A/N: This chapter is HUGE. The biggest yet. And there's a lot of info, some revelations, so check it out, tell me what you think!
A/N 1: We're doing a time jump. Bella's going to be making a choice soon, likely in chapter 9.
A/N 2: NEW POLL UP. CHECK IT OUT.
A/N 3: We have a slice of a LEMON in this chapter… Probably one in the next too.
Run Right Into You
Chapter 8: Lost Myself in Search of You
One Month Later
Bella was halfway through dinner preparations when Charlie ambled in with an empty beer can in hand. He tossed it into the recycling bin and plopped down at the table.
"Any visitors tonight or is it just us?" He asked, his tone teasing as his gaze came to rest on his only child.
She rolled his eyes at the obvious dig. "No dad, just us this evening. Unless you'd like to invite someone up? Got a girlfriend I don't know about?" She questioned with an arch of an eyebrow.
Charlie had the decency to blush. "Don't turn this back on me girlie. We're talking about you and your boys." He reminded her with a small smirk.
"First of all, they're hardly boys, dad. Secondly, they aren't 'mine'… We're just… It's... It's just a little complicated." She tried to explain without it sounding ridiculously dirty.
"Hey, you call it whatever you want, I'm only giving you trouble. Are you going to ask one of them to come with us when we head to Seattle next week?" He pressed as he watched her start to plate their food.
She paused briefly as she considered his query. To be truthful, she hadn't given it any thought. She'd just assumed it would be her and Charlie. She felt a little bit bad that it hadn't occurred to her to ask one of them along, especially since she was fairly positive one of them, Embry, obviously, would have already thought of it.
Bella was fairly confident that either man would go but she didn't even want to begin to figure out who take. Truthfully, it seemed easiest not to invite either.
"Dad, really I think it'll be fine. It's only a week. I'm not going to pull either of them away from their lives for that long. Not to mention how much it would bother the one I don't pick." She replied at last, satisfied with her response. To her, it seemed better not to ask either of them than to ask just one.
Her father studied her for several long moments as he turned her response over in his head. Charlie took a long gulp of his beer before formulating a reply.
"Think you'd feel the same if you were only dating one of them?" He queried at last.
The young woman debated his question internally as she ladled pasta onto a plate for Charlie. She had to admit, he might have her on that one. She set the food in front of her father and quickly served herself.
She waited until she was sitting across from him before she gave him his answer. "I guess I don't really have an answer for that." She mumbled at last. She knew it was a cop-out, but she preferred it to the truth, somehow it seemed safer.
Charlie chewed as he turned his thoughts over in his head. They ate in silence for several long moments before he spoke again.
"For what's it worth, I don't think you should drag this out too much longer. If you do, I think life'll get worse before it gets better." He advised around a mouthful of pasta.
As much as she wanted to refute his words, she couldn't. She couldn't because, simply put, he wasn't wrong.
Two Days Later
Paul lazily rocked the porch swing back and forth slowly, as Bella leaned on his side and sipped the last of girly pink wine before setting the glass on the table beside her. His fingers twined absently through her thick chestnut strands. She leaned into his touch and expelled out a contended purr, which zinged down his spine and soothed his mostly silent wolf. He figured if he'd still been an active wolf when she'd come back, he probably would have imprinted on her. Her presence soothed him, in more ways than one. His other hand gripped his beer tightly, nearly painfully. She'd gotten quite good at making his blood simmer with little effort on her part.
Unaware of the effect she was having on Paul, she scooted closer and tucked a hand into the crease of his crossed legs and squeezed lightly. He tugged lightly on her hair in response. She turned her face up to meet his gaze.
Her caramel colored eyes turned to his onyx gaze. He wasted only a second before closing the small distance between their lips and claiming her for himself.
She gave herself over to him as his fingers tangled possessively in her dark hair. The pads of his fingers massaged into her neck as she gripped his shirt collar and tugged, as if she couldn't get him close enough. His free hand wrapped securely around her lower back, his nimble fingers slipping smoothly beneath her shirt to graze the soft skin hiding underneath.
She stuttered out a breath as his fingers climbed higher on her back. She slid her fingers along the muscles outlined across his shoulders. His tongue probed her mouth, dueling with hers for control. She handed it over happily.
He was seconds from hauling her lithe frame into his lap when his phone buzzed on the table next to him. Paul desperately wanted to ignore it but it was the work phone, avoiding it was not an option.
Reluctantly, he separated himself from Bella and scooped the phone off the table, answering it swiftly.
Bella took a few deep, calming breaths as she tried to compose herself. Paul, she had discovered, had a tendency to test her self control in more ways than one.
He clicked the phone shut and turned back to his expectant companion.
"Do you have to go?" She questioned.
He shook his head. "Nah, just Kendall checking in. We're good." He replied as he slung his arm back around her.
She nodded her understanding and tucked her head into his shoulder.
Absently, his fingers delved into her hair, his fingertips brushing against the skin of her neck. "You ready for next week?" He asked, referring to her and Charlie's upcoming trip to Seattle.
"Yeah, I guess. As ready as we can be for something like that. I think we're both a little anxious about the whole thing but it's his best shot right now, so we're both being as optimistic as we can be." She elaborated.
He pressed his lips to the crown of her hair. He could hear the stress and fear in her voice. Hell, he could smell it. This was the basket she was putting all her eggs in and praying to the gods above that the bottom didn't drop out.
"Listen. I know you're trying to do this by yourself. But you don't have to. If you wanted, I could go with you next week. I can be there for you. I can be that guy." He muttered, his face tinged a light crimson color.
She smiled softly into his neck. "I know you can be. No one doubts that. I just think it's for the best if I do this alone. My focus has to be on Charlie. And if I bring you…" She trailed off, not wanting to finish the statement. He was smart enough to know what she meant.
