A/N: This chapter touches on a heavy subject and may be a trigger for some. I really hope that's not the case, but thought it best to put this warning up, regardless. I hate spoilers, so I'm not going to tell you exactly what the subject is (if you haven't already worked it out). It should become more obvious throughout the chapter. I'd feel terrible if I'd seriously disturbed someone's emotions by something I'd written, so I'll separate the short section with lines so you can avoid the crux of the scene, if you wish. Thanks for reading.

*Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. SM owns all, I'm just playing in her toy box for a while. I promise to clean up before I leave.


Chapter 8

After bidding everyone goodnight, I dragged myself up the stairs and got ready for bed. The day had been long and tiresome, and sheer exhaustion overwhelmed my bones. I was relieved to finally have a few hours to myself, where I could abandon all pretense of coping with my grief and prepare my goodbyes.

When I emerged from the ensuite bathroom, Jasper was laying on top of the covers of my bed, reading a book. Well, that was new.

I crossed my arms at my chest and popped my hip to the side. "What do you think you're doing?"

He didn't look up, just turned the page. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're going out of your way to annoy me."

A subtle smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "And am I succeeding?"

He'd pushed all my buttons tonight. First with Renee at dinner, then with Jake, and now he was overstepping the boundaries of what little privacy I had. Where did he get off?

"You tell me, empath. Last time I checked, this was my room, for now. I'm tired and want to go to sleep. So, do you mind?"

He turned another page before finally acknowledging me with his eyes. "Where are the rest of your pajamas?"

I wasn't indecent. The long t-shirt I wore amply covered my underwear.

"If you must know, I haven't worn PJs since I was twelve years old. Lucky for you, I didn't walk in here naked. Then again, if I thought it would get rid of you…"

He pulled the blankets back on my side. "Just get your butt into bed, Bella. I'm not going anywhere. I told you, you're not leaving my sight."

I jumped in—but not because he'd told me to—and covered my legs. "No, you said I wasn't to leave your sight if I was outside the house. Are you going to want to watch me pee next?"

"Very funny."

"So, why are you in my room? I've come to expect you to invade my space during the day whenever you feel like it, but you've never come in here at night before."

His little grin returned. "Yes, I have. I just usually wait until you've fallen asleep."

I huffed as I reclined and rolled to my side, turning my back to him. "Ass."

He turned another page, only serving to amplify my irritation. I reached for the lamp on the bedside table and switched it off, pitching the room into darkness. I smiled evilly as I drew the blankets up to my shoulder. Take that!

He turned another page and I punched the pillow beneath my head. Damn vampires and their stupid superior vision. The mattress undulated slightly from his movement and his cool breath wafted over my ear, making me shiver as if an ice cube had brushed down my spine.

"And for the record," he whispered, "taking your clothes off would definitely not make me leave. It would just give me one more reason to stay."

"Ugh, goodnight, Jasper."

He quietly chuckled and turned another page. "Goodnight, Bella."

~oOOo~

Today was D-day, the day I'd longed for and dreaded at the same time. But, if I could make it through to the end, I knew there would be peace waiting for me. That's all I really wanted. And I hoped I would be forgiven when it was over and the dust had settled.

I'd wanted to write some letters last night, some parting words to ease the pain of those I'd be leaving behind. I didn't want anyone feeling guilty over me or my decisions. Someday, they'd see this was for the best. But, it was as if Jasper knew what I was up to. He wouldn't leave me alone long enough to pen my thoughts. I assumed he'd spent the entire night watching over me, seeing as his face was the first thing my eyes captured when I'd awoken early this morning. He was in the same position he'd been in last night, only sans book. My anger over his dictatorial ways had diminished sometime during my dreamless sleep. I didn't remember anything after closing my eyes. That was one thing I was thankful for; I still hadn't had a dream, good or bad, since that first night. I suspected Jasper's voodoo had something to do with that. It would explain why he'd been sneaking into my room every night. I'd been exasperated when he'd first confessed, but restful sleep had been my only escape from reality, so I guess I should be indebted.

It was strange how close I felt to him recently, even if he did aggravate me, and often. Though, no matter how hard I tried to hold onto grudges against him, they'd quickly drifted away like they were riding the rush of a rapid. I was confident in my ability to tell when he was manipulating my emotions, and I was ninety-nine percent certain he hadn't in those instances. Somewhere deep inside, I was positive he wouldn't take advantage of me that way. He seemed to enjoy getting a reaction out of me, even if it was only to rile me up. And what was even stranger? I think, out of everybody, including Jake and Renee, I was going to miss him and Emmett most of all. That is, if I was able to miss anybody where I was going. Was my mind playing tricks on me? With my time almost up, I doubted I'd ever get the answer.

