Title: So This Is Christmas

Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: Chicago PD

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.

SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.

Erin hung up the phone and paced into Jay's bedroom area, where he was throwing a change of clothes into a small bag. She watched him for a moment leaning against the entrance way to the alcove.

"You don't have to come," she stated flatly.

He glanced at her from what he was doing. It was jeans, a tshirt, a hoodie. Some socks and underwear. His usual attire. But he was doing the folding and packing with a near precision that betrayed his military background.

"Yeah," he stated bluntly. "I do."

"It's not going to be much of a Christmas," she said.

"I'm not coming because it's Christmas," he said and turned back to what he was doing.

She sighed and rubbed her fingers along the edges of the phone, still eyeing him.

"Justin's pretty upset," she allowed.

"Yeah. I guess so," Jay muttered. He brushed by her, heading to his bathroom to retrieve a couple toiletries, tossing them into a shaving bag. She stayed put, watching him from where she leaned.

"He says they're going to try again in a few hours," she offered. "When the sun starts coming up."

Jay let out a deep breath and shook his head as he walked by her, back into the room.

"What?" she demanded.

"With his wife and five-month-old baby?" Jay put to her.

She gave him a look. "He knows how to drive in the snow," she patronized.

Jay gestured out his window. "It's still coming down. It's Christmas. It's going to take them days to get this cleaned up. Look how long it took for us to get from the hospital to here and Justin's going to make what's usually a … what? Five-hour drive? With his wife and baby? On Christmas?"

"He wants to see his brother," she glared at him.

"Skype," he said firmly and went back to his bag. "He'd be smarter to stay put," he muttered more under his breath.

Erin exhaled out her own breath, letting her shoulders sag as she examined the floor. She still had the damn heels on. They hurt. She bent, raising her foot to sleep one off and then the other. They clattered to the ground and Jay absently looked that way, taking in the boots and then her legs, before looking up her body again.

She shook her head as he did but gave him a thin smile as he reached her eyes. "You're a dog," she told him.

He gave her that mischievous grin and shrugged, heading for his closet.

"Jay," she sighed again a bit more forcibly. "This is stupid. You don't have to come. Just take me back to Hank's place."

He glanced at her from whatever he was doing. "You have clothes there, right? Or do we need to swing by your place too?" He was completely ignoring her.

"Jay," she put even more firmly.

He came back to the bed, setting a bottle and a rectangular wrapped gift on it and starting to nudge some of the contents of his little gym bag around to get these last couple items to fit.

She squinted at them intrigued and walked over. She picked up the bottle first and looked at the label. It was good whisky. Even better than what Hank usually had in the house. She gave Jay a look, holding the bottle at him.

"Suck up," she said teased.

He cast her a look and grabbed it from her, working at jamming it into his bag.

"Host gift," he said flatly. "Or am I not invited to Christmas dinner anymore?"

Erin let out another little sigh and shook her head. "I don't think there will be Christmas dinner."

She wasn't sure how much of a Christmas they'd attempt at all at that point. It was technically already Christmas, even if it was in the very early hours of it. Ethan was still at the hospital. Hank had asked her to go home and change out the sheets on Ethan's bed so he was sleeping on clean and sterile bedding. He'd indicated he hadn't done the stockings yet when he'd had to take Ethan to the hospital. She'd asked if he want her to do them but he'd just shaken his head. He did tell her where he'd put Ethan's "Santa" present, though, and asked her to retrieve the wrapped box and set it out on the couch for the boy. Though, Erin wasn't sure how interested Ethan was going to be in any of it at that point.

By the time they left the hospital he still had about two hours left on his IV drip of the high-dose steroids and they'd also given him anti-seizure and pain medication. So he was in a stupor. Stoned out of his little skull. That was good in that he was nodding in and out of consciousness. It'd make the time go faster for him and hopeful make the visit more comfortable and bearable. But she doubted it'd do much for him feeling like he was in the holiday spirit by the time they did get home. And, the reality was that a lot of the holiday spirit they did was kept up for Ethan – so if he wasn't into it, it likely wouldn't be pushed.

