Disclaimer-I don't own Glee

Thank you for reviewing everyone

Here's the next chapter

Chapter 8-Gay Dudes Don't Like Girls:

"Hey, Puck," Quinn greeted, whispering the words into the girl-turned-boy's ear and making Rachel jump.

"Q-Quinn," Rachel quaked darting her eyes around the corridor in search of an escape route. "Um, could I possibly be of assistance?" She trembled and Quinn scrunched her face up in bemusement at the choice of words. "I mean, do you like… need help? Oh dear Barbara, I am so not good at this, this is simply beyond my otherwise incredible talents," she muttered to herself covering her face with her hands.

"Barbara?" Quinn repeated in a dangerous tone, the female name being the only word she'd managed to make out from 'Puck's' mumbling. "Who's Barbara?"

"I, um… no-one," Rachel stammered looking around for a sign of help that simply wasn't presenting itself.

"You're lying to me," Quinn accused, hands on hips as she invaded Rachel's personal space. "Who is she? Does she go here? Is she the reason you ran away screaming when I kissed you two weeks ago, the reason why you've been avoiding me?"

"Um, I, err… I don't have to explain myself to you," Rachel replied trying to sound confident like Puck but ultimately failing as she tried edging away, "we aren't a couple so what I do isn't your business."

"Just tell me who Barbara is," Quinn pressed blocking Rachel's path when she tried to walk away, "I won't be mad. I'm just interested. Who is she? Is she your girlfriend? Just tell me and I won't say anymore about it. I'll be happy for you," she smiled sweetly but glared daggers from her eyes; daggers of the blunt and extra painful variety.

"There is no Barbara," Rachel insisted, "I have no girlfriend because… because… because," because of the wonderful things he does, we're off to see the wizard… no stop, that won't help. What would Noah say? "I'm a stud. That's right; you heard correctly, I am a stud. One might even call me a…" she looked around the area before leaning closer to a confused looking Quinn to whisper her next words, "sex shark." Good, this is going good. Just remain calm. Treat this school corridor as your stage, Noah Puckerman as your character, and Quinn the captivated audience.

"Are you drunk?" Quinn asked.

"No, not at all," Rachel answered, "I mean… yes, yes I am. Because I went to a wild party last night," she improvised. "I drank beer, lots of beer, too much in fact. And there were girls, including Barbara, who accompanied me to this wild party. No relationship though, just…" she looked around then whispered again, "sex. The girl's just love my Puckzilla charm," Puckzilla is such a ridiculous name. "They love my guns too," Rachel said flexing one of her borrowed muscles, "and who could blame them? My arms really are lovely," she said fondly. "In conclusion," stay in character, Miss Berry; use language that Puck would use, "um… so yeah, this Barbara chick was just another hook-up for me."

"So that means you're single?" Quinn asked.

"Um… yes," Rachel answered nervously. Why is she peering at me through her eyelashes like that? Oh gosh, she's moving closer, quick, step back before she tries to kiss you again.

"Take me to dinner tonight, Breadsticks, seven o'clock," Quinn instructed, "we need to catch up. I miss you," she said quietly and Rachel couldn't tell if the blonde genuinely missed the real Puck or if she was just feeling lost and lonely without a boyfriend.

"Dinner sounds," do not say 'lovely', Puck would never say that. She started again, "babe, food at the Sticks sounds awesome, but the Puckersaurus has other plans." Perfect, totally in character. If this were a performance I'd be receiving a standing ovation right now.

"Cancel," Quinn told 'him' who was really a 'her'.

"I can't," Rachel said still very much intimidated by Quinn Fabray even though she was now taller and stronger than her.

"Oh, I think you can," Quinn replied moving in closer and pressing her body against Rachel, "let me make things clear for you. If you treat me to dinner tonight, you get to have sex with me." Smiling seductively, yet still looking angelic, she pressed a kiss to Rachel's cheek before walking on, looking back over her shoulder with a smouldering glance.

The only thing to go through Rachel's mind in response was, AAARRRGGGHHH!

XXX

"Melanie, sweet little sister of mine," Rachel said striding into Puck's sister's bedroom, "I have a proposition for you."

"Whatever it is, my answer is no," Mel replied as she carried on painting her nails a bright pink colour.