From the bathroom mirror, an unrecognizable woman stared back at me. She seemed older, sophisticated…almost beautiful. Esme had lent me a smart, black pantsuit with a white collar and cuffs. She'd even curled my hair and applied some light makeup. I didn't deserve to look this good when my heart felt so ugly. I just wanted the day to be over.

"Are you ready, Bella?"

I almost jumped out of my skin and spun around with a scowl. Jasper had a look of contrition on his face.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Someone should put a bell on you."

He held out his hand in invitation and I stared at his long fingers before reluctantly joining them with mine. He was no longer guarded with me, seemingly seeking out my touch whenever he was near. He was a far cry from the man I'd thought I'd known a year ago and I couldn't help myself from liking him more each day. There was much more to him than met the eye. He was layered and…interesting.

Self-condemnation flooded me. Edward had never wanted me to be this close to his brother. Fear for my safety had ruled his overprotective behavior, and if he were still alive I may never have been exposed to who Jasper really was. It left me feeling oddly conflicted.

He squeezed my hand. "Wow. You look—"

"Old? Ridiculous?"

He smiled and tugged me to his chest, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist. "Stunning, is what you are."

I snorted and cursed my flaming cheeks.

"You never have seen yourself very clearly," he said, kissing the top of my head. "I'll have to do something about that. You could make a burlap sack appealing."

"It's all just food wrapping to you, anyway. You tried to eat me last year."

He pulled away like I'd sucker-punched him. "No, Bella, you've got it all wrong. I wasn't trying to…" He shook his head as if attempting to wipe away something distasteful, frustration etched into his handsome face. "Now is not the time for this conversation. But we will have it, when you're ready to hear it."

A deep, racking pressure hit my chest, stealing my breath. I wiggled out of his grasp and folded at the waist, bracing my hands on my knees to stop from keeling over. My eyes watered as my mouth gaped with a silent scream, unadulterated panic overtaking me.

He hunkered down and held my face between his hands. "What happened? What is it, Bella?"

I rubbed over my heart. "Feels like…my chest…crushed," I wheezed.

He frowned as he slowly coaxed me to stand upright. "You can feel that?"

His palm hovered over the back of my hand and the stabbing pain beneath it slowly ebbed to a dull throb. When our skin touched, the pressure lifted completely. We both stared down at our joined hands resting on my chest.

"What was that?" I asked in a daze, my panic fizzled out. "I thought I was having a heart attack."

"You weren't supposed to feel that."

I raised my head to meet his bewildering gaze. "That was your pain?"

"Yes."

He looked at me as if he was ashamed and the torment in his voice broke me. I couldn't hold myself back. I flung my arms around his neck and held him as close as I dared.

"Oh God, Jasper. I'm sorry. I've been so selfish and stuck inside my own head, I forgot I wasn't the only one hurting. You must miss her so much."

His arms encased me, pulled me closer, until there was no space left between us. "When we get to the island, there are so many things I need to tell you."

~oOOo~

Charlie's funeral went by in a blur, like I was having an out-of-body experience. Apparently, the whole town showed up for the church service to pay their last respects. Jasper had been a godsend, sticking close by me, holding me up when I feared I would fall as the casket lowered into the earth at the cemetery. I knew I'd shaken so many hands, kissed so many cheeks, though I could hardly recall any of it as I sat on one of the cheap plastic and metal chairs inside the community hall. As awful as it sounded, I didn't want to be at the wake. I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to be left alone for the remainder of the day, so I could wallow in my own self-pity and remember my father in my own way. We were so alike, he and I. He wouldn't have wanted all this fanfare. He would have been happier with a much smaller gathering, just me, his close friends and the local officers from his station. I took in the hundreds of people in attendance and couldn't help feel like I'd failed him.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

I peered up into the blue eyes of Mike Newton and mentally slapped my forehead. I'd been trying to avoid him all day. God, doesn't this guy know how to take a hint?

"Sure, Mike, take a seat."

He grabbed the nearest chair and pulled it close the mine, the steel legs scraping loudly across the polished wood floor. I sighed as every head turned my way to investigate the noise. From across the room, Jasper laser-beamed a murderous glare in Mike's direction, and if it wasn't for Carlisle gripping Jasper's arm, I'm sure he would have been beside me like a shot.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Bella. If there's anything I can do for you, anything at all, just let me know, okay?"

"Thanks, Mike."

