Chapter 8: A picnic and midget!
"Okay I got it...I got it! Opf! OW!" I yelled trying to catch the 1 ton frisbee that was made out of some condensed metal. Of course it ended up hitting me in the face. "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU! STOP HITTING ME IN FACE ON PURPOSE!" I yelled at Wesker shaking my fist in the air.
Wesker only smirked and chuckled, "I do not hit you in the face on purpose Miss Boyd, you are simply a horrible catch." He said.
"Am not you big meanie!" I yelled jumping every where in anger.
The last three weeks had been filled with me hurting myself because of my new found strength and ending up in the nurse's office, Rebbeca being my round the clock medic. Billy and Leon pushing me to do better in gym, Jill scolding me cause I suck at math, Chris telling me not to hate the Government, Claire telling me I had a good eye for color but wasn't very good at holding a brush and Barry appearing telling me about 'the birds and the bees' in and out side of Sex-Ed class. But also Saddler, The Ashfords, Salazar, Spencer, Vladmir, Nemisis, and Mendez appeared in those three weeks but disappeared just as quickly. I have no idea where they went but I dare not find out. More of the good guys appeared too like Barry as I mentioned earlier and Brad, Carlos, Luis, HUNK, and Ada. Making the condo complex all the more crowded and making my friends all the more susipcious.
Brad is now Mister Kintok the Home Ec teacher, Ada is the sneaky sexy Vice Princeipal Miss Belle she also teachers an after school acrobatics class, Carlos is Mister John the 'Whatever you do don't work for an evil Pharmacuitical company' teacher not many people take his class, Luis is Mister Sera...ha yeah he got to keep his name and he teaches Spainish not surprising, and last but not least HUNK is the scary 'fix it' guy at the school that dosen't actualy live at the condo.
Also for the last three weeks Wesker has been taking me to an abandon Super Market lot to train me. He's being an ass about it though, he likes to see me in pain...big meanie.
I folded my arms and pouted, "You owe me ice cream for making my head hurt!" I yelled at Wesker as he began to approach me. He chuckled as he sat down beside me.
"Fine I will buy you some ice cream after we are done, but only because your progress astounds me." He said in his normal tone.
"HELLS YEAH! I bet I scare you with my awesome 'OVER 9,000!' powers!" I said laying down fist in the air.
"Scared? Being scared of a young woman who is insain would be illogical and that Dragon Ball Z quote was ridiciulas." Wesker said folding his arms.
"Was not! It fit perfectly." I argued sitting back up.
"You over do things." He stated.
"You under do things and take the fun out of everything." I said looking eye to eye with him.
He chuckled, "I was never much for fun."
"You seem to be having some now." I stated.
Wesker raised an eye brow and rubbed his chin, "Perhaps, you do notice things I do not Miss Boyd that is why I like you but don't let that go to your head. Your still quiet annoying." Wesker said getting up.
"You got that right! Wait...you like me?" I blinked and quickly followed as he got back in the car.
A day later at school...
Me, Mary, Audrey, Valery, and Sora sat at our usual lunch table talking about high scores on new games and E3 previews, until the conversation turns to me as I played with my enedible food.
"So there's a rumor going around that a couple of weeks ago you got your but saved by three hunky guys and that your living with them. Care to comment?" Sora asked.
"Um...I...I didn't know them, just got lucky." I stated.
"Liar." Valery said tilting her chair back.
"Okay okay, it was Mister Smith who saved me." I said shrugging.
"You living with Mister Smith!" Mary yelled shocked.
Stares could be felt as I 'shhhhed' Mary.
"No of course not!" I yelled back.
"Oh come on! I've been trying to call you at your house for 4 weeks and your mom keeps telling me that you don't live there any more. Come on, spill the beans." Valery prompted.
"And you have been happier since those 4 weeks started, less lonely even." Audrey pointed out.
'How could I be lonely when thier driving me insain.' I thought. "Look guys I moved out okay and maybe I moved in the same complex as a few of my teachers, so what?" I said calming them down.
