I am so insanely sorry that you've all had to wait longer than normal for this chapter to come out. I am so busy right now that it's hard to find time to even shower. I have a few moments before I have to go work for yet another 12 hour shift and thought that I'd post this quickly.

The dynamic between Peeta and Katniss is going to differ greatly from Anna and Christian because I don't want Peeta to be a total dick and I'd like Katniss to have more of a voice. Despite Peeta being the 'dom' in this relationship, hopefully you'll see that Katniss is just as much controlling.

I'm currently writing the next chapter so I hope that it'll be up soon. (the next two hours that I have by myself is Wednesday so we'll shoot for that.) And if you're waiting for the last chapter of All the While, I'm getting to it. I just don't want it to end.

If you ever have a question or a comment about this story ask me on tumblr (itsmorrgan) and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Thank you all for the love and support, it keeps me going. 3


I haven't contacted Peeta yet, even though it's already Wednesday. I haven't started my 'research' yet and I'm afraid that if I call him, he'll know that I've neglected to do it. I cannot let him know that I'm actually scared of what I'll find out. I'm not sure if I'm afraid that I'll end up liking the idea of being beaten for pleasure or I'll be so terrified that I run for the hills and away from Peeta. And the thought of not being with Peeta is enough to make a weird feeling develop in the pit of my stomach. So I haven't done any of the research, though I've vowed to myself that I'd at least skim tonight.

"Katniss," Johanna calls my name.

I totally forgot that I promised to eat lunch with her. I smile and prepare myself to grovel my make up for my awful memory. Johanna is technically my only friend here so far, I can't fuck this up.

"Hey Jo, sorry I totally forgot about lunch."

"No biggie," she waves me off. "I sensed that you were having an off day so I took it upon myself to grab a sandwich for you. Is turkey okay?"

I nod my head as Johanna rummages through a paper bag and hands me a plastic wrapped sandwich with crusty bread and leafy greens.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Want to tell me what's got you out of whack?" Johanna asks as she takes a seat next to me at my desk and begins to unwrap her own sandwich.

I shrug. "It's a long story."

"Does it have to do with you not speaking to Gale because he tried to kiss you outside of the bar and a certain Blonde Billionaire came to the rescue?"

My eyes widen. How does Johanna know that I haven't made up with Gale because he tried shoving his tongue in my mouth?

"Gale told me," Jo began to explain. "He told me how you two dated briefly but you broke it off before anything really happened. I think he got the hint that you aren't into him like that when you left with Peeta Mellark and didn't get home until the next morning and then went on a date with him that night and again didn't come home."

"How do you know about the whole Peeta thing?"

"Your sister told Rory and Rory told Gale and Gale told me last night when I mentioned how you were all distracted at work."

"Why were you talking to Gale last night?"

Johanna shrugs this time but her smile gives her away. "He's got a nice butt."

"Like a naked butt or jean-clad butt?"

"One doesn't kiss and tell," Johanna tells me before shoving her sandwich into her mouth.

"You've kissed Gale? Wait, have you slept with Gale? You had sex with my best friend!" I can't contain how shocked I am.

"Would you be mad if I said you're using the wrong word tense?"

"You're sleeping with him, still?"

Johanna nods and I lean back in my chair, my brain being efficiently blown.

"So are you mad? I'll stop if you've got some sort of weird predatory hold with Gale."

"No predatory hold. I'm just shocked. How did this happen?"

"Well I'm pretty sure he is just doing it to get back at you."

"And you're fine with him using you?"

"I like his dick, so it's a win-win situation."

I cringe at the mental pictures at surface.

"But seriously," Johanna says. "Return his call and make up with the poor bastard already. I'm starting to feel bad for the guy, and I'm allergic to feelings."

I nod my head. I'll call Gale after I get home from work. Once I get home and before I start the daunting task of researching.

A few minutes before I normally pack up for the day and head home my boss; Seneca Crane comes waltzing up to my desk with his assistant, Enobaria Stevens. I'd only seen him once after my initial interview; I'd seen her half a dozen times. They're a weird pair, between his dramatic beard and her oddly pointed teeth, I would never picture them as scientists but more along the lines of want-to-be trend setters from the future.

"Katniss," Mr. Crane purrs as he perches himself on the edge of my desk, far too close for comfort.

"Mr. Crane," I smile. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Actually there is. Normally we'd have a seasoned veteran work on something like this but I think you'd be perfect for the job seeing your transcripts. We have a project that comes straight from the top, from Mr. Snow himself that will be right up your alley."

Mr. Snow is the owner and founder of Districts Energy. He's quite old and quite a bit wealthier. Mr. Snow is known to have connections with the government and it's not uncommon for some of the higher employees to get job transfers to work with some of the President's men.

"What's the project?"

"Normally we work with ways to make reusable energy, but in this instance it's a little different. You see, there is this berry that looks similar to the blueberry, it is called nightlock. It's very, very deadly. Within minutes or even seconds of consumption you'll be dead. The government has been looking into using it as a way out if a soldier were to get caught. However the berry itself is very fragile so it doesn't travel well. That is why it's your job to break down the compounds and find a way to make it into something inconspicuous and easy to get to in a moment's notice."

"Certainly," I nod. I can't believe that in my second week of working here I'm already getting an assignment as huge as this.

"Excellent. We'll get started next week."

I almost miss the wink that Seneca gives me before he's sliding off my desk and sauntering away with Enobaria hot on his trail.

Gale's constant word of the day is sorry. He said it to me at least twelve times while on the phone with him for only twenty minutes. All is forgiven, Gale knows his places. And when I asked him if he had feelings for Jo or was sleeping with her some sort of revenge, he promised that though it may have started out that way, Gale honestly enjoys the time he's spending with her. Not that any guy wouldn't like to spend time with Johanna. She's hot, smart, and willing to try anything in bed at least once or twice. She's the type of girl that Peeta should be with.

