The sky turned gray and blue as the sun went down, promising an incoming rain. I forgot to bring an umbrella, but it didn't matter to me. As the bus passed through luminous streetlights and eerie shops and buildings, the clench in my stomach seems to tighten. I am still fear-stricken, and I couldn't even look at Hazuki in the eye right now. We sat side by side, and I had a weird imagination that she kept her distance as to not brush against me in the slightest.

All while we traveled I couldn't think of words to defend myself. Should I really defend myself in the first place? Is she wrong?

Of course not. It's all true. I thought to myself helplessly. I don't know what she's going to say or do, and not knowing how she reacted to that makes my head ache. I feel the cold creeping inside me still, and it feels like it's strangling me that I was not quite able to breathe normally. I wish half-heartedly it should turn out like that so I can drop dead and not explain for or justify anything at all. I thought of scaling those dark walls to escape, but I can't, and I'm stuck with breaths catching in my throat because of the apprehension the situation is giving me. I inhaled sharply and tried to breathe normally. I looked out the window seeing my pale, blurry reflection on it. This face is the face of a girl who only wanted to love Reina with all of her heart, in the hope that the tiniest sliver of affection shall be returned. But it is not only the hope of being loved back that drove me into falling in love with her, but the fact that I had no choice but to follow my heart. I gazed into my own eyes, the background blurry and swirling as the bus drove on.

I've gone so far as to admit to myself these feelings, and it would all be for nothing if I deny it in the end. After all, this is not just some friendly love or puppy love. I know it's the real thing. I'd go through anything for Reina. I really, really love her. Why should I be denying something I should be so proud of having?

I could feel Hazuki staring at me silently from her seat, and I could almost feel her gaze pricking on my skin. She put her hand against mine and I jolted from the unexpected contact. She placed her hand more firmly and squeezed it.

"Hey," Hazuki started to say, her eyes soft and caring, "Don't worry too much. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's just me. Back then, I'm sorry for… being too blunt." Tubacabra sat on her lap, safely tucked in her new case made of gleaming black fabric. I nodded at her, averting my eyes. She took her hand away and the bus began to slow down, then ultimately came to a stop. She shouldered her tuba and took off, and I followed suit. We walked until we arrived at the vibrant McDonald's we agreed upon. By then, it was completely dark as the night replaced the setting sun, and cold gusts of wind roared. We warmed ourselves inside the establishment, though it was relatively cold inside either. We picked the seat in the farther corner which was quite deserted. Hazuki dropped her tuba with a heave on the soft, puffy long sofa, while I sat across her.

"I'm going to order a meal. I'm famished," she groaned. Hearing her speak to me like there's no serious matter at hand almost made me feel relieved. But there's no denying how much the anxiety had spread both physically and mentally. It felt so much colder than it really is, and my fumbling hands shook visibly underneath the table. "What do you want to eat? My treat."

I blinked, almost unable to catch it. "Uhm, maybe just a drink. I'm not really feeling hungry right now." It was true. I wasn't really hungry. It would only make me more conscious of myself, anyway. She looked at me, contemplating about what I said. After a few seconds she opened her mouth and replied, "Okay. I'll be right back."

She gestured to her instrument, and I assured her that I will watch over it. She walked to the counter and I watched as she gave her order to the cashier. As I looked out toward the streets, rain started pouring down. It will only be a matter of time until it rains harder. Different other thoughts swirled in my mind, and I desperately racked my brain on how I should address the more serious matter. Nothing came up, except the feeling of nervousness.

Damn, I can't think straight! I let out a heavy, defeated sigh. Hazuki appeared with a tray in both hands, and squeezed herself in to sit on the long sofa. She took a Diet Coke and fries and placed them in front of me. "I don't want you watching me while I eat or I'll get conscious so I bought you some."

I accepted it gratefully, and took a sip from my soft drink. Hazuki ate ravenously, to the point that you could say it's manly; putting as much rice and chicken strips her mouth could contain and watering it down with Pepsi. She went on like that for a few minutes, dead focused on her food like there's no tomorrow. I took a fry now and then with a slow pacing and sipped very little, my appetite still seemingly not engaged to eat. Then I felt a cold, pricking sensation when she stopped and looked at me, beginning so suddenly it took a moment for me to realize she was voicing out her feelings.

"I'm just pissed. I'm pissed because we're friends and you haven't told a soul that you're hurting," was what she said. "You always keep it to yourself. I get it that you don't like sharing these kinds of things. But sometimes it just makes me feel like you don't trust us." She looked out to her left, staring out at the darkness that consumed the streets. The streetlights made her eyes gleam, but there was melancholy evident in them.

