Hello, dear fellows readers and writers !
I don't know what's going on with me but here it already is, chapter 8 !
Next chapter will be the final, the tenth will be an extra. Don't hesitate to make suggestions about it !
...
This time, I bet you'll be a bit surprised by the turnaround of situation :-D
As usual, please review !
Enjoy !
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"Geez, they're here again."
We'd both agreed to go and see Hito-sensei one last time, to sum up the whole thing and to give her our thanks. Yet, we didn't expect to come across the same old homophobic couple who despised us so much before the first appointment.
Nowaki is worried at once about my reaction and doesn't wait before acting. Despite his efforts to remain discrete, I have understood his little game pretty well: while pretending to fly by the pile of magazines which are always spread over the coffee table before us, he is cautiously keeping them away from my reach.
I think that I have traumatized him a little bit when I assaulted him at Tsumori's.
To tell the truth, I must have traumatized myself as much as him.
This night in the hall was... pretty... wow, intense, I daresay. I still don't understand what the heck came over me to act like that. I would have drunk two whole pints of sake and I would have probably acted the same. It seems that all that Hito-sensei told me about me being too passive, added to the recent past events related to Akihiko,had really, really gotten to my temper.
It's not like me at all to hit and to shout against a closed door, to assault someone and to smash him against the floor to make my point, then to... to... well, on the top of that -if I daresay- to go all the way, more or less literally...
At the same time, it's not like Nowaki either to become out of sight from jealousy, nor to panic down when getting overwhelmed. Until now, he has always accepted my very few moves with a calm, confident smile. So confident in fact, that it almost got me sometimes.
When I come to think to all that has happened lately...
Well...Let's say that these past few weeks, which were even more chaotic than ever, are only a short period from our lives.
My alarm-clock is back, at last.
He's as impulsive as always and unpredictable as usual, but I am getting used to it. And as far as I'm concerned, well... I haven't changed much, in fact. After that little craziness that I still can't figure out (what the heck, for God's sake, took over me?), my natural shyness has covered it up. Except when I get angry, of course.
So, for the next two weeks, we have somehow come back to our normal life.
A cough drags me out of my thoughts.
The old silly couple keeps glaring at us. I try again to throw back to them my most murderous glares too: the special counter-SMS attack, the special counter-Takahashi attack, and finally the counter-Miyagi attack. In vain, though. They seem to have immunized themselves since last time.
Yet... the counter-Miyagi attack should have been enough.
Geez.
Being myself, I don't dare to attempt anything else. I just fulminate on my chair, head down, clenched fists, gritted teeth. I'm running out of patience... And also out of ideas.
Since Nowaki and I made up, maybe even since we first met, a new feeling has, little by little, grown inside me.
Rebellion.
If only our society was a bit more tolerant, I'm sure that I would never have had -we would never have had- to get through all of these problems. I am not putting all the blame on the others. No, no, far from it, I am just saying that it has made things more difficult. It would only be because of the public opinion that I shun Nowaki's openness. And I will always be wary, no matter what the circumstance. To the extent that we can't even hold hands without taking a glimpse around first. I am tired of hiding myself -hiding ourselves- from the others.
I am and will always be embarrassed by Nowaki's public demonstrations of affection. He still hasn't got it and he probably never will. But recently, I've told myself that it may be precisely his own way to fight against such inequity.
Unless he is so naïve and innocent that he doesn't see anything wrong with two men loving each other exactly the way a man and a woman do. It's more like him to think so. Nowaki is not the rebellious type, neither am I .
This is maybe why we still haven't shared our opinions about the status of homosexual couples in Japan.
But I have to admit we already had enough to deal with until now.
Well...
Anyway. These oldies are really getting to my temper this time. I am watching the pile of magazines like a samurai strokes the handle of his katana.
Time itself seems to hold its breath.
Silence gets heavier and heavier.
All of a sudden, I feel a hand seizing mine. This unexpected move makes me start.
"No... Nowaki ?"
"Let yourself go."
I've already heard that somewhere...
Nowaki is coming closer. I don't move from an inch, aghast. Finally, I turn my head to look at him. And I freeze.
His blue eyes are icier than that time when Nowaki believed me to cheat on him. I didn't even suspect that such a thing could be. Yet, it is definitely the old couple that Nowaki is targeting.
He keeps my hand in his. And puts them in evidence on his knee while pulling me against him.
I remain stiff. He could have warned me, I don't know, sent a signal asking me or something!
The two fossils are close to the heart attack. This last little game manages to get my to nerves.
But...Nobody else is looking.
Then, I relax and add my own murderous glare to Nowaki's.
After all, he's right. All the lovers in the world can hold hands without a second thought, and yet we couldn't even sit side by side?
Nowaki loosens his grip to cross his fingers with mine.
Although embarrassed and looking down, I tighten my fingers on his.
"Hello, gentl..."
Hito-sensei freezes. So do we.
