Finding Home

(the sequel to "No Better Mistake")

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING, not me.

NOTES:

DID YOU ALL SEE THAT BANGING LUNAR ECLIPSE (like half an hour ago)? I was thinking of Remus the whole time! Am I that nerdy? Yes!

Also, is it weird to say that I personally love each and every person that leaves me a review? Because I do. I really do!

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8

Morning seemed to come quicker than Sirius had ever experienced it before; and he felt like, only a few moments later, he was opening his eyes to the bright, yellow sunlight.

On the couch a few feet beside him, Remus still slept, his mouth slightly open as he remained cocooned in the worn blanket. The thin, pale arm that Sirius had held in sleep still dropped down toward the floor, and now, in the morning sun, Sirius could see more small bruises from the various tumbles Remus had taken, as a werewolf, the night before. His fingernails, in particular, were in bad shape—they were red from dried blood, probably a result of the pounding across hard earth and against trees with long claws. Remus' straight, fawn-colored hair was sticking up at odd angles, and he certainly looked a bit rough, but Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. They had done it: they'd made it through a full moon, alone.

Sirius didn't feel quite as content as he glanced toward the clock, however—jolting upright, he realized just how late it actually was. Hurriedly, he pulled himself off the floor and shook Remus awake.

"Moony," he muttered hurriedly, "Remus, wake up. You've got to get dressed."

Groggily, Remus opened one eye with difficulty. Wordlessly, he sat up on the sofa, clutching the blankets around him as he looked around. "What time is it?" he croaked, turning back to Sirius.

"Late," he responded, attempting to pull Remus to his feet, and they made their way upstairs. As Remus stood in the middle of the room, still attempting to pull himself together, Sirius ran about, turning the water in the bathroom on to full blast, a toothbrush sticking out his mouth.

"Go, get ready," he managed to say through his mouthful of paste, and Remus obeyed, dropping the sheet from around himself and climbing gingerly into the hot water. Sirius was going from their bedroom back to the bath, pulling on a shirt, jamming an already-knotted tie from the doorknob over his head.

"Aren't you getting in?" asked Remus, his head poking out from the curtains.

"No time," Sirius mumbled, pulling his hair into a hurried ponytail, "I'm already late." He checked his reflection once more in the mirror. He'd managed to wipe most of the dirt from his hands and face, and he quickly rolled down his sleeves to conceal the few scratches that lined his forearms. "Dittany's in the kitchen, Remus. I'll see you later, okay?" he called, and with only the slightest glance backward he was gone. Remus heard him bounding down the steps of their house, grabbing his shoes from beside the door and then, the silence of the floor below him told him that Sirius had Apparated off.

Sighing, Remus laid his head against the cold tile of the wall. He knew he had no right to be upset at the way Sirius had acted—he was still, after all their years together, grateful that Sirius wanted to know him at all, let alone participate in his transformations—but he couldn't lie to himself; he had enjoyed, at school, their mornings alone together, after the night of a full moon. Sirius, apart from their other friends, had always stayed with him until the first class of the day, seeming not to require sleep as he woke early, conjured up breakfast and sat, smiling on the floor, until Remus felt well enough to sit up. It wasn't that he expected this behavior from his friend—no, not at all, thought Remus as he massaged his tired eyes—it was just that he had grown fond of that part of their relationship, and this… well, this morning hadn't been anything like that. Remus felt a particularly nasty stab of guilt as he realized that he hadn't even thanked Sirius for last night, and he knew how difficult and exhausting it must have been to keep a werewolf at bay all by himself.

Why did it seem to Remus like all this Sirius-related discomfort came out at the same time; always while he stood, dripping wet, attempting to wash off his feeling of regret? Remus remained motionless in the stream, his head pounding, feelings of alternating guilt and uneasiness washing over him like the hot drops. What was really bothering him, he thought unhappily, wasn't that Sirius had left the way he did—Remus did know, after all, that Sirius had to work. What bothered him was the same strange, prickly feeling of discomfort; the same change he had seen in Sirius' steel-gray eyes: Sirius was changing, and Remus, with nowhere to go, was not.

Remus was overjoyed that Sirius had found a decent job in the area he was so well-suited for, and everyday, though he came home looking tired, he seemed pleased. But what had started as little things were somehow, seeming to add up; first, Sirius had stopped complaining about the Ministry's dress code (he'd even, to Remus' shock, gone out Saturday to buy several new shirts), and his little references to other interns, like the one last night, set Remus somewhat on edge. He didn't like the fact that Sirius had this life, these friends without him—in nearly seven years that hadn't done much of anything apart, and always, they'd known the same people, taken the same tests and exams. It was true that Remus had become rather friendly with some of the bookshop's regular customers—that, he was grateful for, as he didn't know who else he would've talked too—but they didn't seem to be as much as a part of his life as Sirius', who would leave early in the morning and come home late, usually only just before dinner.