In the very least, Erin couldn't see Hank being up all night and then getting home to make a turkey dinner that his boy likely wouldn't eat and that his other son, daughter-in-law and grandchild wouldn't likely be there to enjoy either. That was a lot of work and food for just the sake of her and Hank to have something to eat at dinner. They'd both eaten less at so-called "special occasions."

"He's going to make Christmas dinner," Jay put to her bluntly.

She looked at him. He frowned at her. His face had that deep concern in it again. Still. But he was right. Maybe he'd caught onto Jay more than she wanted to admit. Hank would do what he needed to do to try to salvage this for his son. Or in the very least to try to give Ethan some momentary smiles and happiness.

She didn't comment, though. Instead she picked up the other little wrapped gift and wagged it at him.

"This for me?" she teased again.

"Nope," he said and snatched it from her, burying it in the bag.

She gapped at him. "Then who's it for?"

"Ethan," Jay said flatly.

She gave him a small glare. "You already gave him a present."

Jay shrugged. "He gets another."

"Two," she mouthed at him. "I didn't even get him two."

Jay gave her a smart-ass grin. "Yep. So double the chance he's going to like mine better."

She rolled her eyes. "He's not going to like yours better."

"Wanna bet?"

She gave him a small glare. "You don't even know what I got him."

He raised his eyebrow at her. "But I know what I got him." He held up a finger at her. "Nerf guns. Ultimate coolness points for anyone with a penis."

Erin gave him a look. "You're telling me I should've gotten you foam darts for Christmas?"

He glanced down between them and then eyed her up again. "I have one, I might let you play with," he said.

She shook her head at him. "You're funny," she said sarcastically.

But he just smiled and stuck up a second finger. "Two. I got him a trip to laser tag. Which at 12, that's about the same as taking him out on his first bender."

She cocked her head at him, slightly unimpressed. "OK, now you won't be taking him alone."

He shook his head. "Never intended to. We need a moving target," he said and nudged her shoulder. "You have your uses."

"Ah," she rolled her eyes. "Good to know I have 'uses'."

"And, three," he added, wagging a third finger her way and shaking the box at her again. "I got him this."

"And what's that, Jay?"

"You think I'm going to tell you so you can try to up your present ante?"

"It's not a competition," she pressed at him.

He made a raspberry sound and looked at her seriously. "With you – everything is a competition."

She shrugged. "No it's not. Just anything you can do – I can do better." He let out a small laugh, though he tried to hide it. "Including picking a Christmas present for my baby brother."

Jay allowed a little nod. "If you say so."

"I say so," she said.

He shrugged. "OK. We'll see. But I have reason to question your family's gift picking abilities."

"And why is that?" she rolled her eyes at him.

"Umm … because Voight and Ethan got your nephew a 'parking garage' for Christmas," he put to her.

She rolled her eyes. "It's not a parking garage. It's a …" she waved her hand dismissively, trying to think of a better way to describe it. " … ramp thing."

"Oh, no," Jay shook his head. "The words 'parking garage' definitely got used in describing said present to me. Who the hell gets a child a toy 'parking garage'?"

She crossed her arms and tucked her chin in giving him a look. "Justin and Ethan had that toy and loved it."

"A parking garage?" Jay put back to again teasingly.

"A car ramp thing," she spat back.

He nodded. "Ah. Car. Ramp. Thing. You mean, like a parking garage?"

"Whatever," she said, shaking her head. "They liked it when they were little."

"Hmm …" Jay allowed. "And look how they turned out."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she interjected.

"Well, Justin is ..." he gestured like he didn't need to fill in the rest.

"Justin," she provided.

Jay nodded. "And Ethan is ..."

"Ethan," she said firmly.

"Yep. Pretty much," he agreed and then looked at her deadly serious. "Were you involved in picking out this toy parking garage for the baby?"

"Hank and Ethan are capable of doing their own bad shopping," Erin said.

Jay smiled a little. "Well, I guess that's a point in your favor then. Because if you were involved in the parking garage picking, I think it would be a forgone conclusion that I win the gift-giving challenge with Ethan."

She glared at him. "It's the thought that counts," she spat.

He gave her a fake shocked look. "You got him a parking garage too, didn't you?"

