The gravity of the situation hit her in her solar plexus.
"Oh my God! I had forgotten that I actually have to read that whole thing! And there will be all these people there. I think I will just send an email to Ms. Raine and have someone else read it."
"They say practice makes perfect. No time like the present," Christian said. "I will be your audience. Go ahead Training Bra. Do your worst."
"This is nerve-wracking! I don't think I can do this Christian! And if I can't speak in front of one person, I don't know if I'll be able to do it in front of a huge crowd!"
"Come on Tara, you've danced in front of people before. This is no different," Christian tried to impart some confidence in her. She still looked dazed. "You know what they say about fear of public speaking – just imagine all those people naked. That will do the trick," he grinned.
Tara shook her head. She wasn't really sure she wanted to think about that image just yet.
"Ok, then. I will turn around, so you can just pretend that I am not here, and do your speech thing. How about that?"
She took a deep breath and said, "Alright, I'll try."
Christian turned around and waited for her to start. But, when he didn't hear her for a while, he turned around. He was shocked to see her eyes filling with tears. He rushed to her side, "What's wrong Tara?"
"I'm sorry Christian. Just the thought of facing all those people! The last time I was in front of a crowd…"
"Hey, come here," he pulled her into a hug. He remembered that she had broken her back then, the last time she had faced a crowd. He understood her fear, the fear of seeing pity in those eyes that she would face. He just had to convince her that all she would see in their eyes was admiration for her resiliency. He waited till her breathing became normal and pulled her gently. He cupped her cheeks and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. Looking deep into her eyes, he willed her to understand, "The Tara I knew never backed down from a challenge. I know you can do this, you just got to believe it too."
Tara smiled through her tears, "Thank you…."
And then she looked into his eyes and her heart almost leapt out of her chest. She hadn't realized how close she was standing to him. A million emotions crossed his face that instant. She recognized one that she was sure to be reflected on hers as well, of yearning. She suddenly couldn't breathe. She sensed he was fighting a battle within himself. Then he sighed, and laid his forehead on hers. "It's been a long day Tara. Why don't you go to bed? I will wait up for Kat and Jamie before I head home."
Tara wanted to protest, wanted to pull him back in her arms and hold him there. But he was right. If she didn't go to bed and rest now, she'd regret it in the morning. So she whispered, "Good night Christian."
"Good night Tara."