And now… he had done so much for Remus the night before, but if Remus were completely honest with himself, despite his sinking guilt—he missed their sleepy mornings on the floor of the Shrieking Shack. He missed being with James, and Peter, but mostly he missed the grinning Sirius, who didn't care what anyone thought of him…

Remus shook his head, spraying water, as if to clear his thoughts. What was he saying? Wasn't it just the day before that Sirius had pulled him into this very shower to nibble on his ear and have hot, passionate morning sex? Hadn't they, just last week, laughed so hard on the floor of the living room that they had been reduced to tears? He was acting stupid. Sirius wasn't a different person at all. He was the same, carefree, long-haired prankster he'd always been, even if he was actually trying to make something of himself.

And now, realizing how late in the morning it was becoming, Remus shut off the water, grabbing a towel, vowing to make up for his rash thoughts and lack of thanks to Sirius.

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"Hard night?"

"Hmm?" Sirius looked over at Kevin, the "big, blonde bloke" he had mentioned to Remus just the night before. Sitting next to the man in the small office, Sirius was, for once, glad that today he was meant to write an essay. It was far easier to sit behind a desk, staring at a blank sheet of parchment that sat in front of him, than stand in front a towering Auror, trying to remember all the ingredients in Polyjuice Potion. However, far from getting any actual work done, Sirius was having a hard enough time just staying awake, something that Kevin had not failed to notice. Now, Sirius shot upward again, attempting, once more, to focus on the few lines he had scrawled. Looking at his watch, he sighed. It was hopeless. He'd never get this done before it was time to leave. "Yeah," he answered, attempting to hide his fatigue; turning toward the other boy, "yeah, it was pretty crazy."

Kevin beamed, and Sirius smiled benignly back. Sometimes all it took to relate to someone—especially someone as simple as Kevin, Sirius thought, rather patronizingly—was one, innocent comment, and that had certainly been the case between the two of them. A month after they had first met in the Ministry elevator, Sirius was surprised to find himself on good terms with the popular intern, and, as a result, most of the others in the group—but he was even more shocked at himself, and at what he had done. He knew neither Remus, nor himself, thought it was plausible to be honest about both his sexuality or their relationship… But to completely lie about it, to create another life all together… even James, Sirius' masterful partner in schemes, would have been ashamed. Sirius' one white lie about having a girlfriend had evolved into a string of untruths, until, before he knew it, Sirius barely recognized his own life—instead, of reality, he was a recently graduated Hogwarts student, living with his long-time girlfriend, who, as Sirius had found himself describing, was quite obviously not a dangerous werewolf, and she certainly wasn't another young man. He had stuck out too much from the others, and it had been so easy to meld into what they wanted his image to become… A few omitted details or restraint would have been fine, but Sirius was frankly disgusted with the false situation he had presented to his peers.

"You look dead, mate," the blonde wizard continued, leaning in closer to him. All around the office, the dozen or so other witches and wizards were crouched over their bits of parchment, quills scratching, clearly trying to finish their work before the day ended and the weekend began. Kevin, who seemed eager to engage Sirius in conversation, appeared to have already finished. "What the hell were you up too?"

"Oh—you know—" Sirius cast wildly around for something to fill this blank, but he was too tired to even think of an adequate response. He knew his arms, which were now exposed by the sleeves he had pushed carelessly up, bore a number of minor injuries, and trying though he was to hide it, he knew his exhaustion was equally as obvious.

"Your girl been beating you up?" Kevin grinned at him, and Sirius choked out a laugh, averting his eyes. If only it were that easy…

With another look down at watch, Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. He could leave. For a whole, glorious two days he was off, but for right now, all he wanted to do was get home and sleep. As the young men and women all around them began to gather their things together, Sirius followed suit, shoving his unfinished paper—he'd have to get that to that later on in the weekend—into his bag, which he threw over his shoulder.

As they made their way downstairs to the main floor, where wizards and witches were Apparating in and out of the Ministry, Kevin spoke again. "We should all hang out sometime; the four of us. Nicole says she'd love to meet you… Maybe after you finish that essay." He was smiling again, and Sirius managed to return the expression.

"Yeah, we should," he said, without thinking, waving his friend goodbye and wondering what on earth he had got himself into.

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Love that Remus can't even see when someone is or is not being a jerk... -.- If you get my drift! Oh, Sirius, you lying dummy.

My nineteenth birthday is Thursday! I can has reviews for it? :D