A/N: Well here's my latest edition to the story:D Don't fret about everything... all I can say, is everything is happening for a reason. And, everything will fall into its rightful place. I promise I won't leave the story hanging. :)
Well, please read and review, that's all I ask of you:D
xoxo
Chapter 8. Leading a False Life.
Christine stumbled back immediately in shock. At first her eyes just stared at him. But very slowly... her fingers began to travel up from her side, to her lips. They felt all warm and she could feel her eyes prickle with unshed, confused tears.
"Christine -"
Christine said nothing as she turned away from him and began to walk away. Raoul stood and stared at her disappearing figure, before moving after her when he noticed she wasn't heading towards the house, but in the direction of the forest.
"Christine!" he called to her.
Christine said nothing in response, fighting back her great urge to break into sobbing. She had no clue what was happening to her anymore. She felt like she was in another world...
A slight cry left her mouth as she tripped over the root of a tree that was sticking out from the ground. She sat there for a few moments rubbing her sore butt, till her shoulders began to shake her fragile body and the tears started to come.
Raoul broke into a run to quickly disperse the space in between them. In his few fast strides, he was already bending down next to the girl who had her arms wrapped around her legs and sobbing into them.
"I'm sorry Christine." he apologized quickly.
"Why did you do that?" her muffled voice asked through her tears, still keeping her face in her knees.
Raoul looked down and picked a blade of grass and twisted it through his fingers in thought.
Why had he done that? I couldn't resist... she's so beautiful and I love her oh so much... His thoughts admitted tenderly. He could even feel his heart thudding in his chest at the sweet thought of his lips on hers once again.
"Christine, I'm sor -"
"No! I want an explanation! Why did you do that Raoul?" she demanded, finally lifting her head and wiping away the remainder of her tears from her red cheeks.
"I... I really care about you Christine." he looked away, not wanting to meet her eyes. "Besides, what is so wrong with kissing someone you love?" he asked honestly.
Christine looked down at her dirty hands and held her breath. He had a point. What was wrong with that? She had kissed him before... how come now was any different? She felt like she had been betraying someone... but whom? The Phantom was dead, she couldn't be betraying him... besides, and it wasn't like she loved him…
Christine put her hands on the ground and pushed herself up till she was standing on wobbly feet. "I think I shall go take a nap." she said lowly, before turning away from him and leaving to get out of the awkward situation.
Raoul sat there on the ground watching her form disappear from his vision. He clenched his hands, trying not to give into his anger and misery all at once. What was happening? Why did he feel like he was on a one way street in this situation?
"Forget this waking nightmare..."
"The Phantom of the Opera will kill..."
"This Phantom is a fable, believe me."
"... and kill again!"
"There is no Phantom of the Opera."
xoxo
Raoul sat across from Christine as the two sat quietly eating their second course of supper. The only sounds were heard by the servants as they came in and placed down the platters filled with the third course.
Nothing had been said between the two since they were both outside. Raoul had not a clue as how to approach her. He still felt incredible awkward and embarrassed about before.
Christine on the other hand, had been filled with inner sadness... not to mention she still felt very sick. Her vomiting had yet to cease, which was worrying her. She had yet to tell Raoul this.
Raoul -who was watching from the corner of his eye-, noticed that she was merely poking and pushing her food around her plate with her utensil. He could see from the way her clothing no longer clung to her body, but just hung, she had lost quite a bit of weight.
He tried to think that maybe that monster had done something to her when she was in his presence, which could make her so cold and distant.
"She loves me." Erik said softly.
Raoul entertained the thought. And for a brief moment, he wondered if that really was the truth... no matter how much he hated to admit it.
She never actually tried to leave. He thought to himself as his glaze still sat on her, smoldering her. No, it just cannot be possible that she likes someone like him! The beautiful never love the ugly. That is just reality.
"Would you like to meet the horses?" Raoul asked suddenly, trying to break the ice he had formed between the two.