"So its just a coinsedence that all these things happened at the same time. First 4 weeks ago you act crazy telling us not to go to lunch cause there's a crazy guy in the hall way, then out of the blue Mister Smith is replaced with a guy that looks like Wesker freaking you out and he asks you to stay after class, then that same night you just happen to move into the same complex as him and a few days later Chris shows up living in the same complex. And now almost every RE charater is a teacher in our school who knows you. Please explain." Audrey said folding her arms.
I started to sweat after that, "Okay." I nodded. "But your gonna think I'm crazy."
"We already think your crazy." Sora added.
After that I explained everything to them, from day 1 to for the me being infected part, thought I'd leave that out. They all understood and remained quite for a minute.
"Sleep over." They all said in unison.
I nearly fell out of my chair when they said that, "ARE YOU GUYS CRAZY! I WANT OUT OF THAT WAR ZONE AND YOU GUYS WANT IN!" I yelled standing up.
"Yep." They all nodded and I nearly fainted.
"NO WAY! You can visit but no sleep overs!" I said sitting back down.
"Agreed."
8th period Biology...
"That is all for today class...oh and there is a field trip next week. All of the 10th grade teachers and students well be going to the beach to look over sea creatures and such. An abnormal learning experience, if you ask me." Wesker annouced as he was Mister Smith at the end of class.
The bell then rang and Audrey who I had Biology with waved good bye and I copied her home work before she left now having speed on my side. I smiled evily til Wesker loomed over me.
"Why must you copy Miss Fagan's work when you can do your own, Boyd?" He asked his arms folded.
"Cause I'm lazy." I answered putting my stuff away. "Hey whats with these beach field trip you were talking about?" I asked throwing my bag over my shoulder.
"It seems the princeipal wishes for the 10th grade to have a 'fun' trip before Christmas break." Wesker explained walking to his desk.
'Yikes! That means all of the Resident Evil characters are going to the beach together and I'll be there too...AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' I screamed in my head.
"BOYD!" I heard Wesker yell and I stopped. "That is very annoying." He said.
"What is?" I asked.
"That little screaming noise you made just now." He pointed out that I was in fact both screaming out loud and in my head.
"Opps." I said embarased. "So what does this mean, I still don't have any clothes of my own and defaintly no beach items. Neither does any one else." I stated.
"We will most likely have to go *Insert Wesker shudder here* group shopping." He said.
"Oh dear god, my worst nightmare. Who knows what kind of bathing suit Jill and Rebecca will try and put me in...and Claire...well Claire's cool. Maybe I'll sneak away with her instead. But there is an upside." I said thinking out loud.
Wesker totally had that 'Girls-in-bikini's' look on his face.
"HEY EVIL OVER LORD THAT I WISH HAD CAT EARS! SNAP OUT OF IT!" I yelled.
"Oh yes...wait cat ears?" He asked raising an eye brow.
"Yeah cat ears! Deal with it!" I said folding my arms.
*Reviewer's Corner*
The camera once again zoomed in on me as I sat at my desk.
"Hey guys! And welcome back to Reviewer's Corner. I'm your host Jamy Boyd and the author and star of this fanfiction. Today before we begin I'd like to thank the reader's for making this such a popular parody about 800 people have read this and I'm only to the 8th chapter, your all to kind. I'd also like to thank EcoSeeker:Audrey, Biohazardous Fears: Valery, InuInuLoveLove: Mary, and Wesker's Servant: Sora for being such great supporters. I award you a solid gold trophy of nude Wesker and or Krauser, Leon, and Brad. I hope you like them, I've got one of Wesker on my desk." Camera zooms onto solid gold trophy of detailed Wesker. Wesker then snatches it from my desk and destroys it. "AW!" I yelled and Wesker death glares me.
"Boyd, go to the questions before I decide to leave." He said grinding his teeth.
"Fine." I huffed the camera coming back to me. "To the questions. The first one is from,
Mr. E: Now my questions for reviewer corner. Wesker: I will give you a weapon that will absolutly kill Chris if you sleep with every girl in this fic and RE universe willingly/forcefuly. Chris: If I killed Wesker for you would you sleep with your sister? Jill: did Wesker do naughty things to you when you worked for him in RE 5 (if yes give me the details) that is all here is a cookie *hands everyone a cookie*. Well what do you say Wesker?" I asked staring at him.