He cleared his throat and looked around nervously. "Ah, I know my timing's not great, but I was wondering if…"

I thought I knew where he was headed, though he never completed his question. His eyes welled with tears, his bottom lip trembled, and although he continued to open and close his mouth, he uttered no more words. As those fat tears rolled down his face like a running faucet, great bellowing sobs filled the air. He cried so hard he couldn't catch his breath and, before I knew it, he'd run out of the hall.

I sat dumbfounded for a few moments, until Jasper caught my eye. I'd never seen his grin so wide. He winked at me before turning back to converse with Carlisle. I leaned over in my chair and covered my face with my hands. My entire body shook with the force of trying to hold in my laughter.

"Bells? Are you okay?"

Jake sat beside me. I quickly turned and shoved my face against his chest to hide the cackles that escaped.

He hugged me and stroked my hair, until he stiffened. "Are you…laughing?"

I didn't trust myself to speak yet, so I nodded instead.

"Care to share the joke?"

I shook my head.

He chuckled. "Well, okay then. Walk me out? I need to relieve Jared and Leah from patrols. I've already stayed longer than I should have."

I nodded again and followed him to the steps outside. A blast of cool wind hit me and I sobered right up, killing any trace of giggles that remained.

Jake looked concerned as he scratched his head. "Hey, you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. So, have there been any signs that she's come back?"

I didn't need to say the name. He instantly knew who I was referring to.

"No, not yet. But we're not letting our guard down. If she returns, we'll get her. I promise you, Bella."

"Please be careful."

He smiled. "Always am. I'd better go. Leah's in a foul mood. She'll be chomping at the bit by now."

"Tell them all, thank you, for the extra patrols. I know it can't be easy on everyone, having to pick up the slack since…" I took a deep breath and released it slowly. "And having to patrol Forks as well, on account of me."

"Don't worry about it. We'd do anything for you, Bells. Anything."

"You, yeah. Leah and the others? Not so much."

I tried to smile, but I'm not sure how genuine it appeared. It didn't matter, Jake grinned for me.

"I think you underestimate my skills as Alpha."

The gratitude for my best friend bubbled over and I threw myself at him, hugging him for the last time.

"Thank you, Jake. Thank you for everything you've ever done for me. I wouldn't have made it this long without you."

"Hey, everything will work out. You'll see." He kissed me on the cheek. "Sam and Embry's ceremonies are tomorrow, but I'll try to come and see you in a few days. I'm sorry you weren't invited. Embry would have wanted you to be there, but it's strictly tribe, you know? It was the council's decision, not mine."

"Sure, sure. It's okay, Jake. I understand."

"Bye, Bells."

I watched him jog down the street until he disappeared around a corner. When I turned, I ran into a brick wall.

"I'm surprised you waited this long," I mumbled to Jasper as he put his arm around me and led me back inside.

"I wanted to give you and Jacob a little space. I might not like him very much, but he's still your friend."

I peered up at him with mock horror. "Who are you and what have you done with Jasper?"

He squeezed my shoulder. "Such a comedian."

"Ahem, speaking of comedians."

It looked as if he was trying really hard to suppress his grin, but it broke on his face with a deep chuckle.

"Newton deserved it!" he said, steering me toward the buffet table. "He was gearing up to ask you out. What kind of douchebag does that at a time of mourning? He's lucky I didn't make him piss his pants as well."

~oOOo~

I was exhausted when we got back to the house. Carlisle offered to drive Renee to the airport and strongly suggested I take an afternoon nap. Saying goodbye to my mother was just as hard as I imagined it would be. I was glad she'd dawdled when saying her farewells to old friends at the wake. She didn't have more than a minute to spare after we'd arrived home and she'd grabbed her bag before Carlisle whisked her away to make her flight on time.

I couldn't sleep, even if I'd wanted to. I lay on my bed, waiting for Jasper to reappear. I knew it wouldn't be long before he'd join me again.

There came a soft tap on the door. Speak of the devil.

He poked his head in the room. "Am I still in trouble?"

"No, you're forgiven. I'm happy you stopped Mike. It was a douche move."

"Care for some company?"

"Sure, why not. Pull up a pillow."

His smile was whimsical as he stepped inside, quietly closed the door behind him, and wandered to the opposite side of the bed.

"Actually," I said, stopping him from sitting. "Before you get too comfortable, would you mind doing me a favor?"

"Of course. What do you need?"

"I need some stuff from Charlie's, especially seeing as we're leaving early tomorrow."

"Yeah, no problem. I'll run over when Carlisle gets back."

I did everything within my power to control my breathing and my emotions.

"Ah, can you go now? I'm out of clean clothes and…there's something I might need in a hurry."

I'd never been more thankful to be a woman. My period was due today and the cramps had already started.