Paul heaved a sigh and nodded. He got it. If he went along, she'd be worried about how that would affect Embry and vice versa.
"I get it." He mumbled, clearly not happy with her reasoning but he'd agreed to this so he was playing by her rules.
The obvious disappointment in his voice resonated with her. She knew this was tough on Paul, perhaps tougher on him that it was on Embry. Paul was no used to… "sharing", so to speak. This was an adjustment for him, one that he was handling as gracefully as he could, given the situation.
She pressed a palm to his chest. "It means a lot that you offered. More than I can tell you." She assured him as she pressed a warm kiss to the underside of his jaw.
He leaned into her, allowing himself to enjoy the moment.
Bella leaned up and touched her lips to his. "I'd better get back. Have to start getting ready for next week." She told him as she got to her feet.
He nodded his understanding. "Don't leave without saying goodbye." He replied softly as she looped her arms around his neck for a hug.
"Never." She stepped off the porch and disappeared across the street.
Three Days Later
The sofa in Embry's small garage was ridiculously comfortable. She'd been lounging on it, flipping through some last minute paperwork from Sue. The garage was mostly quiet, the sounds of Embry tuning up the Ford Escort served as background noise as she finished her work. She and Charlie were due to leave the following day and she wanted to get the paperwork done before she left.
She shoved the papers into her bag and kicked back on the couch, closing her eyes to the sounds of metal clanking and the soft music humming out of the radio. She was out before she made it through an entire song.
A searing heat roused her from her nap. She shifted against the warmth, wanting to wrap herself in it. She felt the heat at her neck, on her thigh, it was seeping through, inviting her in, enveloping her.
Embry chuckled at the petite woman. He'd finished up the Ford as quickly as he could, wanting to spend as much time with her as possible, only to find her fast asleep on his couch. He'd crouched down next to her, rested his palm on her thigh and pressed a kiss to her bare, inviting neck.
She moved slightly against him, and moaned softly. The small moan had zinged directly down his spine and headed south. For a moment, he let the fantasy of taking her in his garage consume him…
His mouth claimed hers in a possessive duel as he pressed her body up against the garage wall, his hands making quick work of her blouse and pants, tossing them away. His fingers pressed down her body, holding her close to him.
Her nimble fingers clenched tightly into his bicep as she panted into his mouth. She couldn't get enough, couldn't be close enough. She needed to feel him, all of him.
Before he realized what she was doing, she'd yanked his shirt over his head and her fingers were already skimming down his chest to the belt holding up his grimy jeans.
Embry snatched her small fingers and held them above her head with just one of his massive hands. The other quickly sunk into her panties, the heady aroma of her arousal smacking him in the face. She wanted him.
He circled her clit with his thumb twice before sinking a finger into her heat. She let loose a strangled cry that melted into a moan. He grunted his own pleasure when her juices thoroughly coated his finger. He added another one on the upstroke and she bowed into him.
"God you feel so good around my fingers… I can't wait to feel you around my dick." He muttered in her ear.
Embry had never spoken to her in that fashion before. It was just enough to push her over the cliff, head first into her orgasm. She cried out her release as her juices dripped down his fingers.
He withdrew, earning a whimper of protest from the small woman. Brazenly, he brought his fingers to his mouth and licked them clean. His wolf, usually dormant, was panting his happiness. He liked the way Bella tasted, he liked it VERY much.
"Up you go, gorgeous." He told her once she'd regained her breath, now patting her ass twice to encourage her to hop up into his arms.
She did as she was told and he quickly spun her around and placed her on the hood of the black car sitting behind them.
"Spread those stems baby, I wanna see you." He whispered, nipping at her earlobe. He felt her shiver against him as she followed his instructions.
Her pink folds were glistening with her recent orgasm and fresh arousal. He growled his approval, running his hands from her ankle to her knees, stopping there to spread them even further apart.
"If you want to undress me, now would be a good time." He suggested, holding her dark, lusty gaze with one of his own.
She didn't hesitate. Her fingers flew to his button and zipper. She shoved the jeans as far as they'd go and he pushed them the rest of the way down. His erection was bulging through the boxer briefs he was wearing. She tucked her fingers into the sides and yanked them down. They joined his jeans on the dirty floor.
She'd no sooner reached for them when he grabbed hold of her wrist. He shook his head twice. "As much as I'd love to feel your hands on me, now is not the time." He mumbled as he stepped to her.
He tucked his hands into the backs of her knees and slid her forward. He slid his arms up and held her knees in the crook of his elbow. She felt his tip probing at her folds, teasing her entrance. She tried to buck against him but he held her firm, he was driving this, not her.
He was startled from his daydream by a soft touch to his chin. Bella was awake and staring at him with an amused expression on her face.
"Where'd you go?" She questioned as his cheeks stained a deep crimson shade.
"Somewhere I'd like to take you some day." He muttered sheepishly before pressing a lingering kiss to her pink lips.
She smiled against his lips and let him pull her to her feet. They had plans to have a beachside picnic and she was eager to start her evening with him.
Embry was just polishing off the last of his chocolate cheesecake when Bella sighed softly beside him.
"Something bothering you B?" He questioned, his gaze sliding to her.
She hesitated before answering. She didn't want him to be confused or take her words in the wrong fashion.
"I'm just… This week is going to be long and I'm not looking forward to it." She explained at last.
He knew she'd been semi-dreading the trip to Seattle with Charlie, she'd not hidden that fact. But she hadn't asked him to go along or even hinted that she would miss him. So, for the most part, he'd kept his mouth shut.
"I'm sure it's going to be a long week, but it's good that you're doing this, like you said, this is his best shot. And I know it's a lot to endure, especially on your own, but you can do that, you've proven that much. You've done this all by yourself, and not because you had to, but because you wanted to." Embry reminded her.