Wesker growled then folded his arms, "I would think about it. Although I have to admit the only female standing in my way is Miss Boyd." He said.
"Aw! Your a big meanie! Okay Chris?" The camera then turned to where Chris was sitting.
"NO! Thats gross man!" Chris yelled angerly.
"Alright then, Jill?" I said the camera turning to her.
"Yes and yet no. Wesker made me wear a maid outfit and looked up my tiny skirt then died my hair blone because he wanted me to look more like him. He made me clean, cook, even *Insert Jill shudder* clip his toe nails. Nothing sexual though, strangely." Jill said shrugging.
"Uhhhhhhhh...Wesker thats creepy." I said the camera coming back to me.
"Not as creepy as the things you've made me do in some of your fan fictions Boyd." Wesker said off screen.
"Yeah right." I rolled my eyes then pulled out a sheet of cookies and gave every one one.
"Thank you Mr. E!" Every one except Wesker shouted eating thier cookie.
"Okay back to the questions." I said sliding a paper from my desk. "Alright next sets from Boss-Slayer: Leon: How does it feel to know you sold your soul to the goverment? William Birkin: Are you the good type of crazy (ex. Jamy, Krauser) or just crazy? Krauser: Why is your las plagas form take the shape of a chicken wing? Jill: be sure to not fall in any elaborate traps or plotholes so you don't become a Jill sandwich. Sherry: What plothole did you fall down in? Sheva: why does your giant pixelated butt block the screan?' AW! You think I'm the good type of crazy, how sweet. Okay Leon?" The camera then turned to Leon who was eating one of Chris's sandwhiches.
"I DID NOT!" Leon yelled then looked around crazily and ran off set.
"Right well whatever. Okay BIRKIN!" I yelled sending the camera man who just happened to be William Birkin onto the set.
"Oh um..." Will thought for a second. "I don't know. I wasn't violent and I didn't wanna kill people if thats what you mean. I was just fascinated with my work. Oh and Jamy when am I going to show up in Randomness?" He asked.
"A couple of episodes from now, your gonna surprise Wesker." I informed him pointing to Wesker who was asleep with Servy in his lap.
"Aw! Al's asleep. He's so cute asleep." Will said me giving him a 'What gender are you?' look."Oh I better get back to work." He added getting back behind the camera.
"Okay now to Krauser." The camera then went to Krauser who had Beret, the kitten on his head.
"My Las Plagas does not look like a chicken wing...Does it?" Krauser then formed his Las Plagas arm and Beret started drooling over it and jumped down biting Krauser's arm. "Aw! Beret loves Mister arm!" Krauser yelled.
The camera then turned back to me as I was laughing my ass off falling over in my chair. "No! Hhahahahaha, Go to Jill damn it! Hahahahahahahahaha." I laughed pointing to Jill as I was under my desk.
"WOULD YOU GUYS GIVE THAT STUPID JILL SANDWHICH JOKE A REST GOD!" Jill yelled standing up.
"Okay ahem." The camera then turned back to me. "Sherry?" I asked. The camera then turned to a 15 year old Sherry standing behind the scenes with a head set on.
"Albert Wesker being my god father." She said folding her arms. The camera then came back to me.
"Alright now for Sheva...where is Sheva?" I asked looking around.
"Making out with Josh in the back room." Sherry told me through her head set.
"Oh well I'd say it was because Sheva has a big ass, lets move on." I said throwing another peice of paper from my desk. "Okay this is from EcoSeeker: Why didn't Wesker talk to Sheva or even acknowledge her presence in RE5?' Well Wesker?" I asked the camera going to him Servy still in his lap.
"Miss Almour was not worth my acknowledgement, Miss Fagan. If I acknowledged every operative the BSAA sent after me I would have to many names to remember." Wesker explained and the camera turned back to me.
"Right next question. These are from BioHazardous Fears: Wesker: What is your favorite color, being smart like you are I assume you know that both black and white are not colors so please choose a real color.
