Disclaimer: I do not own the Scott Pilgrim series or any of the characters mentioned in this story. All original characters and lines belong to Bryan Lee O'Malley. This story is for entertainment purposes only. Any similarity to persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental. I reiterate my statement from chapter 2 too... swords are only fun til someone gets hurt... or fired.
A/N: Real life issues tried to keep this one from being released, but nothing can stop LPvTW! :-) Actually, I take that back. A few things could possibly stop this story. But as long as you keep reading and giving me feedback, it'll take a lot more than severe weather to stop me! :-D
Lily Pilgrim vs. Their World
Chapter 7
Barry
Lily Pilgrim (Age: 18, Status: Hoping she doesn't get fired) stood frozen at the counter of her new place of employment, No Account Video, as a strange man in a black outfit pointed a sword at her face.
"Is there any way we can NOT do this right now?" Lily pleaded as she slowly began walking around the desk. "This is my first day here, and I really need this job. Could you come back at 6? That's when I get off work."
"I'm sorry, darlin'," the man said. "No rain checks today."
With that, he swiped the sword directly at Lily's head! Lily ducked underneath and hopped over the counter, passing him and heading up the aisles of videos. He quickly turned and followed.
"Who are you?" Lily yelled as she zigzagged through the aisles.
"Name's Jeff Barry!" the man yelled as he lunged for another swipe and cut a display of Lucas Lee's posthumous anthology blu-rays in half. "And your mom ruined my life!"
"Mom?" Lily rolled underneath another sword swipe and jumped to her feet, running back the other direction through the action movies. "I thought all of you were after me because of what my dad did!"
"Your dad didn't help matters," Jeff spat as he whipped around and continued his dicing pursuit. "But your MOM was the one who was TRULY responsible!"
Lily (Status: Rapidly running out of ideas…) popped out at the back of the store, where one long and wide aisle led back to the front, past the counter and out the door. She went to run, but Jeff suddenly bounded into her path, a smile on his face as his sword flashed in the fluorescent light.
"End of the line," he growled.
Before he could attack though, the bell at the door rang again. A customer! Jeff whirled around. Lily glanced at the door. A blonde haired woman was walking through the door, her flowery dressed billowing in the wind from outside. She looked at Lily and smiled.
"AUNT LISA!" Lily screamed.
Lisa (Name: Lisa Miller, Age: 45, but doesn't look a day over 34, Occupation: Big time Hollywood actress) waved at Lily, but then spotted Jeff and his sword, and her face immediately dropped.
It was all the distraction Lily needed. As Jeff tried to turn back towards her, she rushed forward and shoved him into a used DVD bin! (Lily Pilgrim Note: Has never actually seen a DVD player) Amidst the confusion, she ran towards Lisa, who was now starting to back out of the doorway. Lily grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the store, tearing down the sidewalk as Jeff jumped through the door as well.
"Umm… Lil? Where are we going, and who is that?" Lisa asked, confused as her niece pulled her along the sidewalk, almost faster than she could run (Lisa Miller Note: I knew I shouldn't have worn these heels).
"Long story Aunt Lisa," Lily said through her gritted teeth. She was trying hard to concentrate. She had to find a subspace door… NOW! Then she remembered… every Second Cup in town had a subspace door. It came with the free Wi-Fi connection (The Second Cup: Your source for coffee, Wi-Fi, and subspace!). She jerked Lisa around the corner and headed into the Second Cup.
"You can't get away, Pilgrim!" Jeff yelled from behind them. Lily found herself again hoping her quick access card worked, because there wasn't going to be a lot of time. She jumped toward the door with Lisa in tow, and the two tumbled through into subspace!
EXPLANATIONS
Lily found herself lying next to her Aunt Lisa in the familiar desert of subspace. She slowly got up and brushed herself off (Lily Pilgrim Note: Well… there goes THAT job…) before helping Lisa to her feet.
"What… is this place?" Lisa asked, looking around.
Lily had forgotten that Lisa was Canadian, and therefore didn't know much about subspace. "It's… a place I go to when I need to get away for awhile," she said with a smile. Then she hugged Lisa. "It's so good to see you!"
"Good to see you too, Lil," Lisa smiled.
