Chapter Eight

Solas was beginning to worry after Cole and Elliana had not returned for over an hour. He left the room to see that everyone was taking place at a large table, just getting prepared to play a game of Wicked Grace.

"I am not familiar with this game," he heard Ellie say, "But I'll give it a go."

He sat in front of her bedroom door for hours and listened over, and over, and over again as Josephine continually won each game. Varric said that he thought Cullen and Josephine should go one on one, and for whatever reason, Cullen easily took Varric's bait. Ellie jumped up and down, clapping excitedly, her words slurred.

They walked over to the table across from Josephine and Cullen, taking a seat by the fireplace. Blackwall slammed a mug of ale down in front of Ellie, "Drink up, tiny thing." She stared at it for a few seconds, her head swimming, but she nodded and gulped it down, the liquid she couldn't fit in her mouth was eagerly soaked by her robes.

"Damn, I didn't think she was actually going to do it!" Blackwall let out a hearty laugh, "You have more tolerance than I give your tiny body room for!" Solas rolled his eyes – there were so many hungry eyes staring at her, and he wasn't one of them.

"I bet – I bet…wait. Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. I bet, I can…beat you in an, in an arm wrestling contest," Ellie slurred.

"Ha! Now that's a good one! I'll get us some more ale. The loser drinks for two."

"You're on."

Blackwall sat across from her, putting his arm on the table and clasping his hand with the Inquisitor's.

"I don't know if I'd do that, Blackwall," Iron Bull warned.

"Why not? You think her little noodle arm –" The back of his hand slammed off the table. "W-wait! I wasn't paying attention. Best two out of three?"

Iron Bull and Dorian laughed from behind him, "I told you not to! She carried me to camp once when I wounded my leg!" And she put his arm down every time. He kept asking for retries, but eventually Varric called it a match, with Ellie as the winner. She drank her own mug of ale, anyways.

Bull raised his eyebrows, "She can put 'em down, at least."

"What did I tell you about Chuckles, Little Red?" Varric asked quietly as he took a seat beside her. No doubt that was why she was actually drinking. Not like she had before.

"Uh, you…you said that he…was – was, uhm. He's a bad man. A baddie," Ellie and Sera giggled, and Cassandra brought over what looked like a pot of tea.

"Well, those weren't my exact words," Varric shrugged, "But you get what I said. I don't wanna say 'I told you so,' especially when I know you're upset…"

Blackwall took a seat beside them, and they watched as Cullen continually stripped off clothing, losing after each hand he played. The Warden let out a chuckle, and then turned to Ellie, "I don't know much about Solas, but I do know that he's seen some stuff. We all have. He just needs space, that's all. He didn't mean to hurt you. Well, I guess he did, but it wasn't like he didn't hurt himself, too."

"I know," her eyes were shimmering, and Cullen took the moment of distraction while everyone doted over the Inquisitor to bolt out of the room, butt naked.

"Thank you, guys," She said quietly, "We…we did the talking thing, and – and we knew…knew it would – would happen. I was…just – just shtupid to…keep…keep i-it going, that's all…" She slurred, making more sense than any of them thought she would.

"We should really get her to her room," Blackwall said, and Varric nodded.

"Do not worry yourselves, I'll take her," Solas said, and everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him.

"Oh, look, elfy decided to make an appearance!" Sera shouted, suddenly angered by his presence, "You only wanted another elf, and she was just elfy enough to do the do with, right?! So you take the only elfy elf in the whole damn place, and ya fuck her a few times, right? Who cares if she's got a feeling or two, oh, I love you, let me put it in you," She made kissy noises, "and then you decide that maybe, just maybe you're gettin' in a little too deep for your own liking, and bam! Ya send her on her way, broken and alone. But it had to be the Inquisitor, 'cause she's an elfy elf. It makes the whole sex thing more charming, right?"

"It wasn't like that at all. Please, just let me take her to her room."

"Then what was it like?" Cassandra asked, "Because to us, that's exactly how it seems. We could barely tell you two even had a relationship out of all of the…Maker knows."