Christine looked up at him, and for a minute he thought she was going to say no. But out of no where, her lips curled slightly and she nodded her head.
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"This is Cruncher." Raoul said, pointing to the Bay Gelding.
He had to say, he was relieved she wanted to go to the stables with him. That she wanted to do anything with him at all. He had been receiving the impression that she didn't want to be in his presence... but now she was at least making talk with him as he led her down the aisle of the back barn and telling her bits and facts on each horse.
Christine stroked the gelding's soft muzzle and kissed its forehead. "He's very sweet." she said gently as the horse sniffed her and nibbled on the sleeve of her dress. She did not mind though. She had grown up with horses when her and her father had traveled.
"He's very calm; though he does frighten easily. Not to long ago, he went into a bucking fit and threw a young boy off of him when a piece of paper blew past him." Raoul chuckled slightly.
Christine laughed slightly as they continued down the aisle. Raoul began to tell her about the horse next to Cruncher, when she noticed a horse at the end of the stall. He seemed faintly familiar to her.
"Is that a grey dapple back there?" she asked, turning towards Raoul and pointing to a horse that was alone in the back in its stall.
"Yes, why?" he asked.
Christine did not answer him as she moved down the aisle towards the horse. She stopped in front of its stall and watched the horse for a few moments. Then, very slowly, her fingers began to draw back the bolt and open the gate. She slipped into the warm stall and stood next to the horse.
"Christine?"
"Whisky," Christine whispered as she raised her hand and gently pet the horse's forelock.
"Actually, his name is Duke." Raoul corrected her as he slipped into Duke's stall as well. "Who's Whisky?"
Christine seemed to come out of a daze as her hand fell to her slide and she looked up at Raoul. Her brows furrowed. "I... I'm not quite sure. I guess Whisky was probably a horse I knew as a child. Duke probably brought back a memory." she murmured, guessing.
Raoul smiled and held out his hand. Half an apple sat in the palm of his hand, to which Christine took gingerly and fed to Duke. She giggled slightly as the horse immediately gobbled it down, while foaming at the mouth.
"Well, I think he likes you." Raoul nodded as the horse nuzzled her arm.
Christine scratched behind his ear and smiled at Duke. "I bet he'd be a joy to ride." she said half dreamily.
"Why don't you ride him then?" he asked.
Christine looked up half shocked and half hopeful. "Really? You mean... you'd let me ride him?" she asked half astonished.
She figured Raoul would worry too much about her and tell her it wasn't safe and that she should rest more…
Raoul laughed. "Yeah, I could take Cruncher and we could go for a trail ride."
For the first time since Christine had woken up in Raoul's house, she gave him a genuine smile. A genuine smile that made his heart flutter and made him wonder if maybe, just maybe things could change for them.
"I'd love to." she said immediately.
Raoul smiled once more, before exiting the stall and going to fetch Christine a bridle and an English saddle for Duke. He came back and she began to saddle up the horse and put the bit in his mouth. He left and did the same to Cruncher.
xoxo
Christine for the first time there actually felt better. She didn't have that great urge to vomit anymore. She was filled with relief as the sweet smell of pines and earth began to fill her nostrils. This brought back memories of the days when she would travel with her father. A lot of the time, they were to poor to stay in an inn, so they ended up sleeping outside.
The two horses cantered along the sun spotted trails of the forest.
"Erik! Erik, where are you?"
Christine tugged Duke's reins, causing the horse to come to an abrupt stop. When Raoul had noticed her stop, he followed suit. "Christine, are you alright? Why did you stop?"
Christine looked at him, almost expecting answers to her strange thoughts. Her eyes watched him, but noticed he had none. "Oh, nothing." she said sheepishly.
"Would you like to just walk the horses?" Raoul asked.
Christine nodded her head, thinking that would probably be best. She didn't want to keep surprising Duke like that... The two both dismounted and walked side by side, leading the horses by their reins.
Silence filled the air, and for once, Raoul didn't mind. There was no tension... there was just two people walking along who could have their own conversation without having to say anything. And it was nice.