She swatted him. He gave her a faux hurt look, gently gaping at her with phony hurt eyes. She still shot him some minor daggers, though.

"It's a movie," he said flatly and zipped up his bag.

She examined him. "Better not be some leftover from Ruzek's bachelor party."

He gave her a look. "No," he elongated. "But it's some other movie that Voight's cray-cray rules prohibit him from watching."

"Did you just say cray-cray?" she put back to him. "Because I think it might be time for me to leave and for us to never— EVER – speak again."

Jay grinned at her. "It's Guardians of the Galaxy," he told her flatly.

She physically rolled her eyes, so significantly that her whole head ended up staring at the ceiling for a moment.

"I got it to watch with him in the hospital last week. But you and Voight were always loitering around with your anti-Marvel ways," Jay said.

She gave him a look. "He doesn't like superhero movies," she said bluntly.

"It's not a superhero movie," Jay said exasperatedly. "He'll love it. It's a great movie!"

"Really? The movie with an animated raccoon, a green alien woman, and a giant talking tree all firing space guns is a great movie?"

"So you have seen it?" he teased. She just looked at him. "Just because it's not the Maltese Falcon circa 1941—"

"That is a great movie," Erin pressed.

Jay rolled his eyes. "See. Voight's brainwashed you with his cray-cray movie rules too."

"Hmm," Erin nodded. "Yeah. Because your movie choices – Guardians of the Galaxy and Full Metal Jacket should be on everyone's best ever viewing list."

"Exactly," Jay agreed.

"Hmm, yeah," she said again, giving him eyes. "I always so look forward to when you're in control of Netflix."

"Oh, you love 'Netflix and chill' with me," he countered, he stepped forward and gently put his hands on her waist, gazing down at her. "Think we should do some Netflixing before we head back?"

His head tilted teasingly at her, his chin nudging hers and their lips locked, their mouths opened. The kiss lingered. His arms wrapping more tightly around her and finding their way up. She clutched at him just as tightly. Finding the waist of his pants and pulling him firmly against her, holding him there, Pressing their bodies close together. Flush. Pelvises. Chest. Her breasts crushing against him. His hand reaching to feel and weigh them, before he pushed her hair away from her neck and trailed his thumb and then his lips along the sensitive skin there. She could feel his arms move from stroking up her spine to searching for the zipper on the back of her dress. She made a small sound and broke the kiss, resting her cheek against his shoulder. She heard him let out a slightly deflated sigh.

"We shouldn't," she mumbled softly against him. "We don't really have time."

"I can make it quick," he said.

"Don't I know it," she teased with a small huff.

He sputtered out some annoyance. "Thanks," he muttered and rubbed his hands at her hips again, keeping her close while gazing at her - and her outfit. "So not fair you dressed like this and then I don't even get to do the unwrapping."

Erin smiled gently up at him, tapping his chest. "Later," she vaguely promised.

"Later?" he said. "At Voight's place? Because sex at Dad's house in your childhood bedroom when he's in the next room …" he made a face and shook his head.

She smiled some more and let out an amused sound. "I don't think you'd ever get to see Guardians of the Galaxy again if that was what I meant by 'later'."

He stroked at her hair a bit, letting her continue to rest against him. He felt so warm and strong. It just felt nice. Comfortable. Comforting. She needed that after that evening.

"I understand, Jay. You really don't have to come," she whispered. "Now more than before."

He bent, putting a kiss in her hair. "Sure, I do," he said. "Ethan promised me that his dad makes the best French Toast in all of creation on Christmas morning. I need to check this out."

She smiled against him at that. But she felt her eyes watering – threatening tears. It'd just been such a long night. A long two weeks. A long month. Months. Whole fucking year. She was so tired.

She buried her face against his chest, willing herself to not meltdown in front of him. Again. Not to be this puddle of a woman for him to clean up. That's not who she was.

But he just held her tighter, running his hands across her shoulders and through her hair.

"It's going to be alright," he assured, in those empty words that she'd had on repeat for Ethan too. But somehow hearing out of his mouth they felt like maybe they weren't quite so empty.

AUTHOR NOTE: Several readers might've missed chapter 6. It's Erin's thoughts re: the visit to Jay's dad's place.