"Just hear me out. Oh, that colour is so cute," Rachel exclaimed taking up Mel's hand to admire the pink painted nails, "you must tell me where you got it. I've been looking for the perfect pink nail polish for months but it's never been quite right. But this, this is precisely what I've been looking for."

"Why do you want pink nail polish?" Mel asked suspiciously.

"Oh, um, it's for my friend Rachel Berry," Rachel answered silently congratulating herself for such quick thinking. "But never mind, that's not important. I need you to come with me to Breadsticks tonight, for dinner."

"Breadsticks sucks," Mel complained going back to painting the rest of her nails, "can't we order pizza?"

"Maybe another night," Rachel said, "but Quinn Fabray has ordered me to take her to Breadsticks tonight and I don't want to go alone so I need you to come with me. As a thank-you I will of course pay for your meal and give you a weeks worth of singing and dancing lessons free of charge."

"You're going on a date with Quinn?" Mel asked. "Is she pregnant again? Oh Noah, mama's going to kill you."

"What? No, nobody's pregnant and it's not even a date," Rachel insisted. "That's why I'd like you to join us. With you there it will be clear to Quinn that it is simply a friendly meal and nothing more. So, as soon as your nails are dry we'll be on our way," Rachel beamed.

"I don't even know who you are anymore," Mel commented, "you've been seriously weird lately."

"It's a guy thing," Rachel supplied patting Mel on the head in a patronising manner. "Ready to go?"

"I didn't agree," Mel pointed out, "and I'm not going to unless you pay me fifty dollars."

"Fifty dollars?" Rachel blanched. "That's ridiculous. I'll give you five."

"Thirty," Mel challenged.

"Ten," Rachel responded.

"Twenty," Mel replied.

"Deal," Rachel accepted with a sigh.

XXX

Ten minutes later, Rachel was driving Puck's truck to Breadsticks with Melanie sitting in the passenger seat and taking control of the music and Quinn glaring mutinously in the backseat. Parking up, Rachel leapt out of the driver's seat then hurried round the other side to help Mel out, leaving Quinn to exit the vehicle on her own. Entering the restaurant, the trio found themselves a table and Rachel slipped into the seat beside Puck's sister leaving Quinn to take a seat opposite them.

"Wow, I'm super hungry," Rachel commented scanning through the menu. Really hungry, I feel like I could order everything on the menu and eat it. Being in the body of a teenage male has really increased my appetite.

"Can I have bacon?" Mel asked.

"Of course not, we're Jewish," Rachel responded. "Select yourself a nice healthy vegetarian meal."

"You suck, Noah," Mel grumbled just as Quinn cleared her throat to gain Rachel's attention.

"As lovely as it is to see your sister again," Quinn said with a forced and obviously false smile (one that Mel returned with equal falseness), "I had hoped tonight would be just the two of us," she reached a hand across the table to rest upon one of Rachel's, "you know, alone."

"Well Melanie begged me to let her come," Rachel lied.

"No I didn't," Mel spoke up, "he begged me. He's even paying me twenty dollars because he didn't want to be alone with you."

"What?" Quinn asked with an angry glare in Mel's direction before turning to Rachel with hurt sparkling in her eyes. "Why not?"

"Well, I just… you see the thing is…" Rachel searched for something to say that wouldn't be completely insensitive to Quinn's feelings.

"He probably doesn't find you attractive anymore now that you've got so many stretch marks," Mel sniggered and Rachel shot her a disapproving stare that went ignored.

"You're a very pretty girl, Quinn," Rachel told the blonde honestly, holding the girl's hand in what she hoped came across as a purely platonic gesture, "and I want us to be friends, but I don't think we should date. I'm not good boyfriend material. So let's just have a nice friendly meal together and leave it at that."

"Ok," Quinn replied with a sigh but Rachel sensed that the calm reaction was down to Mel's presence and that the dramatics would take place another time when the younger girl wasn't around.

XXX

Later that evening, Rachel seated herself in the Puckerman living room and pulled out a selection of books to get started on some homework assignments. She was part way through an essay when Nora mentioned that she was going to do the washing up.

"Oh, let me help you," Rachel offered setting her pen down and following Puck's mother to the kitchen. "Is something wrong?" She asked while scrubbing at a frying pan as the woman stared at her in astonishment.

