As of right now, this story is now running on a 1:3 chapter to review ratio. That's good, but I want more!
Yep, the greedy little review pig. That's me, all right.
The greedy little review pig that just happens to be getting calls from hot guys! TEE HEE.
Well, the police department has finally caught on to my pattern of killing. Someone finally thought, "Hey, they're reviewing Ulquiorra, the murder novelist, maybe his insights are - HOLY SHIT! THE KILLER'S DOING THINGS FROM ULQUIORRA'S BOOKS!"
And then, of course, Ulquiorra's immediately a suspect. Needless to say, they're not going to be interviewing him anymore and his house is now on police alert. I mean, I don't WANT Ulquiorra to be a suspect, but I do WANT Szayel to be a suspect so that he can get his ass kicked in jail (for murders and for sadisctic experiments that I KNOW for a fact are not legal), so I guess Ulquiorra is going to have to deal with cops patrolling around his neighborhood for just a little while. Then, when Szayel gets arrested, he can sell the house (houses that belonged to serial killers are really popular in this town for some reason) and then move back in with me! Everyone wins!
As of right now, there are a whole bunch of people who are on the suspect list. Including me. Yes. It actually gives me a high to know that they suspect me, to know that they think it could be me, but the high is kind of deadened by knowing that at least 500 other people are also suspected. Members from the police department were dispatched with search warrants to inspect everybody's home for weapons and Ulquiorra's books. No weapons here, nuh-uh. I'm borrowing Szayel's guns for that kind of duty. I mean, the Firestar's mine, sure, but that's hidden. Hidden in another place that is not here. So, no evidence against me, other than the fact that I own Ulquiorra's books.
And it would have been so easy, it would have been so easy just to strangle the police officer that came into my house. But I didn't, for two reasons:
1. They would have found out eventually, whenever the police dispatch officers to a section of the town, they always leave notices where they're going.
2. This one was actually kind of cute. Young-looking, as though he'd just started the job, and kind of innocent, too. That stopped me from just putting my hand around his neck and strangling him to death. See, Ulquiorra? I do have self-control. Sometimes, at any rate.
But I have never, ever done what Szayel has done to Ulquiorra. I hope he knows that. Well, damn, he'd better know that. We'd been together for about a year and a half before he decided to leave me for Szayel. Well, okay, he didn't exactly leave me for Szayel, he left because of what I was doing, and he thought he could stop it by leaving. Which, by the way, he didn't.
I've never hit Ulquiorra, like a slap or anything (and the time with the wine glass does not count, I was drunk and apologized for it afterwards, and anyway, it didn't hit him). I've also never given him a scar where he was in actual pain at the time. A few nights ago, when he came over for dinner, I saw them, the scars that that asshole gave my beauty. Scars that won't heal, ever, and some still fresh and brand new, but many were pale and white with passing age. It SUCKS, basically, to see the person you love the most come over to your house, and then see the scars that another person left on them. Scars on a person that should have been yours forever. You know, you just can't help but get angry at that kind of thing.
Furthermore, I've never cheated on Ulquiorra. And God only knows how many people Szayel's had a one-night stand with, or even a long-standing affair. I don't know how Ulquiorra stands it, and that's probably why his health is deteriorating. See, if he just moved back in with me, then he'd get all well again and everything would be perfectly fine. Of course, Szayel'd be out of our lives forever...whether dead or behind bars, I don't know, just one of the two. Preferably dead. I don't want to have to wake up in the middle of the night to get a call from the mad scientist in jail using his one phone call.
Yeeeah. Somehow, that just doesn't appeal to me.
At any rate, I really don't know what's wrong with Ulquiorra at this point in time. I'd like to find out, but knowing him, he won't tell me until it's too late for me to do anything about it.
As of right now, I'm getting antsy. I haven't killed anybody in a while. Well, if anything's convenient, there's a news ad about how they want someone to offer help at the nursing home. I am SO there. I just LOVE the elderly, what with prune juice and everything...Okay, maybe not the prune juice and the bedpans, but still. The elderly are so easy to confuse, so easy to fool, especially the ones with Alzheimer's, who can't remember what their name is every three seconds and you have to keep reminding them.
It'll be easy, at any rate. But before I go there, I'd better make sure to stop by Ulquiorra's house to pick up some of that cyanide I know Szayel's been storing in the basement. Ulquiorra doesn't know, or if he does, he's turning a blind eye to it, just as he turns a blind eye to my killings. And the best part is, Szayel's out of town again. Doing what? I have absolutely no clue. Making love to some Russian girl off in Siberia? Probably. But the cops don't know that, now do they??
Oh yeah. And off to the store too, so that I can get my hair dyed pink before I leave to do my duty with the elderly. You know, we'd want to make me look convincing, now wouldn't we?
