AN: Thank you all who reviewed last chapter! This is officially my most reviewed story ever! Thank you all those who just read or alert, I appreciate all of you as well! This hiatus thing is beginning to kill me…there are 67 days left until Glee comes back…and while that makes me happy because its better than the 120something we started with, its still 67 more days. Oh well, enjoy! R&R


Saturday afternoon, Rachel and Quinn were busy cleaning up the remains of the sleepover. With Mercedes' big date that night, she needed to get home, and she had come over with Kurt who had also driven everyone else with the exception of Quinn. So the Quinn and Rachel had lunch and then spent time folding sleeping bags and rearranging the furniture so that the house looked like it did before it had been invaded with high school girls. Quinn was just finishing putting the last of the sleeping bags in the hall closet when the doorbell rang.

"Quinn, can you get that? It's Noah," Rachel called from her place at the kitchen sink finishing the last of the dishes.

Quinn moved to the front door and let Puck inside.

"Where's Rachel?" Puck asked walking inside the Berry house.

"Doing dishes," Quinn said before grabbing her bags that had been sitting by the door, "Rachel, I'm leaving. I'll be back later to pick you up to go to Mercedes'"

"Alright," Rachel called from the kitchen.

"Bye Puck," Quinn said leaving the house and closing the door behind her.

Puck walked through the living room and into the kitchen. From the entrance, Puck took in Rachel as she put the last of the dishes into the dishwasher. She wore pink pajama pants and a white tank top. Her hair was thrown on top of her head in a messy bun and if you asked Rachel, she would tell you she looked horrible. Puck on the other hand thought she looked absolutely beautiful like that. Rachel closed the dishwasher and turned around to see Puck leaning against the wall looking right at her.

"Noah, didn't anyone tell you it was impolite to stare?" Rachel said smiling as she walked over to him.

Once Rachel was in arm's length Puck immediately grabbed her, pulling her close before bending down to capture her lips with his. When he pulled away he held onto her but pulled back to eye her attire one more time.

"But I can't help it with this outfit," Puck said smiling.

"Noah," Rachel said smacking Puck's arm playfully, "I should change."

"No, don't. But can we talk?"

Rachel gave him a confused look but nodded, grabbed his hand and led him to the couch in the living room.

"Is everything alright?" Rachel asked, her hand still linked with Puck's.

Puck ran his free hand through his Mohawk, "Yeah, I think so."

"Then what are we talking about?"

'Don't hold anything back,' Puck reminded himself, 'remember what happened last time you kept your feelings from her.' "Look, Rach, it isn't news that I'm new at this relationship thing. I mean really with the exception of Santana, you are the only girlfriend I've had. And cougars and Cheerios, the whole thing, it's different from what we have here. I just, well I've noticed that you've changed a lot since we got together, and I'm just worried that I'm going to hold you back."

"Hold me back how? What changes?"

"I talked to Finn about this and it now sounds ridiculous coming out of my mouth, but you haven't really had a lot of solos in Glee lately."

"You're holding me back because I don't sing solos?"

"Okay, now hearing you say it, it sounds even more ridiculous. Like the first time we dated, I couldn't get you to stop singing and showing off how amazing your voice is. But at the showcase, you didn't have a single solo, the Rachel Berry I know wants all the solos but you did two duets, and I just don't want you to stop singing because of me." Puck rambled. And everything he said sounded like just petty insecurities, like he was worried for nothing, "But that's not it. Maybe, I don't know maybe everything Finn said to be before sectionals and to you about me being a fuck up is true. What if I'm not good enough?"

"Noah Puckerman are you questioning your own badassness?"

"It's my badassness I'm worried about here."

"What do I have to do to show you that you're not a Lima Loser anymore,"

"Wait, what?"

Rachel realized what she had said and her hand flew over her mouth.

"Is that what you think of me Rachel?" Puck said pulling his hand from Rachel's.

"That's not what I meant Noah."

"Then what did you mean? Are you honestly telling me that that's what you thought of me before?" Puck said standing from the couch.

"Honestly," Rachel paused, "I didn't know you then Noah."

"You were the last person I expected to hear this from."
"Noah, I'm sorry. I didn't intent to insult you." standing to join Puck.

"This is great, just great. The one person I thought had faith in me as a person, as a man, and it turns out she just thinks that I'm a loser."

"I never said that Noah!"

"But you used to."

"Well excuse me Noah but you were throwing slushies in my face on a daily basis. But things have changed, I don't think that way anymore."