She sighed. She heard him. She knew that was his way of telling her he wanted to be there, that he didn't want her to feel like she couldn't lean on him. This was hard on him, not giving all of himself, holding back, not being able to fully express himself, knowing there was a chance, a solid chance, that this might not sway in his favor. So instead, he pushed it down, reserved a part of his heart, kept the important pieces of himself private.
Bella laid a comforting hand on his arm. Maybe she'd been wrong. Maybe this was harder on Embry than on Paul. Embry was so accustomed to giving freely and openly and she knew him well enough to know he wasn't doing that, not in this scenario. It made her heart ache for him. Her father had been right. She was going to have to make a decision, it was already starting to hurt.
"I know you want to come along. And I can't tell you what that means to me. But, I just… I have so much on my plate right now, I just… I can't." She stuttered out a ridiculously pathetic explanation.
He tugged her into the open space between his legs and she leaned back against his chest, sighing at the contact. He rested his chin on top of her head, enjoying the closeness of the moment.
"I know. I don't like it but I know. Don't worry about me. I'll figure it out." He muttered as he breathed in the distinctive smell that was so very much her.
She wanted desperately to make him feel better but she knew there was only one solid, surefire way to make him feel better… She'd have to pick him.
Bella trailed her fingertips down his muscled arms, enjoying the feel of his heated skin against hers. His sinewy muscles rippled under her touch, making it clear that he was enjoying the attention as well.
He dropped his lips to her neck and started to press small, hot kisses along the juncture between her neck and her shoulder, smirking slightly at each little whimper she let loose.
She pressed harder back against him, her fingers now clenching into his large thigh muscles. Bella turned her head and allowed him more access, which he accepted greedily.
Before she could blink, he'd shifted her to her back and was now resting comfortably over her. He offered her a quick grin before dipping his head down and claiming her mouth.
His tongue slipped between the seam of lips and lazily flicked against hers. His fingers dragged slowly down her sides and slipped effortlessly under her top. She shuddered under his gentle ministrations, the pads of his fingers traced abstract patterns across her abdomen, arching higher with every pass.
Bella's hands and ducked under the back of his t-shirt already and her small fingers were digging into his shoulder blades, pressing down, needing to feel him closer to her.
Embry shifted and Bella felt the weight of his erection press against her thigh. She gasped lightly at the feel and without thinking, pressed back up against him.
He tore his lips from her and groaned at the intimate contact. He gripped her hips to him now and panted his excitement into her ear. One hand traveled to the hem of her shirt and paused. He wanted nothing more than to pull it from her and immerse himself in her but he just… He wasn't… He couldn't…
"I really want this, you know. I really want to feel your skin against mine, to taste every inch of you… But I don't think… I don't think we should…" He fumbled, red faced and slightly embarrassed.
She grinned up at him as she lightly grazed her fingers down his back. "I'm with you, Em. I understand." And she did. She knew exactly where he was coming from and the last thing she wanted was to put him in an uncomfortable situation.
He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, his nose brushed lightly up against hers in a decidedly intimate moment. She smiled softly up at him and gladly accepted his offer to help her stand.
"So this is goodbye for a week huh?" He asked as they made their way back to her truck.
Bella tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear and nodded. "Yep. We leave first thing tomorrow." She reported.
"Where are you staying?" He questioned as he caught her hand in his.
"I'm at the Eagle Harbor Inn on Bainbridge Island." She replied as they came to a stop at her truck.
He turned to face her, drawing her into his arms. She leaned against him as he threaded his fingers through her hair. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Miss ya like crazy, kid." He muttered, breathing in her scent, committing it to memory.
Her hands came to rest on his waist as she pressed closer to him. "Miss you too." She mumbled as she turned her face to his.
His inky black eyes probed her gaze, looking for affirmation, confirmation that she was being honest, that she would feel the loss in same way he would.
Those dark eyes flicked to her lips as he closed the distance and pressed a lingering kiss to her pliant mouth. She accepted the gesture and returned it with equal fervor. One hand came up to cup her face, while the other wrapped around her waist, tugging her up to him.
At last, when the need for oxygen overcame them, they broke apart. "Damn it, woman. You drive me crazy, you know that?" He huffed out as he squeezed her waist affectionately.
She smiled wryly up at him. "I do my best." She snarked back with a cheeky laugh.
He rolled his eyes and pecked her forehead. "Call me when you get in." He requested.
"Will do."
With nothing further left to say, she gave his hand one last warm squeeze, climbed into her truck and pulled away.
So would begin the longest week of her life.
Roughly 24 Hours Later
The drive to Seattle had been quick. They'd left early the following morning, shortly before Bella found a small purple gift bag sitting on the driver's side seat of her truck.
She quickly dumped the contents onto the seat and pawed through the contents. A couple of mixed CD's, an assortment of her favorite sweets, a couple of Sudoku books, an extra phone charger, a blow up pillow, a reading light and a fold up poncho.
Movement caught at the corner of her eye. Paul. She turned to face his house. Then the realization hit her. He'd been watching for her. He'd done this.
She offered him a half smile and a wave. They'd said their goodbyes the night before… With her back up against the door of his house, one hand freely gripping her ass, the other tangled in her hair, his tongue exploring her mouth. He'd nipped her ear, her jaw and sent her on her way with a gruff "You gotta go or I'm gonna fuck you through this door."
Her arousal was whitehot at that point and she came centimeters from telling him to just do it already. But she'd kept her wits and moved away from him, but only after he'd tapped her firmly on the ass on the way out.
"See you in a week Swan. Dream about me." He'd ordered, watching from the porch until she was safely inside the house.
Now, they'd made it to Seattle, checked Bella into her hotel, and taken the ferry across the water to meet up with Dr. Shepherd.
They'd been shown to the doctor's private office fairly quickly. Charlie was sitting on the couch, clearly uncomfortable. Bella had pulled an aged copy of People off the wall and was absently flipping the pages.