"That's touching, but we should really get back to our business," snarled Jeff from a short distance away (Lily Pilgrim Note: Wait… WHAT? What the XXXX?).
"How did… but…" Lily stammered as she turned to face Jeff.
"How did I know about subspace?" Jeff ventured as he took his fighting stance again. "Who do you think taught your mother about subspace?"
"You?" Lily was incredulous.
"What? NO! My Roxie did, and she taught ME all about it too," Jeff said as he prepared to strike.
Lily again grabbed Lisa by the hand and the two ran away from Jeff, who pursued with his sword flashing. If Jeff could follow them into subspace, there wasn't anywhere that Lily knew of where they could escape. Which left her one choice. She started scanning the horizon for another door, one that would lead her to a place where she might have the upper hand. Her eyes fell on that door and she made a beeline-a confused Lisa still following closely behind.
The two crashed through the door and right into the dining room of the Happy Avocado!
"Seriously, Lil… we've got to stop doing that," Lisa said as she struggled to regain her feet. Lily bounced up. She knew that they weren't safe for very long, and she would need something to combat that sword.
"Lily?"
Oh no…
Standing close to where they had popped out of subspace was Lily's mother (Name: Ramona V. Flowers-Pilgrim, Status: Confused and concerned). She helped Lisa to her feet while keeping her eyes on Lily. "I thought you were at work…"
"I was, but then…" Lily started.
Suddenly Jeff crashed full force through the door, colliding with Lily, sending them both into a nearby table.
"Now, little Pilgrim… it's time to die," he said as he walked over to Lily, who was trying desperately to clear her head from the impact. He raised the sword over his head, preparing to bring it down on Lily, when he was kicked hard from behind! He sailed across the dining room and crashed into another table!
"I don't think so," Ramona said as she helped Lily to her feet.
Jeff got up slowly and looked at Ramona and Lily, who had struck fighting poses next to each other. "Ramona Flowers? The woman who ruined my LIFE? Alright then… looks like I can take your daughter out of this world and then make my peace with you too!"
"Jeff… it was a long time ago. We were young… I didn't know what I was doing," Ramona said.
Lily looked at her mother. "Wait… you KNOW this guy?"
"Sure I do. Jeff Barry. Met him at university," Ramona said. "He was… a friend of a friend."
"Just a FRIEND?" Jeff snarled again. "I was only a friend because of YOU!"
"I'm really confused right now," Lily said.
"Well… remember my fourth 'ex,' Roxie Richter?"
"Yeah."
Ramona started to unzip her purse. "Well… Roxie wasn't JUST my friend, and she wasn't just Jeff's friend either…" she bit her lip as she looked at Lily.
"What?" Lily shrugged.
"You're taking that remarkably well," Ramona said.
"So what? So my mom had a bi-curious phase," Lily said. "I'm not as naïve as you think Mom… we DO have a softball team at school, after all."
"Ahem!" Jeff cleared his throat loudly. "I get the feeling I'm still being pushed to the back burner, and I DON'T LIKE THAT!"
Ramona turned back towards Jeff. "Alright then… let's go!" She began pulling what looked to be a handle out of her purse. In fact… as she kept pulling… Lily wondered how in the world she kept something that long in there. Finally, the head of what appeared to be a large sledgehammer appeared out of the purse, and Ramona flourished it towards Jeff. (Large Hammer: Rating +2 against girls… and whiny boys)
"Wha? Mom… where did you get a hammer from?" Lily exclaimed.
"From subspace, dear," Ramona said as she rushed forward. She swung the hammer down toward Jeff, who immediately dogged aside. He lunged, flourishing the sword just inches above her head. Using the near miss to her advantage, Ramona spun behind him-striking his back hard.
"You mean to say that I've been running from these people with swords when I could have just reached into subspace and pulled out a GINORMOUS hammer!" Lily unzipped her bag and started rummaging around (Lily Pilgrim Note: Where's MY hammer?).
"Not exactly. We never got you a hammer because we never figured you'd need it," Ramona said as she locked up with Jeff, struggling to keep the sword away from her face.
"Well obviously I do!" Lily yelled as she stopped going through her bag.