Leon: Good choice!
Jill: Ok! So I totally get why you wore what you did in Raccoon but, WTF were those shoulder pads at the mansion?
Chis and Jill: WTF ARE YOU TWO DOING IN THE RESIDENT EVIL REVELATIONS TRAILER? Guns at each other WHAT?
Billy: Where did you go after you left Rebecca behind?' Nice questions Valery, so Wesker?" The camera then turns to Wesker.
"Red, if I may not choose black it will be red. The color of the fool's blood who tried to defie me." Wesker answered the camera then turning to Leon who now had Claire sitting in his lap, the camera skipped over him to Jill.
"THEY WERE APART OF MY UNIFORM! You wouldn't believe how many people ask me that question too. Whats with people and my wardrobe?" Jill answered.
"O-kay. Now both Chris and Jill." I said from off screen.
"Well to explain that..." Chris started off but was cut off by Jill.
"HE STOLE MY MAKE UP THEN KIDNAPPED SOME RANDOM GUY AND USED MY MAKE UP TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THAT GUY WAS HIS CLONE! THE BASTARD!" Jill yelled punching Chris in the gut.
"O-kay. Again another wierd moment, now Billy." The camera then turned to Billy who had no shirt on and was sweating. 'Whoa weee cowboy, mental note: Billy works out during Reviewer's Corner.'
"I went back to Boston where a friend of mine lived and ducked out there." Billy explained then the camera came back to me.
"Boyd, your drooling." Wesker said in a cold scoffing manner.
"What? You jeaulos because your not as rugad as Billy?" I asked Wesker.
"Not at all." Wesker shook his head.
"I bet your still jeaulos of Snake." I said smiling.
"Why would I? Both I and Mister Solid Snake got killed off of our own game at the same time. Truly we are more of kindred spirits than enemies or Yoai lovers as most make us out to be. He's the only quite drunk I know, unlike Mister Krauser." Wesker stated wipping the smile off my face.
I mumbled, "Okay to the next questions. These are from Krolton DarkHeart: Wesker, if you could have any girl in this fic or RE universe as a girlfriend/wife who would it be? And Claire who would you like to sleep with (Leon, Steve,or Wesker)?' Okay Wesker?" I asked turning to him.
"If it was any from this fan fiction I'd have to say Miss Valentine." Wesker stated coldly.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" You could hear Jill scream in terror and faint.
"O...kay. Claire?" The camera then turned to Claire who was drooling over sweating Billy while Leon sulked on the couch.
"Oh...um." She turned to the camera. "Steve..defaintly Steve." She said then went back to Billy.
"WHOOO HOOO!" You could hear Steve yell from an echo in the room.
"Why does no one stay dead in this world?" I asked the camera turning back to me.
"Fan base I suppose." Luis said while eating an apple and going by the camera.
"Shesh, okay now for Wesker's Servant: Wesker I do my utmost best to make sure you stay in complete character in my fanfictions, if I find that I strayed from your magnificent persona I would do everything in my power to fix it...Oh god, you read my fanfictions -covers face- Such holy eyes on my work!' Is her remark to you Wesker." I said slightly rolling my eyes.
"Thank you dear Sora, but believe me the pleasures all mine." Wesker stated looking into the camera.
"Oh get over yourself and stop flirting." I said the camera coming back to me. Next one from Wesker's Servant: Chris...what exactly were you high on? I'm pretty sure that BSAA members aren't supposed to get high before or after a mission.' Well Chris?" The camera then turned to him.
"Uh...What the BSAA dosen't know won't hurt them." Chris remarked the camera coming back to me.
"Right. 'Krauser, keep up the work with the kitten task force, they will be worthy of guarding the holy Albert Wesker! And Wesker sorry for your shirt, I'd like to give this one to you -gives him a new black shirt- please accept this gift and you can also keep the python.'" After that I get up and give Wesker the shirt Wesker's Servant mailed me. "Happy now you show off?" I said sitting back down at my desk.
"Yes, very." He purred.