The door swung open a few minutes later. "Charles Swan?" The man questioned, hand offered for a shake.
Charlie nodded and shook the doctor's hand. "Dr. Shepherd. And you must be Isabella." He guessed as he turned to Bella.
She nodded and took the extended hand. "It's good to meet you both. I trust you got here alright?" He asked as he took a seat at his desk.
"We did, it's a pretty short trip from Forks." Charlie replied, visibly relaxing as he settled into the chair next to Bella and across from the doctor.
Dr. Shepherd smiled warmly and flipped open Charlie's file. "Alright, well first things first. You will be staying here on the premises. It's not a hospital room, more of a small hotel suite. You'll have a bed, couch, desk, TV, private bathroom. Your meals are provided, served in a small cafeteria. You can eat there or take it to your room. Bella, you're not staying here, right?" He questioned, turning to the young woman.
"No, I'm staying on Bainbridge Island. Eagle Harbor Inn." She reported.
The doctor smiled softly. "Just a quick ride over the water. I like ferry boats. Kind of have a thing for them. Anyways, sorry. There aren't any set visiting hours, I'd just recommend calling up here first, see if he's in the middle of any tests or exams, otherwise head over whenever you want. This is a week long ordeal, involving a series of tests, exams, interviews, things of that nature. At some point during this week, we'll determine the best course of treatment with regards to your health, as well as the trial, since that is why you're here. You can agree to it and go forward with the treatment or you can decline and go home, no expenses being billed to you. It will ultimately be your choice, you are not bound to anything. Any questions?" He finished.
Charlie took a moment to absorb before turning to Bella.
"Anything he missed Bells?" He asked, his gaze resting on his only child.
She shook her head. "No, I think that about covers it."
"Great. I'll have the nurse show you up to your room then, get you settled. We'll start everything tomorrow. Good to see you both." Dr. Shepherd said, shaking both their hands as they stepped out of his office.
A nurse took them upstairs soon after. She showed Charlie to his room, gave him an information sheet with all the meal options, as well as phone numbers and other general information.
"Well dad, it looks like you're good here. I'm probably going to head back to the hotel and get myself settled." Bella told him once the nurse had departed.
Charlie stepped to her and wrapped her in a hug. "I'm glad you're here, Bells."
She leaned into her father's scent and breathed him in. "Me too, dad."
Hard as it was, she left him at the facility and rode the ferry back alone. The weather was agreeable and the light spray of water that kicked up when the ferry crossed a wave was soothing and refreshing.
The first two days of their week were fairly calm. She woke fairly early, checked in with Sue, then called to see if Charlie was otherwise occupied. As long as he wasn't involved in an exam or a test, she'd head up to the clinic and spend time with her dad. Her downtime was spent at the closest coffee shop or browsing the shelves at the bookstore around the corner from her hotel.
On the afternoon of their third day in Seattle, Dr. Shepherd requested her presence, along with Charlie's, for a meeting.
By two pm they were seated across from the doctor, waiting expectantly.
"Bella, thanks for coming in today. I know it's a bit early in the week to be discussing this, but based off the information we've gathered in the past couple of days, I have a recommendation for Charlie's treatment." Dr. Shepherd began, shifting his gaze from father to daughter.
Both leaned forward slightly, more than ready to hear his suggestions.
"There's a procedure I've been doing on patients who've experienced symptoms at an escalated pace. I do need to tell you, this is a risky operation. And I can't guarantee the results. I can tell you that I've experienced some success with this new procedure, though I will admit, my previous patients haven't been quite in Charlie's place, as far as the symptom speeds. But I think it's worth a shot. I think I might be able to help you, Charlie. If you're willing." Dr. Shepherd finished. He took a breath and steepled his fingers, waiting for the response.
Charlie blew out a breath and closed his eyes briefly. This man he'd known less than three days wanted to go poking around in his brain, tweaking the wires, rerouting the system. He might come out better but he might not.
Bella's heart seized in her chest as she attempted to digest the words Dr. Shepherd had just spoken. He wanted to cut her father's head open and go exploring. To say she found this unsettling would be putting it mildly.
"I'm sorry, maybe I'm confused, but I thought this was an observation period? I thought you were using this week to run tests, maybe a few exams, now you're telling me you want to cut into his brain?" She questioned, her voice raising slightly as she finished her statement.
Dr. Shepherd had been expecting this response. Alzheimer's was difficult enough to deal with, let alone adding surgery to the mix. "Well, I was going to recommend a treatment method regardless; essentially I'm just doing it sooner. Granted, this method is rather… aggressive. But I do believe it's your best bet." He explained calmly.
Bella felt her father's hand close over hers. She turned to meet his gaze. He sighed and slowly nodded his head. "I think I need to do this, Bells. It's a chance, an honest to goodness chance, I can't pass that up. And if by chance, it doesn't help me… Bells, it might help someone else." He decided, his voice soft with emotion.
She bowed her head for a moment, wanting so badly to disagree, to tell him not to do this. She was the whole reason he'd agreed to be in the study to begin with and now they wanted to cut his brain open. She wanted to tell him no, not to do it, not to subject himself to dangerous surgery to make her happy. But she said nothing. This was not her call, not her choice. It was his and he'd made it.
The hand holding hers squeezed gently. She lifted her eyes to his. She nodded slowly. "OK." She whispered out.
Dr. Shepherd had begun to speak but all she could hear was a low humming noise. She wasn't processing anything, all she could think about what this surgery, what it could mean, what might happen. The realization that she might lose her father yanked painfully on her heart. She had not come here prepared for this conversation but there they were, having it.
Finally, the man who wanted to cut her father open was done talking. She mumbled her goodbyes and silently followed her father to his room.
