A/N: Final chapter. I'm pretty sure no one saw this coming, but maybe you're psychic. And if you have no idea who the Postman is, it's a pretty good movie. The beginning could do with a bit of a trim down, but that's neither here nor there. So hopefully you enjoyed the lulz, this same friend and I are already 23 pages into a brand new story just as stupid as this one. (For length reference, this story was about 19, so uh... the new one's going to be pretty f-ing long. I'm thinking at least 30.) So if you liked this story, stick around for the next one; if not, feel free to tell me everything you hated about it, and don't bother reading the next one, because it's just as bad as this one.
Oh yeah, and if at any point during the story you thought you recognized a quote from a movie or something, you probably did. It amuses us greatly to throw in quotes from anything and everything. A couple chapters previously there's a few lines directly from Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan; last chapter I think had one from Star Wars, one from Mallrats... There might be some South Park in there somewhere; I can't recall anything specific, but we can't seem to do anything without South Park quotes, so it's a safe bet to assume it might be in there. ...OH GOD! I'd forgotten about that one! Alright, so there's one in the last chapter that goes: "Well it's not gonna happen, Superman! Not gonna happen!" Now, if you go on Youtube and search 'not gonna happen rick', you'll see some of the funniest acting you've ever seen in your life.
So sorry this note got so long, you may resume reading the story now, if you haven't already skipped past the author's notes. Live long and prosper.
Chapter 8: Special Delivery... of Love
Two Months Later
"Superman, honey, have you seen the..." Donna broke off as she heard the doorbell ring. "Who could that be?"
Walking to the door, she opened it to find the Postman standing there.
"What are you doing here?" Donna hissed at him. She stepped out onto the porch and pulled the screen door shut behind her.
"You've got mail." He handed her an envelope addressed to 'Donna, House, New Krypton'.
She ripped it open. It was a letter detailing the depths of his love for her.
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me."
"It took me eight months to find you, Donna. I never stopped looking."
"How the hell did you even get here?"
"I'm the Postman. I had a letter to deliver. Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail shall keep the Postman from his appointed rounds. Or keep me away from you, my love."
"You met me once! One bloody time!"
"And that night, that beautiful night, I lost my heart. To you, Donna."
Donna groaned in frustration. "What is with all of you? Look," she said forcefully, jabbing him in the chest with a finger, "I don't love you, I'm happy here with Superman, we're having a baby. I'm not going anywhere with you, and I won't marry you. That about cover it?" She folded her arms across her chest.
"Oh, Donna." He shook his head, smiling mysteriously and laying his hands on her belly. "I think you'll find that I'm the father of this baby."
"Don't touch me!" She pushed his hands away from her. "Go away, leave me alone!" She pulled the screen door open to go back in the house, but he caught her arm.
"I love you, Donna! I spent eight long months trying to find you!"
"Get your hands off me!"
He let go of her arm and she yanked open the screen door, but his next words made her stop. He sounded so heartbroken.
"You are the most important woman in all of creation... to me."
She turned back to look at him, letting the door close. "Look, I'm sorry. But I love Superman. And I'm staying here with him."
The Postman scratched the back of his neck. "I didn't want to have to tell you this, but, uh... Me and Superman..."
She stared at him. "What?"
"...We've sort of been... intimate the last few months, you know?"
Her eyes widened in shock. "You... what?"
"I'm sorry we didn't tell you. We thought it might be too hard on you, with the baby and everything."
She leaned heavily against the wall, trying to take in the information she was being given.
"We can get three-way married, Donna. It'll be wonderful. There will be extra love because there is an extra person. Donna, you and Superman are the dearest, most precious people in the universe to me."
"Did you..." She swallowed, looking up at the Postman. "Does Superman know it's not his baby?"
"No, I didn't tell him. And if we get married, it won't matter. It'll be our baby, all of us together. Our love child, born of love."
She swallowed again, nodding. "I... Yeah."
The Postman offered his hand to her and she took it, letting him wrap his arm around her shoulder. "Come on," he said, "let's go inside and sit down."
They went back inside the house and lived happily ever after.
The End...?
Yes, it is the end.
Or is it?