Her eyes glitter. Oh no. The fan-girl is back.
As for the two oldies, they run away through the door she is keeping opened.
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So, here we are, in the beautiful blue green office, in front of our cups of tea, in the same awkward silence as during the first appointment.
Hito-sensei is pouring some tea, smiling widely. I swear, I can hear her singing.
Yet Nowaki and I are far from feeling all good.
"Err... Hito-sensei, we have come to tell you it will be our last encounter. Thank you very much for everything."
We both bow at her.
The therapist, still smiling widely, does nothing else but take a sip.
"When I saw you right before, I expected something like this."
No need to say more to get the awkward silence back.
"Therefore, many things must have happened since last time."
That's the least she can say.
"May I ask you what happened?"
We both expected and apprehended such a question. Nowaki and I are looking at each other, quite embarrassed. Unveiling to Nowaki that I came to Hito-sensei without telling him is out of question. As for Nowaki, he doesn't seem too keen to get back on the subject either.
He raises his voice again.
"Hito-sensei, please excuse us, but we don't want to speak about it anymore. Let's say that we have really discussed for once and that we... have cleared out things between us."
Hard to make it more vague, but I greet the effort and hope that our therapist won't take it too badly.
I glance at her, waiting for her reaction.
She looks like she's going to spring from joy.
Come on, you're a Japanese woman for God's sake! Please behave like one!
There is more, it's absolutely impossible to know what is going on in her mind!
"I don't need to know more! If you knew how glad I am to see you two agreeing with each other before answering me! This, added to your previous move in the waiting room is far enough!"
She fills our cups again. We are so silent in comparison with the previous appointments that we drink our tea much faster than usual.
"You know, I have been doing this for twenty years, and I have met many failing couples. I can tell. Rare are the ones who truly love each other. But in your case, I didn't have the slightest doubt about it."
She sits down, smirking.
"However, you're both so clumsy that I was wondering how long it would take to..."
I sweep the judgment. A number has caught my attention.
Twenty years?
Judging by Nowaki's face, he's wondering the same thing.
"Please excuse me, doctor, but how old are you?"
"Nowaki!"
Hito-sensei bursts into laugh at such an impolite question. I bet she's flattered, but still...
"I'm 47."
WHAT?
No... It can't be!
Miracle of nature, masterpiece of modern surgery or incredible work of make up? Or all three of them maybe? We'll probably never know.
The miracle clears her throat. When she speaks, her professional tone is back.
"Let's go back to the main topic. How would you define your relationship now? What about your communication problems?"
Nowaki glances at me. Does it mean that I have to speak? Gosh, he would have done perfectly well without me.
Ill-at-ease, I swallow before trying to answer. The shorter the better.
"Well, I'd daresay we trust each other much more. I have at last somehow managed to tell about something which has been bothering me for a long time."
"And what is it exactly?"
She doing it on purpose. She knows perfectly what it is!
"Part of my past whose importance I had underestimated 'til now."
And that will do. I don't want to let anything slip which could lead Nowaki to understand I have spoken to Hito-sensei before him, nor do I want to tell the whole thing countless times. No, really, enough is enough.
After a moment of silent, Hito-sensei turns back to Nowaki.
"What about you, then?"
He is crimson. I am wondering what is going on with him. He opens his mouth at last.
"Well, as far as I'm concerned, I got everything Hiro-san has told me. But..."
But?!
"But...I didn't tell him much in return."
He takes a sip of tea, before looking me right in the eyes.
"More exactly, I haven't yet."
His eyes are glittering, I wonder why. Good Lord, what is he coming up with, once again?
I am looking alternatively at Nowaki and at the therapist, as if I was expecting them to tell the answer. She doesn't look surprised by this mysterious turnaround. She remains indifferent behind her cup of tea.
"You'll find the opportunity very soon, with no doubt."
She stands up. We imitate her.
"Thanks again."
"Please, it was my pleasure."
I glance around the office one last time. When I think to all that has happened in barely three months...
While leading us to the exit, Hito-sensei confirms my thoughts.
"I have to tell you, I am impressed that you have improved so fast. In only five appointments, this is really..."
"Five appointments?!"
It is not me who has interrupted her, but Nowaki.
Hito-sensei bites her lips and turns crimson.
As for me, I am thinking like crazy. Three consultations in three months and a private appointment mean four meetings... Which also means that...
Anger gets to me once again.
...And once again, Nowaki is also faster that me.
"You came to her without telling me!"
I snap at him right back:
"You are the one talking!"
"Why the hell did you..."
"Because of Akihiko, you fool! To avoid exactly what happened next!"
"Usami-san again! It's because of him that I..."
"U...Usami-san? Akihiko?"
Both of us stop at once, intrigued. Still standing next to the door, Hito-sensei slowly repeats the two names, one after the other.
One more thing that I precisely wanted to avoid.