"I think you need to take a walk, Bella. Go process or whatever it is that you do." Charlie suggested as they arrived at his room.
She stared at him. Did he really expect her to just walk away and leave him? He must've left his brain back in the doctor's office.
"Dad, I think I should-" she attempted to disagree but Charlie held up his hand and shook his head.
"No Bella, we're not discussing this. You need some time. I need some time. Go on, do what you do best. Come back tomorrow, we'll have lunch and talk." He suggested kindly.
She blew out a breath and nodded. She certainly wasn't keen on leaving him but he wasn't giving her much of a choice in the matter.
Bella wrapped Charlie in a quick hug and promised to be back the next day.
She did exactly as Charlie suggested. She took the ferry back to Bainbridge, grabbed a coffee and let her thoughts run their course.
By the time the sun had sunk into the sea, Bella had come to terms with her father's decision. Getting the best possible outcome for Charlie was why they were there, she had lost sight of that but now, she understood.
So, after collecting herself and reviewing the pamphlets, she picked up the phone. It was time to call Billy. His best friend was going under the knife. He needed to know.
He reacted as she expected. He was understanding but concerned. In the end, he decided the right thing to do was to come out, see him, stay be his life-long friend's side. She's grateful he was making the trip and she told him as much.
Billy hung up the phone and turned his gaze to his only son. "Charlie's having an experimental procedure up in Seattle. Don't suppose you feel like driving your old man out to see Charlie, do you?"
Jake fixed his father with a look. His old man was many things, transparent being one of them. Nonetheless, turning him down was hardly an option.
He ran a calloused hand through his dark hair and nodded. "Yeah, sure dad. I'll take you. When do you want to head out?" He asked amiably.
Billy considered the time frame before deciding. "Tomorrow morning should work fine. He's having surgery the day after that." The older man decided at last.
Jake nodded his understanding and drowned the rest of the coffee that he'd stopped over to have with his father.
"You sure it'll be OK to be gone that long?" Billy questioned, referring to his son's life and family in La Push.
Jake offered him a half smile. "It's Charlie."
Billy quirked an eyebrow. "And Bella."
Jake gave in and offered his father acquiescence. "And Bella." He confirmed wearily.
"Son, I'm sure you don't me to say this, but this would be a good opportunity for you to talk to her, explain yourself, maybe mend some fences." Billy suggested.
Jake nodded. He'd been expecting that suggestion. "Dad, I've tried… She doesn't want anything to do with me." Jake reminded his father.
Billy rolled his eyes skyward for a moment, sending up a silent wish to the Spirits before returning his gaze to his son. "It's you and Bella. You'll figure it out. You always do."
The following morning brought the arrival of the Black men in Seattle. She was none too pleased to see Jake had tagged along with his father but Billy couldn't drive, so there were only so many options.
She greeted the older man warmly, her arms wrapped tightly around his frame and she whispered her appreciation into his ear.
Billy quickly made himself scarce. He wheeled himself to the elevator bay and left his son with one last, meaningful look.
She turned to Jake and spoke before he was able to gather his thoughts into a cohesive statement.
"I'm very thankful you brought him up here, it'll mean a lot to Charlie. But as far as you and I go, I don't have anything further to say to you." Bella's tone was firm and left little room for argument on Jake's part.
Fortunately for him, that hadn't ever stopped him before.
"Look. I get it. You don't want anything to do with me. And I can respect that, on one condition." He bargained.
She crossed her arms in front of her chest and met his gaze. She was waiting for his terms.
"Listen to me. Hear me out. Let me tell you what actually happened. I'll even answer any and all questions, just let me talk. And after I'm done, after it's all been hashed out, if you want me to leave you alone, I will. Obviously that's the last thing I want, but if that's what it takes for you to hear me, then I'll do it."
She knew this man. She knew him far too well. Persistence was his middle name. He wasn't going to let it ride. He would pursue this – and her, for as long as it took to say what he needed to say.
"I have a few things to do here. Meet me at the ferry dock for Bainbridge Island at noon. We can talk then." She agreed at last.
He offered her a nod. "I'll be there."
Bella watched him make his way to the block of elevators, obviously intending to head up to Charlie's room to visit his father's best friend.
Her gaze never wavered from his back. Some days, it was hard to believe it'd been five years since he'd crunched her heart to bits. Some days it was hard to believe that the man she'd once considered to be her best friend was someone she could hardly stand to be in the same room with. The loss of his presence in her life had made her heart hurt, hurt for many months after she'd fled Forks.
She didn't relish it being hurt again.
Jake found the ferry docks easily and after that, signs helpfully pointed him in the direction of the Bainbridge Island Ferry. He grabbed two coffees from the small shop nearby and ambled over to the half full ferry. By his guess, she hadn't arrived yet. He took a seat on a bench facing the entrance and waited for her to make her appearance.
He didn't wait long. She stepped onto the boat not quite five minutes after he sat down. He watched as her gaze flitted around the boat, obviously looking for him. Her eyes fell on him and recognition passed across her face. He offered her a little wave, which she returned as she started to make her way towards him.
Silently, he handed her the coffee he'd bought for her. She took a long pull, thoroughly enjoying the strong beverage now warming her hands.
They sat, not speaking for a few moments, silently reacquainting themselves with each other.
Finally, Jake broke the quiet between them. "I guess I should start… From the beginning?" He questioned tentatively, his eyes sliding her way.
She nodded. "That's usually the best place to begin." She agreed, not meeting his gaze.
Jake breathed out his agreement, took a long sip of his coffee and began.
"I met Sydney at the Makah reservation that day after I lied to you and told you I'd imprinted on you. Quil and I went with Embry to visit his grandfather. He was too ill to make the trip down for his birthday so Embry was going to him. He'd always been a little uncomfortable with his mother's family so we offered to go along. She was at the house when we got there. I imprinted right then."