"But there must be some small part of you, somewhere hidden deep inside that thinks I'm still that same guy, that you may be wrong about me."

"Noah now you're putting words into my mouth, into my brain."

"But I'm right aren't I? You throw all this affection and praise towards me in hopes that I turn out to be an all right guy instead of the loser going absolutely no where in life."

"Noah, what has gotten into you?"

"Finn had me convinced that all of the insecurities I had were for nothing, that I should just talk to you and things would be fine. But I have and things aren't fine."

"Noah, I didn't mean what I said, not the way you're taking it. I'm sorry."

"Look," Puck said walking towards the front door, "I'm just going to go."

"Noah, wait. We have to fix this."

Puck didn't' say anything but opened the door and walked out closing it behind him. Rachel fell back onto the couch the tears already cascading down her face. She leaned back and grabbed a pillow, holding it tightly to her chest. What the heck just happened? Was all that she could think.

~~~~*~~~~

Puck wasn't sure what was going on in his head, he just knew that he was harboring a lot of tension and he had to get rid of it. Immediately he remembered that there was a party tonight. And no better way to get ready for a party, than to do a lot of pre-gaming. Puck called Finn and brought out the case of beer that someone bought him outside the 7-11 weeks ago. There was no way hell he was letting that go to waste. By the time Finn showed up Puck had already downed four beers. Finn looked at his friend who was surrounded by empty beer cans at four in the afternoon.

"What happened to you man?"

"Tonight, my friend, we are going to party."

~~~~*~~~~

Rachel was supposed to be ready for Quinn to pick her up to go to Mercedes at five-thirty. It was currently five-fifteen and Rachel had only begun to get ready. She had sent several text messages and left probably twice as many voicemails, but Puck's phone had been turned off. Looking at herself in the mirror, her eyes red and puffy, and her face splotchy, Rachel wishes she could just go back into her room and cry the rest of the day away, or at least until Puck finally decided to return her messages. She knew that she didn't mean what she said, it didn't come out the way it sounded in her head. Her ability to speak her mind clearly failing her for the first time in her life and she could feel the destruction it caused in the tightness in her chest. Once she managed to get herself dressed in jeans and a t-shirt she was sure that Kurt would comment on, she heard Quinn honking in the driveway as she started applying her make up the best she could so she could get rid of as many of the signs that she was crying as possible. Sighing heavily, Rachel made her way down to Quinn's car and got inside.

"What took you so long? You know if we're late Kurt will have our heads." Quinn said beginning to back out of the driveway. Before the car entered the street, she stopped noticing Rachel's silence, "What's wrong?"

Rachel just shook her head trying as hard as she could for the tears not to escape her eyes, "Nothing. Nothing is wrong until after we get Mercedes off on her date. She needs us and we have to be there for her."

"The second she's sent on her way you're spilling. But you're going to have to hide it better if you want to avoid a ton of questions from everyone else."

Rachel knew that Quinn wasn't intending on being as heartless as she sounded; but it was what Rachel needed. She needed Quinn to bully her into regaining her composure. When they arrived at Kurt's, Kurt's dad let them in and directed them into the basement. There the girls found Mercedes standing in front of a mirror in a black pencil skirt, a black vest that sat upon a purple tube top, and a pair of black heels. Kurt was currently playing around with her hair as Tina was searching for make up choices.

"It's about time you two showed up," Kurt said without looking away from Mercedes, "Quinn, we need your help with the hair. Rachel, I just need your opinion."

"Mercedes you look beautiful. Matt's jaw will hit the floor." Rachel said with a smile plastered on tightly.

Once Mercedes was finished getting ready, she looked like the diva that she was. Her outfit was accented with a smoky gray eye shadow and as the doorbell rang Kurt and Mercedes went upstairs to greet Matt (who was told to pick up Mercedes at Kurt's). The girls and Kurt had decided that they would all stay at Kurt's until Mercedes called after her date for all the gossip. When Kurt came back down several minutes later, he had a tray covered with several different flavors of ice cream, a stack of DVDs, which upon review were all musicals, and several tubes of facial masks. Everyone looked at Kurt confused but he looked directly at Rachel.

"You obviously need to wallow, so I am providing all the necessary comfort foods and activities. You my dear will just be telling us why we left you only eight hours ago, and you now look like you've been through hell and back." Kurt said placing the tray down on the table.