"Sex," Sera said, "She means sex."

"Thank you, Sera, I know what she meant. Now, unless one of you intends to take the Inquisitor to her room, I suppose I will."

"No," Cassandra said, sweeping the small, drunken elf up into her arms, "I will take her to bed. She is too drunk and nearly naked. I am uncomfortable with even the thought of – "

"We all are, Cass. Just take her to bed," Bull said, his eyes locking onto Solas's.

Solas hung his head and closed his eyes. He supposed he should've known this would've happened, had he left her. Then again, it really wasn't any of their concern what they did and did not do together. Cassandra took Ellie to her room, and she sat her down on the edge of the bed, followed by Solas.

"Leave her alone, Solas. I will not ask again."

"It's alright, Cassie," Ellie said, thanking and dismissing her. Cassandra made a mental note to tell the Inquisitor when she was sober that her name wasn't 'Cassie.'

"I am not comfortable with you drinking because of this."

"You…just ma-made an ass…assumption," She giggled at the word 'ass.'

"Elliana, just drink some tea, and get into bed. We will further this discussion later."

"You're not my…my real dad!"

He sighed, "I am going to sit here, on this couch until you fall asleep. Then, I will make sure you do not succumb to the Nightmare before returning to my own room for the night."

"Whatever floats your canoe, bu-buddy."

"I…think it is supposed to be boat, not canoe. So it rhymes."

"Ha, that's neat. It rhymes."

"Go to bed," he grunted, grabbing her from the desk and setting her in bed.

She laid back and kicked her feet out, hitting him in the shin. Her robe fell open, and he could feel his cheeks get hot as he hurriedly looked away, stammering out an apology in whispers. He wasn't sure if she was asleep or just too drunk to move herself, so he positioned her on her side of the bed, and watched from the couch as she snored softly, answering his question. It was about time she got some sleep.

He was able to find her easily enough in the Fade, but keeping her from falling into the Nightmare was more exhausting than probably just staying awake the whole night. At first, she wanted him to be near her, to hold her and comfort her. She liked when he played with her hair, and the tingling feeling on her skin after he touched her – his fingers barely brushing against her cheekbone, his knuckles against her neck as he braided her hair, his hands on her back as he smoothed her hair out. It felt like small shocks of static electricity. It was wonderful.

Then, she would push him away, and run into the dark forest, as deep as she could go. He would find her lying beside the pond in the center, or trying to climb a tree, crying and yelling for mercy as though she were currently at the clutches of the wolf.

"Why have you been acting so strange lately?" He asked.

"I…I don't know. I want to stay, I want to leave. I want to love you, I want to stop. I want to stay awake, I want to sleep for years."

"Sleeping for years is not quite as fun as it may sound."

She scratched her ear, untangling her earrings from her hair while perched on a branch. Looking down at him, she could see how small he was compared to the forest. And that made her that much smaller. She was so small, and then all of a sudden, she was much larger than she would've ever guessed possible. Of course, not in the Fade, but out in the real world, out where she wanted to escape from. She went from no one, a small elven rogue out on her own, to being the Herald, the Inquisitor, and sleeping with an ancient elven God. In that order.

"I can't read your mind in the Fade. You'll have to tell me what you want," Solas said desperately.

"I…just want to sleep," She said quietly, "No demons. No danger. Nothingness. A black, peaceful sleep so deep that I'm unaware that I'm actually sleeping. I feel so…I don't know how to describe it.

"I know. I know exactly what you are feeling."

"How do I stop?"

"When I first awoke, for years, I was lost. I was searching for something, anything to make me feel alive…to make me feel human again. I only first found it when I met you; when they made me watch over you. Ever since then…things have been different. You have made everything different."

She hopped down from the tree branch before he had time to react, but she didn't seem hurt. He was always amazed at how high she could jump from, but it scared the hell out of him. She stood in front of him, her forehead to his chin. He kissed the top of her head and sighed.

"I…" He sighed again, "I am unsure."

"Me, too," She went to wrap her arms around his waist, but she blanched back. Instead, he set his hands on her hips and rested his chin on the top of her head.