He paused, knowing she'd need a few moments to process this information. He kept his gaze forward as he took a quick pull off his coffee.
For her part, Bella's face remained neutral, unchanged from his words. He took that as his cue to keep going.
"What they say about imprinting… It's true… kind of. I mean, yes, I did feel a pull to her, I did feel an urge to be close, to protect her. But those urges didn't create some sort of romantic pull. I didn't feel that for her. I wasn't attracted to her. And she wasn't attracted to me. She made it clear that all she wanted was a friendship. She wanted someone else. And the imprint dictates the relationship." He continued, his eyes on her now, waiting to see her response to his revelation.
"How did she take the news? I mean, finding out your cousin and his friends are wolves… That had to be a lot."
Jake laughed softly. "She knew already. Embry had phased in front of her. Entirely on accident but it happened. Sydney was already aware of what I was and what it meant to imprint. It actually took a lot of stress off." He replied wryly.
"I'll bet." She muttered as she took the last drink of her coffee before chucking the empty cup into the bin next to her.
"It didn't change how I felt for you. Neither of us wanted that sort of relationship. The need to be near her was there, but the imprint… It didn't change me, it didn't change who I wanted… I even had a plan, you know… I had it all worked out. I was going to stop phasing and hope that the pull to Syd would die off. I'll admit, I had no intention of telling you the truth because to me, my feelings for you were stronger than what I felt for her. I may have felt a pull to her but it was still you that I wanted most."
Bella felt like she'd been smacked in the face with a tidal wave. Of all the words, explanations, excuses that she'd expected to come out of his mouth, what he'd just revealed… She'd never even considered it.
"So you were just going to ignore the imprint and never tell me." She clarified, not bothering to phrase her statement as a question.
"I wasn't going to ignore it. She needed a friend and I was going to be that for her. Then I was going to stop phasing, as soon as the time was right. I was confident the imprint would've worn off after I'd been human long enough. And even if it hadn't worn off, she and I would have remained friends. She never mattered in the way you did. We do have a connection, but its only there because the needs of the wolf are so strong." He confessed. Jake was feeling incredibly uncomfortable with how much he was laying out there. It felt foreign, it made him vulnerable.
Her voice cut into his train of thought. "What about the needs of the man?"
He shook his head sadly. "I don't know. And I guess it doesn't really matter, because right now, it's all about what my wolf needs." He informed her, his dark eyes closed off and unreadable.
"So you still phase?" She whispered out, the wind whipping her hair across her face.
He nodded his response. "I'm the alpha." He said simply.
"Why didn't you stop? Like you planned?" She questioned.
He lowered his gaze briefly before refocusing his gaze on the chipped paint of the bench they sat on.
"Once I realized you had no intention of coming back, there was no point in giving it up."
His explanation was simple and true. And it struck a chord deep inside her. She felt her soul vibrate at his honest admission.
"When did you give in? When did she?"
He offered her a half smile and scratched his head absently. "It was over a year after you left. We were commiserating over our shitty love lives, got drunk and she got pregnant. After that, it just made sense to be together. I guess it was easier..." He trailed off, not willing to meet her gaze.
She sucked in a deep breath and finally slid her gaze to his. "Do you love her?"
"She's the mother of my child. She completes the part of me that needs completing the most. But if you're asking if I feel for her in the way I felt for you, then no. I don't. I never did and I probably never will." He sighed, his tone was soft and resigned.
"Never?" She asked softly.
And there it was. The moment of truth. The moment where he had to give himself up.
"Never. Because… Well… Like it or not, Bella Swan, you were the big love of my life. You were it for me." He answered softly.
She sucked in a lungful of air and attempted to rein in the tempestuous thoughts swirling through her mind.
Jake observed her as she began processing everything he'd just dumped on her. The fear, frustration and anxiety were just rolling off her in waves. It was so thick he could practically taste it.
"I need to apologize. I need to apologize for dumping this all on you at once, and I truly hope none of this effects what you have with Paul and Embry. This wasn't a ploy or anything like that. I just… I just wanted to… I wanted to help, I wanted you to see it from the other side, to know that there's always a choice and I didn't make the right one. But, right now you obviously need space. And I can respect that. So I'm going to let you be. I'll be around until after Charlie's surgery. So if you need me, you know how to find me."
He didn't give her an opportunity to say anything further. He strode off to the front of the ferry and she didn't see him the rest of the ride to the island.
Her short walk to the hotel gave her a little time to start making sense of everything Jake had just laid on her. It was a lot to take on, especially given the circumstances with her father but he'd been right, they'd needed to have that talk. Nevertheless, the whole ordeal had left her feeling completely drained and exhausted.
She'd just barely stepped foot into her hotel when her eyes fell upon a familiar face.
"Embry." She breathed his name.
He met her gaze and quickly got to his feet. His expression was sheepish and he was doing that thing where he rubbed the back of his neck when he knew he'd done something he shouldn't have.
"Hey B. I…I know you asked me to stay home, that you had a lot on your plate and you just wanted to have time with your dad. But I heard Charlie was having surgery tomorrow and I just… It didn't feel right you being alone."
She sighed heavily, took the tall Quileute by the arm and pulled him into a quiet corner.
Under other circumstances, she'd be thrilled by his appearance and touched by his kind words. But between the stress of her father's surgery and the revelations Jake had just smacked her in the face with, she was ready to curl up and pass out. She didn't want to talk about her feelings, her father, Jake, or anything else. All she truly wanted was to be alone.
"Embry, it means a lot that you drove all this way for me. It does. I'm not all that surprised, to be honest. But, I'm just… I can't do this right now. I'm OK. I have Billy with me for tomorrow, and then, we'll be home a few days after that. I just… I don't want you to take this the wrong way because I'm having a rough couple of days, but this is why I didn't ask you guys to come out here because now I'm worried about if Paul knows, and how he feels and that's the absolute last thing I should be doing right now."