He bent over and picked a leaf from a bush and began to rub it. Then he sniffed it. He noticed Christine watching him, and he smiled, "It's mint." he held his hand out and she sniffed it. "When my grandmother would visit me as a child, she use to boil these leaves with water and she'd make me mint tea." he laughed, recalling a memory when he had begged her to make him a cup at two in the morning once...
Christine smiled at his tale. It reminded her of all the things she had done as a child with her father.
"When I'm in Heaven child, I will send the Angel of Music to you."
Christine recalled that day when she had told Raoul about how the Angel of Music had visited her. He had not believed her at the time... that much she recalled disdainfully.
"No, what I love best, Lotte said, is when I'm asleep in my bed and the Angel of Music sings songs in my head!"
"The Angel of Music sings songs in my head!"
What Christine found odd though, was she recalled everything from her childhood, to the days in the Opera House... but try, as she may, she couldn't remember leaving with Raoul or even the Phantom dieing.
That thought of his death caused her heart to jump a bit. How could I have made that man let him self die? No one deserves death... no one... even the murderers.
What also filled her with frustration... was the nightmares and the replaying of a certain scene. She recalled being in a forest... looking for someone; Erik. Why? Why was that haunting her mind?
"Isn't it beautiful?" Raoul asked suddenly, breaking through Christine's thoughts.
She looked at him. "W... what? I'm sorry, just your story reminded me of my childhood... is all." she laughed slightly.
Raoul smiled. "No worries. I meant the sunset. I love how the skies turn a creamy colour and streak the nighttime skies like that... it's breathtaking. I especially love how it filters through the trees... it makes nature the most perfect thing. Wouldn't you agree?"
Christine agreed. "I'm sure though, your advisor doesn't like you hanging outdoors with a measly chorus girl though." she muttered. She immediately hoped he hadn't heard those words...
... But it was too late, he had heard.
"Christine!" he stopped. "I hope you don't actually think I care about what he thinks. My advisor did not like when I ran into the sea to fetch your red scarf... and I did not care then. And I do not care now. You know how important you are to me! My advisor can go to Hell for all I care!"
"I'm sorry." Christine responded quietly.
Raoul took her into his arms without her permission, but she didn't argue. She still felt embarrassed for accidentally letting that slip. She should have bit her tongue!
"Look," he said, pulling back and looking into her sharp blue eyes. "I really care about you Christine. That's the only reason why I kissed you earlier... I care so much about you, I'd go through the days of the Phantom all over again just for you."
Christine nodded mutely.
"Can we just start over? I know you've suffered a lot... from your father passing away, to finding out your Angel of Music was just a mad man... to tumbling down a staircase and not even recalling what happened. But we can take this slowly." he pushed a curl away and pulled her chin till it faced him and he could look her square in the eye.
Christine nodded again and Raoul hugged her.
xoxo
Christine sat in her bed with her knees pulled up to her chest.
It was three in the morning and she felt sick. Literally vomiting sick... and sick with dread. She did not know why she had agreed earlier with Raoul... but she had... perhaps it had been guilt...
It had taken a lot of convincing, to convince Raoul that she would be fine in her own room that night. They had argued for about ten minutes, till his advisor walked by, gave her and Raoul a look, and he gave up.
"I don't think I love him." she whispered. She felt the hot tears cascade as she finally voiced the one thought that had been bothering and nagging her. Before she had not understood why she didn't respond to Raoul's kindness and kiss like she once had... but now she knew.
"Why is the Phantom on my mind so much?" she asked herself. "Perhaps there is guilt there too... for not loving him and leaving with Raoul instead. Ergo, he is now haunting my mind instead." she cried harder and her hands went out and took the bedding into her hands, squeezing hard till her knuckles turned white.
Either way, Christine knew that she was going to have to do and say something. She couldn't keep going on pretending she loved Raoul when she really didn't... she was just going to have to leave and start a new life over again.