"I do still very much love you. I would like to stay with you. And when this is over, when everything is done that needs to be done, I will come back to you."

She supposed that his words did ease the pain, a lot more than she expected them to. They could be empty lies. They could be the truth. She had no way of knowing, and if she asked, of course he would say it was the truth, but it didn't matter. Only time would tell.

"How…You don't age, do you?"

"Very slowly."

"So what happens when I am older and you…are not?"

"Only time will tell, I suppose."

"And if we have children, what of them?"

"They will be half of me, half of you. Is that not how it works?"

"You know what I mean."

"I gave you an answer," He smiled down at her, the tug of the corner of his lips enough to make her mirror his smile, "And while you're in a good mood, I suppose I shall tell you – "

"Inquisitor! Ugh, they've been asleep for half a day now!" Varric's voice was deep and…watery. Like he was gargling a mouthful of ale or something.

She sat up, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles and trying desperately to keep them from closing again. Solas was quiet, sitting with his head in his hands on the couch across from her bed. The three of them sat in silence for a minute or two.

"You should have let her continue her slumber, Varric," Solas said, "She has been having nightmares."

"Why?" Varric said, "Isn't it a little unusual to have nightmares every time you sleep?"

"What would you know of dreams and nightmares, Child of the Stone?" Solas asked.

"She's been having nightmares, and our resident Fade expert can't give me a reason?" Varric asked.

"We know why, Varric," Ellie rubbed her forehead, "Please, just drop it. I am not some…child who needs parental guidance."

"You're easily the youngest here. Think of all of us as your parents."

"Ah, so I have how many moms and dads?"

"Enough to make up for the ones you didn't have when you were younger."

"Ouch. I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult."

"Whichever is fine for me," Varric laughed, elbowing her in the side, "I'm just trying to cheer you up, Inquisitor."

"Reminding me that everyone I have once loved has left me is not necessarily helping," She said with a fake smile plastered on her face.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about – shit."

"It's okay," Ellie was quiet, "It happens, I guess."

Varric left, apologizing for disturbing her. He said that he would get some people down to the Storm Coast to look for the bandits everyone was talking about. As long as the Inquisitor took the day to rest, he wouldn't mind "doing her work for her."

Once Solas left the room, Cassandra appeared. "There is need for you at the war table," She said, "Something about Clan Lavellan."

Ellie scoffed, "I have no idea what they'd want with me now."

"No doubt they have heard of you as both the Herald and the head of the Inquisition. Now they want your protection."

"I don't want to protect them."

"I know they left, but –"

"Please, Cassandra. Not right now, okay?"

"Are you alright? After how much ale you put down last night…"

"I don't know."

"Should I let the advisors know you're not feeling well?"

"Please," She said as Cassandra headed down the steps, "Hey, Cassandra? Thanks. For last night. For believing me when we first met. And for not having Solas executed as an Apostate when you first met him. I…I am grateful for everything you have done for me."

She smiled, a rare sight for Cassandra, and gave a small nod as she left the room. Ellie sat down and did her paperwork, having a hard time discerning the events of the day before through the haze of a hangover and everything that happened. She described, as best she could, the fight with Samson, how she used Dagna's rune to destroy his armor, how a projectile from Solas's magic had injured her, how she had passed out. Then, the Well of Sorrows, which she described what Morrigan had told her, and made a note that Morrigan's report on the effects of the Well was hopefully more in depth than her own.

Dorian called up from the steps, "Ellie! Cassandra said you aren't feeling well, so I brought you up something to eat. And drink. You're probably hung-over, aren't you?"

"Yes. And I'm dressed, so feel free to – "

He was standing behind her, "Dear, I've seen you naked. Believe it or not, lady parts do not disgust me so."

"Saw me naked? When?"

"When I brought you back from the falls last night. You were soaking wet and freezing. I got the clothes off of you, but I couldn't get them back on you. Thank goodness your lover was keeping a watchful eye on my every movement, because he's the one who actually dressed you."

Her cheeks were hot, "Who didn't see me naked last night?"