Ramona was starting to tire as Jeff pushed down on his sword. He was winning. The look in his eyes was murderous… and then blank as Lisa swung and smacked him in the back of the head with her purse. Jeff fell to the ground, holding the back of his head.
"Geez! What do you keep in that thing, horseshoes?" Jeff whined as he rolled on the ground.
"No. Just a lot of makeup," Lisa said with a bit of a smile. "And maybe a few napkin holders that I just picked up."
Jeff rolled around in pain as Ramona used her hammer to help herself up. Lily moved towards them, but then Jeff suddenly started glowing. In fact, he became so bright that Lily had to shield her eyes from the glare. After a brief second, the glow died down, and Lily uncovered her eyes. Her mother and aunt (Lily Pilgrim Note: Who both apparently kick all kinds of butt! Who knew?) stood over an empty spot on the floor. Ramona's face in particular was very troubled.
"Where'd he go?" Lily asked.
"Into subspace," Ramona said. She still looked very worried to have just won a fight. "C'mon… let's get home before he decides to come back. I think we've had enough excitement for the day."
"I've had enough excitement for a lifetime," Lisa agreed.
"By the way, good to see you again, Lisa," Ramona said, as though noticing Scott's old friend for the first time.
"You too," Lisa answered. The two and Lily walked out the door of the Happy Avocado.
"So… when do I get a hammer?" Lily asked.
"We'll see," was Ramona's answer.
BACK TO WORK
Lily ran the last 100 feet to the door of No Account Video. She had been so wrapped up in her fight with Jeff Barry that she had almost forgotten she was still on the clock. As she walked in the door though, she slowed to a walk.
Hollie was standing in the middle of the store, looking around at the destruction that had been caused. She glanced at Lily for a moment, and then went back to trying to fix the Lucas Lee display.
"So… yeah," Lily stammered. "About this…" (Lily Pilgrim Note: Yep… so fired…)
"Don't worry," Hollie said as she looked back at Lily. "I knew what I was getting in to when I hired a Pilgrim. Besides, it's not like there are applicants lining up at the door for that job, so you're not fired. Just… try and make this look less… sliced and diced before you go home tonight, okay?"
"Umm... also... do you think we could take another look at my dad's acco-" Lily started.
"Don't push your luck, Lily," Hollie said in a monotone. (Lily Pilgrim Note: Well... I tried...)
Several hours of cleaning later, the store looked okay. Not quite perfect, but enough where Hollie told Lily she could go home for the night. Lily trudged out the door and headed home. She didn't bother with subspace. If Jeff was still out there, and she had a feeling he was, she might be safer in the real world, where at least a policeman might see her.
"Hard day at work?" a voice said from behind her. Lily jumped and turned, ready to fight. Sean Williams (Role: Lily's boyfriend? Rating: 13/10) shrank away from the coming blow, which in fact never came.
"God you scared me Sean," Lily gasped.
"Didn't mean to, though what did I tell you about being alone," Sean said with a teasing smile.
"Well… you COULD keep me company on my way home," Lily smiled. "You know… be my bodyguard?"
"Sounds great," Sean said as he began walking next to Lily, hands in his pockets. "So I'm guessing Jeff Barry found you today."
"THAT'S an understatement," Lily said with a sigh. "He even knows about subspace, so I can't use it as a hiding place."
"Yeah. Like I said, subspace is pretty standard information in America," Sean lamented. "Of course, with a girlfriend like Roxie, he knows things about it that most normal people wouldn't."
"Girlfriend like Roxie? I thought she was a lesbian," Lily said, confused.
"Not exactly. Roxie's first 'experience' was with your mom. She just never got over it," Sean said. "But Jeff was her boyfriend first. He blames your mom for 'turning' her lesbian, which accounts for his strong dislike of her."
"I think dislike is an understatement too," Lily said.
"Probably," Sean agreed.
The two walked in silence for a few moments before Sean spoke again.
"So… you had questions?" he tried to lighten the mood with an elbow to Lily. "I'm still trying to convince you I'm not an evil stalker."
"Okay… why did you move to Toronto?"
"Wow… going right for the jugular this time, aren't you?" Sean said, holding his throat and staggering around. "I'd love to tell you that it was because of some great noble thing. My dad swearing vengeance on the man who murdered his father or something cool like that, but unfortunately, no. My dad got transferred up here for work, and that's all there is to it."