"You're very different these days, Noah," Nora commented, "I'm starting to worry about you."

"Relax," Rachel replied setting the frying pan on the draining board for Nora to dry and put away. "Your concern for my wellbeing is touching but unnecessary."

"You're even talking different," Nora stated.

Oops, Rachel thought as she rinsed off a plate.

"I'm just trying to be a better person, mama," Rachel said, "the kind of son you can be proud of. I'm actually attending all of my classes," apart from gym, I refuse to engage in ferocious sports with smelly teenage boys and I certainly don't want to be anywhere near a high school boy's locker room. Kurt has told me some horrifying stories about that place. "I'm studying hard and doing all my homework so I can improve my grades and just generally trying to be nicer to people. I know my past behaviour has afforded me a bad reputation but I want to change the negative opinion people have of me. I want to show that I'm capable of being so much more than the high school bad boy because Noah Puckerman is so much more than that. He really is. I mean… I really am. I, me, I'm better than that. I just want to make you proud."

"You do make me proud, Noah," Nora replied stepping in to hug the body of her son.

Wow, clearly I delivered a perfectly convincing speech, Rachel thought to herself, I knew I could pretend to be Noah Puckerman successfully when I really put my mind to it. He's definitely going to thank me for this once we're back in our proper bodies. Slap! Ow!

"Ow!" Rachel exclaimed out loud as Nora smacked her across the face.

"Now I love you Noah, but if you expect me to believe a word of what you've just said then you must think I'm really stupid," Nora snapped as she folded her arms across her chest. "Don't talk to me again until you're ready to tell the truth. I'll finish up here." She pushed Rachel away from the sink and took over the chore of washing up.

Feeling hurt on Puck's behalf, Rachel headed back to the living-room to continue with her homework.

"Are you ok, Noah?" Mel asked gently and Rachel realised she must have looked really miserable to inspire genuine sympathy from Puck's sister.

"No, no I'm not," Rachel admitted as her shoulders sagged in defeat. "Oh Melanie, I hate being a boy," Rachel sobbed unable to stop herself. Abandoning her homework, she stood up and ran to Puck's room.

She had been crying into Puck's pillows for maybe thirty seconds when there was a soft knock on the bedroom door.

"Come in," she called tearfully and Mel stepped through.

"Hey Noah, did anyone ever tell you that you run like a girl?" Mel asked referring to the way Rachel had run from the living-room.

"Well… I… I'm just upset," Rachel answered lamely.

"Yeah, you must be," Mel commented, "because I've never once seen you run like that. You're the fastest most masculine guy on the football field, but just now you were running like a little girl. I haven't heard you sneak out late at night recently, you don't play your guitar anymore, you're not eating waffles, you're being way too nice to me and tonight you could have had sex with Quinn Fabray but instead you've been doing homework, washing up and now you're crying. You're not fooling anyone big brother. Something's definitely wrong."

"Oh Melanie," Rachel sighed, "absolutely everything is wrong and I have no idea how to fix it."

"So tell me, maybe I can help," Mel shrugged.

"I don't think so," Rachel replied shaking her head, "you wouldn't even believe me if I told you what was going on."

"Try me," Mel challenged.

"Very well," Rachel responded drying her eyes and sitting up straight, "my name is Rachel Berry and I am currently trapped inside the body of one Noah Puckerman while he is trapped in mine."

"That sounds insane," Mel chuckled.

"I knew you wouldn't believe me," Rachel sniffed.

"Let me borrow your phone," Mel demanded and Rachel handed it over. Taking her brother's phone, Mel searched through the contacts looking for the name Rachel. "You don't even have Rachel's number."

"It's under the name Barbara," Rachel explained.

"Oh," Mel replied scrolling back up and dialling Barbara's number. She listened to it ring and a short while later a female voice answered with a bored 'yeah what'. "Hey Noah," Mel greeted.

"Hey sis what's up," came the reply, "oh shit, I mean… hello, you've reached the contact number for Rachel Berry, future Broadway star, how may I help you?"

"Haha, you have girl parts," Mel laughed down the phone before hanging up and handing the phone back to Rachel. "I still say this is insane, but weird as it is, I believe you."