"It was just us two. Not like we paraded you around in front of the masses. Anyways, I brought you some Tevinter tea, and these little…cake things. Solas mentioned you liked the strawberry ones, and one of the Orlesians in the throne room made them for you. Nice gesture, I suppose. Everyone knows about you and Apostate-hobo, so they're down there making a huge fuss. Most of it is about who wants to bone you next, though. You should've seen the look on his face when they started debating that."

She tried to smile, taking the little cake and dipping it into the tea – made with milk and sugar. It had to have been Solas who made up the tray and sent Dorian up here with it. The cakes tasted like the night at the winter Palace, when things weren't so complicated. Before she knew about Fen'Harel. Before the Fade was haunting her every turn. It made her tired.

"If you'd like, Bull and I can stay with you to make sure you're okay," Dorian suggested.

"I'd like that."

Dorian and Bull didn't come by right away, which was fine by her, but the constant barrage of people made her feel as though she were working anyways. Cullen came in once, to make sure she was okay after Cassandra said she was sick. "You're looking rather pale," He said to her. And she said, "I'm always rather pale." That was pretty much the extent of their conversation. He stood there awkwardly for a moment or two and asked if she needed anything. "Maybe some more pastries," She said, looking at her empty tray, "And tea." He nodded, and Sera was the one to bring it up to her.

"I know you're probably expecting an apology about what I said to Elfy last night," She started, clattering the tray down beside her, "Well, ya aren't gettin' one, okay? I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, right? Should I apologize for it?"

"I never said I wanted an apology, Sera."

"Okay, good. Now that we're off that subject…are you okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks for asking. Why does everyone think I'm going to like…jump off a bridge or something?"

"Well you were poundin' back last night. That's the problem, innit? Everyone was worried about you drinking so much last night. Any other time it's like 'no, I can't drink, gotta spend time with Elfy.' And then, all of the sudden, you're guzzling 'em down. So yeah, we're a bit worried."

"I appreciate your concerns, Sera. I'm okay, though."

Cole visited, bringing her cheese. That was always his favorite thing to grab from the kitchen, and he usually didn't share, making everyone else get their own cheese. Varric came in, telling her that the bandits were dealt with. Even Vivienne stopped by, though they didn't get along well. Everyone in Skyhold, it seemed…except for the one person she wanted to come by. When Dorian and Iron Bull finally decided to come back, she was in the bathroom in her room, soaking in the hottest water she could stand. She softly sang an old elven song to herself, Dorian and Bull listening outside for the duration of the song. They weren't sure what it was about, but she sounded sad, even if she didn't have the world's greatest singing voice. When she emerged, they were sitting together on her couch, staring expectantly at her.

"Can you just…make sure I don't have any nightmares?" She asked, "Last night was the first night I had any real sleep in a while, and I…I just want to sleep."

"Shouldn't Fade-Boner be the one to do this for you?" Bull asked.

"I offered, Bull," Dorian said, "Besides, if he finds her in the Fade, she'll probably just fall into the Nightmare anyway. I can cast a sleeping spell, though I can't guarantee that you won't have dreams."

"It's okay. I'm tired as it is."

When she entered the Fade, she was relieved to find that it was Solas's spot. She climbed a tree and laid down on a thick branch, waiting for him to appear. He'd have to, after all – he promised her they would be in the Fade as they once were.

After a few hours of lazily walking around and trying desperately to not freak out, she thought maybe he wasn't coming. And then she started hearing growling, the sound of gnashing teeth, the smell of blood was prominent. Falling…deep, dark, falling into nothingness and fear.

Solas bolted awake, his chest freezing. He tried desperately to find her in the Fade and couldn't. How could he have missed her? They agreed to go to his resting spot. She said that was her favorite area in the Fade, so why would she have gone anywhere else?

She found a small sacrificial dagger in a flower resting on their tombstones. Both hers and Solas's decided to make an appearance that night. She found it by fumbling around and cutting her palm open, but at least she had a weapon if any demons tried to make appearances. The candle wasn't much light to go by, so she stood by the tiny graveyard as long as she could. She hoped Solas would find her.