"Wow… so boring. I might have to break up with you now," Lily teased.
"Well… I'd say my life is a lot more exciting now with the almost famous Lily Pilgrim being a part of it," Sean answered with a smile.
"Stick around. It's only getting crazier by the second," Lily said.
"Mind if I ask you a question?" Sean asked.
"I guess not. I mean… I'm interrogating you every other day now," Lily replied.
"Do you hate your parents for putting you through this?"
Lily stopped short as Sean passed her. He turned around, hands still in his pockets.
"No. I don't hate them. I mean… we all make mistakes. We all hurt other people," Lily started. "My parents were just unlucky enough to hurt the wrong people." (Lily Pilgrim Note: Talk about the jugular…)
Another moment of silence.
"Sorry," Sean said. "I was starting to wonder if this was getting to you or not."
"It's okay. It IS kind of getting annoying, but they can't just keep coming, right?" Lily shrugged. "Eventually, I'll beat Gideon and this'll be finished."
Sean smiled grimly as he put an arm around Lily and they walked the rest of the way to her house.
VISITOR
As Lily walked in the front door, she was greeted by both her aunt Lisa and her mother, who were sitting at the dining room table. Lisa walked up and hugged Lily as hard as she could before letting go.
"That's for earlier, since I couldn't really hug you while we were running for our lives," she said. "Now… Ramona's told me all about everything, but I want it straight from the source."
Lily cringed slightly (Lily Pilgrim Note: Here we go…).
"Tell me ALL about this Sean character,"
That was… unexpected.
"Umm.. okay?" Lily started. "He's American…"
"Already following in your dad's footsteps, going out of the country for love?" Lisa said with a smile towards Ramona.
"I guess?" Lily was still reeling from the suddenness of the topic.
"So is he hot? Don't worry about your mom being here… she thought plenty of guys were hot too, and apparently girls," Lisa continued.
"Umm… yeah… he's… hot," Lily stammered.
"Alright Lisa… you've shell shocked the poor girl," Ramona said finally. "So I thought we'd go somewhere that's familiar to all of us for dinner."
"Oh… Sneaky Dee's?" Lisa said.
"How did you guess?" Ramona replied.
"C'mon. It's Toronto. Not too many places to choose from, right?"
A while later, Lily found herself in a corner booth at Sneaky Dee's. The room was dark, with lots of people milling around. The sounds of a live band filtered down the stairs from the stage area. Lily wondered for a moment if John had ever considered Tanooki Dream playing at Sneaky Dee's.
"It's so good to see you Lisa," Kim Pine said from one side of the table (Name: Kimberly Pine, Status: Eating nachos with friends… what could be better?). Beside her, Knives sat sipping a drink (Name: Knives Porter, Status: Still glad to be able to sit in Sneaky Dee's without Stephen Stills vouching for her). On the other side of the booth, Lily sat with her parents (Names: Scott and Ramona Pilgrim (-Flowers), Status: Only married couple, but trying not to rub it in people's faces). "So how long are you in for this time?"
"I'm here for a few weeks, but starting next week, we'll be filming at Casa Loma, so I won't be quite as easy going," Lisa replied from the head of the table.
"So you really DO become the diva," Scott said.
"Not as much as TMZ would have you believe, but maybe just a little," Lisa said, shrugging her shoulders.
Kim turned her attention to Lily, who was sitting in the corner sipping on a soda. "And I hear YOU got a job," she said.
"It's not that big a deal… just something to help me save up and replace my drum set," Lily replied.
"May I ask where you've decided to begin your employment?" Kim asked as she took another sip of her drink.
"No Account Video."
PFFT!
Kim spit her drink across the table, spraying Scott right in the face.
Several minutes (And a lot of cleaning up) later, Ramona and Lisa had gone out on the patio for a smoke (Lily Pilgrim Note: Seriously? They smoke? Isn't smoking… evil or something?) and everyone was just sitting around the table.
"Lily," Kim started. "No Account Video isn't that bad of a place to work, but I want you to do something for me. When you go in tomorrow, tell Hollie that I haven't forgotten."
"Haven't forgotten what?" Lily asked.