The knots are tied, excitation rises, and the therapist glows back from joy, jumping on her feet.
"You mean, Usami-sensei? THE most brilliant from Teito university? The youngest winner of the Naomori Award ? THE writer who won the Kikukawa Award four years ago ? The..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's him, thanks again and gooodb..."
I try to run away but it's too late. Hito-sensei is holding my hands with piercing shrieks. Nowaki instinctively retreats back from so much enthusiasm.
And I...
"Hi... Hito-sensei !"
"When I think you were secretly in love with him and that he's always ignored your feelings! A secret love for a future genius writer, what a story! As good as his books! What would I have done to read his first notebooks too!"
"W.. Wait..."
"What sort of kid he was? What kind of story he wrote? Was he as handsome as he is now? Was he so clever? In what kind of family has he grown up?"
"Nowaki, help!"
She doesn't let me go. I'm lucky that Nowaki intervenes before she tells everything from our private discussion.
"Errr... please excuse us, but we have to..."
She loosens her grip to assault him too, holding his two hands.
"Could I meet him? Could you help? I have all his books, I could recite them!"
Exactly what I was afraid of.
"Excuse-me, doctor, but it is out of question! Anyway, next wee..."
"Please, please! I'll do whatever you want!"
"You've already done it, thank you very much."
"I... I'll make a special price for your next consultations!"
"Do you mean we may need your help again?!"
"But... No, sorry, what I meant is..."
"No, no, no!"
"Hiro-san, we owe her one, don't you think?"
For the first time since the fan-girl assault, Nowaki has opened his mouth at last. And his few words blow the place like a bomb.
Hito-sensei catches her breath, full of hope.
Traitor... he has a crush on her, I could swear! This time, I see red.
"Come on, Nowaki! Do you remember that we paid for it? We don't owe her anything! Plus, I'm not even sure everything has happened thank to the sheer power of Hito-sen..."
I shut up and glance at her when realizing what I am saying. She seems vexed. Yet to apologize to her is out of question. So what, after all, it is true !
I slow down and goes on :
"Whatever. Akihiko has been involved enough like that, I am certainly not going to embarrass him anymore. And he already has enough problems dealing with his fans, no need to bring him some more to his place!"
"Then you just have to introduce her as a relative. After all, you told me that he is the one who has encouraged you to get into the couple therapy, right? He may be pleased to meet her."
I remain silent and fulminating. That will teach me to tell him everything!
The so-called therapist doesn't even wait for me to answer.
"Oh, thank you, thank you so much! When will I see him?"
I throw the words grudgingly. I know I have already lost anyway.
"Tomorrow. To get over with it. And please promise you'll behave !"
But she frenetically bows at us and wishes us a good evening between two 'thank you's and three see 'you tomorrow!'s.
I am walking as fast as I can, my demonic aura glowing. Nowaki doesn't try to calm me down
Finally, anger is replaced by fear. I can feel a new storm coming.
This time, Akihiko is going to kill me!
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The day after, I am pushing the call button from Akihiko's place with a shaking finger, Hito-sensei shivering behind me.
"Hello, Usami residence."
"Hello, Takahashi-kun, this is..."
"Please come inside, he is here."
I was expecting Takahashi to open the door but Akihiko had come forward.
"So, Hiroki, do you have the blues ag..."
He suddenly pauses.
His eyes land on on the "young" excited lady who is stepping next to me.
And one more time, there's nowhere to hide. Therefore, I try to introduce her.
"Errr...Akihiko, you'll get it, this is..."
But she is not even patient enough to let me finish.
"Hito Mayumi, therapist, pleased to meet you! I have been taking care of Kamijou-san and Kusama-san for the past three months! I'm so glad to meet you!"
She bows frenetically again and again, glowing from joy.
"Kamijou-san told me a lot about you!"
Akihiko remains silent and motionless, as always.
He looks back at me. His grey eyes are as cold as steel.
"Hiroki..."
"I...I'll let you guys-!"
I try to run away but Akihiko grabs me by my collar before shutting the door behind us.
Nowaki, you FOOL!
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Well, in fact, it hasn't been as terrible as I feared. Akihiko has just let the waterfall of questions dry out before offering her his brand new book for her to have it signed next week.
I almost believed Hito-sensei would hug us but she just thanks us copiously while wishing to us a nice week.
Well, this is what she means by 'to behave'?
Sitting next to Suzuki-san, I am waiting with apprehension for Akihiko, who smokes in front of me in silence.
"Hiroki."
His baritone voice echoes through the living room.
"Y... yes?"
"Do not ever, you get me, ever do such a thing again.
I bow at him, with burning cheek:
"S... S... Sorry."
On the front door, I turn back, hesitating.
"And err... for next week, is it still possible...?"
"Possible? After all that you've done to me?"
I shut up, tensed. Never mind. At least, I won't have to ask Nowaki.
But when I walk away...
"You'd better say it is compulsory that you come!"