For his part, he looked properly chastised. Sue had warned him against coming out here for her. Bella had made her wishes very clear.
"I'm sorry Bella. I really, God, I messed this one up huh? I should have listened…" He mumbled, obviously understanding the error of his ways.
"Embry…." She sighed heavily, now feeling slightly bad for lecturing him.
"Say the word and I'll go home. I'll go and I'll leave you alone until you decide you're ready to talk."
Well now she just felt awful. Embry had driven all this way to offer her support. True, she'd requested they both stay home but he'd heard she was dealing with something, followed his gut and went after her. Now, she was punishing him.
"Let me sleep on it?" She requested timidly.
He offered her a genuine grin and took a step closer. "You got it. I'll meet you for breakfast?" He suggested.
She nodded and they quickly agreed on a time and went their separate ways.
Sleep did not come easily that night. She tossed and turned throughout most of the night, well into the early hours of the morning, catching the odd half hour of shut eye here and there. Most of her thoughts revolved in this giant Charlie/Jake/Embry/Paul circle and by 4 am, she felt certifiable.
She gave up. She gave up and gave in. Her hand fumbled for her phone on the nightstand and she drew it to her face and opened the messages.
Bella: Morning.
Paul: Swan, it's 4 am. Have you lost your mind?
Bella: Doesn't your shift start soon?
Paul: Yes, which is why I'm up. Why are you?
Bella: Bad day.
Paul: It's only been today for 4 hours. How bad can it be?
Bella: Funny. Bad day YESTERDAY.
Her phone vibrated not 30 seconds later.
"You've got my ear, spill it Swan."
And for the first time since the day before, she didn't hesitate. She poured her heart out to him. She updated him on what was going on with Charlie, and how Jake showed up and thrust the truth on her.
"You know, he told you all of that for a reason. And it wasn't just to get it off his chest. I'm not saying he's making a play for you but everything Jake does, he does for a reason. But it's up to you to figure out what he's trying to tell you. Crazy as it is, it's what makes him such a damn good alpha." Paul commented once she finished her tirade.
She silently considered his theory. He likely wasn't far off the mark. Jacob was nothing if not deliberate in his ways.
"I suppose you may be right. He's a very purposeful person." She mused as she stared at the red numbers on her alarm clock.
"He's nothing if not. But I'm sorry you had to deal with all that alone, Swan. That's rough." He apologized quietly.
She knew Paul was hardly an emotional person, and she knew what he was trying to say, even if he wasn't using his words.
Before she could stop herself, she was speaking again.
"Embry drove out."
She smacked the palm of her hand to her forehead. That was so NOT the way she wanted to tell him. She'd had every intention of being honest and telling him the truth but blurting it out over the phone at 4:30 in the morning was not the way she'd intended to do it.
Paul's side of the line was quiet for several long seconds before he spoke.
"Well, I guess I'm not surprised. We may not have been the best of friends, but well, I spent enough time in his head to know him. He's a good guy and I'd venture a guess that his intentions were probably good." Paul groused.
She could tell he wasn't mad. A bit disappointed maybe, but not upset. Which, admittedly, was not unusual for Paul.
"I have a question. I have a very girly, completely hypothetical, utterly ridiculous question." She confessed.
He chuckled. "C'mon, doll. You know you wanna ask. Just do it." He goaded.
She hesitated a moment before divulging her query.
"Why didn't you come? I told you about him. But you didn't come… Why?" Her voice sounded small, unsure and a bit timid.
He paused briefly before giving her a real and honest answer.
"Because you told me not to."
His simple response warmed her heart. She hadn't known it until she'd heard it, but it was exactly what she'd needed to hear.
"Thanks Paul. That was… That was a perfect answer." She muttered, slightly embarrassed.
He grinned into the phone. "I gotta way with words, huh?"
She rolled her eyes at his obvious patting of his own back.
"Yes, you do. But really, thanks for letting me talk. I needed it."
He shifted and felt his own cheeks heat up a bit. "I'm just glad you called. Miss ya, doll. I've thought about you every day since I left… Especially when I had you up against my door last week… That little breathy sound you made…" He trailed off, eliciting a barely audible sigh.
Bella reddens to a bright tomato shade and squeaks. "Paul!"
"What? I was just trying to tell you how much I missed you… Speaking of, I totally forgot to ask earlier. What are you wearing?"
His laughter was infectious.
"Goodbye Paul." She told him.
"Later Swan. Text me whenever." He told her as they hung up.
Five minutes later he got a text. It was a picture of her panties and sleep shirt on the floor of the bathroom with the words 'Nothing now!' underneath it.
He shot back 'Tease' and started his day.
Bella felt marginally better after a long hot shower and a couple of cups of stale hotel room coffee. She'd just stepped foot outside her door when she ran into someone.
A tall, Quileute someone.
"Morning Bells." He said as he steadied her.
"Jake." She greeted with a small grin.
"Headed down for breakfast?" He asked as they moved to the stairs.
"Yep. Meeting Embry." She replied.
"Embry? Dad said neither of them were coming up." Jake questioned curiously.
She gave a small smile. "Well, they weren't. But Embry got worried and took matters into his own hands and now it feels kind of awkward and a little unfair." Bella explained.
Jake grinned knowingly. "Gonna send him packing huh?"
She arched her eyebrow at him. "Really, Jake? Really, we're going there?"
"OK, sorry, none of my business. Backing off now." He surrendered, throwing his hands up in the air.
They made it to the first landing when she stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm.
"I just… I just wanted to say that I appreciate your honesty yesterday. That couldn't have been easy and it means a lot that you pushed through it and told me. I'm pretty sure I should be royally pissed at you for doing that to me right now, but honestly, I just can't be… I tried, you know. I really did, but I'm not mad. I'm not sure what I am, but mad isn't it." She rambled, feeling slightly self conscious for her strange train of thought.