Kim grinned evilly. "Don't worry about that. I'm just making sure my niece is taken care of."
"Wow… Lily… you've got the greatest set of aunts ever," Knives somewhat slurred (Knives Porter: Age 39, Still a MAJOR lightweight…).
"I really do," Lily said with a smile.
"Don't forget you've got the greatest dad in the world too," Scott said.
Kim rolled her eyes. "Yes… yes… Scott Pilgrim… greatest father in the province. As much as it pains me to say that."
Suddenly, Kayla Simson (Kayla Simson Note: Out of breath… hold… up…) burst into the door.
"Hey wait! You're not 18!" a bouncer said as she ran up to the table. (Kayla Simson Fun Fact: Kayla is, in fact, 17. Other Fun Fact: She couldn't care less right now)
"Lily!" Kayla gasped as she got to the table. Bouncers were immediately on her, trying to pull her away from the table, but she held on with the strength of a pit bull (Note: Pit bulls are strong dogs. I've seen this first hand. They are also very friendly dogs. Also seen first hand).
"What is it Kayla?" Lily asked.
"It's… Little… C… he…" Kayla was straining against the bouncers. Finally, Kim stood up.
"Guys! Is it too much to ask for you to leave her alone!" she yelled. "For God sakes I'll vouch for her if it'll get you to leave!"
"Yes ma'am Ms. Pine," one of the bouncers said as they both quickly walked away. Kayla straightened her clothes and continued trying to catch her breath.
"What happened to Little C?" Lily demanded.
"He… wanted to find out more about this Jeff Barry guy. So when we saw a guy with a sword walking down the street, we figured it was him, and that it'd be a good idea to follow him," Kayla explained between breaths. "You know C though… stealth isn't his strong suit, so Jeff saw him and grabbed him! Me and John just barely made it out! John went to the police, but I don't think they're going to help."
Just then, Lily's phone buzzed, signaling a text message. She flipped it open.
Pilgrim,
Have your bf. Come to Hillcrest and we'll finish this.
-JB
Lily flipped the phone closed.
BATTLE
Hillcrest Park was still and silent. The weather had been pleasant for the last week, but tonight the sky seemed echoed Lily Pilgrim's mood. The falling snow contrasted the dark clouds above as it lightly frosted the playground equipment and lawns.
Lily Pilgrim (Age: 18, Status: Cautious and a bit miffed) slowly walked into the park, looking around for an attack to come from any angle. This was the same park where she had faced Winifred Hailey, and the same park where her parents had had their first date. She was bound and determined it would not be the last place she ever saw, or for that matter, her friend Little C saw.
As Lily passed the swing sets, a thud alerted her to another presence. Jeff Barry (Age: Unknown, Relationship to Roxie Richter: Touched on, Status: D-Bag) stood on the swing set, sword glinting in the light.
"What do you want, Jeff?" Lily said through her gritted teeth.
"I thought that was clear. Was I not clear?" Jeff replied. "I want revenge on your mother for turning my Roxie against me! And I'm going to start by taking it out of the hide of your little boyfriend over there," he gestured towards a tree, where Little C was tied up.
"Leave him out of this. Your fight is… well… I guess it's with me," Lily stammered a bit. Seeing Little C tied up was a bit unnerving to her.
"So your mom isn't here to bail you out again?" Jeff snarled.
Lily unzipped her subspace bag and began pulling a handle out of it. In just a moment, the head of a gigantic hammer cleared the bag and she swung it, pointing it towards Jeff. "I don't need help to take out your whiny XXX!" (Lily Pilgrim Note: Also… I'VE GOT MY OWN HAMMER! YEAH!)
"C'mon little girl… let's dance!" Jeff said as he jumped off the swing set, bringing his sword down toward Lily.
Lily brought her hammer up to block the sword with a resounding clang! Before Jeff could react, Lily spun toward him, smacking him in the face with the end of the handle before finishing her spin and swinging the hammer toward him. At the last second, he ducked backwards to the ground, dodging the blow. Immediately he popped back up and sliced upwards, but Lily sidestepped one swipe and then blocked its follower with the end of her hammer.
"You must really love him to be fighting for him like this," Jeff said with a smile as they struggled to break the stalemate.