XXX

After spending an entire Friday night and Saturday morning in Kurt's company, Puck returned to the Berry household, practically skipping into the kitchen to prepare himself a snack.

"I know that smile," Leroy commented teasingly as he watched Puck waltz around the kitchen, "been spending time with Finn I see."

"What do you mean?" Puck asked, just managing to stop himself from grunting out a 'huh' in response.

"You always have that dreamy school-girl love-struck look on your face after a date with Finn," Leroy said before making childish kissing faces.

"Actually, I'll have you know that my time was spent with…" Puck trailed off before he could mention Kurt's name. His mind registered the words Rachel's dad had said. Dreamy school-girl love-struck look. But I've been hanging out with Kurt, why the hell would I be love-struck over that?

"Rachel?" Leroy prompted looking at Puck expectantly when he failed to complete his sentence.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter," Puck shrugged grabbing himself a drink to go with his monster sized sandwich.

"Are you really going to eat that?" Leroy asked with raised eyebrows.

"Of course," Puck answered instead of saying 'hell yeah'.

"Ok, well Funny Girl's about to start, come join us." Leroy said as he returned to the living room.

Funny Girl? Sounds like a comedy, I guess I can tolerate that. I hope it's about a hot chick, that'll help me stop thinking about Kurt. Not that I am thinking about another dude. I'm not even thinking about those nice jeans that he wears. Seriously, I'm not.

Joining Rachel's dads in the living-room, Puck watched the screen and it didn't take him too long to realise he was watching a film starring Barbara Streisand. This movie sucks, Puck thought. I wonder what Kurt's up to. Slipping his pink mobile phone out of his mini-skirt pocket, Puck tapped out a text to Kurt and waited impatiently to receive a message back. The reply came swiftly, complete with a smiley face and three kisses on the end of the text. Ignoring the movie, Puck focused his attention on texting Kurt, assuring himself that it wasn't at all gay to put kisses on the end of the texts he sent back to the other boy. It's totally something Rachel would do; I'm just doing my best to play the part. However, he completely ignored the text he received from Finn as well as rejecting the boy's phone call.

"Rachel, is everything ok, sweetie?" Hiram asked after the movie had finished.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Puck shrugged before re-reading a particularly amusing text message from Kurt.

"You seem a little distracted," Hiram said, "you didn't even pay any attention to one of your favourite movies."

"Oh well, I've just seen it so many times that's all," Puck replied.

"Rachel," Hiram coaxed, "why don't you tell us what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on, dads," Puck answered tucking his long hair behind his ears and setting his phone on the arm of the chair, his thoughts still straying to Kurt. "I just… when you fall in love with someone, is it all about looks or is it about personality?"

"Usually it's both," Leroy said. "Initial attraction is often a purely physical thing, but feelings and emotions develop based on personality."

"But what if you aren't attracted to somebody straight away?" Puck asked. "Could you still end up liking them when you learn more about their personality?"

"Of course," Hiram answered, "and when you start liking somebody for their personality you usually start to appreciate their physical attributes in ways you didn't before."

Kurt does have a great ass, such pretty expressive eyes, good lips, nice neck, cute nose.

"What if you become attracted to a person the same gender as you?" Puck asked keeping his eyes averted from the two men. "Does that definitely mean you're gay?"

"Not necessarily," Hiram replied, "sometimes kids your age go through stages of curiosity and confusion."

"It really depends how you feel about the person," Leroy continued. "I always thought Judy Garland was a remarkable beauty but I never felt any romantic or sexual desire for her. I simply appreciated the fact she was a good-looking lady. Being able to recognise that somebody is attractive doesn't mean you're attracted to them in that way yourself. That Glee Coach of yours, Mr. Schuester, he's a gorgeous man," Hiram glared, "but most certainly not my type."

"So, if I found another girl to be beautiful it doesn't mean that I'm a lesbian?" Puck asked furrowing his brows at what was possibly the most peculiar question he had ever asked.

"Not at all," Hiram answered.

"But what if I found myself falling for a girl's personality?" Puck asked. "What does that mean?"

The two Berry men looked to one another and Puck found himself squirming in his seat.

"Rachel, do you think you might be a lesbian?" Leroy asked gently.