It was then that Rachel broke down again. All the girls immediately crowded around her while Kurt popped in Mamma Mia!.

~~~~*~~~~

By the time Puck and Finn arrived at Savannah Jeffrey's party, Puck was more than a little drunk. Puck had practically forced Finn to drink a beer or two before they left but luckily Finn had convinced Puck that it was a good idea to let him drive to the party. By nine o'clock Savannah's house was packed with Cheerios and members from the football team and the basketball team, and a bunch of other people that Puck couldn't place. As he stumbled through the living room, he happened to stumbled, and practically fell into the hostess. Savannah was dressed in her Cheerios uniform and her blonde hair was pulled back. She almost looked like Quinn did while she was on the Cheerios, but she wasn't anywhere as close to being as attractive as Quinn was. Sleeping with Quinn may have been a mistake, but he still recognized how hot she was.

"Puck, I'm surprised you're here," Savannah said, "Is Rachel here?"

"Nope, just me."

"Good. I'll see you later," Savannah said walked away swaying her hips.

Finn walked up to Puck then and grabbed him by the arm, "Look Puck, I don't know what's going on with you because you've barely said a word since I showed up to find you drunk. I shouldn't even have brought you here. But whatever the hell is going on, don't do anything stupid. Rachel's already called me once-"

Puck just looked at Finn and tore his arm from Finn's grasp. Without a word, Puck walked away.

~~~~*~~~~

"And he just walked out?" Kurt said as the group gathered around a box of Kleenex. Rachel had finally managed to control her crying after telling the story of the afternoon's events.

"Yep. And he hasn't answered a single text message or phone call since,"

"Did you try Finn?" Quinn asked, "They are talking now, maybe he went over there."

"I called once and Finn didn't pick up. I'm not going to bother him with this. And if he's with Noah he won't answer."

"It's obvious there was some sort of miscommunication. The best thing to do now is just wait it out and let him calm down and then you'll be back to being disgustingly cute again," Kurt said as his phone rang, seeing it was Mercedes he picked it up and put it on speaker placing it in the center of the group, "Hello darling. Need we ask, spill."

"Guys it was great," Mercedes voice rang through the room, "He was such a gentleman. We went to that cute little Italian place-"

Rachel was happy for her friend. Mercedes deserved to be happy. But as Mercedes recounted her magical evening with Matt, Rachel couldn't help but think about Puck, about what had happened, and worry that this was going to be the end. They had been through so much and they had helped each other greatly, but Rachel was afraid that this, this stupid misunderstanding was going to be more destructive than everything else was . She was afraid that Puck was never going to forgive her for her stupid momentarily lapse in logical thought. She pulled out her phone as everyone was awing at Mercedes and sent yet another text to Puck. I'm unbelievably sorry Noah. Please call me. She thought about adding the part about her being scared but thought it too much for a text message. She closed her phone and felt a betraying tear slide down her face. She hurried to remove it, but Quinn caught her and sent her an apologetic glance.

~~~~*~~~~

Puck woke up to the sound of his phone beeping. He couldn't remember when he had turned it on but as he opened his eyes, he found himself in a bed naked. He sat up suddenly and looked to his left to find Savannah Jeffrey's naked playing with his phone.

"What are you doing?" Puck asked angry.

"Going through your phone. You've got several messages from your girlfriend." Savannah said as she continued to rifle through Puck's phone.

"Give me that," Puck said snatching the phone from her hands.

Looking at the texts he realized he had a least a dozen from Rachel pleading with him to call her, two from Finn trying to figure where he had gone off to, and five from Quinn berating him for not answering Rachel. He got out of bed and got dressed, Savannah still lying in her bed.

"Where are you going?" Savannah asked.

"I have to go, Finn's waiting for me."

"Well alright, say hi to Rachel for me," Savannah said smirking.

Puck charged out of the room and downstairs to find Finn sitting with Matt. Puck had no idea what time it was but the party was beginning to die down.

"Dude, where the hell have you been?" Finn asked getting up and meeting him at the bottom of the stairs.

"Just take me home," Puck said heading for the front door.

"Okay but w-"

Puck stopped and turned around, "Finn, just take me home."

Puck was now very sober, but he could feel the affects of the alcohol attack his core in waves of nausea. Was it from the alcohol or something else? As he got into Finn's car, he refused to focus on anything but the air around him the sounds, anything but what had just happened. When he got home, he didn't even say goodbye to Finn but jumped out of the car and headed straight inside and directly towards the bathroom. There he emptied everything from his stomach into the toilet bowl. It was there that he passed out that night, staring at one of the many texts from Rachel.


AN: Don't hate me!!!!