"Love him? What?" Lily paused.
It was a distraction that Jeff was looking for. He whirled around and caught Lily in the face with his elbow, driving her back. He swiped at her head again, but she again blocked the blow with her hammer. He'd been expecting that though, and quickly grabbed the handle of the hammer, using it to swing the hammer and Lily both into a tree nearby! Lily hit the tree with a thud and crumpled to the ground.
"I loved someone like that once… I loved my Roxie!" Jeff said as he sauntered toward Lily. "But then your little harlot of a mother had to come along and take her from me! After she'd been with your mother, Roxie never wanted to cuddle. She never wanted me. She only wanted HER and her 'talented tongue!"
"TMI much?" Lily said, a disgusted look on her face. (Lily Pilgrim Note: Seriously… blech!) She pushed herself up and tried to swing the hammer again, but Jeff blocked it with his sword and quickly kicked the hammer out of her hands, knocking it back into the park.
"Lily!" Little C yelled from a distance. "You can do it Lily!"
Lily sank to her knees though. She'd finally been defeated. Jeff had known everything she was going to do. Everything she was thinking.
"Just stop fighting, little girl," Jeff said as he raised his sword. "It's not your fight anyway, remember? Just the mistakes of mommy and daddy… but it'll be over soon. And then, I'll take care of your little friend over there…"
Lily's head snapped up. The next motions were fast. Jeff prepared for the killing blow, but at the last second, Lily clicked her heels to release the skate wheels on her shoes, jumped up and kicked Jeff right in the crotch with the skates! (OOOOOHHHHH! I don't care who you are… that's GOTTA hurt!) Jeff doubled over in pain, dropping his sword.
"You're absolutely right, Jeff," Lily said as she watched Jeff try to catch his breath. "But they fought for each other and for me, and I'll fight for them any day. So the mistake… is really yours." (OH SNAP, SON!)
Jeff looked at the ground again, his eyes nearly bulging as he sucked in air. Lily stood up slowly and took the sword (NEW WEAPON ACQUIRED! Katana blade! Would you like to equip? YES!). She looked at her reflection in the blade, noticing that it looked, for just a second, as though she had been washed out, like the nightmare versions of her parents. She couldn't make herself care though.
"Whiny little boy in the falling snow…" she started as she prepared for the final strike. "I sure hope you're ready cause it's TIME TO GO!"
Lily swiped upwards and through Jeff's torso, shattering him into a thousand coins in the snow! Immediately, she fell back to her knees, exhausted. Meanwhile, Little C finally managed to wriggle free of his ropes and rushed to her side.
"Lily!" he exclaimed. "Lily… are you okay?"
She didn't look up at him. "I can't do it anymore," she said. "Not if they're starting to come after you guys."
"But I'm fine Lily! You saved me!" Little C pulled Lily's chin up so he could look her in the face. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment. "You're stronger than anything your parents' past can throw at you."
Lily thought she saw something in Little C's eyes in that moment, but it passed as he looked past her and started backing away. She could hear the pixel sword behind her.
"Are you okay Lily?" Sean's voice from where the pixel sword was.
"Sean?" Lily asked weakly.
"I came as soon as Kayla told me what was happening. That poor girl looked like she'd just run a marathon."
"I'm pretty sure that's the longest she's run since elementary school P.E," Lily managed a weak smile as she turned to Sean.
Sean glared at Little C for a moment. "You okay?" he asked, seemingly not too concerned with the answer.
"Yeah," Little C replied, his eyes flashing defiance.
"Then I think we've had enough excitement for one day," Sean added as he helped Lily to her feet. "Let's get you home."
Wow… things are getting a lot more serious in the world of Lily Pilgrim. With Jeff out of the way, who will come to avenge the Katayanagis? How will Hollie treat Lily at work now that she knows Kim Pine is watching out for her? What will happen next in the Lily/Sean relationship? (Little C Note: That smug son of a…) With Lisa and Knives both being back in town, is there some kind of reunion or something centering on Lily's battles? What was that dark, washed out version of Lily in the reflection of the sword? And when will I finally learn that none of you are going to answer these questions? Find out in the next installment of "Lily Pilgrim vs. Their World!"