"And don't worry Sora, Krauser is working really hard with the kittens. Beret is showing the best results and so is Servy but I think Ichigo has lost his mind and Lupin keeps chasing after another cat named Fujiko. Now next question: 'Rebecca, did anyone really believe you when you reported Billy Coen dead?'" The camera then turns to Becca who is sitting by mostly nude Billy.
"Yes of course." She drills out while drooling.
"'Billy, did you have a girlfriend before you were taken to be executed for killing 23 people?'" The camera then turns to Billy.
"Yeah several, and I did not kill those guys! They were zombies I swear!" Billy yelled the camera coming back to me.
"We believe you Billy." I said. "'Jill I was wondering how you're able to stand Chris and his incompetence, I know he's pretty much an idiot but how did someone like you get stuck with him?'" The camera then turns to Chris and Jill.
"HEY!" Chris yells.
"Yeah I know but believe it or not he's good in bed." Jill answered shrugging. The camera then came back to me.
"'Leon how often does Ashely ask you out and what is your immediate response? Do you let her down easy or just straight up tell her no?'" The camera then turns back to Leon.
"About 5 times a week and just straight up no before she even asks. But thanks to my job on this fan fiction I haven't seen her in forever." Leon answered then the camera came back to me.
"Well thats all of Wesker's Servant's questions. Oh and I got the cat toys. Thanks they love'em! Okay now to InuInuLoveLove's questions. 'Krauser,after my other reviews,are you afraid of me?*waits for response*Hm..okay,well,how DID you survive kidnapping Ashely?' Krauser?" I said the camera turning to Krauser.
"Um...no." He shook his head. "I gagged her and sedated her constintly...which in turn made her pee her pants." Krauser shrugged.
"I wonder where he learned that?" I said sarcastically staring at Wesker. "Right next question:Jamy:Um...what do you want me to do with these?*holds up weskers boxers and Krauser cookie* These have just been sitting by my bed,and I found them ,if Wesker and Krauser hear this...she gave them to me!' Sell them on Ebay or something." I said shrugging getting death glares from Wesker and Krauser.
"MY COOKIE! I wondered where that went!" Krauser yelled.
"When did you have the time to steal my boxers?" Wesker asked coldly yet curious.
"NEXT QUESTION! 'Claire,what did you think when you met Alfred? Watch what you say,though...I like ,I'm also kinda mad that you made out with Leon.
Leon!*glomps*' Claire?" The camera then turned to Claire as Leon is glomped.
"MY LEON! And I thought HE WAS TRYING TO KILL ME!" Claire yelled grabbing hold of Leon.
"O-kay." I nodded and the camera stared. "OVER HERE BIRKIN!" I yelled and the camera came back to me. "'Wesker,I hate you so thought you should know.
Jill!*attacks* Why didn't you save Brad?I thought you were COOL!' Wesker, Jill?" First the camera turns to Wesker.
He shruggs, "Every ones a critic." Then it turns to Jill.
"I TRIED! Nemisis is scary man!" Jill yells sending the camera back to me.
"'Chris,Sheva or Jill?'" I said and the camera turned to Chris.
"Can't I have both?" Chris asks which in turn gets him beat up by Jill.
"O-kay while Jill's beating Chris' pimp ass up lets go to the next question. 'Rebecca,I look up to you so much.*salutes*Think you for training Mary under you.
Billy, I want to shake your hand 'cuz you are awesome!Not like Leon or Alfred, but still.I also look up to you.
Oh yes!C-c-c-can Mary throw a boot at Wesker?' Becca, Billy?" I asked the camera turning to them.
"Your welcome." Becca giggled.
"Thanks, and sure." Billy replied.
The camera then turns back to me, "And yes Mary be my guest." I smiled.
"I do not see how she could..." Wesker was cut off by the camera's zooming out.
"Well thats all the time we have tonight, join us tomorrow for a trip to the beach. Oh and BOOT TO THE HEAD!" I said throwing a boot at Wesker head and running away at the same time as the camera zoomed slowly out.
(Also if any one as any idea's for this fan fiction I'm taking requests and ideas.)
