AN: No plot development here, just one the GROSSEST jokes in history. And I blame Miss Trippy for frustrating me with the state of Nebraska, which induced the insanity that made me write this and save it under a bizarre document name in MSWord, hence the lateness of this update. (Took me forever to find it.) So, yes, any complaints should be thrown at Miss Trippy. In fact, let's all sen squid-moose-babies after her, shall we?

I OWN NOTHING! AT ALL! EVER! (Except the undies of this chappy.)

---------------------------------------------

Ghostly wails were usually scary.

But usually, those listening to the ghostly wails did not have psychic powers. So instead it just got to be annoying. All the children sat there, plugging their ears, as Sasha, Milla, Ford, and Raz tried to figure out what to do. As always, everyone's favorite German Psychonaut had a brilliant, well thought out plan to save them.

"Let's plant explosives in the campfire area, set them off, fill the place with mustard gas, and get on with our lives."

"Sasha," Milla chastised him, "No, darling, just… no." She paused. "Is that a bottle of wine?"

"No, it's Cadet Tripe's god." Sasha replied drolly. Then his features grew serious, camouflaging the sinister gears that were turning in his mind. "In all honesty, Agent Vodello, some mild mustard gas and explosions should work to either injure the entity or bring it out into the open for closer examination. I fail to see the flaw in this plan."

"And I fail to see it when Lili doesn't wear underwear, but that doesn't mean it's not happening." Everyone stared at him. "Uh, I mean, things aren't always as they seem."

"Clearly," Ford said, looking vaguely disgusted, "But the fact is Nein, your plan requires gas we don't have. I used it already makin' the burgers up at the Lodge."

"Now what?" Milla asked quietly. "What can we do?"

This would have been a moment of silence and gravity had Crystal not farted. Everyone cleared out of the trauma ward like bats out of Hell, leaving the injured behind to suffer a horrible fate; burning nose syndrome. (Except for Raz, who TK'd Lili over to him and ran.) They stumbled out onto the grass, gasping for air and unable to tell which way was up. Sasha collapsed, coughed, and then pulled Milla down alongside him, at which point she began to roll down the hill, disoriented from the gas.

She hit a tree and lay there, dazed.

Sasha walked over to her, concerned in spite of his intoxication. "Agent Vodello?"

"Darling?"

"Yes?" he asked, leaning over her.

"Why is the sky orange? And why didn't you tell me you were a triplet?" she asked dazedly.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand, helping her up. Woozily she stumbled forward, towards the sputtering, gagging group of children. Their eyes were leaking tears of pain as their bodies shook from the spine, the poison destroying their souls. THEIR SOULS, I SAY, THEIR SOULS!!!!

"Raz, darling," Milla said gently, "You can put Lili down now."

Raz shook. "I can't."

Sasha and Milla exchanged worried glances, since they were sure he'd finally snapped. He held Lili bridal style, one hand on her waist and one around her shoulders. His eyes were as big as the mushroom in the boys shower. Milla gave him a concerned look and stepped closer, which was no easy feat since she felt like she'd just been spun like wool.

"Why not?"

"Lili isn't wearing underwear today!" Raz howled as if in pain. "My – my fingers – there's this stuff – how do I get out of this?!"

Sasha and Milla turned away. They were not fit to handle this, dammit. There was a fine line between adult humor and disgust. This crossed it. Sasha smirked at the thought, but Milla was just trying not to laugh, giggle, chuckle, or smile.

Then Sasha noticed something.

"Razputin, she's wearing underwear. That's just Gel-Filled Clear-Color Pure-Power Underwear™, guaranteed to provide protection from rain, sun, wind, sand, dust, ice, snow, low humidity, high humidity, sandstorms, thunder, lightning, rocks, beavers, pain, pleasure, power, sincerity, giant turtles, bats, the color blue, old boyfriends, alien probes, and mysterious odors. Gel-Filled Clear-Color Pure-Power Underwear™. For the strong, multi-tasking woman, look to Gel-Undies Incorporated for all your underwear needs."

Raz threw Lili aside, fell to his knees, smacked his hands together and prayed. "Oh thank you, sweet, merciful God! Your ways are mighty and gel-filled, and-"

Sasha interrupted him. "Cadet, have you been into my beer stash?"

"…Um, yeah."

"It shows."