"What could be so important that it can't wait another hour? I'm sure Esme won't mind if you borrowed more of her clothes."

"Well, it's not so much the clothes I need in a hurry. And I doubt Esme has exactly what I need."

He opened his mouth to speak when my cheeks heated and I looked away with embarrassment. When I glanced back at him, it was as if a lightbulb had gone off in his head.

"Oooh, I see. Well, if you want to make a list of everything you want, I'll ask her to go and I'll stay with you. As much as I trust her capabilities, I'd rather not risk leaving you here with just her protection."

"I'd rather you go," I whispered. "There'll be an item on the list I don't want her to know about."

My face must have turned the shade of beetroot because it made him smile again.

"You're hiding something, Swan. What's making you blush so badly?"

I swung my legs off the bed and stood with a huff. After rummaging through Edward's desk drawers, I found a notepad and pen.

I made the list as long as possible, including almost everything I owned, and handed it to him without directly meeting his amused gaze. It took him all of three seconds to scan the entire length of paper and when he'd reached the final item he inhaled sharply.

"Ah, is that…is that what I think it is?"

I flopped back on the bed and hid my face amongst the pillows. "Please don't make me say it out loud. This is embarrassing enough as it is."

"And this is classified as an essential item?"

I sat up and frowned. "It is when I have no idea how long you're kidnapping me for. A girl has needs, you know."

He studied me for a moment and I could only hope my embarrassment overrode every other emotion I was trying to hide from his empathic gift.

"I've gotta say, Bella, I didn't know you had it in you."

My mouth gaped open and I threw a pillow at his head. His eyes briefly widened and I knew the penny had dropped and he'd realized how what he'd said sounded.

"Poor choice of words?" he asked sheepishly.

"You think! I would have expected that out of Emmett's mouth, but not yours."

"Really?" he grinned devilishly. "I think you'd be surprised by what my mouth can do."

I threw another pillow and he ducked before heading for the door, glancing over the list a second time. I armed myself with the last remaining missile from the bed in case he decided to take another crack at my expense.

"I don't think I'll be able to fit all of this in a couple of bags," he said, folding the paper before sliding it into the back pocket of his jeans. "I'll take my truck and be back before you can miss me."

"Take your time. I'll be safe with Esme."

After pulling the door open, he turned and studied my face closely once again. For a nanosecond, I thought he'd sensed my deceit.

"Don't forget to keep the window closed. I won't be long."

I saluted him. "Aye, aye, Captain."

"That's Major, to you," he winked.

As soon as he left my sight, I kicked off my shoes and rushed to the bathroom to pocket what I needed. Barefooted, I tiptoed to the door and laid my ear against it, listening out for him to leave the house. When he started the truck, I exited the bedroom and shuffled down the stairs as hastily as I could without drawing suspicion from Esme. I found her in the kitchen, cooking up a storm.

"Hey, sweetheart. I hope you're hungry. How does Chicken Cacciatore with pasta and crusty bread sound?"

I made a show of sniffing the air. "Sounds and smells delicious."

"Good, it's simmering away nicely, so just let me know when you're ready for dinner."

I peered over her shoulder at the huge pan on the stove. "You do realize I'm the only one eating tonight, right?"

"Of course, but the recipe was for eight, so…"

"Well, maybe you could give the leftovers to Jake and the others? I know they'd appreciate it just as much as I do."

"What a good idea, Bella. As a matter of fact, I have tons of food in the fridge and freezer as well that'll just go to waste, considering you're leaving with Jasper in the morning. I'll give him a call and let him know he can pick it up before Carlisle and I head back to Alaska."

I eyed the radio sitting on the shelf near the stove. "Is it okay if I put some music on?"

"Absolutely, go right ahead. I usually turn it on while I'm cooking."

I flicked the switch and Michael Bublé crooned Feeling Good.

"Oh, I adore that man," she swooned. "He's so dreamy."

"You'd better not let Carlisle hear you say that. He might think he has some competition."

"When it comes to Carlisle, there is no competition."

I laughed, but I had to make my move before it was too late. I'd purposely not told Jasper exactly where he could find my possessions in the hope it would give me extra time. It was a stroke of luck that he'd decided to drive instead of run. That alone should buy me at least another twenty minutes. I knew my rabbit would stump him. It was hidden beneath the floorboards, where Edward had once hidden the CD he'd made me.

"Ah, I hate to be a nuisance, Esme, but I was wondering if I could borrow some sweats or something more comfortable to wear? It's that time of the month and I'd really like to get out of these tight clothes as soon as possible."