He figured she had to be around the area, somewhere. She was usually blinded by the Nightmare and couldn't go anywhere without her sight. His chest flashed from freezing to warm, back to freezing. She was injured, though it didn't seem like much.

And then, she let out a blood curdling scream. He was near her, near enough for it to make his ear drums feel like exploding. He saw a demon, gripping her by the hair and pulling her back towards it. It was talking to her in elven – "I'll be the one to kill you," "Why did you think I needed such control?" "Don't worry, you failed me. You failed everyone else. I'll die alone, as will you." The demon pulled her hair back, making her throat exposed. As it went to bring its claw across the open flesh, she arced her blade backwards, cutting her hair from her head, the force at which the demon was holding her caused her to stumble forward when released from its clutches. Solas threw as many spells as he could at the demon, but not before her hair was gone.

And he really liked her hair.

She held her throat in her hands, trying desperately not to puke or cry or whatever she was about to do. Probably both at the same time. When he approached her, he found her hand bloody, and her throat to be the cause of that. It wasn't as bad as it could've been, but it certainly wasn't good either. He healed her and wrapped her in his arms so tightly that she couldn't breathe for a second.

"I am so glad I found you, lethallan," He said. She hated when he called her that, especially knowing how much older he actually was.

"I'm glad you found me, too. I waited for hours at our meeting spot. You never came."

"I was there."

"I was in a tree by the pond. I never saw you."

"I was sitting at the pond the whole time."

"My head hurts," She rubbed her temples, "I don't want to be in the Nightmare anymore. Wake me up or something. Anything. Come to my room. Maybe we have a better chance of seeing each other in the Fade, then."

"Sure," He nodded, agreeing even though he knew it wouldn't make a difference. He should've been able to find her in the Fade, and if she really was in the same area as he was, why couldn't they see each other? The main reason he agreed was because he wanted to lie beside her. They both seemed to sleep better when that was the case.

Dorian and Iron Bull stared at her and she bolted straight up in bed, staring at the wall. They didn't say anything, nor did she, even about the sudden disappearance of a foot of her hair. The door opened at the bottom of the steps, and Dorian looked over the railing to see Solas emerge.

"What is he doing here?" Dorian asked.

"I had another nightmare."

"And it wasn't because of Solas?"

"I…don't think so?" She said quietly, "I mean, I hadn't seen him until after the Nightmare had started."

"Looks like a certain couple was slacking off on the job," Solas said.

"Hey man, we wouldn't need to be here if it weren't for you. She doesn't even want to sleep half the time," Bull said in his defense.

"It's fine, guys. Really," Ellie ran a hand through her hair, forgetting how abruptly it stopped – level with her chin.

"It is not fine," Solas said.

"You're the one that did this to her!" Dorian stood up in a defensive position over Bull. Bull budged him out of the way and stood from the couch as well.

"Please don't fight. Please," Ellie got out of bed and prepared herself to get in the middle of an all-out war. Dorian and Solas didn't need staffs to fight, and Bull could just headbutt someone to death. Or stab them with his horns.

Bull pointed his finger in Solas's chest, "if you hadn't made it so she hadn't wanted to come back to Skyhold – "

"Get your finger out of my face," Solas was quiet but all three blanched back from the pure venom in his voice, "You have no right to comment on a situation in which you are not welcome."

"Solas," Ellie warned.

"You have no right to judge any one of us for anything. Ellie and I talked. You think me so rude that I had not told her of my feelings? We both knew this would happen."

"So you're saying it's Ellie's fault?" Bull asked.

"No, I am not. I am saying that we were both aware of the situation and continued to carry on as though nothing were wrong. We knew. We are both at fault."

"No, just you are," Dorian said.

"Stop fighting!" Ellie shouted, "Thank you guys for sticking up for me. I appreciate it, I really do. But please. Just let my last few days with Solas not include fighting."

"Why are you letting him do this to you, Ellie?" Bull asked.

"You can't help who you fall in love with," Dorian was quiet.