Thinking of Peeta, as soon as I make my way home I briefly say hello to Prim before shutting myself into my room and start up my new laptop. I have to start this research tonight. I'll be seeing him on Friday, two days from now, and if I haven't started by then, Peeta will take that as means not to continue.

My fingers hover over the keys as I stare at the Google search bar. Slowly I begin to type in BDSM sex then hit enter. I click the first link and it brings me to a video. I've never watched porn before and I feel sneaky as I plug my headphones into the jack and take a quick look at my door before pushing play.

She's tied up and suspended in midair. Both ankles are tied to two support bars as well as her wrists, causing her to be spread eagle for the camera. Her breasts are being squeezed by a figure eight of rope turning them red and purple. She's crying, her eye make-up is streaming down her face and the ball gag in her mouth is probably making it hard for her to breath. I don't even realize that a man in all black is coming into view with a whip until it's connecting to the poor girl's skin, turning her back into a strip of red flesh. She lets out muffled scream after muffled scream as the man whips her over and over again. On her back, stomach, breasts, the backs of her thighs, the insides of her thighs, there. I watch as he flicks the whip so the leathery tips hit between the girl's lower lips, right at her clit. I can see how much pain she's in. How real this is.

I can't do that. I can't let Peeta tie me up until I can't move and put a gag in my mouth so I can't talk and whip me until my screams scratch up my throat until I'm mute. There would be no way I could get the safe word out or give a signal with my hands that are tied up. That's not a form of trust. That's abuse. Some girls may enjoy the punishment but I do not.

I don't even realize that I'm crying until I feel the tears hitting my lips. That settles it. I don't care how amazing Peeta's dick made me feel, he'll never get the chance to do to me what the man in the video is doing to that girl. I find my phone and scroll to Peeta's name. I should call him but I can't let him hear how bad this is all affecting me.

Katniss Everdeen: I can't do it.

I don't offer any explanation or an apology. I just can't do it. I don't even wait for Peeta to reply before I'm turning off my phone and the computer. I'll return the laptop and the music box to his work. I'll give them to Meredith so I won't even have to see him.

I strip out of my work clothes and put on a pair of ratty sweatpants and a tee shirt that I've had since middle school then slip back into bed and under the covers. I curl into myself and try to stop the tears. I curse myself for feeling this way about not being able to see a boy I don't even know again. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I put aside my feelings for his own. I never put my needs and wants before anybody else, but this time it's necessary.

I wake up with a headache from crying myself to sleep. The tears are still wet on my cheeks and my nose is still stuffy. There's talking downstairs, it's what woke me up. I think Prim was calling my name, but I hear here climbing the stairs so I don't bother answering back. There's a light knock on the door followed by my name. Only it's not Prim that's saying it, it's Peeta.

"Katniss, can I come in please?"

I panic. I didn't want him coming here. I texted him so I wouldn't have to hear or see him ever again. I'm not strong enough for that. I don't say anything as I watch Peeta turn the door handle and pop the door open slowly. Peeta makes his way into my room slowly as if he's trying not to frighten a wild animal.

Peeta stands across the room, looking dapper in his crisp black suit and a tie that matches his eye color. His unruly hair is coiffed back making Peeta look ever the business man. Another reason why I didn't want to see him again is because he's far too handsome for his own good, and Peeta knows it.

"Katniss?" My name is a question.

"Why are you here?"

"I tried calling and texting. You can't just send me that text and that's it."

"That's how I wanted it to be."

"Is this really what you want? I thought we had something."

"I can't be that girl in the video Peeta. I'm not her. I don't like being whipped bloody just for someone else's pleasure."

"Video? Did you watch porn?" Peeta asks.

I nod my head. "It was just one video but it was enough."

"Oh Katniss," Peeta sighs with relief as he sits at the foot of my bed. "It's not like that. That is extreme. What you watched was all for pain. Some people enjoy that. I do not. I like that line that blurs between pain and pleasure. I will whip you, tie you up, but you'll love it. Your body will come to life. We'll take baby steps."

"I can't be that girl. I won't be that girl," I state sternly.

"I don't expect you to be that girl."

I've been toying with the corner of my duvet but with Peeta's announcement I speak a peak at him from through my eyelashes. How would I not be that girl? It's what he wants, isn't it?

"Katniss," Peeta scoots closer to me. "I normally don't do this but since you have no clue what you're getting yourself into, let me show you. You can say no right now and I'll leave. That'll be it, I'll tear up your contract and you won't have to see me again. But if you say yes, I'll show you right now how good we can be together."

"Right now?" I stutter out.

Peeta moves even closer to me, sweeps some of my hair behind my back and hovers his lips over my pulse point. "Right now. Tell me what you want."

Oh God. "But Prim will hear us."

"You better be quiet then," Peeta took that as a yes and started trailing kisses along the column of my neck. Goose bumps break out against my skin.

I don't mean to but I let out a heavy sigh. Peeta smirks against my skin. I am his once again as I feel my body begin to respond to his touches. Peeta gently pushes me down to lay on my back, my head and hair fanned out across my pillow. Peeta's body covers mine; he's got our fingers intertwined so I won't touch him. That's something I quickly picked up. Peeta does not like to be touched, I'm not sure why, and I'm too afraid to ask, but he doesn't, and I'll respect that as long as he keeps touching me.

Peeta placed my hands above my head. "Leave them there," he instructs as he leans away from me.

I watch as Peeta loosens his tie, letting it fall into his hand. He's got a devilish smirk plastered on his face that makes me quiver. "We're going to have fun now Katniss."