"It's not that I don't trust you guys," I whispered in a low voice, "It's just… maybe you don't like me that way. I'm afraid that you see me—"

The breath caught in my throat. My hands flew on the table, fumbling as I struggled to get the words out. "Disgusting or sickeni—"

I jerked in my seat as Hazuki slammed her hand on the table. It was loud, but the other customers were busy enough or too far away to notice. Tears suddenly welled up in my eyes and I choked back a silent sob.

"Hey," She said softly, "Don't ever say that. Don't you ever, Kumiko Oumae. You are not disgusting. You are not the negative things you assume yourself to be." She mumbled an apology for startling me. The next thing I knew is that she's beside me, hugging me tight. I love the warm touch, and the reassurance made me break into sobs. Hazuki took my chin and turned my face so that we faced each other at eye-level. She was blurry through the tears, and she wiped the salty rivulets with her thumb and smiled.

"I don't want to be a friend who judges you, especially for who you are. You've done nothing wrong, and I want you to know that. But it doesn't change the fact that you are Kumiko Oumae, my friend who has the habit of saying things out loud. You are okay to me. If anything, I get to know you better. And I am happy to have done that."

The next half an hour we spent talking about me in a light manner, which I assume was to prevent me from crying anymore. Hazuki talked to me in a soft voice, and I knew she meant well. I was more than relieved to know that there is not a hint of resentment in the way she talked nor looked at me, but I knew she struggled to understand this kind of love. I understood that, and it was more than the kind of acceptance that I wished for. She told me how she knew— she followed me and made sure never to be seen when I snuck out to hang my tanzaku. I was surprised by the confession and she apologized to me repeatedly, but it mattered little now. I wasn't angry at all, it may as well have been my fault. She knew it was Reina I was referring to, and she knew I am hurting knowing that Reina knows nothing of my feelings all while she desperately tries to catch Taki-sensei's attention. It does hurt to act like it was nothing to me, even though I know that in one way or another I was involved.

"You should confess," she said suggestively. I shunned the idea. I can't do that yet. Verbally confessing my feelings would be beyond my current capabilities. But she told me there was no other way, and that there was still Sapphire who needs to know about this.

"I'm not saying you should tell this to everybody, but I think it would be good if Sapphire isn't left out on this," She said in a matter-of-fact kind of tone. I'm not sure about Sapphire's reaction, but she's usually mild-mannered and not as impulsive like this girl next to me, which makes me gain a little more confidence on confiding.

The windless rain poured viciously on the illuminated streets, with occasional flashes of lightning and booming of thunder. We struggled to share Hazuki's umbrella, and I was refrained from occupying too much space so her tuba can squeeze in. I let my shoulder leave the dry space, and the fabric quickly soaked the perpetually falling rain. I walked silently, bringing to mind what Hazuki mentioned. It rang in my ears for what seemed like eternity when we reached the station.

"That's the problem with you. You suffer on your own and saying nothing like its fine. Look at you, all drenched in the rain." Hazuki snapped impatiently as I wiped myself with a hanky. The rumbling of train rails vibrated through the tiled floor, and the train was visible a second after, screeching to a slow stop.

"Unless you want a rusting Tubacabra, I can't do that. Besides, it's your umbrella. I'm grateful enough that I get to share it." She looked at me searchingly for a second and gave up. We boarded the train and sat on the seats at the edge of an empty row. I'll get soaked on the way home, anyway, was what I thought as the train lurched forward and traversed the dark tunnel. Before long it was Hazuki's stop, and she worried over me to which I assured her that I was going to be okay. I waved at her as the train lurched forward again, and I watched her as she walked away until she vanished beyond the white-washed walls. Eerie silence washed over me and the few other passengers onboard. I welcomed it, and once again my mind sank into a pessimistic sea of thoughts.

What would Reina think of me when I confess? That I had ulterior motives? She would not accept it. Knowing how well she speaks her mind whether or not someone can get hurt scared me. I could almost perceive her face contorted into a grimace, fury blazing in her eyes. I could feel her disgust, and it stabbed me with pain. Her almost audible voice rang in my ears, her words harsh and filled with revulsion. The cold spread to my heart, and I can feel it numb from the pain. Bu there was something scarier than that. It was not the thought of her spitting harsh words at me that I feared the most. I am petrified to think that we will never be the same. Knowing she will avoid me filled me with anguish. It was the most excruciating to think about more than anything else. If confessing meant not being able to enjoy her company… not being by her side… not being able to laugh or cry together… not being able to freely love her, then…

I can't do it.