"I'm not really sure," Puck answered. I'm in a chick's body and possibly crushing on Kurt Hummel. Does that make me gay? Or do I still count as straight because I have a fucking vagina? I'm not even sure if I actually like the guy. Maybe I'm just appreciating his pert little ass or whatever.

"You know we'll always love and support you, Rachel, no matter what." Hiram said.

"Um, yeah, I guess." Puck replied. "Can I ask Kurt to stay over tonight?"

"Of course," Leroy permitted and Puck had already picked his phone up to invite Kurt round for a sleepover.

XXX

What am I doing? This is ridiculous, Puck thought to himself as he stood in Rachel's bedroom, studying his appearance in the mirror. Kurt was already on his way over for their sleepover and Puck was worrying over what to wear and how to do his make-up. He knew he wanted to look good for Kurt but he was still confused as to why. It doesn't even matter how I look, I'm a freaking chick. Kurt's never gonna be into me when I don't even have a penis.

Applying a coat of red gloss to his lips, Puck twirled round in front of the mirror, trying to see how he looked from all angles. The skirt was incredibly short and really showed off Rachel's wonderful legs. The white blouse was tied up in a Britney Spears fashion showing off a lot of Rachel's flat tummy and it was tight enough to emphasize the little breasts the Jewish girl had. I wish these were bigger. Wait, no, it doesn't matter. Kurt likes dudes and dudes are supposed to have flat chests. This is good, just relax. The front door bell rang and Puck hurried down to answer it, knowing that it must be Kurt.

"Well hello, Kurt Hummel, so pleased you could make it," Puck greeted flirtatiously as he stood back so the boy could enter.

"The pleasures all mine, Miss Berry," Kurt responded pressing a kiss to Puck's cheek.

I'm totally not blushing, Puck assured himself as he led Kurt up the stairs, swinging his hips more than necessary in a way that Santana usually did. I wonder if he's looking up my skirt. Sneaking a glance behind him, Puck was disappointed to find that Kurt wasn't even admiring his legs let alone looking up his skirt.

XXX

Together on Rachel's bed, Puck and Kurt were watching movies. On occasion, Kurt would offer a sarcastic remark about some aspect of the movie and Puck would laugh perhaps just a little too enthusiastically. As the minutes ticked by, Puck casually inched closer to Kurt and twined their feet together giving the feeble excuse that his feet were cold. His 'cold' excuse resulted in Kurt climbing on top of him, so his front was pressed into Puck's back.

"Is that warmer?" Kurt laughed.

"I like it better when I'm on top," Puck replied hoping to make Rachel's voice sound seductive as he flipped them over then straddled Kurt's waist.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asked, his voice torn between amusement and confusion.

"I dunno," Puck shrugged lowering his body down, his breasts pressing against Kurt's torso. "You have really pretty eyes," he commented staring into Kurt's beautiful irises as he lightly cupped the boy's cheek.

"Um, thank you," Kurt responded, his voice only holding confusion this time.

Would it really be so gay if I kissed him? Puck wondered as he gazed thoughtfully at Kurt's parted lips. Just to see if I'd like it.

He gave it deep consideration, but he didn't quite have the nerve to carry it through. So instead of kissing Kurt, Puck tickled the boy's ribs. As he'd predicted, the touch made Kurt gasp and wriggle beneath him. Laughing, Puck kept it up and tickled Kurt some more, deliberately grinding down against Kurt as he did so, the other boy bucking up against him as he squealed breathlessly from the tickle attack.

Just do it, Puck encouraged himself, do it now. Just close your eyes and kiss him. Eyes falling shut, Puck bent down only to be shoved unceremoniously off the bed. Looking back to Kurt, he found the boy looked paler than usual and wasn't making eye-contact.

"I'm sorry Rachel, but I think I should probably go," Kurt said moving off the bed and collecting up his things.

"What? But we were having such a lovely time. Don't go," Puck begged.

"Rachel, what the hell is going on?" Kurt asked and he didn't look too impressed. "What was… that?" He asked gesturing to the bed.

"A tickle fight," Puck shrugged suddenly feeling awkward.

"I have to go," Kurt said, "I can show myself out."

"Damn it," Puck hissed once the boy had gone. He collapsed onto his back on Rachel's bed and soon noticed that his pussy was incredibly wet.

To Be Continued

Please Review

Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx