Yet another chapter! I'm afraid that I'm not going to post tomorrow (I think) as I am super busy (work, a trip to Helsinki and Ikea, going to a blood donation, book a time in a spa and buy coffee as it's so darn cheap right now!) :(

But enjoy this one and leave me a review as they totally make my day :)


I could tell by the darkening of the water that it was getting late. I looked upwards towards the surface and pondered whether I should sneak up to my room again. I was terrified that he might still be here and was waiting just around the corner. He wanted to talk to me, that much I knew. I also knew that I didn't want to talk or listen to him. I decided not to go just yet. I kicked strongly and got up just to take a breath, and then I plummeted down towards the bottom of the sea once again. I had repeated this so many times that it felt totally normal. I stroked the rocks and took one in my hand to study it closer. The stone was granite and shaped like a miss formed heart. I stoked the ragged edge with my thumb. I closed my hand around it and kicked off the bottom and broke the surface.

There was a tiny rowboat near me. I spun around and just as I was heading back down I realized that the person rowing the boat was Tank. I stopped and waited for him to come closer. His strokes were calm but strong as he neared me. The sky was turning dark blue and I knew that there was only a few hours of sunlight left. The boat stopped beside me. Tank and I were silent for a few minutes, just moving with the small waves.

"He's gone." Tank said silently and looked at the house. I looked to and was mesmerized by the light coming from the large windows. I saw shadows move on the second and third floor. Bobby and Lula were getting ready to go to bed. This had happened a few times before, always when I was overly stressed, worried or angry. I lost my sense of time and as always Tank rowed out to get me.

"Good." I answered and looked up at the sky. It was colored in purples, pinks and light blues. There wasn't a cloud in sight. This would be the perfect night to wander on the boardwalk with someone. The thought ached in my heart but at the same time it angered me.

"I don't know why he was here in the first place." Tank continued and took out his knife and a piece of wood. One night when he came to pick me up he told me that his grandfather had taught him to carve and that he loved to do it but never found the time. So every night when he picked me up he talked to me about his day and carved. He didn't expect me to answer him and I thanked him for that. It was nice to hear him talk and not feel the pressure to answer. He knew what I wanted.

"I didn't know that he was here before he stormed through the front door ranting on about how he craved to see you. I was downstairs as I didn't expect anybody here. I have never seen him like that. He's always so composed so on-top of everything and there he was in our hall ranting and raving about you, about how he saw you and that how we should let him see you. That he had to explain things. It took both me and Bobby to hold him down 'til he relaxed again. We got him seated in the living room and started to tell him that it's not our business to get you to talk to him. There might have been some shoving and name calling, the later mostly from Lula. Then you decided to jump of your balcony. He almost died from fright. Served him right if you ask me."

Goddamn that moron! I was so furious with him that I didn't have words for it. My heart was swelling with the rage and it made it hard to breathe. How could he be so arrogant! How could he! Marching into Tank's home and acting like he ruled the world! And be afraid of me? He had no right! He gave all of his rights up the moment he uttered those words! He had no right! If he would still be here I would castrate him with my bare hands! That bastard!

"Guess he thought I was that same old fragile Stephanie he knew and betrayed. Thought that I would break with every step. I'm stronger than that and you know it and everybody else does too. Only he thinks that I'm a little glass girl, only made to be kept in a box. He tried to let me free but couldn't so instead he shattered me so that nobody else would get me either. He's such an obnoxious idiot! It was he who screamed wasn't it?" I half yelled and hit my fist against the wooden boat.

"You heard that? Yeah, he thought you might kill yourself. Ridiculous, I know. But I guess if one doesn't know you like we who are living with you do, that image of you running like you were possessed in your underwear on the pier ready to throw yourself off it might be scary. You've been here for over four hours honey. It's time for you to eat something and get some rest. I got a feeling that this might not be the last time we see him." Tank said and offered me his large hand. I took it and he lifted me into the boat. I sat down, took my towel and looked at Tank as he started to row back towards the shore. He looked tired and I felt guilty at causing this much pain to somebody I cared about.

"I'm so sorry Tank. I don't mean to burden you and Lula and Bobby. I can't stand with the thought that I would hurt you at all. That's why I didn't…" I stopped before I could say those words that I knew that would break his heart too. I couldn't bear to tell him that the reason that I wasn't suicidal was that I had tried.

That night in May I had stood in my kitchen with a knife in my hand the edge pressed against my stomach. I was crying and my hand shook violently, making a hole in my shirt. With a heavy heart and breathing I realized that I couldn't do that. I couldn't hurt my family and friends that way, I couldn't be so selfish. I thought about the thought of who would find me. I didn't want Lula, Joe or my mother sees me like that, laying in a pool of blood on my dirty kitchen floor. Or face the humiliation of not dying, the fear of surviving and having to face everybody in Trenton was huge.

Tank was looking at me strangely; he knew that I had almost let something slip out. He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment and then returned to rowing.

"You'll talk when you want to." He said and nodded at me. We relapsed into comfortable silence and soon I felt the boat touch the sand. I hopped off and dragged the boat up on the beach with Tank's help. The sun had almost set and the twilight was beautiful. This was my favorite time of day, I felt like my thoughts were the clearest during these few hours before night. I sighed and Tank wrapped his arm around me as we watched what was left of the sun disappear into the horizon. It felt nice to have him as company and share this moment with him. I felt almost at peace.

When the sun set it became cold very quickly. I shivered and Tank pulled me closer. I leaned into him.

"Let's go inside little girl. Are you hungry?"

"I'm always hungry." I responded and Tank chuckled. He led our steps up the stairs and through the patio and into the house and kitchen. He walked to the fridge as I flicked on some lights. The light illuminated the room beautifully, making the countertop glow. I sat down just as Tank pulled his head out of the fridge.

"I thought that we could make hot sandwiches, you okay with that?" He asked me with a smile. He knew that I loved his hot sandwiches.

"I'd love to." I said and smiled back at him.


You know what to do :)