"Oh, yes, of course, dear. It's been a while since I wore sweatpants, but I'm sure I have some in the back of my closet somewhere." She handed me the wooden spoon. "While I'm gone, can you taste that and tell me if I've balanced the herbs correctly?"

"Sure. Thanks, Esme…for everything."

She kissed my cheek before walking away at a human pace. I waited until her footsteps reached the staircase and then slowly crept toward the foyer. I had to be as stealthy as possible and I hoped the radio was loud enough to disguise my movements.

When I presumed she would have made it to her and Carlisle's master suite at the back of the second floor, I opened and closed the front door as quietly as I could. Once I was certain I hadn't raised alarm, I crept down the porch steps and bolted through the rain toward the forest. I didn't dare waste a second by checking over my shoulder to see if I was being chased.

I figured I had five minutes, tops, before I'd be discovered missing. I would have liked to have fled to our meadow, but even if I could find it, it would take too long to get there. I'd have to make do with the landscape available and hoped none of the wolves were currently patrolling nearby. I only had one shot at this and I had no intention of stuffing it up. There would be no do-overs.


Every part of me shook, buzzed with adrenaline. When I thought I'd run far enough, I planted myself beside a huge Redwood. I fumbled for my salvation in the pocket of my jacket and sat with my back against the wide trunk. There was no way I'd give Victoria the satisfaction of killing me. She'd taken too much from me already. She wasn't getting me, too. This was all mine. I owned this, no one else. I was going to die by my terms, my way. And this was the only option I had left to ensure the people I cared about most would no longer be in danger. This was the only option I had left to ensure Victoria's vendetta ended with me. I just prayed the Cullens, and Jake, would understand. I prayed they'd forgive me.

At least Rosalie would be happy. She was finally getting her wish, after all.

I had no poison, like Juliet, but I did have an old-fashioned razor.

With no time to waste, I rolled up my sleeves and took a few deep breaths before slicing deep into my left wrist, from just below the heel of my hand to halfway up my lower arm. I muffled my screams as black dots danced in front of my vision and white-hot fire seared through my veins. My strength seeped out of me almost instantly with the first gush of blood and I prayed I wouldn't faint before I could finish the job. The smell of copper surrounded me, turning my stomach into a pit of acid. I hurriedly swapped the blade to my trembling left hand and jaggedly sliced down my right arm, though I was feeling severely lightheaded already and didn't think I'd cut as deep as I'd wanted.

It would have to do.

I dropped the blade and my head lolled from side to side before falling forward.

Please forgive me.


~oOOo~

My eyes fluttered open and I found myself sitting in our meadow. I wondered when the rain had stopped. I wondered how I'd gotten here. The sun was shining and something super-bright near the tree line made me squint from the glare. It quickly moved toward me and, even though it stung, I couldn't look away. I tried to raise my hands to shield my eyes, but neither of them would move. They were dead weights at my side. I blinked and when I refocused, Edward was kneeling in front of me. I must be dreaming.

He was frightened, his eyes glazed with pure panic. "Oh, love, what have you done?"

I smiled. "I've come to join you. Is this heaven?"

"Only now that you're here, but you've got to go back, Bella," he said in a rush. "They need you."

"I need you more."

"No, it's not your time. You have to go back before it's too late."

"But I want to stay here, with you. There's nothing left for me back there anymore. I need to be with you. Oh, Edward, I knew you were wrong. You do have a soul."

"I'm not ashamed to say you were right, after all, but please listen to me. You have to fight. You have to go back and live the long life that's waiting for you. I was so selfish. I stole your heart, but it was never mine to take. I know that now. Your love is destined for someone else."

"No. No, Edward. You're wrong. You own my heart, my mind, body and soul. There will never be anyone else."

His hands gripped my shoulders and he shook me. "Listen to me, Bella!" he shouted. "You have to go back, now. There's no time to waste. You aren't meant to be here and I won't let you stay. I won't."

Tears cascaded down my cheeks. The anguish his words caused hit me like a tsunami and my mind tumbled, over and over, lost in a wash of memories. I'd felt this kind of pain before, after the first time Edward had left me. It was a pain he'd promised never to inflict on me again.

"You don't…want me?" I sobbed.

"I'll never love anyone as I love you. Please believe that, for no truer words have ever been spoken. But you have an even greater love waiting for you on the other side. And you must hurry. Go, Bella. Go now!"

Against my will, something supremely strong pulled me away, dragged me across the soft, green grass and wildflowers of the meadow. Edward raised his index and middle fingers to his lips and kissed them before placing them over his heart. A tear ran down his chiseled cheek and then I flew backward at the speed of light.


A/N: So, yeah…that happened. Reviews are better than rabbits and Jasper's cheeky mouth!

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