He laughed gently and dropped a hand to her shoulder. "Glad to hear it."
They'd resumed walking when something popped into Bella's mind.
"Jake? I have a tiny question."
"Ask away."
"Who did Sydney have feelings for? You mentioned it yesterday but you never said who."
He blew out a breath, obviously uncomfortable with her question.
"Not exactly a little question, Bella."
She winced, now realizing she'd hit a nerve. "Sorry, it's not a big-"
"Quil."
She sucked in a breath. "Quil?"
He nodded his affirmation. "They dated for awhile but it didn't go well."
"So why didn't it… Work out?" She asked tentatively.
"Quil imprinted two months after I did. Her name is Claire, she's Emily's niece. The pull to her was strong, he's with her constantly. Syd couldn't take it and ended it with him." Jake explained softly.
She opened her mouth to reply but she was cut off.
By Embry.
"Morning Bell. Jake."
They'd reached the main floor and unbeknownst to them, Embry had been watching them since they'd come into his line of sight.
"I know you two have breakfast plans. I'm going to grab a paper and check my email." Jake said as he gave Bella a small smile and headed off.
The walk to the café Bella had been frequenting the last several days was silent but comfortable. He'd grabbed hold of her hand almost instantly and she relished in the feeling of her hand wrapped in his larger, warm one.
Once they'd collected their breakfast and dropped onto a bench outside, she began speaking.
"Embry, I truly appreciate you coming out here. I know I was a bit rough last night, but I didn't mean to be. The gesture was sweet, and kind and I love that you did that for me."
"But?" He prodded, knowing there was another side to this.
"I need to focus on Charlie. This operation is a big deal. I need a clear head and I can't do that with you here. And before you ask, I couldn't do it with Paul here either."
He sighed and dropped his bagel to the paper plate. "I wasn't trying to upset you or step on your toes. It just… It didn't seem right that you were going through this on your own." He explained tightly.
She smiled softly. "You have nothing to apologize for. Your heart and intentions were in the right place. If blame should be placed anywhere, it should be on me. I should have been clearer. I shouldn't have been so hard on your last night. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I'm not in the place to have you here with me." She apologized softly.
"I get it Bella. I'll go home. I understand where you're coming from. I can respect that." He told her softly.
"Em…" She faded off, feeling terrible for making him feel this way.
He laid a reassuring hand on her arm.
"Bell, focus on your dad. I'm here; you don't have to worry about me."
She leaned into him, breathed his scent in and raised her chin for a kiss.
He took the cue flawlessly. He leaned down, cupper her cheek in his palm and captured her lips.
The kiss lingered as her fingers dug lightly into his thigh. His tongue dueled lazily with hers. She let her finger pads trace along the hard muscles of his chest. She had a tendency to get lost in his kisses and this was no different.
Finally, when oxygen became necessary, they pulled apart. "I'd better get going. And Charlie's surgery is soon." He muttered, his forehead pressed against hers, his breath fanning across her face.
She snaked her hand in his and squeezed. "I'll see you soon." She breathed out.
He grinned softly. "You know it."
Three hours later, Charlie was just about ready for surgery.
"Stop the waterworks, Bells. I'll be fine."
Silent tears tracked down her cheeks. She swiped furiously at them and offered her father a watery smile.
"I know dad. I know. I just… I wish it wasn't coming to this. I don't like it. I don't… I don't this well. All I can tell you is I need you. OK? I need you. So I need you to come out of this. Please dad." She muttered softly.
He squeezed her hand and pulled her to him. She wrapped her arms around him.
"Love you, Bella." He whispered, pressing a weathered hand to her hair.
Her tears wetted his cheek but he didn't say anything. He held her, let her cry and when it was time to go, he pressed his lips to her cheek.
"Be strong Bells. I need you to be strong." He implored her.
She nodded wordlessly and watched them wheel her father into surgery.
Billy did everything he could to keep her spirits up while they waited it out in the family waiting room. But ultimately, getting lost in her own thoughts seemed to be the best source of distraction.
She turned his words over in her head, mulled over his choices, re-examined his explanations, internally debated his decisions. Finally, she broke out a notebook and mapped out her thought pattern.
And just like that, staring down at the complex set of notes, drawings and scribbled out guesses, she understood.
His words echoed loudly in her mind.
"I wanted to help, I wanted you to see it from the other side, to know that there's always a choice and I didn't make the right one."
She'd been so shell shocked by the whole situation that she'd glossed over his words, hadn't given them real thought until this moment. Now she got it, now she understood.
Giving up. Settling. He'd given up on her, he hadn't chased her, hadn't hunted her, hadn't exhausted every possibility. And it wasn't because he couldn't… Because he could have.
It was because he chose not to. He settled. He let the one thing that mattered most to him, walk away.
He'd settled. He'd settled for someone else. Someone who'd settled for him.
He wanted her to avoid his mistakes. He wanted her to be true to herself. He wanted her to make every effort not to settle, not to give up.
He was trying to tell her to choose. To choose and to choose the one she couldn't live without. The one that made her heart stop, the one that made her brain turn to mush, her vision fuzz, and her body weak. The one who breathed life into her world.
She gulped in a deep breath and released it slowly.
He was right.
It was time to choose.
A/N: Please don't hate me for dragging Jake back into her life but I wanted to give them a little closure. And she needed someone to knock some sense into her. And she never listened to anyone quite in the way she listened to Jake. This is NOT going to be a Bella/Jake story. They've had their bumpy moments and they may have one or two more but this is not about them.
A/N 2: It seems like several of you are interested in seeing the three of them coexist together, so I'll give it a shot. It won't be as long as this and it may take a different path but I'll see what I can do.
A/N 3: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH ME!
